


Madness Within

by TaurusPixie



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Anxiety, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Depression, F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Graphic Description, Healing, Identity Reveal, Marichat, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mild Language, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Romance, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Stalking, Trauma, Violence, adrienette - Freeform, lots of detail
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-20
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2019-08-26 17:46:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 115,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16686223
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaurusPixie/pseuds/TaurusPixie
Summary: Years after Ladybug's death and Hawkmoth's reveal and arrest, Chat Noir is now an insane vigilante, feared by all of Paris. However, after saving Marinette one fateful night, he soon becomes dangerously obsessed with his old friend and classmate who strangely reminds him so much of his lady.





	1. On The Prowl

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome! I hope that you enjoy this idea I came up up with. But please be warned, this story does contain graphic descriptions of violence as well as themes of mental health issues and trauma. This story may be triggering for some people as I aim to depict trauma, depression, anxiety and PTSD as accurately as possible within this story. Reader discretion is advised. This story was also planned and the majority of it was written before a lot of revelations from the second half of season two, so some information may not correspond with what is now known in the show. And of course, this is a dark fic, so it is on the AU side of things.

The moon hung full, high and bright in the dark night sky above the city of Paris. The air was completely still, and the night was eerily quiet. It was late, and no one was out and about. The citizens of Paris had long since known not to stay out past dark these days. For the past four years, night time had been _his_ time. If you went out at night, you were mad. Only criminals dared to risk it, taking advantage of the quiet streets and lack of witnesses to carry out their petty or serious crimes.

However, that was often their last mistake.

As previously stated, night time was _his_ time and if you were a criminal caught in the night, there was no help for you. The sight of green, glowing, cat-like eyes would be the last sight you would see before pain you could never possibly imagine gripped you. Tortured to the brink of insanity, played with like a ball of yarn before inevitably being dumped like a used old toy in front of the nearest police station. He would never kill you, and to be honest, that made it all the more scary. He would never grant such a mercy. Police had now long been used to finding mangled and broken bodies in front of their doors, barely able to make out past the blood covered and swollen features, the face of someone long wanted by police.

Chat Noir sat in his trade mark cat-like position on top of a chimney of a tall building. His glowing green eyes kept close watch over the city, his black leather ears twitching any time he heard even the slightest noise. This had become his routine every night. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. All day long, he lay in the now empty Agreste mansion, alone and feeling nothing. It felt like his whole body had become an empty and hollow shell, incapable of feeling anything. At least torturing criminals, especially the more serious ones, let him come close to feeling at least _something._ A small sense of justice, a small feeling of guilt and disgust towards himself, a small sense of pleasure. It was not enough though.

When you have lost everything, what was the point?

Squinting his eyes tightly shut, images of that fateful night once again began assaulting every inch of his mind, not granting mercy to any single cell of his being. He clutched his forehead with his leather gloved hand as the face of his father stared at him, deranged and lost to the realm of reality. The magic of Hawkmoth’s transformation dropping as Chat clutched at the butterfly brooch and ripped it from his father’s shirt, revealing the broken face of a defeated man. Screams of his mother’s name echoed around his head, stabbing at the small remaining pieces of his shattered and blackened heart. The face of his beloved Ladybug as she…

NO!

Chat Noir groaned like a wounded animal, shaking slightly and nearly falling to the side. Any other time, he would welcome those beyond painful feelings and let them wash over him like a powerful tsunami and let them drown him. The current would capture him, dragging him away, and he would just let himself float along into the endless ocean of suffering that now consumed his life. The memories of… _her_ were the only times he could feel true emotion again instead of the endless apathy, the endless nothingness that now plagued him. And he welcomed the torment. After all, it was his fault that Ladybug, the love of his life, was…dead.

“CHAT NOIR!” A familiar voice called out to him in the still night air.

Snapping out of his painful flashbacks, Chat lazily turned around before plastering a wide grin on his face, his perfect white teeth sparkled in the moonlight. He let out one short, manic laugh as he stared at the familiar people spread out across the rooftops behind him. The three people who had been acting like a thorn in his side for the past four years. Yet, they still stupidly persevered. Chat Noir had to admit that he envied them. Envied their will power, their strength and their passion. All things that he used to possess when he had been proud and excited to be a superhero and defend Paris from akumas. But there were no more akumas. He was the enemy now. And _they_ were the heroes of Paris now. Not him.

“Well, hello foxy,” Chat Noir teased, standing up while remaining slightly crouched like a predator waiting to pounce. “What do I owe the pleasure this fine evening?”

“Cut the act ally cat,” Rena Rouge snapped, flute held tightly in her hand, “Now hand over your miraculous and we won’t ever bother you again.” She held out her hand, her hazel eyes narrowing.

Chat Noir pretended to think for a moment. “What a tempting offer. But I think I’m going to have to decline.”

“Don’t make us fight you Chat Noir!” Queen Bee threatened.

“What? Because you’re scared you’ll lose?” Chat teased. “Why don’t you just buzz off and leave me in peace.”

Carapace took a cautious step forward, the only person to show an element of concern towards Chat Noir all these years they had been fighting. “We’re trying to help you Chat Noir,” he pleaded, “we can get you the help you need.” Carapace ignored Chat when he rolled his eyes at that remark. “Please…Ladybug wouldn’t have wanted this.”

Rena Rouge and Queen Bee instantly froze, followed by Carapace once he realised what he had just done.

The one rule they did follow in regard to Chat Noir and he had just broken it.

Master Fu had warned them about this from the very beginning and, for the most part, they never broke that one golden rule. But when they did, boy did they and the city pay for it.

Rena Rouge shot Carapace a glare, though she knew that her partner only meant well. After years and years, they were becoming increasingly desperate to capture Chat Noir and seize his miraculous just like Master Fu had implored them to do. He reminded them that Chat Noir was no bad guy, just a lost young boy without his Ladybug that had been sent over the edge. Rena Rouge and Queen Bee often found it hard to see things from that point of view though. All they saw was Chat Noir disrespecting Ladybug’s memory by becoming some insane vigilante who did not truly care about justice. No one truly knew what happened that night in the battle against Hawkmoth. All that they knew was that Chat Noir came out a changed man with nothing left of Ladybug but a pool of blood and a single red ribbon from her hair.

Oh how Rena Rouge had mourned the death of her superhero idol. No body had ever been found, but after weeks and weeks of waiting and waiting, the citizens of Paris assumed the worst, and the fact that even Chat Noir agreed that Ladybug hadn’t made it just cemented the theory even further. People searched for her body in the hopes of possibly finding her true identity and informing any possible family she may have had, but it was all in vein. In the end, the investigators concluded that her body simply must have been cremated in the fire during the battle, leaving nothing but traces of blood and a single red ribbon.

The city mourned for what felt like an eternity. Mayor Bourgeois declared three days of national mourning; shops and businesses closed out of respect. The whole city wore red and black, Ladybug’s trademark colours, and a spectacular public funeral was held. That was when Rena Rouge had been chosen, followed by her two partners, in the possible hope of helping Chat Noir, of finding the ladybug miraculous. Alas, they still failed in those two missions. And they continued to fail this night.

Chat Noir remained perfectly still, his wide grin frozen unnaturally on his face. Meanwhile, the three new superheroes of Paris held their breath. The deep hole in Chat Noir’s chest throbbed and pulsated at the mention of her name. A name that was too beautiful and too perfect to be mentioned through anyone’s lips. They were undeserving of her mere mention.

“How dare you,” Chat whispered, his smile morphing into a murderous glare and his whole form stiffened. “HOW DARE YOU EVEN MENTION HER NAME!” He cried out, looking and sounding more and more deranged. He reached behind him and grabbed his baton, extending it and holding it in front of him, ready for a fight.

“Look, Chat, just calm down,” Carapace pleaded as gently as possible, despite his shaky voice.

“He’s right though,” Queen Bee sneered, flicking her blonde hair back, “we dare mention her name because you dare to disrespect her memory and everything she stood for. If she really meant something to you, you wouldn’t be doing all of this right now.”

Chat Noir wailed, “YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT SHE MEANT TO ME!”

With that, he swung his baton and came charging towards them. He swung at Queen Bee, though she managed to jump out of the way just in time, much to Chat Noir’s frustration. They really were starting to improve in their fighting and defensive skills. If Chat was still a superhero, he would have been proud and impressed.

But he wasn’t a superhero anymore. He didn’t know what he was.

Hissing menacingly, he swung at Carapace who he managed to land a painful blow on. Carapace grunted and fell back, nearly falling off the roof before managing to catch himself just in time. Rena Rouge charged at him, swinging her flute around which Chat Noir easily dodged. His vision was completely red in anger and all he could do was think about how amazing it would be to tear these rookies apart for daring to speak of _her._

Rena Rouge charged at him again and Chat further extended his baton, slamming it into Rena Rouge’s face. He smiled wickedly when he heard the satisfying crunch and snap of her nose breaking under the force of his baton.

Rena Rouge let out a pained shriek, stumbling backwards and gripping her nose in her hand. The unmistakable sight of blood began to drip and seep out between her fingers, and her team members gasped before running towards her. Chat sighed, now feeling bored of fighting them, his anger having been replaced by a crippling misery that hung over him like a dark, violent storm cloud.

Using the concern for Rena Rouge as a distraction, Chat quickly ran away over the roof tops before ducking behind another chimney. He let out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding when he realised that he hadn’t been followed. He’d successfully lost them. For how long, he didn’t know. He could tell from their brief fight tonight that they were improving. Despite it being three against one, Chat Noir had always been able to easily take them on with vast amounts of experience on his side. He wasn’t sure how much longer that would be the case though.

One day, they would likely get his miraculous, and his true identity would be exposed. Then he would likely be carted off by men in white coats just like his father before him. Maybe this was some sort of cruel family curse. To lose their soulmates and go completely crazy. Like his father, Chat had considered using the cat and ladybug miraculous and wish for his Ladybug back. The only problem was, her miraculous was missing. He wondered if that had also been destroyed in the fire. He had asked Plagg, however the only response he received was a grumpy, angry silence, which was typical of Plagg these days.

Chat Noir stared down at his ring that displayed a glowing green paw print. Half of the key that could possibly lead to him bringing his lady back. Slowly lowering his hand, tears began dripping down his cheeks as he pulled out a small object that he kept tucked safely in one of his pockets. Chat Noir gently cradled the small red ribbon in his hands as if it was the most precious item in the world. This was all that was left of her. The only physical trace that proved she ever existed. His chest contracted painfully at the familiar dark blood stains that still remained on parts of the ribbon, staining it a darker shade of reddish-brown. He couldn’t bring himself to wash it though.

Bringing the ribbon up to his nose, Chat Noir gently sniffed it, savouring the small trace of her scent that still lingered even after all these years. It was sweet, like vanilla and strawberry with the faint hint of freshly baked bread.

The scent brought a very tiny, reminiscing smile on Chat Noir’s face. Oh how he longed to wrap his arms around his lady and breath in that intoxicating scent once again. He missed everything about her: her warm, gentle and friendly voice; her determination; her stubbornness; her passion; the playfully annoyed look she would get on her face every time he would make a pun.

But now…she was gone.

And it was all his fault.

With that thought, Chat Noir collapsed onto his knees as he held back the sobs that were trying to claw their way out of his chest. He pressed the red ribbon to his face as if he was burying his face into his lady’s hair. The scent washed over him, however, instead of helping him float to safety, it only held him under the water, as deep and dark as an endless abyss. The guilt of everything that happened tied itself onto his foot and dragged him down into the deep dark depths. His lungs burned and cried out for oxygen. His brain replayed that day where everything had gone wrong and he had lost the love of his life.

The sound of footsteps in the distance dragged Chat Noir out of the deep water. He gasped for air and his eyes snapped open as his ears began twitching at the sound. The footsteps were small and light, obviously from someone petite. A woman perhaps?

Chat listened harder. This person was power-walking and didn’t seem to be making any effort at sneaking around. Chat smiled sadistically as he carefully tucked the precious red ribbon back into his pocket before standing back up. This person was going to regret being out and about at this time. Only criminals and himself walked around in the dead of night, and he couldn’t wait to leave his little present outside the nearest police station.

Chat Noir hopped from one roof to another, using his sensitive hearing the cat miraculous granted him to find the source of the footsteps. Chat Noir finally found the street to see a small form walking down the street, purse clutched in their right hand, the black hood of their coat covering their face.

That’s when Chat heard it. The sound of a second pair of footsteps.

Turning his head, Chat could see a much larger form making their way down the street wearing jeans and a hooded sweatshirt. It looked like a very burley man, and he had his hands in his pocket with his eyes firmly glued to the back of the woman he was following. It was clear who the most dangerous criminal was here. That’s when Chat watched as the man picked up his pace, and then his green eyes widened in shock as the woman twisted around as if to confront him. This girl was either immensely brave or immensely stupid. The man just laughed at her confident stance.

“Don’t try and be brave now,” the man mocked before sinisterly adding, “I like it when they scream.”

He yanked his hands out of his pockets, pulling a very sharp looking knife out with them.

The girl gasped and took a small step back, holding her hands up, ready to defend herself.

Chat had seen enough. Feeling a growl rumbling deep within his chest, he jumped down from his hiding spot, landing between the ever-decreasing space between the man and the girl he was after. Both of them gasped at the sight of Chat Noir landing before them and the criminal scum stumbled back slightly, eyes wide as he began to sweat with fear. This made Chat Noir smirk.

“C-Chat Noir.” The man stuttered, clutching the knife even tighter and pointing it at Chat Noir.

This just made Chat’s smirk widened even more. “The very same.”

“L-look, I don’t want no trouble, I didn’t mean any harm.”

“Suuuurrrreee you didn’t,” Chat purred before he straightened his posture, pretending to relax. “In fact, maybe we should even share her. Take it in turns until she’s begging for death. I’m bored, and I sure could use some fun.”

The man’s eyes widened. “R-really?”

Chat frowned. “No, you sick bastard. Though I wasn’t lying when I said I needed some fun.” He crouched down and smirked again, digging his claws into the concrete beneath him, the sharp scratching sounds of this action echoing down the street and into the night. This made the man visibly gulp and Chat Noir laughed.

“I’ll tell you what,” Chat chuckled, “seen as I’m in such a generous mood, I’ll give you a head start. I’m gonna count to three.”

The man didn’t move, instead he glared at Chat Noir with a new-found, foolish sense of confidence, and pointed the knife at Chat again. Chat remained unphased, merely smiling as he began to playfully count.

“One…”

The man still didn’t move.

“I’d start running if I were you. Two…”

Still no sign of the man attempting to make a run for it.

Chat Noir rolled his eyes before shrugging. “Suit yourself. Three.”

With that, Chat Noir leapt forward, letting out an animalistic growl. The man shrieked in fear, his bravery from earlier instantly disappearing. He rose the knife and attempted to stab Chat Noir in the chest which he easily avoided. The man then began waving the knife erratically as Chat attempted to grab hold of him.

_Slash._

Chat’s eyes widened as he felt a stinging sensation across his cheek followed by something warm oozing down his face. He reached up and gently brushed his fingers over his cheek, ignoring the pain it caused, before he removed his fingers and looked down at them. His blood trickled through his fingers, and he heard the girl, who was still foolishly standing around, let out a gasp.

Chat frowned.

Big mistake.

“I was thinking of going easy on you, yet you continue to insult my generosity.” Chat’s voice became a menacing growl. His dark slit pupils expanded as he glared murderously at the pathetic excuse of a man in front of him. Finally, the man’s common sense appeared to kick in, and he began screaming and running for his life. The look on Chat’s face was unmistakable. The man clearly saw no use in denying it nor fighting back any longer when it was obvious he would lose.

Chat laughed manically. “Oh, so _now_ you decide to run!” He took off after him. “Come here little mouse.” He sang as the man continued to run down the street and scream. Chat easily caught up, moving down to run on all fours before bending his knees to powerfully leap towards the screaming criminal. As much as Chat was enjoying hearing those terror-stricken screams, he knew he needed to put a stop to them. With Rena Rouge and her gang prowling around the city, they were sure to hear and easily find him and stop him from having his fun. He’d had enough of being pestered by those rookies for one night.

Crashing into the man’s body, he grabbed hold of the man’s wrist before knocking the knife out of his hand, sending it flying through the air to the other side of the street. It landed on the ground with a clatter and Chat smirked down at the man he now had pinned beneath him. He dug his claws into the man’s wrist and he screamed in pain as Chat began to draw blood. The man attempted to reach up and punch Chat Noir in the face with his other hand, but Chat’s reflexes were too fast. He grabbed the hand that had tried to punch him and easily overpowered him. With both hands pinned easily by only one of Chat’s hands, he used his now free hand to return the favour, punching the man across the face, hard.

“This is for my face!” Chat hissed, slowly digging one of his claws deep into the skin of the man’s cheek before dragging it along, making an identical cut in his face that he had given Chat.

The man screamed in pain, and all the while, Chat maintained a sadistic grin on his face, enjoying the way the man’s face contorted in pure fear and intense pain.

However, his fun was interrupted by the sound of light footsteps running towards them. That stupid girl just did not seem to have any sense of fear and danger.

Once Chat had extracted his claw from the deep gash now on the man’s cheek, he punched him again, causing blood to drip out of his mouth and nose as his eyes began to flutter closed.

“Don’t you dare pass out on me!” Chat growled. “The fun has only just begun!”

The running footsteps grew closer and Chat’s frowned. “Honestly, I don’t blame you for wanting to sadistically watch your would-be attacker have the tables turned on him,” Chat spoke to the girl, though he didn’t turn around to face her, “but I’m not lying when I say this isn’t going to be pretty, even for someone as clearly mad as you.”

Chat punched him violently again, smiling at the sound of the scum’s jaw bone cracking. He was about to raise his hand to strike him again when two small, warm hands wrapped around his wrist and held him back.

“Stop it!” A high-pitched voice ordered.

Chat froze. That voice…it sounded just like…like _hers…_

But it couldn’t be….

NO! She was dead! It was impossible!

Chat didn’t want to bring himself to turn around and look at the source of the voice. Maybe he’d finally fully descended into madness and he was now hallucinating? Was he dead? Had that man actually properly stabbed him and he was now in the afterlife with his beloved lady?

He knew he had to look though. He couldn’t remain frozen here forever, too scared to turn around.

Bracing himself to see some sort of Ladybug hallucination, Chat Noir slowly turned his head around. However, his eyes widened at the completely unexpected sight. Standing there, with her hands still tightly gripped around his wrists, the black hood of her coat now lowered, was the familiar sight of a girl he had not seen in years…the distraught and angry face of his old classmate…Marinette Dupain-Cheng.


	2. An Old Friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments, bookmarks and kudos, guys! It really means a lot to me!

All Chat Noir could do was remain frozen, blinking in shock as his eyes remained glued to her face. Her blue eyes glared right back which further intrigued him. Why wasn’t she scared? Any other citizen of Paris ran scared at the sight of him. Yet here she was. Hands still firmly wrapped around his wrist, her eyes daring him to go any further with his attack. Something about that scolding look was so familiar to him. For a moment, Chat wondered if his dead heart was about to restart itself at the sight of such similar blue, angry eyes.

My, how Marinette seemed to have changed since the last time he saw her all those years ago. She had grown slightly, though not much, especially compared to him. Her hair seemed slightly shorter and she no longer wore it in twin pigtails, instead, it hung loosely, the tips barely touching her shoulders. Cute freckles still decorated her nose and she looked _tired._ Chat almost wondered if this was still the same Marinette from his school days. Gone was her happy smile, her kind and caring expressions, and the sparkle in her eyes. The friendly and positive aura she used to emanate was also gone.

“Let. Him. Go.” Marinette growled out through clenched teeth.

Okay, Chat Noir liked a challenge.

“Make me,” he teased with a sadistic, playful smirk dancing across his lips.

He watched as Marinette briefly recoiled in disgust, before her dulled blue eyes turned as hard as steel, a fire igniting behind them that managed to send a shiver down Chat Noir’s spine. He had never seen Marinette look so violently angry before. She looked at him with pure unadulterated hatred. A far cry from the fearful looks he was used to getting off people. So much anger, so much passion…a passion and determination so much like… _hers._

Refusing to be caught off guard by the scary similarities, Chat Noir winked at her, just to see how far he could push her.

It worked.

With a cry of anger, Marinette shoved at Chat Noir, and much to his surprise, was actually able to push him off the scumbag he still had pinned to the road beneath him. Chat grunted in shock and stumbled sideways. In the process, the man managed to wiggle himself free and began sprinting for his life down the street. Chat Noir let out a loud, animalistic growl and began attempting to chase his prey down again.

However, he was instantly halted by something catching his tail, preventing him from running off. Chat snarled, turning back to see Marinette tightly gripping his tail in a very familiar fashion. That just made his blood boil even more. He did not need this tonight. He did not need to be reminded so constantly of the love of his life. It was becoming too much to bear and only served to further loosen his already small grip on what was left of his sanity.

Growling, he swiped at Marinette, and though he never actually properly intended on causing her too much harm, she still dropped his tail and ducked out of the way like a pro. She darted to the side before squeaking once she realised her mistake. She was now backed against the wall. Smirking, Chat stalked towards her while Marinette pressed herself further against the wall of the building behind her, glaring at him, though Chat could just about make out that she had in fact begun to tremble slightly.

Chat placed both of his arms on either side of her head, chuckling to himself at how small Marinette was compared to him now. Marinette pressed her mouth into a thin line, her chest heaving up and down with every laboured breath that she took. The fire behind her blue eyes remained as she managed to maintain eye contact with him. However, there was the unmistakable small flicker of fear behind all the feistiness she just displayed.

“Good to see you again, _puurrincess,_ ” Chat chuckled lowly.

Marinette continued to stare at him, pure hate dancing across her features.

“It’s been a few years. You sure have changed.”

“I could say the same thing about you,” Marinette snapped.

“Who rattled your cage?” Chat demanded, starting to grow frustrated. “What happened to the lovely, sweet girl I used to know?”

“She’s long gone.”

Chat raised an eyebrow. “So I see.”

Chat reached a claw out to gently stroke it along the outline of her cheek all the way down to her chin. Marinette cringed away as best as she could, but she had no where to go. Chat frowned as he studied her face, a face that, now that he thought about it, was similar to his lady’s. How had he not noticed all the time he was in her class at school? It was like fate was playing a cruel joke on him tonight. First that idiotic turtle dared to mention the name of his lady, then the fox and the bee accused him of destroying her memory, and now Marinette stood before him, looking, acting and sounding like his soulmate. He should be torturing Marinette right now. Torturing her for clearly being up to no good if she was out and about in the middle of the night.

But…he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Was it because she was his old friend from school? Was it because she reminded him so much of _her?_ If anything, he should torture her just for the latter reason alone. How dare she mock him like this.

“Now what’s a pretty little princess like you doing out so late?” Chat asked, stroking her cheek again.

Marinette tried her best to recoil away. “None of your business, kitty.”

_Kitty._

That nickname. The one that _she_ often used for him. Was Marinette trying to actively push him further over the edge? It was as if Chat was dangling off the edge of a cliff overlooking a dark, endless abyss. He clung on only by the tip of his fingers, and each little similar habit Marinette displayed to _her_ was like a foot stomping on his hand, sending Chat Noir that much closer to the inevitable plummet into the unknown. It was taking every once of Chat’s strength to cling on, and now Marinette was going to ruin all of that. However, he couldn’t afford to get distracted right now.

“It is my business when someone is out and about this late,” Chat hissed.

“Why?” Marinette continued to prod him.

Did this girl have a death wish?

“You don’t own the night.”

“I think you’ll find I do.” Chat grinned.

Marinette remained quiet for a few moments before she frowned. “Well? Kill me then.”

Chat’s grin fell, and his eyes widened.

“What’s the matter, kitty?” Marinette taunted. “Can’t you do it?”

Shaking off his shock at Marinette’s actions, Chat plastered a grin back on his face. “Why would I want to mangle up that pretty face though?”

He continued to stroke Marinette’s soft cheeks as she continued to try and recoil away. He could feel her body trembling slightly beneath his touch. It was slight, but it was there. So, Marinette’s ability to feel fear wasn’t completely broken. She did seem to have some common sense after all. This thought only spurred Chat Noir on in his taunting. Marinette did appear to be easy to wind up. It was just a case of finding the right buttons to push.

Chat leaned his face in closer to hers, his eyes sparkling mischievously. “Do I frighten you, princess?” He purred, placing both hands back into their previous position next to her head, causing him to further tower over her small, petite form.

“No,” Marinette responded flatly before her expression morphed back into one of pure hatred. “You just disgust me.”

Without warning, Marinette spat in Chat Noir’s face, catching him completely off guard. He closed his eyes as a reflex for only a split second, however, this was enough time for Marinette to easily duck under his arm and take off running down the street.

Chat Noir let out a deep growl as he wiped his face with his hand, his vision once again turning red. His head snapped around to see Marinette still sprinting down the street, causing a deep thrill to course through his veins. A shiver ran up his spine at the thought of chasing his old friend down and making her pay for doing that.

With that thought, Chat Noir crouched down and began sprinting after her. Easily catching up, Chat Noir leapt forward, wrapping his arms around her waist and knocking her to the ground. Marinette let out a yelp as she suddenly found herself pinned to the ground.

“Not so fearless now, huh?” Chat teased before he grunted as he received a powerful kick to the stomach which sent him flying off her. He managed to catch himself and land properly, his head just briefly avoiding making contact with the hard concrete ground below him. Where did Marinette learn to defend herself like that?

He whipped his head back around to stare at her incredulously. Much to his shock, Marinette was starting to look more and more distressed. The colour had drained from her face and her breathing was heavy and laboured. Unexpectedly, she suddenly wrapped her arms loosely around herself, and Chat watched in shock and horror as her knees buckled beneath her.

Chat instantly ran forward, his previous anger and playfulness was forgotten and replaced with a feeling he had not felt in a long time: deep concern. Luckily, Chat managed to catch her head with the palm of his hand before she could hit the ground. He couldn’t fathom what had just happened. One moment Marinette was sassing him, something that no other civilian dared to do, and the next she…okay, Chat wasn’t sure what was happening to his old friend right now.

She wasn’t unconscious. In fact, her eyes were wide open, staring and wild, her pupils darting about as if she was seeing something that Chat Noir couldn’t. Her whole frame began to tremble violently, her limbs curling inwards as Marinette tried to form the tightest ball possible. It didn’t seem like she even realised that Chat Noir was there right now.

The sight was so scary, traumatic and heart-breaking that Chat Noir felt like his cold, dead heart might restart again. It was horrific to see his old friend behaving this way. What was wrong with her? What had happened to her? Was she having some sort of breakdown? Chat wasn’t sure what to do. All of a sudden, he felt…weirdly protective of her…

“S-stop.” He heard Marinette whimper.

“What?”

“S-stop the pain. I-it burns.”

“Marinette?” Chat called to her, hoping that hearing her name would make her snap out of it.

Nothing.

Marinette remained completely oblivious to the world around her. Small whimpers escaped her trembling lips, and Chat Noir only grew more worried.

“Marinette!” Chat tried again.

Still nothing.

She looked so vulnerable…so scared. The look on her face…it was exactly the same as the last expression he had seen on _her_ face before she…

Broken glass surrounded him, and the hot flames towered above them. The raging inferno hissed and crackled as the flames quickly spread, and Hawkmoth’s laugh could barely be heard over the loud roar of the blaze.

Chat Noir gazed up from the front garden, which continued to burn around him, up to the large, round, broken window. Hawkmoth’s silhouette was barely visible, but that was not his priority right now. He would change what happened. He would not lose Ladybug this time.

Looking down, Marinette’s body was replaced with Ladybug’s, and Chat Noir cuddled her as close to his chest as possible. She looked beyond terrified as her eyes stared ahead at nothing, and her whole form trembled. This was his chance to make things right. This time, he would save her. He would tell her the truth of what really happened, and he would love and look after her forever.

His precious Ladybug. He had to protect his Ladybug.

With his new-found resolve, Chat Noir stood up, carrying the limp form of his lady in his arms. He adjusted her weight so he was just carrying her with one arm, and reached for his baton that was attached to his belt. He was going to save her. He was going to save her. He was going to save her. He was not going to lose her this time. Not now. Not ever. He would never let her out of his sight again.

Ignoring the shaking that vibrated through his entire body, Chat Noir extended his baton and rose them high and out of the danger of the flames. Chat Noir coughed from all of the smoke as he gazed down at his lady to check that she was okay. Broken glass stuck out of her skin, her whole body battered and bruised, and she was covered in blood.

Never again. He would never let this happen to her again.

Her eyes remained staring, her whole body continued to tremble, and Chat Noir wondered if she was in shock. He had to get her to safety.

Leaning his weight to one side, Chat swung them both to a building further away before he sighed with relief now that they were safely away from the Agreste mansion. He couldn’t care less that his home was burning right now and that his father was still inside. What mattered was Ladybug. This time, he was getting her out. This time, she would live.

Chat Noir hopped from one roof to another, still carrying the limp form of Ladybug in his arms until he finally came to rest on a small balcony. Chat looked back and he could still see the huge tower of thick, black smoke climbing into the sky as the fire glowed an ominous red in the distance. Sirens echoed throughout the city and helicopters were everywhere.

Ducking out of the view of one of the helicopter’s searchlights, Chat Noir hid behind the tall chimney towards the back of the balcony, and once he was certain they weren’t going to be spotted, he gently laid Ladybug down on the ground beneath them.

Chat Noir had never seen his lady so terrified before, and the guilt began eating away at him. He had done this to her. He had nearly killed her

“My lady…” Chat breathed, crawling across her body to whisper into her ear. “It’s alright now, you’re safe. I got you out of there this time.”

“The fire!” Ladybug gasped, her body twitching slightly beneath his.

“There’s no more fire.” Chat stroked her hair. “I got you out of there this time. I saved you. I saved you…”

Chat Noir watched with a sigh of relief as Ladybug’s beautiful blue eyes began to focus properly again. Her eyes darted around in confusion and fear before she flinched as Chat Noir began to stroke her cheek. Chat didn’t pull back though, enjoying the sensation of feeling his lady beneath his fingers, something he feared he would never be able to do again.

“Ssssh,” Chat soothed her, “it’s okay, you’re okay; I saved you this time.”

“W-what are you talking about?”

“I got you out of the fire this time. I promise, nothing will ever happen to you again,” Chat vowed.

“C-Chat…?”

Chat ignored Ladybug’s confused tone and expression. Right now, he was unable to resist leaning in and capturing her lips with his own. He kissed her passionately and fiercely, desperate to prove that she was real and that she was safe. She was his everything and he had almost lost her.

Ladybug didn’t respond to the kiss though. Instead, Chat Noir suddenly realised, she was thrashing against him, trying to push him off her. Chat Noir pulled away with a gasp, jumping off her, his eyes wide with fear once he realised what he had just done. He knew his lady had feelings for someone else, someone that was not him, but in that moment, he just couldn’t help himself. He had come so close to losing her.

He slowly backed away, his black, leather cat ears drooping slightly as his whole body shook.

“I-I’m sorry,” Chat gasped out.

“You’re crazy!” Ladybug screamed at him, her face thunderous and full of rage and hatred.

“No, I’m not!” Chat insisted. “Let me explain! It was all just a ploy!”  

“Chat, what are you talking about?!” Marinette shrieked.

Wait…

Chat Noir looked around in a state of terrified confusion.

Where had his lady gone?

Instead, standing where she had just been standing, was Marinette. Her facial expression was the exact same Ladybug’s had been. Marinette pressed her back against the chimney that made up the back of her balcony, and that’s when Chat Noir finally realised where he was. He was on Marinette’s balcony. How and when did he get here? What just happened?

He…he had just saved Ladybug…hadn’t he?

The realisation came painfully crashing down on him as if someone had just dropped a heavy truck on top of him. His heart pulsated in his chest at the realisation he hadn’t just been given a second chance.

Ladyb – _she_ was still dead.

He hadn’t saved her from the fire.

Chat Noir wanted to scream. He wanted to cry out in the hopes that it might expel at least some of the pain that was currently washing over him and drowning him in the deep ocean of lost hope. It was finally happening. His decent into madness was continuing after four long years stagnation. Now he was having horrendous flashbacks, only his brain taunted him with the image of actually managing to save his lady. He had even seemingly acted out his hallucinations.

Did that mean he had just forcibly kissed _Marinette_?

No wonder she looked so angry right now. However, he couldn’t really bring himself to care. He had just been served his most precious desire, only to have it snatched away from him. That desire was only fulfilled in another universe though. Another universe where his plan had worked, or he hadn’t even come up with the stupid and dangerous idea in the first place. Another universe where s _he_ was alive and well and they were maybe even together right now. Living a long and happy life together. Instead, he was stuck in this universe. Where the worst case scenario had occurred.

Chat Noir sighed as another finger was painfully stomped on, once again putting him that most closer to falling into the dark abyss beneath him. He looked away from Marinette, unable to meet her eyes. Eyes that painfully reminded him too much of _hers._ He couldn’t bare to see eyes that resembled _hers_ so much looking at him in pure disgust and anger.

It was too much.

Nonetheless, Marinette didn’t deserve to witness all of that, nor did he particularly like that she had seen him at his weakest. He saved his breakdowns for the daytime, when he was cooped up in his family’s mansion, hiding away from the world in shame.

“I’m sorry,” Chat mumbled, his eyes transfixed by the stars, “I didn’t mean for you to see that, and I’m sorry for forcibly kissing you.”

Marinette remained quiet, and Chat Noir finally turned around to face her again, the curiosity of what she was doing and thinking eating away at him. He was slightly shocked to see that Marinette’s expression appeared to have softened slightly. She still looked pissed and she still looked disgusted, but there was a hint of understanding on her face. She had folded her arms tightly across her chest as if she was terrified that she would somehow break apart if she didn’t.

“Are you alright?” Chat asked her flatly.

Marinette didn’t respond, instead pressing her lips into a tight, thin line.

“You kinda passed out on me a little back there, so what was that all about?”

Still no response.

Chat sighed, running his hands through his thick, wild, blond hair. “It’s been years since I’ve seen you. What have you been up to all this time?”

Marinette’s eyes sparkled angrily. “You were all for attacking me a few minutes ago, now you want to have a casual conversation?!”

Chat shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe I just couldn’t bring myself to hurt an old friend.”

“Oh, how merciful of you,” Marinette spat out.

“Hey!” Chat chastised. “Don’t push your luck. I could’ve left you there in the middle of the street.”

This seemed to shut Marinette up as she looked away awkwardly.

“Thank you,” she mumbled begrudgingly.

“You’re welcome.”

For some reason, Chat just couldn’t bring himself to turn around and leave. He knew he should’ve done at this point. Instead, he continued to awkwardly stand around, yet he didn’t know why. It was like some invisible lead was tied around his neck, keeping him tethered to Marinette’s balcony.

There was just something about Marinette that he had always found endearing, even when they were both attending school together. Even now, with all of her angry attitude and scarily weird behaviour, he couldn’t bring himself to truly hate or harm her. She just reminded him so much of _her_ that harming her would be like harming his lady. Marinette appeared to be an enigmatic exception to his rules. There was just something about his old classmate that felt so familiar…so comforting. Chat Noir found himself unable to resist clinging onto that.

Marinette had clearly been through something bad between the last time he had seen her and now. Something had happened to this once sweet and innocent girl that had deeply affected and changed her. Chat Noir almost found her…relatable. They were immensely suffering internally with little to no people in the world who would understand them.

“You’ve changed Marinette.” Chat Noir found himself unable to resist voicing that fact.

Marinette raised an eyebrow at him. “And you haven’t?”

“Touché.” Chat chuckled.

Marinette unfolded her arms and looked away. “I want you to leave, Chat.”

“What?”

“I want you to leave me alone,” Marinette repeated, her tone angrier and more demanding this time.

“The princess wounds and betrays me with her lack of gratitude,” Chat Noir grumbled before turning around to take off, however, he was stopped in his tracks by the sound of Marinette letting out an angry growl.

“Betray you?!” Marinette shrieked. “ _You_ betrayed everyone! You betrayed Paris… _L-Ladybug_!”

Chat literally felt something snap inside him.

His green eyes became murderous, and his whole body tensed up. Driven by pure anger, Chat Noir turned back around and pounced on Marinette, slamming her back against the bricks of the chimney, causing her to yelp in pain. He pinned her shoulders down, forcing her to remain still and look at him. For once, Marinette’s eyes were actually filled with fear, and tears welled in her eyes at the sight of the inhumane, savage and barbaric expression on his face. Chat Noir wanted to snap her neck right now for daring to speak such words. His hands twitched ready to do so, but once again an invisible force stopped him.

“What happened to you, Chat?” Marinette demanded, her voice shaking. “Why are you doing all this?”

Chat ignored her questions as he snarled at her.

“You know not what you speak of,” Chat growled at her through clenched teeth. “You are a mere civilian who could not possibly understand what happened that night. Never mention this again and never if you value your life mention _her_ name again. Are we clear?”

Marinette swallowed, her chest heaved with her laboured breathing which was slightly constricted by Chat’s chest pressed against her own. She nodded, her eyes still wide with terror.

“Good,” Chat purred before he gently stroked her fingers along her neck, “because if you do, I’ll snap that pretty little neck of yours, princess.” It was an empty threat, and deep down Chat Noir knew that, but it seemed Marinette also knew how to press his buttons as well. No one was to ever dare mention that night as well as _her_ name in his presence. It was unspoken rule that everybody knew, yet Marinette just had to push the boundaries.

Marinette’s fear began to vanish, once again replaced with hatred and disgust. “Now go away and leave me alone,” she commanded, though there was a desperate edge to her voice.

“With pleasure,” Chat hissed, letting her go.

Marinette slid down the bricks of the chimney, landing in a fetal position on the ground, her hands clutching her neck, her eyes wide with shock.

Chat Noir chuckled, glad that the message seemed to have sunk in. Without another word, Chat Noir turned around and leapt off from the rails of the balcony, taking back off into the night, his mind still consumed with the intoxicating thoughts of Marinette.


	3. The Truest Reflection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your comments, kudos and bookmarks, guys. I'm so grateful to see that so many people are enjoying this story, and I hope that you continue to do so!
> 
> CAUTION: This chapter does contain graphic, grotesque descriptions.

The sun was just beginning to peak over the buildings of Paris when Chat Noir landed on all fours in the front garden of the Agreste mansion. If one was to look at the beautiful mansion now, you never would have thought that this had been the site of something tragic four years ago. The mansion had been repaired down to the last detail, while also eliminated all traces of his father. It held so many bad memories, yet, Chat Noir could never bring himself to move out. This was the last place he had seen his lady alive and well, it was the closest he could get to her.

After looking around to make sure nobody had seen him, Chat Noir released his transformation. Without waiting for Plagg to compose himself, Adrien Agreste walked straight back inside, unable to be out in the open like that as Adrien, the son of Gabriel.

The son of Hawkmoth.

Recoiling at the thought, Adrien slammed the front double doors behind him, the loud _bang_ echoed throughout the large empty mansion. Plagg phased through the door, not saying a word as Adrien dragged himself up the stairs towards his room. His footsteps echoed loudly, and he kept his eyes downcast, completely engulfed by thoughts of _her_ and… _Marinette._

Growling to himself and shaking his head, he pulled some camembert out of his pocket and handed it to Plagg who was floating along next to him. The black kwami snatched the cheese off him, offering no hint of gratitude as he scoffed his cheese in angry silence.

Adrien frowned at his kwami. Plagg had been this way since…since it became accepted that _she…_ was dead. Before, they had both been there for each other, waiting, praying and hoping that Ladybug and her kwami would show up alive somewhere.

As the days ticked by though, they both grew less and less hopeful and became more and more withdrawn. It was just after the funeral that Chat Noir had attacked his first criminal. He had been laying low as Chat Noir for weeks, but Adrien couldn’t take it anymore. He had to destroy something, hurt someone, anything that would help him feel again.

Plagg quietly let Adrien do what he did as Chat Noir, never once protesting, but never once agreeing either. It was rare to get two words out of him these days, and Adrien just accepted that fact. He never really felt like talking anyway. Their relationship was tense now to say the least.

With tired eyes, he watched his kwami eat and for once, Adrien found himself wanting to know what was going on inside his kwami’s head.

“Plagg?”

Plagg finished his cheese and turned away as if he was pretending that he hadn’t heard Adrien say his name, but Adrien was sure that his little kwami had heard him.

“You blame me for what happened, don’t you?” Adrien sighed, staring sadly out his window.

Again, Plagg remained quiet.

“Don’t worry though,” Adrien continued, “You can’t blame me as much as I blame myself.”

Finally, Plagg sighed. “All I know…is that your actions are what resulted in the ladybug miraculous – Tikki – going missing.”

Adrien glared at his kwami. “At least that’s something that can maybe be recovered one day. _L-Ladybug_ on the other hand…she’s gone _forever._ ”

Plagg glared back at him, narrowing his green cat-like eyes before looking away again.

“And I’ll…I’ll never get her back…and it’s all my fault,” Adrien choked as he began neurotically pacing his room. “And I have to live with that for the rest of my life…AND HOW DARE MARINETTE BRING THAT UP TO ME! Do I not get tortured enough by my own thoughts and memories?! I don’t need other people reminding me of what I did! That stupid stupid stupid girl!”

Plagg cringed away slightly before his eyes widened. “Did you just say _Marinette?_ That girl who went to your school?”

“Yes, why?!” Adrien turned around to snarl at his kwami.

Plagg merely smirked vengefully. “No reason.”

Despite how much his old friend had angered him tonight, he just couldn’t seem to get her face out of his head. She looked so much like his lady, it was almost striking. How vulnerable she had looked when she had collapsed…it pained him. It pained him to threaten her like he did when she too was clearly suffering on a level that seemed almost close to his own.

He couldn’t help it though. Any mention of her name set him off. Especially when they dared to bring up what happened that night. And Marinette had crossed both of those lines. He didn’t care how cute and vulnerable she seemed, no one got away with doing that.

Adrien stopped pacing and stood before his wall length mirror simply staring at himself…at what he had become. There were large, dark circles under his lifeless, bloodshot eyes, his hair was a thick mess and he was starting to lose a lot of weight again. He looked so much like his mother, but there was just enough of his father in him to send a haunted chill down his spine.

In that moment, all Adrien would do was see his father in the mirror before him, smirking at him, whispering empty promises, crazed ramblings and continuous excuses for all of those years of cold-hearted neglect.

With a loud, angry shriek, Adrien pulled his fist back before throwing it forward again, punching the mirror as hard as he could. The mirror cracked under the force, small shards broke off and feel the floor. His hands began bleeding profusely, but Adrien didn’t care. He was too tired to even attempt to care. Ignoring the mess and the pain in his hand, Adrien made his way over to his bed before collapsing onto it, allowing the usual nightmares to engulf him once again.  

~

Betrayal.

Nothing but a deep burning betrayal that scalded her more than the flames that surrounded her.

How could he?

How could he do this to everyone? To Paris? _To her?_

The look of horror in his green eyes was the last thing she saw as her back painfully collided with the large round window. The glass shattered into millions of pieces upon impact, impaling her skin and painfully stabbing her. Ladybug barely had any energy to cry out.

It was all too much.

Chat’s betrayal swirled around in her head, a dizzying whirlpool of emotion: hurt, anger, confusion. Blood trickled down her skin, but in that moment, Ladybug couldn’t bring herself to care.

She had failed.

Hawkmoth smiled sadistically at her, still clutching her yo-yo in his hand, waving at her, mocking her with the one tool that would save in her life in that moment. Everything felt like it was happening in slow motion. Maybe it was. Maybe all of this was just a dream. One horrible nightmare and at any moment, Ladybug would wake up. Everything would be normal.

But no.

This was real.

Making peace with that thought, Ladybug closed her eyes. This was it. This was how it was going to end for her. She was about to die. Perhaps it was better this way. This way, she would never have to face up to her failings. Hawkmoth had won, and she would attone for that with her death.

The wind whipped through her hair as she fell, and hot ash clung to her skin as she fell, burning her –  a taste of what was to come. The air around her grew hotter and hotter as she fell towards the raging inferno below. Wanting to make this as quick and painless as possible, Ladybug rotated herself as she fell, making sure her head would be the first to hit the ground. There was nothing on the wall for her to grab and stop herself from falling.

This truly was it.

The faces of her loved ones flashed across her mind…her mother, her father, Alya…Adrien.

She would never get the chance to tell him how she really felt about him. But in this moment, she could at least pretend. As the air continued to grow hotter, she imagined it was Adrien’s warm embrace as he wrapped his arms around her, admitting that he loved her too. A small smile crept onto Ladybug’s face as she imagined his lips pressed against hers, her whole body igniting under his very touch.

“Adrien…” Ladybug whispered.

_Smack._

The world around her blurred, morphing into dizzying swirls, making Ladybug’s head spin faster and faster. Her head pounded, and intense heat surrounded her, burning her skin, scolding every inch of her body as her flesh sizzled like meat on a barbeque. It felt like needles were dancing across her skin and her lungs began to scream at her.

 _Air_.

There was no air. Only thick smoke which polluted her lungs, choking her. Was this death? It was more painful than Ladybug could have ever imagined.

Curiosity getting the better of her, Ladybug slowly opened her eyes which were heavy and stubborn. Above her was a vast darkness. How strange. Ladybug was sure she should have been looking up at the Agreste mansion right now.

Despite the intense pain shooting through every inch of her body, Ladybug forced herself to sit up. Her skin still felt like it was on fire, and Ladybug couldn’t help but whimper and hold back loud cries of pain every time she moved even the slightest.

Finally managing to sit up properly, Ladybug gasped in fright at the sight of what was surrounding her. Large mirrors circled her, forcing her to look at herself. She wasn’t Ladybug anymore. She was Marinette. Her superhero suit was gone, replaced by her torn, dirty civilian clothes that had all been practically burnt away from her body. Her earrings beeped loudly in her ears continuously, and Marinette’s wide blue eyes could not help but be glued to the sight of her own body in the mirror.

She was Marinette, but she did not look like Marinette. Her skin was bright red and yellow, most of it completely burnt off. Blood and pus oozed out and dribbled down what was left of her skin. Her beautiful thick, dark hair was nearly singed off completely, smoke dancing off the few strands that were left clinging to her head. Her face had remained almost untouched apart from a few deep cuts with chunks of glass sticking out, sparking like crystals in the reflection of the mirror. It was still hot. Unbearably hot.

Upon seeing her reflection, Marinette let out a blood-curdling scream that echoed through the dark void around her. The mirrors that surrounded her cracked before shattering completely, and pieces of glass began floating all around her.

She was falling. Falling down, down, down…

 _“AHHHHHH!”_ Marinette screamed as she awoke with a violent jolt. Sweat dripped down her skin as she looked frantically around, her eyes wide and terrified.

She was in her room.

It was all just a dream.

However, that thought failed to calm Marinette down. She was still incredibly hot. Was she on fire again?

Panicking, Marinette looked down at her body, running her hands across it, checking every inch of herself. No. She wasn’t on fire again. She was safe in her room. So why was it so hot? Her heart began beating erratically in her chest. Was something in her room on fire?

Her eyes darted around her room, looking for any sign of smoke or an ominous glow. She had to find the fire. She had to put it out.

Marinette was focusing so hard on finding the source of the fire that it made her jump when three gentle knocks echoed from behind her trapdoor and into her bedroom.

“Marinette, sweety?” Her mother’s voice called, unsure. “Is it okay if I come in?”

“Y-yeah,” Marinette called back, still searching. She barely registered her mother opening the door and climbing inside, though she immediately felt her mother’s eyes watching her every move. Sabine stayed standing by the door, always remaining cautious and staring at her daughter as if she was a stranger, as if she was made of the most fragile glass where one wrong word or movement could break her forever.

“Something’s on fire, mom,” Marinette gasped out in panic causing Sabine to blink in confusion.

“What do you mean, dear?”

“It’s really hot, why is it so hot?” Marinette demanded, turning to glare at her mother. Marinette then gasped as the realisation hit her. “You put the heating on, didn’t you?”

“Marinette, it’s really cold today, I’m sorry, I thought you wouldn’t notice.”

Marinette growled and pulled at her hair in frustration. “I told you not to do that.” Marinette then stormed past her mother and down the stairs into the living room. She barely registered the sight of Alya and her father talking amongst themselves who both looked up at her, deep concern on their features as they watched her every movement. Sabine frantically followed her daughter down the stairs, but Marinette only had eyes for the thermostat. She dashed towards it and turned the heat down.

“Mari, are you alright?” Alya asked, starting to sound alarmed.

“It’s too hot,” Marinette complained.

“If you’re too hot, maybe you should try taking your jacket off, sweetheart,” her father cautiously suggested.

Marinette frowned and wrapped her jacket tighter around herself. “No, I’m good.”

The three of them all exchanged glances which Marinette ignored. She was used to them treating her like this by now. Looking at each other, whispering as if she was a toddler who couldn’t understand what they were all talking about, what they were all thinking. She just didn’t like it being too hot. There was nothing weird or strange about that. They were the ones who started treating her like she was some sort of alien creature when she got back from…well, when she got back.

“Anyway,” Sabine said after a few minutes of awkward silence, “I came up to tell you that Alya is here to see you.”

“Right,” Marinette responded flatly.

Alya sighed, looking down at her feet as she headed up the stairs to Marinette’s attic room. Wordlessly, Marinette followed before closing her door behind her. She then stood and waited, her eyes glued to her feet, waiting for Alya to speak. When her best friend said nothing, Marinette sighed, deciding to break the awkward silence.

“I went outside yesterday,” she announced, her tone completely flat.

Alya looked at her in excitement. “You did? That’s fantastic, Marinette!”

Marinette ignored her praise. “I went looking for you, but you weren’t at home. I waited and waited but you never came back.”

“Oh…well…I…” Alya stuttered, and Marinette found herself smirking slightly. “There was this thing…I was at Nino’s. You should’ve called me.”

“I did,” Marinette explained, walking back over to sit at her desk which was piled high with paperwork.  “I wanted to return that manuscript you asked me to read.”

“You mean the book I’m writing on Ladybug?” Alya walked over to stand next to her.

“Yeah, that.” Marinette sighed as she handed Alya her work back.

“So…what did you think of it then?” Alya asked when Marinette said nothing else.

Marinette forced a smile. “It was really good. You certainly were L-Ladybug’s number one fan.”

Alya sighed. “I just don’t want her memory to be forgotten. She gave her life to protect the city and I want to make sure her sacrifice wasn’t in vain; that everyone remembers what she did. She was the most amazing and kind person to ever exist.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Marinette mumbled low enough to keep Alya from hearing before she pressed her lips into a tight, thin line. Her blue eyes darted towards the top drawer of her desk before she went back to staring blankly out the window.

“I was wondering, if it wasn’t too much to ask…” Alya asked nervously, “could you maybe, design the cover for the book?”

Marinette blinked in shock. Another life time ago, she would have been honoured and thrilled at the idea of doing such a thing. But now…the thought of designing the cover for Ladybug’s biography…it made her feel physically sick. Part of her wanted to admit everything. Ladybug wasn’t really dead, she was sitting right here. Alive and…alive.

Just alive.

Because that’s all Marinette felt like she was doing right now: existing.

Even that could be a challenge sometimes. Every morning she woke up in this reality after living the painful memories of what happened in her nightmares. There was no relief when she woke up. The nightmares never ended because she lived through them both day and night.

There was no escape.

This was Marinette’s world now.

A world of never ending pain.

A world of just existing; forcing herself to live a normal life.

She worried everyone, she knew that. But how could she go back to truly having a normal life and being normal after everything? It was impossible. She thought she had been making progress yesterday. She forced herself to go outside and face the world.

But then she saw _him._

The one person in her life whom she never wanted to see again for as long as she lived. _He_ had done this to her. _He_ had the nerve to threaten her last night at the mention of her own name. A name that was stolen from her by _him._

Feeling her fists clench in a fiery anger, Marinette forced herself to calm down when she could once again feel Alya’s hazel eyes watching her, waiting for her to reply. She knew she would never be able to bring herself to do it. She hadn’t even read Alya’s book like she said she had. Anything that reminded her of her old life, Marinette couldn’t bear. So she left the manuscript on her desk for days, just collecting dust until a feasible time arrived for her to hand it back to make it look like she had read it. And look where that had gotten her. Face to face with… _him._  

“I…I don’t know,” Marinette finally responded, “I’m not really inspired right now.”

“Oh come on, girl,” Alya begged, “that’s what you’ve been saying for years. You need to start drawing and designing again otherwise how are you going to get into university? They’re going to want to see some recent stuff, not just the stuff you made years ago.”

Marinette frowned, leaning back miserably in her chair. “I’ll sort something out.”

“Mari,” Alya sighed sadly as she crouched down next to Marinette, putting a comforting hand on her knee. “I don’t understand what happened to you, and I know you don’t like to talk about it, but…you need to snap out of it, girl. You can’t keep living your life like this.”

Marinette said nothing, continuing to stare straight ahead.

“Look…I’m sorry for shouting at you. You know I’ll always be here for you, but…I need the old Marinette back.”

“No you don’t!” Marinette abruptly snapped, pushing Alya’s hand away before standing up so fast, she knocked her chair backwards before she began pacing her room. “Nobody really cares about the real old Marinette. You all make out that she was some innocent little angel who succeeded at everything when she didn’t!”

Alya’s eyes widened. “Mari, what on earth are you talking about?”

“N-nothing,” Marinette stuttered, feeling herself on the verge of tears. “Thanks for coming over, but you can leave now.”

“What?”

“I said, you can leave now.”

“Oh girl, come on I –”

“Please, just go!” Marinette screamed, startling Alya who immediately began darting towards the door.

“Okay, okay,” She quickly muttered, hoping to maybe keep Marinette calm.

They didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to each other as Marinette loudly slammed the door behind Alya the second she was out of the way. Wrapping her arms around herself, Marinette wasn’t surprised to hear Alya and her parents begin muttering to each other in the kitchen below – most likely about her. This caused Marinette to let out a cry of frustration and pain. She felt like she was a volcano, ready to erupt at any second, leaving nothing but devastation in her wake.

Every day, everything she kept bottled up inside of her became harder and harder to contain. The feeling of Chat Noir’s fingers stroking her skin invaded her mind. His eyes…so familiar, yet so dead. This was _his_ fault. If she hadn’t run into him last night, then she wouldn’t be feeling like this right now. He had even caused her to suffer a flashback right in front of him. Once again, he brought nothing but devastation into her life.

For years she had done her best to ignore him. She kept away from the news, desiring to hear nothing of him in the hopes of pretending that he didn’t exist. Marinette knew that went against the plan, but she couldn’t bring herself to care anymore. She didn’t care what happened to her old partner. Rena Rouge, Queen Bee and Carapace would catch him eventually and end it like she had failed to do. Those thoughts washed over her like a great tidal wave and Marinette found herself sinking towards the floor with her head in her hands.

Crouching down, Marinette rocked back and forth, gripping her hair as tightly as possible, pulling on the now shorter strands. She had failed everyone. She couldn’t even keep her own partner on side. Paris had three new heroes now. Three new heroes who would do a better job than she ever could.

Marinette wasn’t sure how long she remained crouched on the ground, rocking backwards and forwards, but by the time she managed to calm down enough to look up again, the sun was beginning to set. With a sigh, Marinette heaved herself up from the floor and stood over her desk gazing down at her university application forms. Most of them she hadn’t even begun to fill out yet.

All her dreams were laid out in front of her. Ever since she was a little girl, Marinette had dreamed of attending university to study fashion. Maybe even work for Gabriel’s company one day. But that dream was dead now. The Gabriel brand hung in limbo after he had been arrested upon the discovery that he was Hawkmoth.

Marinette wasn’t too sure what had happened. All that she could gather was that Chat Noir must have turned on him at some point. That felt even more like a stab to the heart. His betrayal…had been for nothing.

As she stared at her now blank bedroom walls, Marinette remember all of the photos of Adrien that she used to have hanging up. She hadn’t seen Adrien since just before the final battle. She couldn’t imagine how hard for him it must have been to find out his father was Hawkmoth. Nino said he never left his house now; he had eternally locked himself away.

Not that Marinette could bring herself to see him. She couldn’t really bring herself to face anyone. Over the years her feelings for Adrien became deeply submerged to the point of not existing anymore. The only person from the outside world Adrien would occasional see, was Nino, and that was only if Nino met up with him inside his house. Marinette couldn’t help but wonder what Adrien looked like now; how much had he changed?

The sound of her phone vibrating made her jump and Marinette picked her phone up to see that it was a message from Alya.

_Sorry about earlier xoxoxo_

Shaking her head sadly, Marinette placed her phone back down and continued to stare at her application papers. Alya was right. Marinette had nothing new to offer them. In fact she had nothing to offer to them at all. Marinette hadn’t sewn or drawn anything in years now. So what was the point in applying to a course that wasn’t even something she could bring herself to do anymore? Her life was ruined and would likely remain ruined. They probably wouldn’t even accept her applications anyway.

With that thought, Marinette picked up one of her papers, staring at the words on the page but not reading them. Frowning, Marinette then gripped two corners beneath her fingers and tore the application in two, followed by another and then another, until all of the application papers had been torn up. With a fake smile on her face, Marinette then threw the shredded pieces of paper into the air, watching them rain back down to the floor like confetti.

Her eyes were once again drawn towards the top drawer of her desk, and Marinette could feel herself beginning to lose her mind. She needed to get out. She needed some fresh air. She didn’t care that it was dark outside now, she just needed to be able to breathe again. If Chat Noir found her and killed her then so be it. In fact, he’d be doing her a favour for once. To kill her would be an act of kindness after everything else he had done to her.

Pulling her jacket tighter around her, Marinette grabbed her keys before climbing down her stairs and into the lower floor of the apartment she shared with her parents. The kitchen and living room were empty. Thankfully, it seemed her parents had headed into their bedroom and called it a night which meant they wouldn’t be around to stop her.

Marinette quickly left through the front door and climbed down the stairs, exiting through the main entrance of the bakery. By the time Marinette had made it outside, the sun had set over the horizon and stars were beginning to twinkle in the night sky. The peacefulness of the night seemed to be mocking Marinette over her inner turmoil.

However, Marinette froze when she caught sight of the park across the street from her house. Displayed near the entrance, was a life-sized statue of Ladybug, situated there to eternally taunt her. Turning away in disgust, Marinette began making her way down the now deserted streets of Paris, freezing as she passed by some road works near the bottom of her street.

Marinette stared at the large sledgehammer that had been left near a pile of cones, clearly having been left there in the builders’ haste to get back home before night fell. Without thinking, Marinette picked up the heavy sledgehammer with both hands and began storming back towards the park.

The bronze statue came back into view and shone dimly in the moonlight. The sight of her old self made her freeze again before she stared down at the hammer in her hands. A single tear cascaded down her cheek, trickling off her face, dropping down onto the wooden handle of the hammer, splattering into separate smaller pieces. Gripping the hammer tighter in her hands, Marinette continued walking with purpose, now letting the tears flow freely down her cheek.

Stopping just in front of the statue, Marinette stared at it, examining its detailed features that captured every inch of Ladybug’s essence. It was like looking into a mirror. A mirror reflecting a time long forgotten.

Ladybug was gone.

Everyone had made sure of that, including herself.

How dare the city of Paris erect this statue! How dare people make presumptions about her! How dare Chat Noir have the nerve to lecture her and threaten her over Ladybug when _he_ was the one who had caused her demise in the first place!

That last thought caused Marinette to see red.

With an angry huff, Marinette swung the sledgehammer around, violently hitting it against the statue. She didn’t pay attention to where she hit, all she wanted to do was cause its destruction. Within two swings she had managed to knock the head off, sending it crashing to the ground. The smiling face and blank eyes of the statue stared back up at her, causing Marinette to let out a loud growl before she swung the hammer again and smashed it against Ladybug’s face. In doing so, Marinette felt like a great pressure was being released from her chest. It felt like she could almost breathe normally again after having a crushing weight balanced on her chest for so long.

Marinette swung the hammer until she had no energy left in her anymore. By the time she was finished, the statue was in pieces, lying scattered on the ground around her. Her chest heaved with her laboured breathing and she finally lowered the hammer, gripping it loosely as she stared at the mess she had created around her.

Although she felt like a pressure had been lifted, Marinette was sure that doing what she did didn’t make her feel overall better at all. If anything, seeing a statue of herself, abused and broken into pieces on the ground, only reminded her current state. Like that statue, she too was in pieces. Broken beyond repair. Damaged goods. A lost cause. Hawkmoth and Chat Noir had made sure of that.

Without thinking, Marinette reached up to stroke her earlobes…her now bare earlobes. Her earrings were long gone. She hadn’t worn them in years but every now and then, Marinette found herself reaching up to touch the place where they once were.

 _Oh Tikki…_ Marinette thought to herself as she looked up into the sky, _what would you think of me now?_

However, Marinette was brought out of her deep thoughts by the sound of something landing on the ground directly behind her. Marinette instantly went rigid and tightened her grip on the hammer.

Footsteps strode towards her from behind, and a shiver ran down her spine at the feeling of fingers delicately brushing strands of her hair out of the way. She felt him lean in close to her face, his lips almost pressed up against her ear as he sinisterly whispered, “and just what do you think you’re doing, _purrincess_?”


	4. Hide and Seek

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your kudos, bookmarks and comments. It really inspires me to keep writing and keep posting content.

Marinette said nothing as she remained perfectly still; she was completely frozen with fear. Chat Noir didn’t move, and she could still feel his warm breath radiating against her cheeks. She gripped the hammer even tighter in her hand, wondering if she would be able to swing it around in time before he could block it or dive out of the way. However, Marinette knew how fast Chat’s reflexes were. No doubt he would easily be able to dodge or block her swing. That was probably what he was expecting to happen right now. She could practically sense the smirk on his face as he remained leaning in close, making her skin crawl.

An involuntary shudder ran up her spine and she swallowed back the lump that had formed in her throat. Just being near him…it was enough to send her intense hatred and anger bubbling to the surface. It coursed through her veins like hot lava, and she wanted nothing more in that moment than to be able to explode. To maybe get some justice. To swing that hammer around right now and wipe that creepy, manic grin off his face.

“I’m waiting,” Chat sang in her ear, a deranged, impatient edge to his tone.

Marinette frowned, regaining some confidence, allowing her anger and her hatred to consume her almost entirely. What gave him the right to care what Marinette did the Ladybug statue? If anything, she would have thought that Chat would be happy about it. After all, he was the one who betrayed her and left her in this mess.

Through clenched teeth, Marinette finally managed to bring herself to speak. “None of your business.”

“It is my business when you go around destroying statues of my lady.” Chat leaned away, and Marinette closed her eyes as he began circling her like she was his prey. She refused to give him the satisfaction of showing any hint of fear.

“ _Your_ lady?” Marinette questioned, feeling herself being pushed closer and closer to oblivion.

“Yes,” Chat praised in a patronising tone, “ _my_ lady.”

Marinette wasn’t sure what came over her, but in that moment, all she could do was burst out laughing. Why? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t finding any of this even remotely funny. Hearing Chat say those words…referring to her as _his._ The kitty really had completely lost his mind.

She had always known that Chat Noir had harboured feelings for her. She just assumed that those had died before he decided to betray her. Obviously, those emotions had morphed into toxic feelings of possessiveness. Was it because of her power? His desire to take her miraculous?

Marinette forced back the memories that were beginning to surface. Was Chat still hunting for her miraculous, desiring to finish what he started all those years ago?

Marinette smiled sadly. He would never be able to use her miraculous now, no matter how much he tried.

Nobody could…

“I’m still waiting.” Chat was growing more and more impatient as he began circling her faster.

“Why do you care so much about her statue when you didn’t care about her when she was alive?” Marinette questioned with a small, smug smile on her face. Her smile only widened when she heard Chat Noir pause.

Marinette finally opened her eyes to gaze at Chat, who had stopped in front of her. He was staring down at her, his pupils dilating as his expression became murderous.

“I cared about her more than you could ever possibly imagine,” Chat growled out, beginning to sound less human.

Marinette raised an eyebrow. “Then why betray her?” She found herself asking that question without thinking.

She had always been curious as to why Chat Noir turned on her that fateful night. It seemed it was something that he had planned for a while, but…why? How long had he been secretly siding with Hawkmoth? Had his feelings for her all just been a ploy to try and get close to her and take her miraculous? Marinette felt sick at the thought. She didn’t know Chat anymore; she wouldn’t put anything past him.

Chat Noir remained silent, his eyes growing more bloodthirsty, but Marinette refused to back down. She knew she was in a dangerous position, but honestly in that moment, she didn’t care. For years she had wanted answers, and maybe this would be her one and only chance to get some. If she paid for that with her life, then so be it. At least then she wouldn’t have to live out the rest of her life not knowing. Not knowing why one of her best friends, her partner, betrayed her and caused her demise.

“I’m waiting.” Marinette mocked Chat’s earlier crazy threats.

Again, he said nothing.

He continued to glare at her, his whole body completely tense with his back slightly hunched over as if he was going to pounce on her at any second.

Refusing to be intimidated, Marinette placed one hand on her hip, hammer still ready in the other hand, while she glared right back at him. Having to meet his eyes with her own brought her nothing but feelings of pure disgust. Looking at him made her feel sick. Made her feel as if millions of tiny insects were crawling across her skin. It felt like someone had reached into her ribcage and was squeezing at her broken heart. A heart that had been broken by the person she had trusted most in this world.

With that sensation, her mind suddenly split into two. One half was consumed by intense anger while the other was consumed by intense sorrow. The latter part had her wanting to wrap her arms around him again. To search for her dear friend that once resided behind those cold, murderous green eyes. However, the more rational part of her brain, the angry and guarded side was disgusted by those thoughts. She could never let Chat get near her again; she could never let him hurt her like that again.

Chat Noir appeared to snap out of whatever deep thought he also appeared to be having. Though his eyes were still full of anger and blood lust, the manic and playful glow returned, and he began circling her once again.

In response, Marinette gripped the hammer with both hands again, her frown deepening, her eyes locked on Chat’s every move, daring him to even attempt to come any closer to her.

“No one has ever really stood up to me like this before,” Chat gasped out, sounding like he was struggling not to laugh. “I like it. It’s…fun.”

“Well maybe if you didn’t terrorise the city so much, people wouldn’t be so afraid to stand up to you,” Marinette hissed.

Chat merely smirked. “Awww do I scare my purrincess?”

He made a move to take a step towards her, but Marinette raised her hammer slightly, doing her best to glare at him as menacingly as possible. Chat Noir stopped in his tracks, letting out a deranged giggle.

“Don’t do anything stupid now,” Chat laughed, “I’ve heard of getting hammered, but this is ridiculous.”

Marinette’s face twisted from annoyance to disgust which just made Chat Noir laugh even more. It spooked Marinette how he was making puns and jokes like his old self, but now they just sounded…wrong.

Despite Chat’s laughter, there was no friendly innocent humour behind it. Now he just sounded completely deranged and detached from reality. It just succeeded in making Marinette even angrier. How dare he still make jokes like that when he wasn’t the Chat Noir she knew and loved anymore! This was a sick and twisted imposter who had clearly become corrupted, abusing the power his miraculous gave him.

“You’re calling me stupid?” Marinette challenged. “Yet you’re the one threatening and provoking a very angry girl with a hammer.”

She raised the hammer higher in the air, hoping that Chat Noir would get the message and leave her alone. Clearly, she wasn’t getting any answers out of him, and Marinette wasn’t sure if she could stomach being in his presence any longer.

It was all becoming too much again…just like last night.

She could feel her chest constricting, and her heartrate skyrocketed, giving her painful palpitations. Her palms grew sweaty, and she became worried that she would lose her grip on the hammer. It was becoming increasingly difficult to breathe properly, and her fingers and toes began to tingle before feeling like they were growing numb.

Chat Noir caught sight of her raising the hammer higher, so he crouched down even further in response. His perfectly white teeth shone in the moonlight as he grinned at her sadistically. He let out a distorted purring noise which finally caused Marinette to twitch slightly in fear.

Chat reached his hands down to the ground and began slowly crawling towards her, causing Marinette to take a few automatic steps back which seemed to only spur Chat Noir on.

Seeing Chat Noir’s grin widen to impossible proportions helped Marinette snap out of her fearful state.

This had been her job.

This had been her job ever since everything that had happened and now she was actually getting a chance to fulfil it.

Granted she was in her civilian form and she was rusty, but Marinette hopped that she could put up a good enough fight until she accomplished her task, or at least one of the new heroes reached them. No doubt they were out patrolling the city now, looking for Chat as at least one of them often did most nights.

Seeing the new-found determination in her face made Chat Noir purr again. “Does my purrincess want to play?”

_Those words._

Marinette’s eyes widened, and she was caught off guard just long enough for Chat Noir to easily pounce on her. He easily knocked her to the ground, and Marinette yelped as her head painfully collided with the cobbled ground beneath her.

Out of instinct, Marinette held the hammer out in front of her, using the handle as a bar to prevent Chat Noir getting any closer. His chest became blocked by the wooden handle, causing him to let out a grunt. He still had her pinned down though, and that caused him to smirk down at her.

Allowing her anger and hatred to take control, Marinette let out an unintelligent shriek as she managed to bring her knees up and launch him over her head.

Chat yelped up in surprise, and Marinette quickly used this opportunity to stand back up again. Knowing she had little hope right now of managing to put up a good fight, Marinette took off running as fast as she could, her feet loudly pounding against the tiled floor.

“Don’t let her get away!” Hawkmoth bellowed, and Ladybug’s heart lurched into her throat. She could hear Chat Noir behind her, groaning and trying to regain his senses.

Ladybug barged through the double doors so hard, she could feel small splinters of wood stabbing into her skin. The back of her head was beginning to twinge slightly from her head colliding with the floor.

The mansion was almost completely dark, making it difficult for her to see. She gulped, knowing that this would give Chat Noir an advantage over her.

Adrien…where was Adrien?!

She had to find him and get them both out of there!

The fire outside was already beginning to roar ferociously, and she soon knew that the whole mansion would be up in flames. He probably didn’t even know his own father was Hawkmoth. It broke Ladybug’s heart, but she knew that she had to tell him the truth.

Managing to remember which room Adrien’s was, Ladybug didn’t even hesitate in kicking the door down. She wasn’t sure how far behind her Chat Noir had been, so she wasn’t willing to waste time with pleasantries.

Adrien’s room was also dark, and Ladybug began looking around frantically. Had he heard the commotion? Had he found somewhere to hide?

“Adrien?” Ladybug whispered as loudly as she could, cupping her hands around her mouth, hiding around the corner from the door in case Chat Noir walked by and spotted her.

There was no response, and Ladybug began to grow increasingly worried. Had he hidden somewhere else in the house? She had to find him!

Briefly gazing out of Adrien’s large bedroom window, Ladybug gasped in horror and fear as a wall of fire and smoke completely blocked off the view of the city of Paris. It turned everything a brilliant shade of orange, and Ladybug was beginning to feel the heat, even from behind the glass.

“ _Bugaboo,_ ” Chat Noir sang from nearby, “ _where are you?_ ”

Ladybug struggled to contain her gasp at how different Chat Noir was sounding now. This wasn’t her kitty anymore. Perhaps he had never been her kitty in the first place. Maybe he had always been like this and everything had just been an act. How could he have done this to her? How could their friendship have meant so little to him?

Ladybug felt like she was going to be sick.

There was no time though.

Looking around quickly, Ladybug leapt into the air and grabbed hold of Adrien’s climbing wall just above the door, holding her breath and praying with everything that she had that Chat Noir wouldn’t spot her. She could hear his footsteps slowly approaching as if he was taunting her.

Ladybug held on tightly, gritting her teeth together and watching the door below her. A large, black shadow entered the room and soon enough, the owner of the shadow made his way inside. Chat Noir paused by the entrance, and Ladybug willed him with her mind to move.

His ear twitched backwards, and Ladybug completely froze.

Did he know she was there?

Chat Noir placed his hands on his hips and looked from side to side dramatically.

Ladybug’s eyes narrowed, wondering if he was taunting her.

He stepped further into Adrien’s bedroom and Ladybug saw her chance.

Dropping down from the wall, Ladybug then darted out of the door, being as light on her feet as possible. Surprisingly, she didn’t hear Chat Noir pursuing her from behind. Not that she was complaining. She needed to find Adrien and fast!

Becoming desperate, Ladybug blindly barged into every room she came across in the Agreste mansion, looking for any sign of Adrien. In every room she went in, there was none, and an intense fear began to engulf Ladybug as she wondered where the love of her life could possibly be.

Had he been injured? Was he just that good at hiding?

But she had called his name in every room she had entered, so surely he would’ve recognised that Ladybug was there and was going to help him get out?

Panicking, Ladybug tugged at her twin ponytails and ran out of the dining room and into the next room. It appeared to be the kitchen. It was large and much fancier than hers, and this room was almost completely shrouded in darkness apart from the light Ladybug was letting in as she stood in the doorway.

“Adrien?” Ladybug called out, still trying hard not to be too loud so Chat Noir wouldn’t figure out where she was.

Again, there was no response, and Ladybug grew increasingly worried – if that was even possible at this point.

Frantically, Ladybug began almost tearing the cupboard doors off their hinges in a desperate attempt to maybe find Adrien hiding inside one of them. The adrenaline in her body began to be pumped around at a faster pace at the realisation that once again, Adrien was no where in sight.

Tears welled up in Ladybug’s eyes as many terrifying images assaulted her mind.

What if Hawkmoth had got hold of him? He wouldn’t harm his own son, surely?

Memories of all the close calls that Adrien had had with akumas ran through Ladybug’s head, and she clasped both hands over her mouth in horror.

It was a chance she couldn’t – wouldn’t – take.

Giving the kitchen one final once over, Ladybug yelped when she caught sight of Chat Noir standing in the doorway, leaning one arm casually against the doorframe while he repeatedly tossed his baton in the air and caught it in his other hand.

Ladybug watched him in horror as she wondered how long he had been standing there. Backing away and not taking her eyes off him, Ladybug opened the last cupboard door again, feeling her way inside in the hopes of coming into contact with a warm body huddled up the corner.

Nothing.

“What are you doing?” Chat’s expression suddenly turned confused and frantic.

He…he sounded almost like his old self again…

“What do you mean?” Ladybug asked, feeling confused, frightened, and angry.

“You’re supposed be –” Chat Noir quickly cut himself off before crouching down and glaring at her.

“Where’s Adrien?” Ladybug demanded.

Chat Noir blinked.

“What have you done with him?” Ladybug grabbed hold of her yo-yo and began spinning it in a circle. She glared at Chat Noir with all the hatred she could muster. If Chat had harmed one hair on his head then she would show no mercy. It hurt her deeply enough to know that he was now working for Hawkmoth and had led to her into this trap, but if he had hurt Adrien…Ladybug wasn’t sure she would be able to control her actions.

Chat Noir smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”

Ladybug shrieked angrily, unable to stop herself from violently swinging her yo-yo towards her old partner. Chat easily dodged it though which caused Ladybug to let out another angry cry, swinging her yo-yo again as Chat jumped on top of one of the counters.

The string of her yo-yo sent pots and pans crashing the ground, the clatter echoing so loudly through the kitchen, it caused Ladybug’s ears to hurt and begin ringing slightly. Chat Noir continued to smirk at her, and this time, all Ladybug could see was red.

With another incoherent, angry yell, Ladybug charged towards him and leapt forward. Chat’s eyes widened before Ladybug crashed into him, knocking him down onto the surface of the counter. Ladybug straddled his waist, pinning his hands down above his head as he thrashed around, struggling to break free. Ladybug glared down at him and he looked back up at her.

Ladybug smiled in satisfaction to see a glimmer of fear behind his now cold, green eyes.

“TELL ME WHAT YOU’VE DONE WITH HIM, YOU TRAITOR!” Ladybug screamed at him, fear and anger engulfing her.

Images of Adrien lying in a pool of his own blood, cold and alone somewhere, having been attacked by Chat Noir. His own father not caring about his wellbeing and leaving his son to die, only caring about obtaining her miraculous for his own evil uses.

This was all her fault.

She should have spotted that there was something off about Chat Noir these past few days. She should have expected to have been lead into a trap. She should have listened to her instincts about Gabriel Agreste being Hawkmoth. She should have done a better job at protecting Paris…protecting Adrien…

The fear behind Chat Noir’s eyes vanished, replaced with nothing but a cold apathy, and he relaxed underneath her, closing his eyes as if he was sunbathing. This infuriated Ladybug even more and she tightened her grip on his wrists, crushing them beneath her grip. Chat Noir didn’t even wince though.

“Oh, just stashed him somewhere.” Chat grinned innocently at her.

Without thinking, Ladybug let go of his wrists before clasping them around Chat’s neck. He instantly began choking under her vice like grip. He looked completely stunned, and to be honest, so was Ladybug. But right now, all she cared about was making sure that Adrien was safe. She would figure out a way to sort Chat out later and come up with a better plan to defeat Hawkmoth, figuring it would be easier now that she knew who he was. All she had to do was find Master Fu and then maybe he could help her. Help her stop Hawkmoth. Help her bring her kitty back.

“TELL ME WHERE HE IS!” Ladybug screamed at him again, her fingers now acting as tiny boa constrictors, cutting off Chat Noir’s air supply one tighter squeeze at a time.

That tactic didn’t seem to be working though. Ladybug didn’t have it in her to continue squeezing, and her panic further worsened as Chat’s face began to gradually turn a deep shade of purple, staring at her fearfully, his eyes seemingly silently pleading with her, unable to speak.

Ladybug’s eyes darted towards Chat Noir’s ring. If he truly had turned to the dark side then she needed to cut off his source of power. It was what Master Fu would want her to do.

As if sensing exactly what she was thinking, with his hands now free, Chat reached up with both his arms and legs, throwing Ladybug off him. Her back painfully collided with the beautifully detailed tiled wall of the kitchen, some of the tiles smashing and cracking loudly beneath the force.

Ladybug grunted, her vision blurring slightly as she slid back down to the ground, her knees bruising as she did so. Fighting the urge to just give up and allow herself to lose consciousness, Ladybug’s vision finally cleared to see Chat Noir stalking towards her. The deranged, playful smirk that had adorned his face was now gone and replaced with nothing but cold-hearted seriousness and a menacing frown. His eyes were dull, and Ladybug felt like she was looking at a complete stranger. It shattered her heart into a million pieces. Her partner…perhaps she was in denial before, but…she had truly lost him…

“Give up, Ladybug,” he growled at her, “now, hand me your miraculous.”

“Never!” Ladybug gasped out, still feeling winded from her collision with the wall. “I would rather die! You should know that.”

Chat Noir’s smile returned, and Ladybug wasted no time in darting out of the room. She turned a corner, panicking when she heard Chat Noir calmly walking after her. Ladybug found herself back in the main hall, and she began desperately looking around, trying to come up with an idea.

Chat Noir’s footsteps grew closer and closer, each one echoing around the room, making Ladybug feel like she was surrounded on all sides. With a frantic gasp, Ladybug scaled up one of the marble pillars, climbing until her head was almost touching the ceiling. Chat Noir entered the room and frustratingly paused in the centre, just like he had done in Adrien’s bedroom.

Ladybug frowned, really beginning to feel like he could just sense her presence and was only prolonging the moment for sick kicks. That thought nearly caused Ladybug to lose her balance and slip, but she caught herself just in time. She slowly released one of her arms from the pillar, keeping her eyes glued to Chat Noir as she reached for her yo-yo, ready to attack as soon as he looked up at her.

He remained as still as a statue though, his back remaining turned to her, his black, leather cat ears remaining turned in her general direction. Ladybug held her breath, her whole body completely tense as she waited to see what Chat Noir would do next. Small chills ran down her spine and a single droplet of sweat trickled down her forehead.

Chat still did not move.

With each painfully slow second that ticked by, Ladybug’s heart rate increased to impossible speeds. The sight of Chat behaving like this both terrified and pained her. She needed to find Adrien, and any time she spent playing this sick, twisted game of hide and seek with Chat just left the love of her life in terrible danger.

Growing impatiently, Ladybug decided it was best to risk it. She launched her yo-yo towards the still frozen body of Chat Noir to which he abruptly raised his baton and deflected her strike without even turning around.

Ladybug gulped, her grip slipping even more. Swallowing her fear, she let go and fell to the floor before Chat Noir finally turned his head around to look at her. Ignoring him, Ladybug began attempting to run to the other side of the mansion to look for Adrien, no longer caring that Chat Noir would follow her, instead only caring about getting Adrien out of there alive.

Yo-yo kept in hand, she kept on running not daring to look back.

However, Ladybug screamed when her ankles collided painfully with hard metal. She instantly toppled to the floor with a thud, and Ladybug screamed again, both in pain and frustration as the realisation set in that she might have just twisted her ankle. In the process of falling, she lost her grip on her yo-yo, watching in horror as it continued to slide down the hall and out of her reach.

Ladybug looked back in terror, seeing that it was Chat Noir’s baton she had tripped over. He had extended it to match the width of the hall and tossed it beneath her while she had been running.

Chat Noir didn’t react to seeing her in pain on the floor, and that sight caused Ladybug’s heart to nearly burst in her chest from the pain and betrayal.

He really did no longer care about her.

Ladybug wasn’t sure why he kept surprising her with his behaviour; for some reason it just wasn’t sinking in that he had turned on her. Ladybug felt like she was living in some sort of nightmare. Only much to her horror, she wasn’t waking up.

This was real.

The worst had happened.

Ladybug turned back around and began to try and crawl forward and reach for her yo-yo. However, her attempts were futile. The worst part was, she knew that. Ladybug yelped as she felt Chat Noir grab her by the legs and easily pulled her further away from her weapon. She kicked and screamed as best as she could, all the while Chat remained cold and uncaring as he dragged her back towards Hawkmoth’s lair. She tried to arch her back, tried kicking him, but everything hurt too much, and Chat was just so much stronger than her right now.

“NOOOO!” Ladybug screamed, begging and pleading, knowing what was coming next. She clutched at her earrings as Chat continued to drag her along the floor.

“NOOOO!” Marinette screamed again, bringing her hands away from her ears, feeling the crushing weight of the hammer as it leaned against her chest. She instantly grabbed hold of it again and pulled herself up off the ground just as Chat Noir did so behind her.

He turned around to face her, looking completely baffled and uneasy for a split second before plastering a sadistic smirk on his face.

“I love a good cat fight,” he purred before leaping towards her again.

Marinette gasped and flung herself to one side, clumsily catching herself before she fell over. Without looking back, she began running as fast as could. Where to, she didn’t know. All she knew was that she wanted to get away from Chat and never see him again.

She wasn’t even paying attention to her surroundings, just the rapid pounding of her feet against the ground. Her lungs burned and protested for her to stop and rest. Her muscles were beginning to ache, and a fine layer of sweat began to coat her skin. It had been a long time since she had put her body under such strain.

Marinette didn’t have time to worry about that though. The sound of an approaching, angry Chat Noir was proof enough of that.

Running down some stone steps, Marinette gasped as the ground beneath her suddenly ended. She was able to stop herself just in time before she fell into the Seine. Losing her balance as her toes hung off the edge, Marinette managed to right herself before turning, ready to run down the side of the river.

However, she was instantly halted by Chat Noir landing gracefully in front of her in a crouched position before he stood up straight, regarding her with a playful, amused expression.

“ _Trapped like a rat_.”  

Marinette gasped.

Those words again.

More same words he had said to her that night.

Ladybug watched as Chat Noir and Hawkmoth began stalking towards her, ready to take her miraculous.

No!

She had to protect it!

She couldn’t let them take it!

Marinette shook her head, her vision morphing between Hawkmoth’s liar and the quiet, secluded pathway by the river.

Ladybug backed away from them, determined that they would never take her earrings and use them for their evil purposes.

That’s when Marinette squealed.

Her vision finally settled, revealing the startled face of Chat Noir before all she could see was the starry night sky above her. Her heart leapt into her throat at the sudden sensation of falling backwards, and her stomach formed one gigantic knot.

It was the cold that hit her first before she felt herself being dragged down down down.

Instinctively, she held her breath as soon as she felt her back hit the cold surface of the water. Everywhere around her was black, and she was just barely able to make out the dim moon and streetlights reflecting on the surface of the water.

She continued to plunge downwards, the freezing water around her feeling like tiny ice crystals stabbing against her skin. Her brain and lungs screamed at her for air.

Marinette stretched out her arms and kicked her legs in an attempt to begin swimming to the surface, but she didn’t move anywhere. Marinette then suddenly became aware of how heavy she felt, as if her entire body was suddenly made of lead.

Down, down she continued to sink, just like a rock, and Marinette could feel herself beginning to lose consciousness as she continued to determinedly hold her breath.

Was this truly it now?

Was this how it was really going to end for her?

Marinette barely registered the sound a splash above her as she closed her eyes, smiling peacefully, ready to accept her long overdue fate.


	5. Dangerous Obsession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those who commented and who have bookmarked this story and left kudos! It really means a lot to me. I'm so glad to see so many people enjoying the story. It's what keeps me updating.

Chat Noir almost felt sick at the sight before him. There was Marinette, one of his oldest friends, staring at him with the same terror filled expression as Ladybug had done when Hawkmoth had…he couldn’t even bring himself to think about it. Her blue eyes had been so wide and full of fear, confusion and betrayal.

He felt like he was back there right now. Only this wasn’t a flashback or a nightmare.

This was very much real.

He watched, frozen in place by the similarity of the situation, as Marinette’s back hit the dark water of the river Seine. Water was sent flying up above her in all directions, and in the blink of an eye, she had vanished beneath the depths. The water splashed and rippled back into place, and soon it was as if nothing had ever happened.

There was no sign of her.

Chat was sure that Marinette could swim, but as he kept waiting and waiting, there was no hint of her surfacing. He should turn around. This was the girl who had destroyed the statue of his lady for seemingly no good reason. She had gotten what was coming to her. Really, it was none of his business what happened to her. Marinette was just someone he used to know at school. Someone he would very occasionally hang out with. She was nothing special. Just some girl. Just some girl who had heartlessly vandalised his lady’s monument…a girl who had the nerve to bring up what happened.

Clenching his fists tightly besides him as the seconds ticked by, Chat Noir gritted his teeth and glared down at the water, willing Marinette to surface on her own. Then he could just leave and get on with the rest of his business for the night.

However, the water remained still and calm. Chat Noir still remained frozen though, his feet rooted in place as he fought off the painful memories of that fateful night. Oh how much Marinette had looked like his lady in that moment…the exact same facial expression…

A single tear trickled down Chat Noir’s cheek.

Suddenly, it was like Chat Noir felt like his body was on autopilot. Stretching his arms out and leaping forward, Chat dived in after her, easily piercing through the dark water, his night vision granting him relatively clear visibility under the water. He swam down, deeper under the water. Finally, he managed to catch sight of something slowly sinking into the water beneath him.

Chat swam faster, and his lungs began to burn, protesting and demanding oxygen. He ignored the sensation though, finally catching up to Marinette’s sinking form. Chat reached down and grabbed hold of her arm, pulling her up towards him. Her eyes were closed, and she had a peaceful smile on her face.

Was…was this how _she_ had looked just before she died? Had she peacefully accepted her fate before she fell into the inferno beneath her?

Shaking his head, Chat wrapped one of his arms around Marinette’s waist and immediately began kicking for the surface. He pushed Marinette up ahead of him so she would reach the surface first and be able to breathe. Chat surfaced not long after her, and felt himself beginning to panic slightly when he felt no movement from the girl in his arms.

Had he taken too long to jump in after her?

Her thick clothes felt heavy as he dragged them both along which made Chat finally understand why she couldn’t swim to the surface. It was a good thing he was so strong.

Wrapping his hands under Marinette’s arms, he hoisted her out of the water and onto the cobbled pathway next to the river. Chat climbed out as well, gasping slightly for air before he crawled towards Marinette’s still limp form.

Had he failed again? Had he failed to protect someone?

No!

This was becoming way too much for him to bare! First his lady and now his princess. He was the cause of both of their demises. Never in his life had he intended for anyone to get killed.

_Cough cough splutter._

Chat Noir sighed with relief as Marinette began coughing violently. He leaned down and tilted his head to listen to her chest. Using his enhanced hearing, Chat was able to tell that there was no water in her lungs. However, a cold hand soon gripped his face and pushed him away from her. He growled and pushed her hand away, though calmed down once he realised that Marinette probably didn’t even know she had done it.

Her eyes were still closed, and she twisted her body around so she was on her hands and knees, continuing to cough violently and gasp for air. Before he could stop himself, Chat found himself rubbing her back gently, and he let out another quiet sigh of relief when Marinette’s eyes finally fluttered open.

She looked so…so vulnerable right now.

Chat knew he should have left by now, but for some reason, he just couldn’t bring himself to do so, just like the previous night. There was just something about Marinette…it was if she was some sort of powerful magnet. But…why? There was nothing remotely special about this girl. She was a cute little thing and was always kind to him when they had attended school together.

Yet right now, she was like some sort of brain parasite, invading his mind and controlling his thoughts; he was utterly consumed by her. She was possessing him in every way just like his lady had done.

In the moment he had dived into the water after her, it was like he had been staring at his lady. He just had to protect her. He had to keep her safe. Just like all those times he had gladly, and without hesitation, taken those hits for his lady when they had been in battle together. That very same feeling had consumed him when he had watched Marinette fall into the water.

He had to keep her safe. He had to protect her. He had to keep her safe. Safe. Protect.

His mind was beginning to run wild, spinning uncontrollably.

No!

Marinette was not his lady!

She was not going to be some sick substitute!

No!

Chat gripped his blond locks tightly, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth as he fought against his instincts and subconscious which were screaming at him. Keep safe. Protect. _Don’t make the same mistake again._

The sound of Marinette gasping snapped Chat Noir out of his dangerous inner turmoil. He turned to look at her with a wild expression on his face. Marinette shuffled away from him, staring at him with wide eyes, seemingly not even daring to blink.

Chat Noir grinned and clutched at his heart. “Is that the thanks I get for saving you?”

Marinette looked horrified and confused. “ _You…saved me?_ ”

Chat’s playful, manic grin widened. “Well, if you’d rather I just put you back.” He made a move towards her, pretending he was about to pick her up. He was lying, of course, but playing around with Marinette could be so much fun. She was so easy to get riled up. Just like…

“No!” Marinette yelled at him, shuffling further away from him. She tried to glare at him, to intimidate him, but it was futile. Her shivering form hindered any attempt she made to do so. She was unable to hide the sound of her chattering teeth, and she curled into a tight ball, making herself look incredibly small and – dare Chat Noir say it – adorable.

Chat Noir frowned at her as he watched her. She looked so tiny and frail right now, like he could just tuck her small form under his arm like a football. He was starting to feel the chill himself slightly, though clearly not as much as Marinette. She didn’t have an extra durable superhero suit to protect her like he did. Her teeth continued to chatter, and tremors rolled off her body. Her dull blue eyes stared straight ahead as if she was refusing to look at him.

“Th-thank y-you.”

“What?” Chat Noir’s eyes widened. He was sure he just heard gratitude come from her lips. Her lips moved as he heard those words, but he still couldn’t quite believe it.

“Th-th-thank you.”

“You’re…welcome…” Chat responded slowly.

So, Marinette still had some of that kind, lovely spirit still inside her after all. She wasn’t completely a shell of her former self. He once again found himself wondering what Marinette could have possibly been through. She had gone to a decent, normal school, had good friends who looked out for her, had loving parents and, if he remembered correctly, a promising future in the fashion industry. Chat Noir couldn’t help but be curious. It must have been bad to have her nearly reaching his levels of insanity.

The way he had watched her destroy his lady’s statue, the pure hatred and disgust on her face. The brave and almost suicidal way she had defended herself against him. Threatening him with a _hammer_ for crying out loud. This wasn’t the Marinette he had known at school. He didn’t expect his friends to have remained the same after all these years, but man.

He couldn’t remember Nino mentioning anything about her, though come to think of it, Chat had never bothered to ask too much about anything regarding his old life. Nino would only go as far as talking about Alya which Chat tolerated as she was still his girlfriend. He just tried to tune out the reminders as much as possible. Not to mention there was the way she had fought back…it was almost like she had been in fights before. Her moves reminded him so much of _hers,_ though Marinette’s movements were clumsier.

Chat Noir knew he really should be leaving at this point. He had done more than he had needed to at this point; he had saved her. So…why couldn’t he just leave? It felt like an invisible force was keeping him locked in place. His eyes kept gravitating towards Marinette’s face…a face so similar to _hers._ She was as white as a sheet and her lips were beginning to gradually turn blue. He really should leave. But also really should get her home.

Without thinking, Chat Noir abruptly stood up before he reached down and easily scooped Marinette up into his arms. He smirked as Marinette let out a loud squeak of surprise as her arms and legs began to flail around. He just gripped her tighter though, and much to his amusement, that just seemed to annoy and confuse her even more.

“What are you doing?!” Marinette shrieked.

“Taking you home,” Chat replied as if it was obvious.

“Put me down!” Marinette demanded. “I can look after myself!”

“Okay, seen as you’re adamant that you don’t need my help, I’ll just put you back.” Chat chuckled as he reached out his arms and held Marinette over the river. She let out a brief scream of terror, clinging onto his arm in a death grip that was surprisingly strong. Closing her eyes tightly shut, Marinette continued to cling onto him, clenching her teeth, bracing herself for impact with the water again.

Chat Noir laughed and pulled her back against his chest again. Marinette sensed this and opened her eyes again, glaring up at Chat, her blue eyes now burning in rage. Chat Noir ignored her though, and immediately took off, running through the narrower streets, leaping and bouncing off buildings.

This didn’t seem to faze Marinette too much which shocked him a little bit. Though she was looking a little uncomfortable, folding her arms stubbornly across her chest and refusing to look at him. She was still worryingly pale, and Chat Noir could feel her shivering in his arms. He quickened his pace, finally landing on Marinette’s balcony.

Marinette shifted in his arms, obviously expecting to be placed back down on the ground. Chat had other ideas though.

Gasping and glaring at him as they kept walking, Marinette started thrashing around in his arms again, but his grip was too tight and she was still weak from the cold. This frustrated Marinette even more which only increased Chat Noir’s amusement.

Shifting her weight onto one arm, he pulled the trapdoor open and leapt down into her bedroom. Marinette kicked around violently, and this time, Chat Noir relented and put her down.

“Thanks for taking me home, now please leave,” Marinette said quickly, wrapping her completely drenched jacket tighter around herself. She was still shivering, and her skin was still white, but she did seem to be warming up slightly now that she was back in her room. Her room wasn’t exactly warm, but it was better than outside.

“Nah, I think I’ll stay.” Chat Noir chuckled as he sat down on her chaise lounge, leaning back and relaxing, wrapping his arms above his head. “At least until I’m convinced you’re not going to pass out from hypothermia.”

Marinette glowered at him, her eye twitching slightly.

Chat Noir continued to watch, and frowned when she didn’t move. It seemed Marinette had frozen in the centre of the room, too angry to move. Chat sighed in frustration at how childish Marinette was being right now. He got up and his eyes began scanning her room.

“Fine, if you’re not going to sort yourself out, _I will,_ ” he threatened. “For starters, you need to get out of those clothes.”

Marinette squealed and instantly wrapped her arms around herself, staring at him in horror and anger.

Chat Noir immediately caught on to the direction her mind went, and for once, he genuinely laughed. It was strange. He couldn’t remember the last time he had properly laughed like this. A laugh of genuine humour and delight. The feeling felt so foreign to him now, yet somehow, Marinette had managed to spark it.

Maybe hanging around this girl wasn’t such a bad idea after all. She made him feel…almost whole again. Of course, nothing would ever fill the gaping hole _she_ had left in his chest, but maybe…there was a place for someone in there?

Chat Noir violently shook his head. What on earth was he thinking? All because Marinette had actually managed to make him genuinely laugh.

“I…I didn’t mean it…like that,” Chat managed to gasp out through the occasional fit of laughter, “although we could do it like that if you want to, I don’t mind.” He winked at her.

Marinette turned a deep shade of red just like she used to do when he knew her back in school. She growled and looked away, her bottom lip protruding slightly in an angry pout before her eyes widened slightly and she turned back around to look at him.

“Y-you’re…sounding almost like…your old self,” Marinette said slowly and quietly.

Chat Noir froze and frowned at her. “Let’s not get carried away,” he answered flatly before looking around her room again.

“So, where do you keep your clean clothes?” Chat asked as his eyes zeroed in on the only drawers in her room he could find. “In here?”

Chat Noir reached out and was about to open the top drawer of her desk.

“NO!” Marinette screamed and lunged towards him.

Caught off guard, Chat Noir let go of the drawer just as Marinette grabbed hold of his arm and yanked it further away. Her eyes were wide and wild, and her chest heaved as she began panting slightly.

Chat Noir watched her in alarm, slowly prying his arm out of Marinette’s death grip. Marinette didn’t blink, not seeming to have noticed Chat pulling his arm away from her. He frowned at her before looking back at the drawer and shrugging his shoulders, figuring she kept a diary or underwear in there or something.

“Okaaay then.” Was the only response he could think of as he slowly backed away, leaving Marinette to calm down from…whatever just happened.

Right now he was just more concerned with making sure she didn’t get hypothermia than finding out the reason she just freaked out. That’s when Chat Noir realised that she was still wearing her thick jacket which was still soaking wet. Since Marinette was still standing as still as a statue, making no move to take it off like she should be doing, Chat reached out and grabbed the top button.

Marinette immediately snapped out of it. She smacked his hand away and leapt back as if he had given her an electric shock.

“Marinette, I’m not trying anything dodgy if that’s what you think,” Chat growled at her in frustration, “you need to take your jacket off or you’ll catch your death.”

“Leave me alone!” Marinette hissed. “I can look after myself.”

Chat rolled his eyes. “Clearly.”

Marinette huffed. “I’m going to the bathroom, and by the time I get back, I want you gone,” she threatened, opening up the trapdoor that led downstairs before slamming it shut behind her.

Chat smirked. Yeah…like that was gunna happen.

He moved to sit back down on her chaise lounge and relaxed again, waiting for Marinette to come back up and inevitably start screaming at him again. She had always been a weird girl, but never to this extent.

Chat Noir took this opportunity to gaze around her room. From what he could remember, he had only been in Marinette’s room once when they were both practicing for that gaming tournament. That felt like a lifetime ago now. Chat sighed sadly, refusing to have a breakdown here. That was all he needed: Marinette seeing him and telling everyone that really underneath he was just a depressed, grieving mess that still had a soft side.

He wanted Paris to fear him. He wanted Paris to hate him. It was what he deserved.

Her room was still very much dominated by the colour pink. Literally almost everything was pink, though Chat Noir didn’t know why he expected anything different. Everything she had owned at school was pink. Most of her things were still in place, though he frowned when he realised there were hardly any designs around her room anymore. He was sure last time he was here there were unfinished projects scattered about everywhere: dresses, hats, almost everything. Now there was nothing.

Strange. Had she stashed them neatly somewhere else? Or – even more astounding and unbelievable – had she given up on designing? It would be such a shame if she had. Marinette had such extraordinary talent. Maybe as Adrien he could offer her a job…that was…just as soon as he could force himself outside as Adrien.

That’s when Chat Noir noticed small pieces of paper scattered around her bedroom floor, most of it was piled by her desk. Curious, Chat got up and had a look, picking up the largest piece he would find. It looked like some sort of application form. What was Marinette doing tearing these things up? Her behaviour just got weirder and weirder.

The door to her room opened again, and Marinette walked back in wearing pyjamas and a robe on top. Her dark hair was now wrapped in a towel, and she let out a shriek when she saw that he was still in her room.

He casually waved at her, smirking at her response. She was just too much fun to mess with.

“What are you still doing here?!” Marinette hissed. “I told you to leave!”

“Yeah, you did. But I decided not to listen.”

Marinette glared at him. “If getting under people’s skin was a career, you’d be a millionaire by now.”

Chat Noir chuckled. Little did she know, he was a millionaire. Just not from that.

“What’s all this paper?” Chat asked curiously, gesturing around him.

“Don’t think you can change the subject. I want you to leave.”

“I _might_ consider leaving if you answer my question,” Chat teased, grinning at her.

“You’re insane!”

Chat rolled his eyes. “So everybody keeps saying. Give a cat a bad name. Though I’m sure _you_ could give my reputation a run for its money with the way you acted today.”

Marinette bit her lip and looked away. It looked like she was trying with every fibre of her being to keep herself calm in that moment.

Chat watched her, waiting for a response before he sighed and closed his eyes. “Look, you don’t have to tell me what’s got you acting all weird. Trust me, I know how hard these things can be to talk about. Just don’t keep going out at night…or destroy anymore statues. Because next time…I might not feel like being as nice.”

He knew he was clinging onto the edge of oblivion. He knew he was a ticking time bomb. It wouldn’t be long now before his sanity slipped completely. No matter how hard he fought, Chat knew he was fighting a losing battle. Soon, he wouldn’t have enough energy left in him to hang on, and when that happened…Paris would never be safe again. Hawkmoth would likely be a school yard bully compared to him.

Part of him felt like he wouldn’t do anything to harm Marinette. It was as if there was some invisible force shield around her, warping his mind, causing him to be strangely infatuated with her, protecting her from harm. He just wasn’t sure whether that could withstand his slip into the unknown. Marinette certainly wasn’t helping that fact either by constantly provoking him and being out late at night. It was as if the stupid girl had a death wish.

He looked back up to see that Marinette was staring at him with wide eyes before she frowned when their eyes met. Chat Noir shot her a confused look in response.  

“Why did you save me?” Marinette asked, narrowing her eyes.

Chat shrugged nonchalantly before picking up a tube of lip-gloss and fiddling with it in his hands. “Felt like it I guess.”

Marinette folded her arms across her chest. “I don’t believe that.”

“Believe what you want,” Chat snapped at her.

“Have I hit a nerve?”

“I’d stop if I were you, princess,” Chat warned menacingly.

“I’ll stop as soon as you leave me alone.”

Chat growled and ran his hands over his face in frustration, trying his hardest to keep himself calm, but it was becoming increasingly difficult. Marinette just had to insist on pushing his buttons. _That’s what made her so fascinating though._

No!

Marinette was right. He did need to leave. He should have been long gone at this point.

So, why wasn’t he?

He needed to make sure Marinette was okay, that she was safe, just like he had failed to do with…no! Marinette wasn’t _her._ The sooner Chat understood that fact, the better. Marinette’s life was none of his business. But if that was the case, then why did she completely dominate his thoughts? Every inch of his brain, there was nothing but Marinette.

What sort of spell had she put on him? It made his heart pulsate painfully in his chest as it tried to re-start itself after being dead and unused in so long. The hole _she_ had left in his chest began to throb. Chat found himself having to grab hold of Marinette’s desk for balance and he clutched hold of his head as it felt like it was beginning to snap.

“Chat?” Marinette asked, her voice shaking slightly.

“What are you doing to me, princess?” Chat demanded in a crazed tone, running his hands through his hair as his breathing became laboured.

He felt it. His last finger was clinging onto the edge of the abyss of insanity. Marinette had done this to him. The way she talked, the way she looked, the way she moved, it was just like _her!_ But yet, Marinette still managed to maintain her own unique charm and feistiness. She was so much fun. She was so different. So…enticing…

“What am _I_ doing to _you?_ ” Marinette repeated incredulously.

Chat Noir stared at her, and there must have been something in his expression as Marinette automatically took a step back.

She was afraid.

Good. She should be.

Chat Noir had no idea what was happening to him right now. Was this him finally falling into the abyss? He wasn’t sure, but he felt like he was falling into s _omething._ Only this time, he was dragging Marinette down with him, clinging to her like a lifeline. She was so warm in his arms. She had shown him a brief moment of kindness by the river. She had genuinely thanked him. The old Marinette was still in there somewhere. Maybe he could attempt to bring the old Marinette back out of her. In return, he could satisfy this strange urge to be near her, to watch her, to protect her from everything in the world.

For once, he could succeed in a mission. He wouldn’t fail this time. Marinette would be his to watch over. She could be someone who could be as close as Chat Noir could get to his lady.

Marinette frowned at him when he didn’t respond, continuing only to stare at her. “You need to leave.”  

“No,” Chat Noir simply responded, panicking at the thought of being away from her.

Marinette stormed towards him, standing on her tip-toes to look him in the eye, her expression nothing but pure hatred and disgust. “Thank you for saving me, but I would really appreciate it if you left me alone and never came back.”

Chat Noir didn’t move.

“Don’t you have a city to terrorise? Another Ladybug to betray?”

_Snap._

Chat’s eyes widened, and his pupils dilated into incredibly narrow slits. His whole body became tense, and soon, without realising, he had grabbed hold of Marinette and pushed her tightly against the wall, pressing her against it with his body. Marinette gasped and leaned her head away from him as best as she could, glaring at him. This girl was making his life even more of a living hell than it already was. He smirked down at her and leaned towards her to whisper in her ear.

“What did I say about stopping what you were doing?” Chat hissed.

“You don’t scare me,” Marinette insisted, “if anything, I pity you. You used to be an amazing hero…an amazing friend, and now look at you. If Ladybug was alive, she’d be disgusted with you… _take it from me._ ”

Chat growled loudly. “You don’t know anything about her.”

“And you do?” Marinette questioned. “She was a superhero with a secret identity. Ladybug wasn’t the real her. The real girl was behind the mask, yet no one seems to care about her. Not even you. So tell me…what was her favourite colour? Her favourite food? What were her hopes, her dreams, her aspirations, her likes, her dislikes, her fears?”

Chat Noir stared at her.

Marinette frowned. “Exactly.”

“I know,” Chat began, “I know that when she smiled, she could light up the entire room. I know that deep down, she doubted herself as a hero, but always put on a brave face for the sake of Paris. I know that she cared a lot about other people. She respected everyone and gave everyone a chance. She was the bravest and most intelligent person I have ever met. She was…she was amazing…” he trailed off with a small smile on his face. It felt weirdly good to get all of that off his chest to someone.

Marinette swallowed and stared at him with wide eyes.

Chat Noir turned back to look at her, his genuine smile once again replaced by a playful smirk. “You’re fun to play with, Marinette. You bring something out of me that no one has in long time. You’re a magnet for trouble, and this time I will succeed where I failed before.”

“W-what are you talking about?” She still sounded as though she was in shock.

“You’ve totally consumed me, _purrincess,_ ” Chat Noir purred into her ear. “You’re all I can think about right now, whether you like it or not.”

Marinette cringed and forced her arms up to try and push him away from her. She succeeded a little, and Chat Noir backed off slightly, but he easily grabbed hold of her arms, holding them still in his strong grip.

“Why?” Marinette demanded, trying to yank her arms out of his grip.

Chat smirked. “Because you’re so much fun.”

Marinette shook her head before mustering up the most intimidating glare she could managed. It didn’t work; Chat Noir merely laughed at her.

“Get out!” Marinette screamed at him, thrashing about even more in his grip.

Chat Noir laughed again before he let go of her. Marinette instantly backed away from him, her back colliding with her bedroom wall as she tried to put as much space between them as possible. Chat Noir slowly backed away from her with a devious smirk on his face before he gracefully bowed.

“As you wish princess.” He chuckled. “But know this little danger magnet: I will always be in the shadows. I _will_ be keeping you safe. I _will_ be watching you.”

Marinette looked completely freaked out, and with one final chuckle at her facial expression, Chat Noir jumped up and exited through the door that led to her balcony. Chat Noir glanced back one last time before he extended his baton and began flying over the rooftops of Paris again, ready to go on the hunt.

However, little did Chat Noir know, a certain sly fox hero was watching him with narrowed, suspicious eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since next Tuesday (the day I typically update this story) is Christmas Day, the next update will actually be three days after on the Friday. If you celebrate Christmas or any other winter holiday, I hope you enjoy the holiday season, and to those that don't, I hope you have a fantastic week.


	6. Cruel Illusions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the kudos, comments and bookmarks! It really means a lot to me. The update day for this story will now be Friday. I hope you guys all have an amazing new year!

The further he ran and leapt away from her, the more the gaping hole in Chat Noir’s chest seemed to pulsate and throb. As he continued to leap from one roof to another, he brought a hand up to clutch at his chest, hoping in vain that it would somehow sooth the pain.

Why was he feeling like this?

Marinette was nothing to him. It was like something powerful and dark had overcome him in Marinette’s room. She was stomping on the fingers that helped prevent him from falling into oblivion. He should hate her…he did hate her…didn’t he? It felt like the fabric of his mind had been torn, his already unstable mind becoming even more fragmented.

Like flesh eating bacteria, images of Marinette poured into the wound of his mind, infecting it, and festering in every inch of his brain, eating away at him. Once again, it felt like there was an invisible rope tied to him. A metal hook was wrapped around the end, inserting itself into the void of his chest and painfully latching onto his dead, withered heart. It pulled, and it pulled, and Chat Noir wanted to listen. He wanted to give in and let it yank him back towards Marinette.

He said he would be watching her, and some twisted part of him was telling him to do so. To go back there and never let her out of his sight. Yet the more rational part of his brain was demanding to know why he should care.

However, that rational voice was becoming weaker and quieter. It was barely a whisper over the menacing snarling and roaring that demanded he go back. To be near Marinette. To soothe the aching.

But what was so special about Marinette? What had she done to him? This urge to protect, the immense fear of failing to do so like he had done with his lady…where had it come from?

He was so drawn to her, it was like she was a powerful magnet. Had he been starved of his lady for so long that the unstable part of his mind had now latched onto a girl who looked and almost acted just like her? Was it because he could almost relate to her?

Marinette had clearly been through a lot and had changed a great deal…just like he had.

She looked almost as broken as he felt. That shouldn’t be right. Marinette had done nothing wrong as far as he knew. She couldn’t have. She was always so sweet and innocent at school. Marinette deserved to be fixed. Chat Noir didn’t. Chat Noir had brought this all on himself and it was a punishment he was willing to accept.

Shaking his head in the hopes of dispelling Marinette from his mind, Chat Noir leapt down from the roof of the building he was running on, down onto the streets in the hopes of finding some prey to release his frustration.

That idea was revealed short lived though, when a small figure dropped to the ground in front of him, catching him slightly off guard before he smirked.

Rena Rouge slowly rose up from her crouched landing position, standing up straight and clutching her flute tightly in her hand. She glared at Chat Noir with narrowed, suspicious eyes. Chat merely continued to smirk at her, folding his arms across his chest as he kept his eyes glued to her every movement.

“Well this is a _purrleasant_ surprise.” Chat chuckled. “My little fox friend trying to chase my tail again.”

“I am no friend of yours!” Rena Rouge snapped.

“Touchy touchy.” Chat’s chuckle morphed into unhinged laughter.

“I’ll be touchy thumpy in a minute.” The fox hero gripped her flute with both hands, crouching, ready for a fight.

“So what do I owe the pleasure this fine evening? Oh no no no, wait!” Chat giggled like an excited child. “You want me to hand over my miraculous.”

Rena Rouge smirked. “Got it in one, alley cat.”

Chat Noir pretended to think.

“Nah, I don’t really feel like it,” he replied as he began to slowly circle her, his cat-like green eyes glowing ominously in the darkened, deserted Parisian street. His footsteps as he paced around his foe echoed all the way down the street.

Rena Rouge remained stiff and calm, her hazel eyes following his every move as he continued to circle her. Chat had to admit that he admired how brave Rena Rouge had become. A few years ago, she nearly fell to pieces at the sight of him, unsure and inexperienced as a hero, taken off guard by just how much Chat Noir had changed. Scaring her like that had often worked to Chat’s advantage, but now it worked less and less.

“So where’s the rest of your gang?” Chat inquired, still circling her.

“It’s just me tonight.” Rena Rouge glared at him. “Though you haven’t exactly been on your own most of the night, have you?”

This caused Chat Noir to freeze in place. He narrowed his eyes at her suspiciously.

“What are you talking about?”

“What were you doing with Marinette?” Rena Rouge demanded, clenching her teeth together as her glare turned more menacing.

Chat Noir remained unintimidated, though he was caught off guard by the fox hero’s question. How did she know that he had spent most of the night with Marinette?

That thought caused a growl to rumble deep in his chest. Rena Rouge had been near Marinette. She had been watching them both. Spying on them. Spying on Marinette. His thoughts went wild. It was like a ferocious beast was clawing at the cage of his mind, yanking and pushing at the bars, desperate to break free and sink its claws and teeth into Rena Rouge for daring to do such a thing to his princess.

“What’s the matter?” Rena Rouge teased. “Cat got your tongue?”

“Shut up!” Chat Noir snarled as he struggled to battle against the less rational part of his mind, against the caged beast within.

Maybe he _should_ unleash it. After all, Rena Rouge had been spying on them. She had been nothing but a thorn in his side since he had begun terrorising Paris. The fox hero definitely more than deserved to face his wrath.  

There was a sane, old part of him that always held him back though. Since his lady’s – it was like his mind had split in half. One half fought for dominance and control over his body, and each side whispered in his ears, giving him opposite advice. Chat Noir wasn’t sure how much longer it would be before his whole body was ripped in half by this. Right now, as he stared at Rena Rouge, he felt like that might very well happen.

“I saw everything, Chat,” Rena Rouge continued.

“So I gathered.”

“You…you saved her.”

Chat said nothing.

“Why?”

Chat Noir crouched down even lower, placing his hands against the cold concrete, ready to pounce. His pupils dilated, and his eyes continued to glow as they followed Rena Rouge’s every movement. The fox hero only took one automatic step back as she kept her glare firmly placed on him. She looked beyond angry, yet there was a curious light in her eyes that Chat Noir didn’t like. She sure was full of questions tonight. It was starting to bore and annoy him.

“Stay away from, Marinette,” Rena Rouge suddenly threatened darkly. “How do you even know her anyway?”

“How do _you_?” Chat Noir retorted, snapping his teeth together to glare at her sinisterly.

Rena Rouge glowered at him.

Chat Noir was far from happy that Rena Rouge seemed to know Marinette. Panicked thoughts began to swirl around in his head like a giant whirlpool, pulling him under and drowning him.

What if Rena Rouge now tried to hide Marinette from him? What if she tried to take her away from him?

No!

He couldn’t let that happen!

In those few moments that they had spent together since seeing each other again after all those years, Chat had already found himself hooked on her. It was like the mere sight of her, her mere presence was like a drug that somehow managed to cover most of the giant hole in his chest, protecting it from the elements, offering him shelter. He needed that! He couldn’t lose that! Rena Rouge would take his Marinette away from him!

“You can’t take her from me!” Chat Noir suddenly growled menacingly.

Rena Rouge blinked. “What?”

Chat Noir began stalking slowly towards her on all fours, and the fox hero slowly backed away for every step forward he took. Her eyes were starting to look slightly confused and panicked, though for the most part, she managed to keep her composure.

_Let’s see if we can break that,_ Chat Noir thought as he smirked to himself.

“If you go anywhere near Marinette, you, little fox, will be _culled._ ”

“And if _you_ go anyway near Marinette, I’ll put your nine lives to the test.”

Chat Noir chuckled humourlessly. “Your threats are almost as bad as your puns.”

Then he leapt at her.

He took immense satisfaction in the fearful sharp inhale she took as he easily had her pinned to the ground. Chat was about to swipe at her with his claws, but Rena Rouge took full advantage of one of her arms now being free. She reached up and punched him as hard as she could across the face. Chat growled as the force knocked him off her, before he rolled a few feet away.

The fox hero swiftly jumped back onto her feet and clutched at her flute, smiling at him in satisfaction.

“That’s for my nose yesterday,” she hissed.

Chat Noir reached a hand up towards his throbbing nose and lightly wiped his finger under it before bringing it away from his face to look at it. The thick blood dripped down between his fingers, trickling down the back of his hand before small little droplets splashed on the ground below him. It felt like his nose was out of place – dislocated perhaps. He never knew Rena Rouge could throw such a good punch.

Chat Noir smirked at her which caused Rena Rouge’s smile to falter slightly. He reached up with both hands and snapped his nose back into place, not once wincing at the pain. That pain was nothing compared to how he felt at the thought of Rena Rouge preventing him from seeing Marinette.

He was going to make sure she didn’t get the chance.

“Big mistake,” Chat growled before he leapt towards her again.

The fox hero just barely managed to dodge him, stumbling backwards before turning around to run down the street. Chat followed, easily catching up with her. Pushing forward again, Chat Noir just missed properly pouncing on her, instead grabbing hold of her leg as she pushed it backwards to sprint away.

He gripped her limb tightly, and Rena Rouge yelped as she was tripped over. Her body collided with the ground with a loud thud, and her second of disorientation allowed Chat Noir to easily climb over her. He pinned her legs down with the weight of his own, and reached up to pin her arms to the ground. Rena Rouge fought against his vice-like grip, shuffling one of her arms up as she began struggling to reach for the ring on his finger.

“No no no.” Chat chuckled, scolding her lightly as if she was a mere child.

Yanking on her arm, Rena Rouge yelled out in pain as Chat Noir brought her arm around to pin it against her back, keeping his ring out of reach as he kept her other arm pinned down against the road. Not willing to make the same mistake again, Chat slowly brought one of his knees up, letting it hover just above her leg. Rena Rouge kicked with her now free leg, but it wasn’t getting her anywhere. He had her pinned stomach down against the road, rendering her own knees and legs useless against him.

Satisfied she wasn’t going to break free, Chat Noir pinned the arm he hand behind her back with his knee, freeing his hand. Rena Rouge gasped in alarm as he brushed her ponytail out of the way, her red and white hair now sprawled out on the ground next to her. Chat Noir’s grin widened as he reached for her neck, dragging his claws lightly against her dark skin before hooking his fingers around the string of her necklace.

“NO!” Rena Rouge screamed, using the last ounce of her strength to pull the hand which contained her flute towards her. She pressed her lips against her flute and began to play a short tune. Chat Noir ignored it and began to pull on her necklace, ready to rip it off from around her neck.

“Chat Noir!”

He froze.

That voice.

That beautiful, familiar voice.

No!

“Chat Noir!” She called for him again, sounding more pained this time.

He knew it was a trick.

He knew it was an illusion.

And yet…he couldn’t help but bring himself to look up.

The need to see her face, to confirm the source of the voice incinerated every cell in his body, consuming and taking control of his free will. Green eyes met blue eyes. Blue eyes that were surrounded by a red mask, decorated with black spots. Rosy cheeks tinted her living flesh, her dark raven hair, held up in pigtails blew around in the light, night breeze. A bright smile graced her lips as their eyes met, and Chat gasped.

His heart erupted, restarting and thumping erratically in his chest, bringing a feeling of life back into him. Chat’s eyes hungrily traced every inch of her body. She was alive. She was standing right there! Her arms reached out for him, and Chat’s grip on the fox hero below him weakened.

That was all it took.

In the blink of an eye, Ladybug vanished, scattering into tiny atoms to then be blown away by the breeze. Still frozen, Chat Noir suddenly felt all of the oxygen being forcibly expelled from his body by a sharp pressure in his chest. Rena Rouge had reached her arm up to elbow him as hard as she could in the chest.

With both arms now free, the fox hero pushed herself up, sending Chat Noir flying backwards. He grunted as he fell back against the ground before he shook his head to snap himself out of it. His heart once again thudded to an abrupt stop in his chest, once again becoming a dead, useless organ, withering away to nothing more than thin, fragile scraps of muscle. The hole in his chest violently ripped itself open again, the force almost causing Chat Noir to stagger slightly as he stared at Rena Rouge with a cold, dead expression.

Though her miraculous beeped, signalling her time limit, the fox hero barely reacted to it. Instead, she kept her wide, panicked eyes firmly locked on Chat Noir. She knew what she had just done. Chat Noir knew that she knew. But still, that wouldn’t stop him.

“I’LL KILL YOU!” Chat screamed at the top of his lungs, his pained cries echoing throughout the streets of Paris.

Rena Rouge gasped and instantly began running away.

Chat Noir gave chase, his vision becoming blinded by tears as his claws ached to sink into Rena Rouge and make her pay for what she just did. His whole chest felt like it was on fire, and it throbbed as if it was being squeezed to a point where it felt like his ribcage might shatter.

Chat was so blinded and distracted by the pain that he barely noticed Rena Rouge jump up onto a nearby building. When he finally realised, it was too late. Rena Rouge had managed to put enough distance between them for her to disappear from sight.

Chat Noir slowed to a stop, heaving and quivering as he struggled to erase that image from his mind. His lady…smiling at him and opening her arms out for him.

His stomach twisted and entangled itself, and the world around him began to spin. Chat staggered over to the nearest building and leaned against it before he lurched forward and dry heaved, coughing and choking before spitting out nothing but hot stomach acid that burned his throat and nose. There was nothing in him, and once his stomach finally seemed to accept that fact, he was able to stop heaving.

Gasping for air, Chat Noir looked up and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Tears finally spilled over his eyes as he continued to gasp for air. His chest and throat felt tight, as if a large snake had coiled around him, squeezing him, suffocating him. Chat’s fingers and toes tingled as he struggled to get his breathing under control.

His lady…that’s what she could have been like today. She could have been standing right there in front of him today, happy and smiling…maybe even in love with him…if he hadn’t done what he had. He was the reason his lady could not be like that right now…the reason she was… _gone._

Letting out a loud, animalistic scream, Chat Noir pulled his arm back before smashing the window of the small shop he had been leaning against. The alarm immediately began blaring, making Chat Noir’s ears ring but he didn’t care.

_The pain._

He needed to get rid of the pain.

It was too much!

Continuing to scream and yell, Chat Noir began smashing up the entire street. He threw rocks through windows, smashed up shops, and knocked down trees. As his hands been to throb from pain, he switched to using his baton, breaking everything, and causing absolute choas. That was all he was good for, right? He possessed the miraculous of bad luck and destruction, so why not use it to cause what it was meant to cause?

He’d destroyed his own life, destroyed his father, destroyed his mother, destroyed Paris, destroyed everything he had ever believed in…destroyed… _Ladybug._

His whole life was nothing but endless destruction.

Chat Noir weakly smashed one last window before standing still and hunching over to catch his breath. Glass was scattered across the entire street, and alarms blared yet no one dared to show themselves. Not a single civilian or even the police.

They were all terrified of him. As they should be.

Chat Noir…who brought nothing but destruction. It was best that people were scared and stayed away from him. He was a monster. Marinette was right…his lady would be disgusted with him. She would hate him for what he had done…she had hated him that night. The night she… _died…_ her last moments had been filled with nothing but hatred and fear. She died believing that he…

It was all his fault.

Maybe if he had just talked to her before that night, things would have turned out differently. If he hadn’t been so blinded by pride, by rage, and by greed…none of this would have happened. Ladybug would have been here right now, by his side, just like Rena Rouge’s illusion. Except that illusion would have been reality.

Now the pain was all he had left of her.

A small shuffling sound in the distance caused Chat Noir’s ear to twitch, and he instantly snapped out of his self-loathing state. He looked up and glanced around the empty street before the movement of a shadowy figure in the distance caught his attention. A sinister smirk now re-plastered onto his face as he began stalking towards the figure.

As he grew closer, Chat could see that it was a man, and it looked like he had just finished robbing a store. It appeared he was carrying a few expensive items of technology: phones, tablets and a few small laptops. He was dressed all in black, though Chat’s night vision provided the man with very little camouflage.

Chat Noir continued to stalk towards him, the criminal scum not noticing him as he tried his best to walk away carrying handfuls of expensive and fragile equipment which he kept nearly dropping. The man just managed to catch one of the phones before it fell, and that’s when Chat decided to make his presence known.

He began to tut, and the criminal froze.

“Naughty naughty,” Chat Noir taunted, revealing himself from the shadows.

Both Chat and the thief gasped.

“You!” Chat growled as he recognised him as the man who had tried to attack Marinette the previous night.

He actually dared to show his face again at night after what happened? His face was still badly beaten and scratched up, though Chat Noir could still recognise the piece of filth. At the sight of Chat Noir recognising him, the thief dropped all the things he had stolen and began sprinting down the street, screaming for help.

Chat Noir smirked, letting him continue to run and get a head start. He stretched out his arms and cracked his fingers before crouching down and sprinting after him. Chat easily caught up and pounced, digging his claws into the man’s shoulders, making him scream in agony. Chat pushed the man forward, knocking him to the ground, his head cracking against the concrete causing Chat Noir to smirk in satisfaction. Pulling his claws out, Chat grabbed the man by his black sweater and twisted him around so he was facing him. Blood began to pour from a fresh cut on the criminal’s forehead as he struggled to break free from Chat Noir’s grasp.

“I can’t believe you have the nerve to show your face again.” Chat Noir laughed excitedly. “No worries though, I’ve been dying to sink my claws into someone after the night I’ve had, and you’ll do just the trick. At least this time,” Chat Noir leaned down to whisper in his ear, “there’ll be no young girls to save your sorry ass.”

The man screamed. “No, please!”

Without hesitation, Chat Noir punched him in the jaw, hearing the bone crack as his fist connected with it. This man had wanted to hurt Marinette. For that, he would pay. Like he said, Marinette wouldn’t be around to stop him this time. He’d been dying to unleash some of his anger on someone, and seen as Rena Rouge had managed to slip away, this was the next best thing.

At the thought of Rena Rouge, the image of the illusion of _her_ polluted his mind again. That sly, pest of a fox. How dare she do that?! Tonight she may have managed to get away, but next time he would be more prepared, and he would catch her. He would catch her and make her pay for what she did tonight.

Spurred on by those thoughts, Chat Noir smirked down at the criminal scum beneath him, watching happily as the man tried to cower away from him, the side of his jaw starting to turn red and swell up after Chat Noir had punched it so viciously.

Chat ran a claw lightly over the man’s cheek where the previous cut from the night before remained. It looked like the man had tried to stitch it up himself. With a devious smirk, Chat dug the claw of his index finger into the already wounded flesh. The man scream and thrashed around as his wound was re-opened. Chat easily cut through the thin stitches as he dragged his finger down, the flesh feeling like he was cutting through butter.

“Getting sick kicks through stealing and attacking innocent girls in the night,” Chat purred as he tilted his head curiously to one side, pulling his finger out of the now deeper cut on the man’s cheek. Blood stained his black claws, but he didn’t care. In fact, he enjoyed it. This piece of scum was getting nothing less than he deserved.

“What must your mother think of you?” Chat Noir continued to taunt.

“And what would Ladybug think if she was alive right now?”

Chat Noir froze, his eyes widening. Was everyone just actively trying to push his buttons tonight?

One swift punch to the face soon had the man screaming and crying out for help again.

“Care to repeat that?!” Chat Noir snarled as he grabbed the man by the collar of his sweater and pulled him up off the ground slightly so Chat could get right into his face.

“N-no.” The man’s speech was muffled by fear and a now broken jaw.

“Are you sure?!” Chat’s eyes were wild, his pupils large, barely any green iris visible beneath the fiery rage that scolded people with a mere glance. “Because I could have sworn you just said something about an old partner of mine?”

“N-no!”

“No?” Chat repeated, sounding less and less sane. “Are you sure?”

“Y-yes!”

“LIAR!” Chat screamed, his voice echoing and bouncing between the tall buildings surrounding them. “I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE WHO KEEP SECRETS. I DON’T LIKE PEOPLE WHO TELL LIES. IT ONLY ENDS IN FIRE!”

The man looked confused, but continued to try and shrink away from him. As Chat’s obvious grip on sanity slipped, he began to thrash about even more, one hand reaching down, trying to grab something in his pocket. His knife probably, Chat Noir thought. He still retained the cut on his cheek from when he had tried it last night.

Not this time. This time he would make sure he finished what he started.

Growling, Chat Noir swung at him again, punching him across the nose. Blood squirted out, splattering onto the ground next to them and the man cried out again. The cracking sound of the bone and cartilage was music to Chat’s ears. Chat continued to punch and scratch, unleashing most of his anger on that scrap of humanity that had tried to probably do much worse to Marinette the night before.

The sky eventually began to grow lighter. The man had stopped screaming and was now lying limp and unconscious on the ground, covered from head to toe in blood. There was so much blood, his injuries were now barely visible.

Chat Noir stood up, looking down at the body in pure disgust. He then looked towards the rising sun and grimaced. It would be light soon. His kwami would likely be getting slightly tired, as was he. People would be getting up and going about their daily lives soon. Something he would never get to indulge in again – being normal.

Oh, how wonderful that must feel. So many people took normality for granted, and it made him sick. They didn’t know what it was like to live with never ending guilt…never ending trauma and anguish. They didn’t know what it was like to have to constantly battle against their own mind. They didn’t know what it was like to lose that fight. To be totally and utterly consumed with dark feelings of never ending hopelessness and intense anger that could never be quenched.

Chat Noir resented them. He had resented their normal lives when he was a young teenager. Now, he resented them even more.

With a bitter and angry sigh, Chat Noir bent down, gripping the unconscious man’s thick locks of hair before dragging him along the road behind him as he walked. A long trail of blood followed him until he reached a small, nearby police station. Chat Noir easily tossed the man over his shoulder by his hair, and he landed with a loud thump at the main entrance of the police station where the officers unlucky enough to be landed with the night shift were still cowering inside.

“Oops,” Chat Noir said, completely monotone, when he realised that he had thrown the man harder than originally intended.

Satisfied at his little present waiting for the police, Chat Noir extended his baton and began hopping and leaping from rooftop to rooftop, heading home to the day. Once he arrived back at his mansion, he looked around to make sure no one had seen before heading inside. He released his transformation, replacing Chat Noir with a dishevelled looking Adrien Agreste.

Plagg never said a word, and Adrien could feel his bright green eyes watching his every move as he hovered next to him, floating slowly forward as Adrien trudged upstairs towards his bedroom.

Thoughts of Marinette and his lady kept whirling around in his head, battering his mind to the point where it felt like his brain had turned to mush inside his skull. The sight of Rena Rouge’s illusion seemed to have torn his mind apart even more.

Maybe it was best just to let go and fall into oblivion. What was the point in fighting on when you had nothing to fight for? When everyone and everything just seemed to keep kicking you while you were down? If the rest of the universe wasn’t going to make any effort, then why should Adrien?

Finally reaching his room in his large, empty house, Adrien tossed Plagg some cheese without sparing his kwami a glance. Plagg’s loud chewing were the only sounds that filled the room. His eyes felt dry, and his throat still burned and felt sore from his earlier dry heaving. His chest throbbed and pulsating like it always did, and Adrien gripped the gaping hole with his hand as he collapsed onto his bed, burying his face under his sheets and pillows.

Despite closing his eyes, his mind continued to spin. It felt like the whole bed was rotating beneath him, like the Earth was falling to one side, and at any moment, he would be sent sliding to the other side of his room. His tired eyes began to burn, his whole body weak and drained after the night he had endured.

Opening his eyes in the hopes of reassuring his brain that the world wasn’t tilting onto its side, Adrien was shocked to suddenly find himself outside in his garden at night. The whole area was burnt black. The once beautiful green space that surrounded the Agreste mansion had been completely wiped out, replaced with nothing but black soot and hot, white ash. There no stars twinkling above, no moon to shine down and illuminate the area. There was nothing above him but dark clouds – or was it smoke? Everywhere was deserted.

Adrien looked back at his home…or the house he was supposed to call home anyway. It had been burnt to the ground. A few pillars and columns still stuck up from the ground, but most of the walls had disappeared completely. There was nothing left but the foundation. A few swirls of smoke continued to dance into the cold, night air which already felt thick and heavy. Adrien coughed, finding it difficult to breathe.

That’s when he noticed them.

Groups of ladybugs were scattering away from an area that was towards the side of his house, climbing over the debris and ash that covered the ground. With a deep feeling of dread, Adrien couldn’t help but head in the direction the ladybugs were fleeing from. He carefully stepped over them, trying his best not to stand on and squash any of them.

He reached the far side of his mansion, and paused before he stepped around the corner. It was like there was a voice whispering in his ear, begging him not look, not to go around and see what was on the other side.

But he had to know. He had to see. He needed confirmation…

Slowly stepping around the corner, Adrien gasped at the sight, his legs almost giving way beneath him. A body was sprawled out beneath the window of what had been his father’s lair. It was covered in glass, and surrounded by a pool of blood.

Forcing his legs forward, Adrien kept walking closer and closer, feeling his stomach twist into knots, and like his heart was trying to pound its way out of his chest. He felt sick. The red suit that was barely visible beneath the ash and debris gave it away.

“ _No_ ,” Adrien chocked out as he fell to his knees and began pushing debris off her body.

Her body was twisted at an odd angle, parts of her suit had been ripped and burnt, the intense heat of the fire had actually managed to penetrate through the tough material.

The blood…so much blood.

Where the suit had torn, the skin had been singed, leaving nothing but burnt and exposed red muscle.

Adrien pushed the last of the debris away to reveal her face, and at that sight, Adrien stumbled backward and fell over, tripping over a piece of charred wood.

Her mask was gone. Her blue eyes had rolled back into her head. However, instead of the face of Ladybug, or the face of a stranger, it the lifeless face of Marinette.

Adrien screamed and bolted upright in bed, panting and sweating. He was instantly blinded by the bright mid-morning sun shining directly into his room, and he immediately held an arm up to shield his eyes.

Despite the familiar sight of his room around him, the image of the lifeless body of Marinette still lay on the floor in front of him, and Adrien screamed again, pulling his sheets up to cover his eyes. He struggled to catch his breath, too scared to come out from under his sheets like a frightened little child.

No! He couldn’t have lost Marinette as well! Not after everything! He couldn’t have failed her as well!

The minutes ticked by, and Adrien knew that he had to peer out from under his sheets sooner or later. He could hear Plagg snoring from the corner of his room. The birds were chirping outside, and he could hear the sound of traffic on the nearby street. Everything sounded so normal. His house was no longer just charred remains, and the day outside was bright and sunny, no hint of a smoke covered sky.

Very slowly, Adrien peeked his head out, letting his eyes peer over the edges of his sheets, forcing himself with every ounce of his willpower to gaze back down at his bedroom floor.

Marinette’s lifeless body had disappeared.

A dream. It had all just been a dream.

Those thoughts did nothing to calm Adrien’s panicked thoughts though. His mind raced, thinking of every possible harm that could come to Marinette while he wasn’t around to protect her. He wanted – no – _needed_ to see her.

With his mind quickly made up, Adrien leapt out of bed and darted towards Plagg. He picked his little kwami up by his tail and shook him. Plagg grunted in annoyance, but his eyes remained stubbornly closed.

“Plagg!” Adrien yelled desperate. “I need to transform!”

“Night time already?” Plagg stirred, lazily opening one eye.

“No, but there’s something I need to do.”

Plagg looked him up and down. “You’re gonna go after that girl, aren’t you?”

Adrien frowned at him before dropping him back down on the little cushion he slept on. He wasn’t about to justify himself to his lazy, uncaring kwami.

Clenching his fist, Adrien summoned his transformation, much the disgruntlement of his kwami who screamed, yelled and protested the whole time he was being drawn into the ring.

Chat Noir smirked as he stalked towards his bedroom window to gaze out at the city. “Don’t worry, my princess. _I’m coming to find you._ ”


	7. Falling to Pieces

The cool water of the bath blissfully soothed Marinette’s skin as she laid back and closed her eyes. Tiny waves and ripples splashed over her as she continued to just let herself float and relax. With her eyes closed, Marinette felt like she was in the middle of a vast ocean, floating along for what felt like an eternity. She would be more than happy to float here forever.

Nothing could hurt her here.

There would be nothing but an endless floating sensation; peaceful tranquillity. The salty water tingled against her damaged but finally healing skin. Her throat burned slightly from swallowing any and every potion Master Fu forced down her throat. Her body was starting to look like her own again. Her skin was repairing itself at last, her hair was growing back, and she could finally walk around again.

Marinette just wished the same could be said for everything else.

Nothing would ever be the same again.

Ever since she had arrived here, Marinette could barely bring herself to say a word. It felt like she was now living in a never-ending nightmare. Maybe she did die that night. This was a version of hell that had been made especially for her; a punishment for failing the city of Paris. If this _was_ hell, it was certainly doing a good job of torturing her.

Marinette had no idea how long she had been here. Hours. Days. Weeks. Months. Ever since that night, time seemed to almost stand still. She had little to no idea what was going on in the outside world. To be honest, Marinette wasn’t even sure she wanted to know the answer to that question.

Sighing, Marinette sunk herself deeper into the water, just leaving her nose above the surface so she could breathe. Her eyes remained closed, longing to remain floating across that endless ocean which would carry her away from reality.

As tempting as that sounded, Marinette knew she had a job to do. She had to fix the mess that she had allowed to be created. She should have kept a better eye on Chat. Something had clearly been bothering him for days, yet she never pressed him on the issue, just assuming that he would come to her in his own time like he typically did.

Never in a million years did she see it coming.

The endless night terrors were a constant reminder that she hadn’t been smart enough, that she had failed Paris…she had failed Chat.

Why? Why would he do that to her? Why would he betray her after everything that had been through together?

Whispers filled Marinette’s ears, the ghosts of the promises Chat Noir had made to her. The ocean Marinette was floating on turned blood red, and the sky above her turned dark and stormy as waves threatened to pull her under and drown her.

After everything they had been to each other. The way he had held her that night…it never meant anything. He was just reeling her in. It had all been a ploy. A ploy to get his hands on her miraculous.

Marinette could feel her heart shattering into millions of tiny pieces once again at the thought. The vast amounts of questions that whirled around in her mind were starting to make her feel dizzy. But she would get her chance to ask him soon. Master Fu was more than happy with the progress she was making. Now it was only a matter of time.

Opening her eyes once again, Marinette screamed, only for the scream to come out muffed under the water, sending bubbles racing to the surface as she did so. Chat Noir sat on the edge of the bath tub, leering over her and grinning down at her.

Out of reflex, Marinette’s arms reached up to cover her bare chest before she began trying to squirm as far away from him as possible. Chat’s manic grin only widened as he reached out with one hand and placed it on her head.

Marinette noticed what he was doing much too late.

She attempted to suck in a deep breath, accidentally inhaling a mouthful of water instead. As if she had been placed under a vice, Marinette’s throat squeezed itself shut as water entered her lungs. Her vision went blurry, and her arms thrashed around attempting to grip onto the hand that Chat Noir still had placed on her head, forcing her down under the water. Panic completely engulfed Marinette. No longer did she care about covering her nude body, instead, she began scratching and clawing at Chat Noir’s arm in the hopes of making him let go. Her nails barely made a dent in Chat’s tough leather suit as he continued to hold her under.

Marinette’s vision began to blur even more. Her head began pounding as it became starved of oxygen, and Marinette’s attack on Chat Noir’s arm grew weaker and weaker. Her throat and lungs burned as if they had been rubbed against sandpaper.

This was it.

Chat Noir had returned to finish what he had started. It seemed he might have succeeded as Marinette’s body involuntarily tried to gasp for air, filling her lungs with even more water, and causing her throat to constrict even more painfully. At this, her eyes began drifting closed, and she felt the weight of Chat Noir’s hand leave her head only to feel his fingers softly stroking against her cheek before she felt herself become complete paralysed.

She couldn’t move.

She couldn’t feel.

She was floating in absolute nothingness.

“ _Marinette,_ ” a soft voice gently called.

Marinette’s eyes snapped open, and she stared up at the dark, smoke clouded sky above her. The air was so thick, it was causing her to choke violently. Sitting up the hopes of clearing her lungs better, Marinette looked around in panic, her fear only growing once she realised where she was: the Agreste mansion. What was left of it anyway. The whole mansion had been burnt to the ground, leaving nothing but ashes and charred remains.

“ _Marinette,_ ” the weak, high pitched voice called again.

“Tikki?” Marinette managed to squeak out.

“ _You’ve given up on me_.”

“No!” Marinette called out, her eyes scanning her surroundings wildly for any sign of her beloved kwami. “Never!”

“ _Everyday I wither away just a little bit more. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on, Marinette._ ”

Tears cascaded down Marinette’s cheeks like vast waterfalls before a violent sob escaped her lips. “I keep trying, Tikki! I’ve tried everything! I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO! YOU THINK YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO’S BROKEN?!”

“ _Broken things can always be fixed._ ”

Clenching her teeth together, Marinette balled her hands into fists by her sides, digging her nails so hard into the palms of her hands she ended up drawing blood. She didn’t care though. This was crazy. She was going crazy. Tikki was gone. Marinette had long accepted the likelihood that her kwami was never coming back. Lost that night along with herself. Balance was lost. Creation had been lost. Now there was nothing but destruction. Endless destruction.

“Not always,” Marinette mumbled in response to Tikki.

“ _Marinette, please don’t give up. You never give up._ ”

Marinette collapsed onto her knees and began sobbing into her hands. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Tikki. This is all my fault.”

“ _Marinette._ ” Tikki’s voice grew more distant, sounding much weaker.

“Tikki!” Marinette screamed. “I love you, Tikki! Please don’t leave me!”

The red kwami’s voice along with her own screams continued to echo around her head as her eyes once again snapped open, coming face to face with the metal railings of her bed. The pillow beneath her was wet, and Marinette brought a hand up to her face to wipe her cheeks. She had been crying in her sleep again.

She’d had a nightmare about Tikki _again._ Although these nightmares were now becoming few and far between, as if Tikki really was getting weaker.

Sitting up, Marinette looked suspiciously over to the drawer of her desk, narrowing her eyes. She stared at it for a while before sighing and wiping the rest of the tears from her cheeks. You would think that after all of these years, Marinette would be used to having nightmares by now. Marinette could not even find peace and refuge in sleep. Her mind had to torment her then as well.

Marinette finally managed to get her bearings slightly, her heart slowing to a steadier rhythm, and her breathing had calmed down at last. The sun shining in through her window felt warm against her face. A few years ago, that sight and feeling would have had Marinette jumping out of bed, excited for the day. She would have grabbed her sketchbook and headed towards the park to draw some ideas for some designs.

That was the old Marinette though.

The hollow shell that had replaced her just stared out of the window apathetically. She had no will to do anything. No energy. It was like there was a heavy weight sat on her shoulders, sapping everything out of her. The bright rays of the sun could not penetrate the dark cloud that constantly hung over her.

Getting over her nightmares, Marinette gasped as the memories of the night before came flooding back, pushing past the weak barriers of her mind, and gushing its way to the forefront, washing her away. Her breathing hitched again, feeling Chat’s warm body pressed against hers again as if he was still there right that very second. The intense, mad, crazed look in his green eyes had her cringing back in fear, wrapping her arms around herself in attempt to control her shivers. Her heart felt like a hand was wrapped tightly around it, squeezing her vital organ, causing her to gasp and splutter.

Chat Noir had saved her. He had taken her home and made sure she was okay, despite her stubborn, hostile protests.

Marinette nearly found herself melting. There were moments when…he almost seemed like his old self. It was sickening, it taunted her, it disgusted her, it…had her longing for the good old days.

Those words he had spoken to her last night. She couldn’t remember the last time she had seen Chat Noir so exposed and vulnerable with the way he talked about Ladybug. He…he really had cared about her. That much hadn’t been a lie. Despite her fear and her anger, his words had in fact deeply touched her once she had calmed down enough when he left. She had never realised that he paid that much attention to her. She knew that he had a crush on her, but she never realised that it had run that deep.

The way he spoke…it was if…it was if he _still_ had feelings…for her.

_No!_

Marinette violently shook her head. If he still truly had feelings for Ladybug, then why did he betray her? Why did he side with Hawkmoth? Why did he try to take her miraculous? He made it perfectly clear that night where his loyalties lay. When you love someone so much, you don’t betray them like that.

The final knife in the stomach had been the moment she plunged to her death. Chat did nothing. Merely watching in shock as she was thrown through the window towards her fiery demise. He hadn’t tried to save her. He just stood there and watched, leaving her for dead. That was all the confirmation Marinette needed.

So what was with the way Chat looked when he thought about Ladybug? Why did he say those things he did? Why did he care about Ladybug’s memory so much? Marinette let out a dry laugh as she could think of only one possible reason why: he felt guilty. The nerve of him. Had his conscience finally caught up with him when the rumours began to spread that Ladybug was dead?

Still, that didn’t quite make sense. Marinette wasn’t quite sure what happened that night after she managed to get away. All she knew was that Hawkmoth’s identity was exposed as Gabriel Agreste. He was found broken, bleeding and insanely mumbling to himself when the police managed to get inside. Gabriel was arrested, tried, and sent to a psychiatric hospital where he remains to this day. Chat Noir had somehow managed to get away.

The thought of Chat Noir sent Marinette into another panicked state as she remember his threat to her last night. The insane sparkle in his eyes as he uttered those frightful words: he would be watching her.

With a gasp at that memory, Marinette flung herself out of bed and pulled her curtains closed, not daring to look outside in case, somewhere, she would find a pair of green cat-like eyes staring at her. Once she had finished closing her curtains, Marinette let out a shaky breath, leaning her back against the wall before slowly sliding down into a foetal position on the floor.

Why did he have to come back into her life? Why did he have to terrorise her this way?

Marinette cursed herself for staying out so late that night. If it hadn’t been for that, none of this would be happening. She never would have encountered Chat Noir again. If she hadn’t stormed out last night, he wouldn’t have become so fixated on her.

That thought had Marinette clasping a hand over her mouth in horror.

Did he know?

Had he somehow figured out who she really was?

Surely not.

If he had, Marinette was petty sure that she would be dead by now. He would hunt down her miraculous and finish what he had failed to do all those years ago. Not that he would be able to achieve the former. How would he have been able to have found out anyway? She gave no indication, and Master Fu had made a promise to her. So it would be almost impossible for anyone to figure out the truth. Marinette had made sure to meticulously cover her tracks.

Relaxing a little at that realisation, Marinette got up and sat on her desk chair, turning her computer on. News headlines immediately bombarded her, all of them about Chat Noir. How another criminal had been badly beaten and dropped off at the police station. How witnesses claimed to have seen Chat Noir and Rena Rouge fighting that night. It looked like Chat Noir had also almost destroyed an entire neighbourhood last night as well. Thankfully, no one seemed to have seen what happened between her and Chat Noir that night though.

Sick and tired of seeing anything that involved her old partner, Marinette switched her computer back off and slouched in her seat. Her ears became oversensitive to every sound around her, wondering if any small thump she heard, or any creak, was Chat Noir landing somewhere on the building to come and find her.

Marinette began to panic, wondering if she had remembered to lock the door to her balcony, however, she was too frozen with fear and paranoia to get up. What if when she went to check he would suddenly reach in and grab her?

“Gah!” Marinette yelped, her heart leaping into her mouth at the sound of a light knocking on her bedroom door.

Words became stuck in her throat as she fearfully stared at the trapdoor that led into her room. Her fingers tightly gripped her desk chair as she kept her startled blue eyes firmly locked on the door.

“Marinette, I know you’re in there,” Alya’s voice called up, “don’t tell me your still asleep?”

Again, Marinette found herself unable to answer, her eyes darting back towards the door of her balcony.

“Well I hope you’re not getting dressed or anything because I’m coming in, girl,” Alya announced before barging in, making Marinette jump slightly.

Alya kicked the door shut behind her before her hazel eyes sheepishly met Marinette’s who was starting at her in shock and annoyance.

“Alya!” Marinette shrieked. 

“I’m sorry, I just…I wanted to apologise for yesterday.” Alya sighed.

“You already did.” Marinette grabbed her phone and waved it.

“You never replied though.”

“I…I got side-tracked.”

Alya’s eyes narrowed. “Side-tracked?”

“Errr, yeah. University applications and all that,” Marinette mumbled, turning away from Alya to lean her elbows against her desk, staring blankly at the wall.

There were a few seconds of heavy silence before Alya spoke again.

“Is there anything you’d like to tell me, Marinette?” Alya asked, a hint of suspicion in her tone.

Marinette turned around to stare at her friend in confusion. “Nooo?”

“Get up to anything else interesting last night?”

Marinette could feel little droplets of sweat forming in her forehead. What exactly was Alya getting at? Had she seen everything that had happened last night? But she couldn’t have. Marinette had seen the news earlier, she was busy fighting Chat Noir as Rena Rouge, so surely she couldn’t have seen. If she had seen, then surely Alya would have come to her defence as Rena Rouge. She wasn’t the type of hero just sit back and watch things play out. She was always quick to jump in; fight first and ask questions later.

“Not really,” Marinette lied awkwardly, “just sorted my applications out and headed straight to bed.”

Alya sighed, relaxing her tense facial expression to stare at Marinette sympathetically. “You know you can tell me anything, right?”

Marinette remained silent.

“I know you’ve had it hard these past few years. I wish I knew why so I could maybe be there for you more, but I do understand if it’s difficult for you to talk about.” Alya moved to lean against Marinette’s desk, directly over the drawer which Marinette watched nervously. “If someone is bothering me, you can tell me, and I’ll help you out.”

Marinette’s mind immediately jumped to Chat Noir, but kept her mouth clamped shut. She would love nothing more than to tell Alya. That would effectively be telling Rena Rouge, then maybe she could provide some sort of protection for her. Chat Noir had threatened that he would be watching her so it would be the perfect trap to capture his miraculous.

Yet something was stopping her, and Marinette couldn’t figure out what it was. Besides, no doubt Chat Noir would catch wind of what was going on. He was smart. Unbelievably smart like he always had been. He would easily figure it out. Marinette would rather it was her that got into trouble with Chat, and not Alya. If anyone was going to get themselves killed in this situation, it should be Marinette.

“No one’s bothering me.” Marinette sighed before letting out a small shriek as Alya opened her curtains.

Alya shot her an odd look. “You can’t keep shutting the world out, Marinette.”

Marinette darted forward and wrestled her curtains out of Alya’s hands before shutting them again. She clung onto the curtains for dear life, panting as her pulse continued to pound in her ears. Alya’s eyes burned holes in the back of Marinette’s head which helped her snap out of it. She slowly released her curtains and sat back down, her face draining of colour as she blankly stared ahead with wide eyes.

Alya rested her hand on Marinette’s desk and was about to say something when she became distracted as she realised she had leaned against a small pile of torn paper. Marinette sighed, knowing what was coming as Alya picked a piece up and tried to read the text that was visible on the small torn pieces.

“Mari…are these…your application forms?” Alya managed to squeak out.

Marinette shrugged. “I did tell you I was sorting them out last night”

“Marinette!”

“What’s the point though, Alya?!” Marinette shrieked, pushing away from her desk and knocking her chair over as she stood up. “I’ve got nothing going for me, so who in their right mind would accept me?! I’ve got no work to show them. I can’t even concentrate on designing anymore so what’s the point?”

“But, girl, you can’t give up on your dreams,” Alya pleaded.

“All my dreams died a long time ago.” Marinette looked down, closing her eyes as a single tear escaped and trickled down her cheek.

Chat Noir had made sure of that.

Alya stepped forward, reaching her hand out to cup Marinette’s cheek and gently wipe the tear away. Marinette reached up, attempting to knock Alya’s hand away but instead, she found herself clinging onto it.

As if sensing what was about to happen, Alya wrapped her arms tightly around Marinette as her best friend began sobbing uncontrollably against her shoulder. Marinette buried her face there, wrapping her arms around Alya, and clinging on as tightly as possible, staining Alya’s shirt with her tears. She didn’t seem to mind though, and just rubbed soothing circles on Marinette’s back, never once saying a word, just making gentle shushing sounds every few minutes.

As she continued to sob, Marinette was terrified that if Alya let go of her, then she might break apart into pieces. Parts of her body would scatter across her bedroom floor, unable to be put back together; the pieces damaged beyond repair.

Finally, like always, Marinette soon ran out of tears to cry, hiccupping and sniffing every so often as her eyes began to dry out. Alya loosened her grip on her friend and pulled back to look at her. Marinette almost yanked on Alya’s arms in an attempt to pull them back around her, terrified of falling to pieces, needing someone to hold her, to keep her together.

Marinette’s terrifying vision didn’t come to fruition though. Her body didn’t break apart into pieces when Alya let go of her. She was still in one piece. Well…physically at least.

“Feeling a bit better after that?” Alya asked, smiling gently at her.

Marinette shrugged. Yes, she did feel better in a sense now that what had been building up for a while had been expelled from her. But Marinette knew how it went by now. The ticking time bomb inside her had just re-started itself, and soon, everything would build up once again. It was a never-ending cycle that Marinette had come to accept at this point.

The sudden sound of Alya’s phone ringing made Marinette jump, and Alya shot her an apologetic look before answering her phone.

“Hey, Nino.”

Marinette pulled her desk chair back up and sat back down, bringing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on them while Alya was busy conversing with Nino. Marinette suddenly didn’t feel so good. It didn’t quite feel like she was ill, it just felt like something was…off. Her gut instinct was suddenly screaming at her, and Marinette couldn’t figure out why. However, she didn’t have much time to ponder this as Alya hung up and came to stand next to her again.

“Is everything okay?” Marinette asked.

“Yeah.” Alya sighed, looking worried. “Seems like you’re not the only one having a bad day. Nino just told me he headed round to see Adrien, but he wouldn’t answer the door.”

“Maybe he’s gone out?”

“Considering he hasn’t left the grounds of his mansion since his father was exposed, I highly doubt that Marinette. Adrien is terrified of going outside,” Alya explained, “and he’s not looking good these days. He’ll barely see me anymore, it’s only Nino he’ll occasionally see. I’m worried about him.”

“That’s awful,” Marinette whispered.

She hadn’t really had much of a chance to properly think about Adrien since everything had happened. He pulled himself out of school and sealed himself away from the world. From what Nino could get out of him, he was deeply ashamed that his father was Hawkmoth, and couldn’t bring himself to leave the house out of fear of being seen by someone. He didn’t want to be associated with his father.

Marinette was deeply worried for Adrien, but this was often overshadowed by her own problems. It had been so long since she had last seen Adrien. Did she still have feelings for him? Marinette wasn’t too sure. She couldn’t bring herself to even think about anything like that anyway. Besides, who would be interested in Marinette now? A damaged shell of her former self, broken beyond repair. No one ever bought the broken item on the shelf, so why would Marinette be any different?

“Anyway, Nino says he’s going to head to some DJ gig instead, so I’m all yours for the day,” Alya smiled.

“Really, Alya, that’s not –”

“So I’m going to look after for you for the day, and look after you I shall.” Alya looked her up and down. “First and foremost, get dressed.” She picked up some clothes and threw them in Marinette’s face. “I can’t take you out wearing your pyjamas.”

“Out?” Marinette gasped as she removed a shirt from her face. “Out where?”

“Girl, we’re going for some retail therapy,” Alya explained excitedly. “You’re in dire need of some fresh air as you’ve been locked in your room for almost the entirety of the school break. I’ll treat you to some lunch and we can go shopping.”

“But –”

“No buts.”

Marinette growled. Was there even any point in arguing with her? Alya always won. Marinette really didn’t want to go out and do anything today. Especially with Chat Noir’s threat constantly at the back of her mind.

Maybe it had been an empty threat though? How could Chat Noir go around at night hunting criminals, and then spy on her during the day? It didn’t exactly seem feasible. Maybe he had just said it to scare her. Why would Chat Noir obsess over her anyway? She was nothing special. If he didn’t know that she was Ladybug, then why would he have a need to spy on her and keep watch? Besides, if he was telling the truth, what harm could he do to her in public? It was the middle of the day, and Marinette would be in crowded public places. There was no way he could do anything.

Alya left the room to give Marinette some privacy to get changed. Once Marinette was ready, she slowly made her way downstairs, her parents clearly tried to act natural, despite the obvious shock on their faces. Alya smiled as Marinette reached the bottom of the stairs, gripping her purse nervously as she struggled to think of something to say.

“Much better.” Alya nodded in approval before wrapping her arms around Marinette’s shoulders and leading her towards the front door of her apartment.

“Have fun, sweetheart,” her mother called, and Marinette turned around to offer her a small, brief smile before Alya all but dragged her down the stairs and out of the bakery.

Marinette had almost forgotten how bright it could be when the sun was out during the day. She shielded her eyes as Alya grabbed her arm and dragged her down the street towards some cafés and some stores. Marinette just let Alya guide her, feeling really unsure about doing this. She really wasn’t in the mood, but she knew arguing with Alya would be futile. When Alya was on a mission, there was no stopping her.

However, the uneasy feeling Marinette had in her room suddenly returned, only more forceful this time. Her stomach felt like it dropped all the way down to her feet, and her heart pounded nervously. Instinctively, Marinette gazed up towards the roof of a building on the other side of the street. It was so quick, Marinette wasn’t sure she had seen anything at all, but it looked like a dark figure darted behind one of the chimneys.

Letting out a squeak of fear, Marinette clung to Alya’s arm like a frightened child. Alya offered Marinette a comforting squeeze.

“It’s alright, Mari,” Alya soothed, failing to notice what had Marinette so scared.

Marinette didn’t say a word as she continued to cling to Alya. Marinette could feel it now. That unmistakable sensation of being watched. Her instincts were screaming at her to run, but she had nowhere to run to. It would only raise Alya’s suspicions, and provide Chat Noir with this so called ‘fun’ that he was after. Marinette was sure that Chat Noir would find nothing more fun than chasing her through the streets of Paris.

But then what? If Marinette hid from him, he would only find her and make her more of an easy target. If she ran home, he would just break into her room. She couldn’t make a scene either, she didn’t want the whole of Paris knowing that Chat Noir had seemingly developed some weird obsession with her. That in turn risked exposing Marinette’s own secrets. She had to act natural. She was safe in this crowded place for now. He could watch her all he wanted, Marinette wasn’t going to react to it. That’s what he wanted.

Letting go of Alya’s arm, Marinette walked confidently alongside her which Alya smiled at. Alya then led them towards a small café for some lunch. She sat them both outside much to Marinette’s annoyance, but Alya ignored her friend’s protests, practically forcing Marinette down into a chair, dumping a coffee and a pastry down in front of her.

Alya sat down on the opposite side as Marinette began picking at her food, only occasionally putting a tiny portion in her mouth while she tuned out her best friend’s babbling.

“I’m still annoyed at those false leads on the Ladyblog.”

“Yeah…wait, what?” Marinette nearly choked on her food.

“Those online trolls, haven’t you been listening?” Alya explained in frustration. “People leaving comments saying they know where Ladybug’s grave or her body is, or that they have her miraculous. Some people even try to claim that Ladybug is still alive and that they’ve seen her. I mean, crazy right?”

Marinette chuckled nervously. “Yeah…crazy.”

“It does make you wonder though,” Alya mused.

“It does?”

“I mean, no body has ever been found, and neither has her miraculous, so it makes you wonder…what happened to her? What happened to her miraculous?”

Marinette shrugged, smiling awkwardly. “Search me.”

Alya sighed. “I even attempted to ask Adrien once if any hint of any remains had been found somewhere on or near the mansion. Once I managed to make him stop freaking out, he said nothing was ever found. Not one trace of her. It certainly is strange…and it makes you wonder…” Alya narrowed her eyes.

Marinette chuckled nervously again. “Careful. You’re starting to sound like one of those crackpot online conspiracy theorists.”

Alya laughed before sighing sadly. “You’re right. I guess I’m just being too hopeful. Ladybug would _never_ abandon Paris, or let Chat Noir get away with what he’s doing, so I guess she must really be…gone. Hey, Mari, are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” Marinette squeaked.

“I’ve never seen you go so pale before.”

“I just…I think I might be coming down with something.” She faked a cough.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Alya apologised, “here’s me babbling away about Ladybug again when today is supposed to be about you. I’m really sorry Marinette, it’s just…I miss her.”

“Yeah.” Marinette bit her lip and looked away.

Marinette felt sick to her stomach, unable to look her friend in the eye. Oh, if only Alya knew. Then her best friend would hate her forever. Alya would never be able to understand what happened. Hell, Marinette could barely bring _herself_ to understand the situation.

It was all such a mess.

A mess that Marinette would never be able to get herself out of, and she would have to live with that haunting fact for the rest of her life. Ladybug would always be looming over her, like a sharp knife loosely strapped to the ceiling with Marinette tied down beneath it. At any moment, it could give way, stabbing her, and causing her pain all over again.

Marinette thought Alya would be over it by now. That she would mourn the death of her favourite hero for a few months and then get over her, especially with her own superhero identity to distract her.

But no.

Four years later, and Alya still clung onto Ladybug. She still ran the Ladyblog, and updated it regularly. Though Marinette could never understand why. Ladybug was nothing to celebrate or honour. She had failed in her duty. Why couldn’t the rest of Paris see that? Why couldn’t they see Ladybug for what she really was? Instead, they all had this angelic view of her, as if she could do no wrong, as if she was some sort of saint. It was sickening.

“Are you finished?” Alya asked.

Marinette sighed and looked down at her half-eaten food and barely touched coffee, her stomach twisting at the sight of food and drink. She nodded and got up as Alya did, letting her lead her away from the café and down the street towards the main stores of the area.

Following along silently as Alya continued to chat about something she couldn’t bring herself to pay attention to, Marinette couldn’t shake off that feeling that someone was watching her. Maybe it was Chat. She had thought she’d seen a figure dart behind a chimney. At this point, Marinette might as well have been dragging her stomach along behind her, that’s how much it had dropped. Fear and anger consumed her, though Marinette fought hard not to let it show. She didn’t want to give Chat the satisfaction.

Soon, Alya and Marinette reached a busy point where they could no longer walk side by side. To let other people pass, Marinette ducked behind Alya as they continued walking. Many people who were busy on their phones nearly crashed into Marinette which had her sinking even further behind Alya as they walked past many stores and alleyways.

Something large and warm grabbed hold of Marinette’s arm just as she nearly finished walking by a small, tight alleyway between two stores. Marinette was about to involuntarily yelp and yank her arm away from the creepy stranger who dared to do this to her, when she was suddenly pulled backwards and into the dark alley.

A leather covered hand clamped itself over her mouth, preventing her from screaming. Another arm snaked its way around her waist as her back was pressed tightly against a broad chest, completely restricting her movement no matter how much she tried to angrily and fearfully thrash around.

Marinette looked up at her attacker, her screams once again muffled by the large hand over her mouth as blue eyes met glowing green ones.

A deep purring sound vibrated in Chat’s chest against her back, causing Marinette to freeze in place as her captor leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Hello again, my princess. I’ve missed you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh dear. What does this mean for Marinette? Thank you so much for all of your kudos, comments and bookmarks! I really appreciate it, and feel free to keep them coming!


	8. Raging Inferno

Marinette held her breath, not daring to move after hearing Chat Noir’s deranged voice whispering in her ear. His purring continued to vibrate against her back as she stared straight ahead at the opposite wall of the alley, unable to bring herself to look at him. He kept her pinned against his chest, and Marinette had to fight off the urge to vomit at being so close to him after everything he had done. His arm remained wrapped around her waist, and Marinette struggled not to shiver, afraid that her disgust would be mistaken for fear which would likely only spur him on even more.

“I’ve been worried about you all morning, my princess,” he whispered in her ear as he kept his other hand firmly pressed against her mouth.

Desperate to get away, Marinette began thrashing against his hold again, but it was like Chat Noir was made out of titanium. She could barely get him to budge even slightly. His grip tightened on her like a boa constrictor, not leaving her much room to breathe. Her head was beginning to pound, and her heart rate skyrocketed in her chest, pumping adrenaline throughout her body. This was just like how she used to feel when she was Ladybug. Captured by an akumatized villain, her miraculous there for the taking, all the while fear coursed through her veins, desperate to get away.

Marinette shook her head, growing even more panicked at that familiar feeling. Chat Noir was all of the reminders that she didn’t need. Ladybug was gone and never coming back. Marinette wanted to bury those memories and never let them surface again. Yet Chat Noir seemed to be thwarting her efforts at every turn.

Snapping out of her thoughts, Chat Noir leaned his face closer to hers, and Marinette let out a squeak that was muffled by his hand. Marinette thrashed harder as it felt like Chat was pressing his nose into her hair, and she felt his intake of breath against the skin of her neck.

What on earth was he doing?! As well as turning into a villain, had he also morphed into some sort of creep?

“You even smell like her…” Chat noted in a harsh whisper. “I don’t understand…”

Marinette squeezed her eyes tightly closed, feeling tears welling up in her eyes, willing them not to fall. A deep, sinking, foreboding feeling consumed her like a tall, violent wave was pulling her under, dragging her to the crushing depths of the ocean.

Ladybug’s head abruptly looked up from the roof she was standing on in alarm. Her blue eyes widened, and she almost stumbled back slightly at the sudden sensation that overcame her. Her instincts were screaming at her, the words of her subconscious unintelligible as it flailed around, yelling incoherently.

Something was wrong.

Very very very wrong.

But Ladybug couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Was an akuma about to attack? It had been quiet these past few weeks, so maybe they were due for one? Maybe she was on edge because Hawkmoth was being so quiet lately? It certainly wasn’t sitting right with her that Hawkmoth seemed to have disappeared off the face of the Earth at the moment.

Yet it didn’t feel like that was reason Ladybug suddenly felt incredibly on edge. This was something much bigger. Every part of her suddenly felt like it was on high alert. Alarms were blaring in her head, begging her to run, to escape and never look back. But why? Where the hell had that feeling come from?

“Everything alright, my lady?” Chat Noir asked, noticing Ladybug’s sudden change in position and facial expression.

“I…I’m fine. I think?” Ladybug frowned before looking back at the view of Paris in front of them, both of them keeping an eye on the city.

The setting sun felt warm against Ladybug’s face. The Eiffel Tower was beginning to light up ahead of them, putting on a spectacular display, sparkling like a beautiful beacon in the middle of the vast city. Ladybug studied each individual sparkle, hoping to keep her mind distracted from the terrifying feeling she was getting in her gut.

“You _think?_ ” Chat Noir repeated, not buying it.

“It’s just…I’ve got a funny feeling,” Ladybug tried to explain.

“Funny how?” Chat frowned.

Ladybug turned to look at him with a worried expression. “Like something bad is going to happen.”

Chat Noir looked away from her, staring out into the city with a deep, pained frown on his face. It looked like he was trying to solve a difficult equation in his head, and if he got the question wrong, he would be electrocuted. Staring at Chat, the alarms continued to blare loudly in her mind, almost deafening her.

Was something wrong with Chat? He had been acting strange lately. No, surely it wasn’t something to do with Chat. He could never do anything that would cause her instincts to react like this. He was her partner, her best friend. Maybe it was some sort of false alarm like the time she had been so sure that Gabriel Agreste was Hawkmoth. She had been wrong then, so she was likely wrong about this. Maybe his strange behaviour was just freaking her out or something. Chat just probably had a lot on his mind like he sometimes did.

“Anyway, I should be asking you that question.” Ladybug smiled gently at him. “Are you okay? You’ve been seeming kinda distant lately, like you have something on your mind?”

Chat Noir sighed, clenching his hands into fists.

“It doesn’t matter.” His tone seemed a lot harsher than usual.

“Well, it clearly does if it’s bother you.”

“I said, it doesn’t matter!” Chat snapped as he turned around to glare at her.

Ladybug stared at him with wide eyes, taken aback by his sudden and dramatic mood change. Chat Noir had never snapped at her like that before. This really wasn’t like him. Something was obviously wrong to cause Chat Noir to turn on her like that. He was always so carefree and easy going. What was bothering him so much that it was causing him to act so out of character? Clearly it was something he didn’t want Ladybug pry on. Maybe it was something to do with his civilian life?

Chat then stared at her like a deer caught in headlights and began trembling slightly.

“L-Ladybug…I’m s-sorry, I just…I have a lot on my mind. But that was uncalled for, and I’m so sorry.”

Sighing, Ladybug waved him off. “It’s fine. I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have put too much pressure on you to tell me. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I just wish there was something I could do to make you feel better. Problems in your civilian life I’m guessing?”

“You have no idea,” Chat growled and stared back out towards the city.

“Leading a double life can be difficult.” Ladybug sighed, shifting to stand closer to her partner. “There are times where I struggle to handle it, and it can make my civilian life pretty difficult sometimes. But you know…I wouldn’t give up being Ladybug for the world.” She smiled.

Chat finally turned to face her with a curious expression. “Why?”

“Well, I enjoy saving Paris; I like the fact that I’m doing something good. Not to mention, if I hadn’t have become Ladybug, then I never would have met you.” She beamed at him, her cheeks turning slightly pink.

Chat Noir stared at her in shock before he smiled back. “And now you’re stuck with me.”

Ladybug laughed. “Is that a promise? I can’t imagine myself working with another Chat Noir.”

There was a long pause, and Ladybug began to grow worried before she gasped as Chat Noir suddenly pulled her into a tight, unexpected embrace. After getting over the shock, Ladybug wrapped her arms around him in return, burying her face in his chest, feeling almost…complete.

Ladybug and Chat Noir rarely displayed that much affection with each other, but the times that they did, it always had Ladybug feeling strange. It was part of why she kept her barriers so high with Chat Noir. Whenever he did hold her, she found herself wanting him to never let go. She felt safe. She felt like she was home. Those feelings startled Ladybug beyond belief.

Was this normal? Should she be feeling this way? Ladybug wasn’t sure, and it frightened her. It was the same feelings she got whenever she was around Adrien. But she didn’t have a…crush on both of them…right? That just wasn’t possible.

“I promise.” Chat whispering in her ear interrupted her thoughts.

His tone was so intense and fierce that it made Ladybug jump slightly. He kept his arms wrapped around her, tightening his grip slightly which had Ladybug frowning slightly. What had gotten into him? He’d never embraced her like this before, not even when she had jumped into the mouth of that dinosaur.

_Something’s wrong! Something’s wrong! Something’s wrong!_

Her instincts continued to scream at her, and Ladybug’s whole body tensed up, and she found herself gripping Chat Noir even tighter in fear. He buried his own face in her hair, swaying them back and forth slightly as they continued to stand, wrapped in each other’s arms in what Ladybug felt like was some sort of long goodbye. She didn’t like the vibe it was giving her. Ladybug just wished she could pin-point the source of what had her instincts screaming at her like they were. It had never been this intense before.

“Do you live in a candy factory or something? Because you always smell really nice.” Chat Noir chuckled.

“Errrr, thanks?” Ladybug mumbled, still distracted by the feeling in her gut.

As if sensing this, Chat Noir pulled back, moving to place his hands on her shoulders so that he could look at her. Ladybug stared back in confusion, letting her own arms fall limply against her sides as Chat Noir’s green cat-like eyes felt like they were staring into her very soul. She had never seen him look so determined before. He was always so playful, rarely ever taking his job as a hero that seriously. It was intense that it had Ladybug almost stumbling backwards. Who was this imposter and what had he done with her kitty? She wanted to make that joke but the words became caught in her throat at the intense look in his eyes as he stared at her.

“Do you trust me?” Chat asked her out of the blue.

“Chat, wha –?”

“Do you trust me?” he repeated a little more desperately.

Ladybug frowned suspiciously. “Of course I trust you, kitty. I trust you with my life.”

Chat continued to gaze at her intensely. “And you know that I will never _ever_ let anything happen to you?”

Marinette blinked. The vision of Paris at twilight faded before her eyes, floating up into the sky and breaking up into individual atoms. The sight of the dark alley took its place. Chat’s presence however, didn’t fade. In fact, it remained exactly the same. His hands were firmly placed on her shoulders and he was staring at her intensely, his eyes wide with panic as they scanned every detail of her face.

Remembering where she was and what was happening, Marinette tried to back away, but Chat Noir’s grip on her was too strong. Grabbing hold of his arms, Marinette tried to push them off her and run away. Her efforts were futile though as Chat Noir easily wrapped his arms around her again, restricting almost all of her movements.

“Let me go!” Marinette hissed, staring down the alley at the crowd of people walking by as if nothing was wrong only a few feet away.

“No! I need to know you’re safe!” Chat demanded desperately, sounding almost like his old self.

It spooked Marinette beyond words to hear him talking to her like that. It reminded her so much of how things used to be. How Marinette would do something dangerous or push herself to the limit in order to save Paris, much to the chagrin of Chat Noir who would often watch things fold out. He would scold her afterwards before telling her how amazing she was and demand to know whether she was hurt or if she was safe.

Marinette could feel bile rising up in her throat. It truly was sickening how much he sounded like his old self sometimes. It was like the universe was playing one huge, cruel joke on her. All Marinette had wanted to do was get on with her life as best as she could. Now that Chat Noir had fixated on her, she didn’t seem to be ever getting much chance of that.

“You’re insane!” Marinette shrieked, struggling to free herself.

“Why is it so insane for me to want to protect you, Ladybug?!” Chat Noir yelled back, his eyes sparkling dangerously before he froze at the realisation of what he had just done and said.

Marinette felt her heart come to a complete stop in her chest at Chat Noir’s words.

No.

No no no no!

_He couldn’t know!_

Could he?!

It was impossible!

Chat Noir didn’t even know Master Fu existed, and he had promised her, so it couldn’t have been him that Chat found it out from. No one else knew apart from Master Fu and herself. Could she have accidentally given it away by mistake? Marinette didn’t see that as likely, but she didn’t exactly have the most stable mind at the moment, so maybe she had given it away without realising?

This was it.

She was dead.

Chat Noir was going to kill her.

But at least she would die knowing that Chat would never be able to get his hands on the ladybug miraculous.

“I-I didn’t mean that. I didn’t mean to call you _her_ name,” Chat growled.

“What?” Marinette gasped.

“It’s because of you! You look, act and sound just like her!” Chat’s eyes began to sparkle dangerously again as they looked Marinette up and down in a way that made her feel extremely nervous and uncomfortable.

“Why?! Why are you torturing me like this?!” His fingers dug into her skin as he clung onto her like she was a piece of floating debris in the middle of a stormy ocean.

“Why do you care anyway?” Marinette demanded, glaring at him with all the anger she had kept pent up for years. “You betrayed her, so why does she matter so much to you?”

Chat snarled, and was about to say something when he suddenly froze and his face fell slightly. Marinette found herself trying to automatically lean away as Chat seemed to completely space out for a few moments. So many emotions crossed his face in such a short space of time that Marinette wasn’t able to pick up on any of them.

After a few moments, Chat Noir seemed to snap out of it before baring his teeth at Marinette, leaning close to her face while she did her best to lean away from him. His nose almost touched hers as his fiery gaze bore into her.

“Wait a second…” Chat Noir growled through clenched teeth as he reached up to grab hold of Marinette’s chin, making sure she continued to face him. “How do _you_ know I betrayed Ladybug?”

Marinette swallowed loudly. As much as she didn’t want to and willed her body to stop, she began trembling in fear as Chat Noir kept her gaze locked on his. He was searching her eyes for something, and Marinette had a bad feeling she knew exactly what he was searching for.

Marinette did her best to try and not give anything away through her eyes and body language, but her intense fear was preventing her from doing so. Maybe it would be best if he did find out. Then he could kill her right here and now and it would all be over with. Marinette could finally be at peace.

No! She wasn’t going to die by his hands. She refused to give Chat what he wanted after everything he had done to her.

“There are r-rumours about what happened that night,” Marinette lied, trying to move her chin out of his grip, but he kept a tight hold.

Chat Noir chuckled. “Is that so? Well, you and everyone else can whisper as much as you want, but only I know what _really_ happened that night.”

Marinette frowned in confusion.

“So I would appreciate it if you stopped trying to tip me over the edge, little princess.” He moved his thumb up to gently stroke her cheek. “Even _I_ wouldn’t trust myself around you if I was provoked enough,” he threatened.

“Why can’t you just leave me alone?” Marinette found herself begging.

Chat smirked as he continued to stroke her face. It looked like he wasn’t all there. Like he was half human, half animal, almost completely consumed by his subconscious and his instincts, doing whatever he pleased and whatever suited his survival.

Was this why he had betrayed her? Because he thought Hawkmoth was going to win and he wanted to protect himself? That thought had Ladybug feeling even more worthless as a hero. Even her own partner didn’t trust her abilities enough to protect Paris. She really had never been worthy of being Ladybug.

“Because I _need_ to see you,” Chat purred, devouring her with his eyes.

Marinette squirmed more violently, trying to wiggle herself free while Chat laughed at her attempts.

“You think you can escape me, princess?” Chat laughed, now sounding less like his old self and more like the deranged animal Paris had known for years now. “I’ll always come looking, and I’ll always find you. You’re mine.”

Eyes widened in terror, Marinette froze at how dangerously crazy Chat Noir was sounding. What had happened to him? What had caused him to lose his mind like this? Nothing was making any sense. It was like there were two versions of him, the other friendlier version of him was slowly disappearing, only to be replaced by the monster that now held her in his arms.

“Now come on, we’re leaving,” Chat announced, tightening his grip around her waist.

“WHAT?!” Marinette screamed before Chat Noir clamped a hand across her mouth again, silencing her.

“Sssssh,” he crooned into her ear, “I need to stash you somewhere safe where no one can ever get hold of you and hurt you.” He gently kissed her temple.

Marinette thrashed around as violently as she could, trying to yank her arms free which were pinned to the side of one of Chat Noir’s arms. Stash her? Stash her where?! Chat Noir really had completely lost his mind! Why her?! Why couldn’t he just leave her alone?! Why was he so obsessed with keeping her ‘safe’? None of this was making any sense!

She was beginning to feel dizzy with panic and confusion. Had Alya noticed that she was gone by now? Surely she must have! Marinette desperately needed a way out of this situation.

“Hold on tight.” Chat smirked as he pulled out his baton, ready to extend it and carry them away.

Marinette screamed as loud as could, but it remained muffled by Chat’s hand.

“Marinette!” A familiar voice screamed at them from above.

Chat Noir froze, and both he and Marinette looked up to see something orange and white falling towards them. Rena Rouge landed before them, her face possessing an expression of pure thunder as she stared at Chat Noir.

Marinette felt herself relaxing slightly in relief. Hopefully Rena Rouge would be able to get her out of this. No doubt this situation would raise a lot of awkward questions Marinette didn’t want to answer, but right now she was more concerned with Chat Noir being prevented from carrying her off to some unknown location – practically kidnapping her.

Rena Rouge’s hazel eyes then landed on Marinette, held captive by Chat Noir’s arms, and her face turned to one of pure horror.

“I knew it,” Rena Rouge whispered before yelled, “let her go!”

“You again,” Chat growled.

“I said, let her go, Chat!”

“NO!” Chat clutched Marinette possessively to his chest.

“Don’t make me use force!” Rena Rouge threatened.

“If you hurt Marinette, I’ll kill you!” Chat Noir yelled insanely before smirking. “And I still need to enact my revenge for that little prank you pulled on me last night.”

“No one wants to hurt Marinette, you crazy cat!” Rena Rouge screamed at him.

Chat didn’t budge as he glared menacingly at the fox hero.

Rena Rouge growled before she charged towards Chat Noir, her flute held tightly in her hand. Chat Noir pushed Marinette away from him, though he kept hold of her arm, making sure she didn’t try and escape. Chat Noir extended his baton and held it up as a barrier, however, Rena Rouge managed to duck under it just in time, twisting around to kick Chat Noir in the chest. He lost his grip on Marinette’s arm as he was sent flying backwards into the building behind him, almost entirely breaking through the brick wall. Dust and rubble rained down around them, and Marinette coughed as she tried to back away.

Marinette then screamed when she felt someone grab her before it turned into a sight of relief once she realised it was just Rena Rouge. Within seconds, Rena Rouge had scooped Marinette up into her arms, carrying her bridal style as she backed away from a disorientated Chat Noir as quickly as she could.

“Don’t worry,” Rena Rouge reassured her, “I’ll get you out of here.”

Marinette nodded, clinging onto her shoulders as Rena Rouge was about to leap away from the scene. The fox hero had barely made it a few feet into the air when something grabbed hold of her foot. Rena Rouge and Marinette both yelped as they were pulled back down to the ground. Rena Rouge twisted to land on her back, trying her best to cushion Marinette from the fall. Marinette panicked as she heard the air get knocked out of the fox hero as she slammed against the hard concrete beneath them.

Rena Rouge’s eyes fluttered back open which caused Marinette to sigh with relief before gasping as the fox hero yanked her by the waist, rolling them both to the side as she felt Chat Noir make a grab for her. He narrowly missed, and he growled as he did so; he was losing more and more of himself. Marinette recognised this and began panicking even more.

The fox hero pulled herself back up, dragging Marinette up with her like a rag doll. Rena Rouge pulled Marinette behind her, acting as a human shield as she slowly backed them away from Chat Noir. He extended his baton again, making it act like a barrier between Rena Rouge and Marinette. Easily knocking the fox hero to the side, Chat Noir dove forward and grabbed hold of Marinette’s arm again.

“Your palace awaits, _purrincess._ ” He laughed before bending his knees slightly, ready to take off.

Marinette glared at him before twisting her arm in his grasp so that she was the one who now had hold of him. She grabbed his arm with both hands and twisted it around, pressing it against his back. Chat Noir yelped in surprise, dropping his baton in the process as he tried to use his other hand to free himself. Marinette wrapped her other arm under his free arm, restricting its movement as he tried to grab hold of her again.

“I don’t think so, kitty,” Marinette growled out.

Chat Noir gasped and froze at her words.

“Whoa, Marinette!” Rena Rouge gasped as she pulled herself up again. “Where did you learn to do something like that?!”

Marinette froze. “I…errrr…”

Chat Noir saw his chance and took it. Sensing Marinette’s frozen and loosening grip, he yanked both of his arms free, nearly knocking Marinette over with the force in the process. He grabbed hold of her again though, steading her, and this time, he pinned her to his body so she couldn’t pull any tricks this time.

Marinette yelled and thrashed around as Chat reached down to pick up his baton, pointing it towards Rena Rouge in warning as she looked like she was ready to pounce on him.

“Two against one?” Chat Noir laughed. “That’s hardly fair. I must confess, I’m slightly disappointed in you, princess. I can’t believe you would betray your prince and savour. We’ll discuss it later,” he growled at her before tightening his grip and jumping into the air.

“NO!” Marinette screamed.

Rena Rouge grabbed his leg.

“Let’s see how you like it!” she shouted before pulling him back down with as much force as she could muster.

The force of the landing caused Chat Noir to let go of Marinette, and both of them were sent rolling further down the alley. Marinette crashed into a brick wall, her head colliding painfully with the hard surface as she did so. Her vision blurred slightly as pain shot throughout her scalp. Something warm began to trickle down her neck as Marinette blinked rapidly, forcing her vision to clear to pay attention to what was going on. The ringing in her ears began to quieten down slightly as Rena Rouge stalked towards Chat Noir, who was pushing himself up off the ground, shaking the rubble out of his blond locks.

“I’ll take that!” Rena Rouge bent down to try and take Chat Noir’s miraculous, and Marinette held her breath as she watched.

The fox hero’s fingers came so tantalisingly close to touching the black and green ring on Chat Noir’s finger. Barely a millimetre separated her from taking the miraculous. His identity would be exposed. Paris would finally be safe. Marinette might finally be free.

_Smack!_

Chat Noir had abruptly snapped out of his disorientated state and punched Rena Rouge right across her face. Rena Rouge yelled in pain and stumbled to the side from the force. Blood squirted from her nose before she clutched it with one hand and glared at Chat Noir. He merely winked at her before launching himself at her. Rena Rouge rolled backwards, kicking Chat Noir in the stomach, sending him flying over her where he crashed into a wall again, sending more rubble tumbling down towards them.

Marinette coughed from all the dust as pain shot throughout her head again. What was this stuff that she could feel trickling down her neck? Marinette brought a shaky hand up to touch the back of her neck before pulling it away to look at it. She gasped. Blood. Her whole hand was stained almost completely red.

Pulling out her communicator, Rena Rouge coughed, blood pouring from her nose as she began to speak into it.

“Hello? Carapace, Queen Bee, can anyone hear me? Hello? I need urgent back – _AHHHH!_ ” She screamed in pain as Chat Noir clawed at her face, causing her to drop her flute.

Rena Rouge grabbed hold of Chat Noir’s arms, holding him back as he snarled at her like a wild animal. Marinette whimpered as pain shot through her head again; it felt like it was getting worse.

Upon hearing her whimpers, Chat Noir froze and turned to look at her. He gasped at what he saw as blood began to drip from Marinette’s head onto the concrete ground beneath her. He pushed Rena Rouge away, sending her flying backwards a few feet before he twisted around and rushed towards Marinette, a panic-stricken look on his face.

“Marinette!” Chat Noir cried, reaching out for her, his green eyes completely wild.

Marinette screamed and tried to shuffle away as her vision went slightly blurry again before clearing. However, Chat Noir was soon stopped in his tracks, unable to run forward anymore, his hands almost touching Marinette before he was yanked backwards slightly. Marinette peered around a snarling and beyond angry Chat Noir to see Rena Rouge fighting to keep a hold of his tail and keep him away from Marinette.

“Run Marinette!” Rena Rouge screamed as Chat Noir growled at her. “RUN!”

Not needing to be told again, Marinette stumbled her way to her feet, almost immediately falling down again as the pain in her head began to travel throughout her body. By placing a hand on the ground, Marinette just barely managed to right herself again before she sprinted out of the alley. She could hear Chat Noir and Rena Rouge attacking each other behind her, but Marinette didn’t dare look back in case she fell over and was never able to get back up.

Some citizens gasped at the sight of her as she pushed her way through the crowd of shoppers, blood continuing to drip off her. Her vision blurred again, seeing double of everything before it cleared itself again. Marinette stumbled and pushed her way through the busy street until a few distant screams caught her attention.

Confident that she had blended in with the crowd, Marinette turned around to see Chat Noir leap out of the alley they had just been in, his eyes scanning the crowd desperately as he landed on top of a lamppost. As if he could sense her presence, Chat Noir’s eyes soon found hers and he smirked at her. The way he looked at her…it was like he was a predator and she was his prey.

The crowd instantly began screaming at the sight of him.

“It’s Chat Noir!” somebody yelled.

“What’s he doing out during the day?!”

The screaming crowd instantly began running away from him just as Rena Rouge appeared, distracting Chat Noir long enough for Marinette to turn around and run away with the large crowd. People pushed and shoved each other in their desperate attempts to get away. A normal day had turned into complete chaos. Everyone was screaming, yelling, and crying as they lost loved ones in the panicked crowd that was trying to desperately get away from the scene.

Marinette yelped as a tall man elbowed her in the face, worsening the pain in her head. Some people were pushed, and others collapsed onto the ground to then be trampled on. But Marinette could barely pay attention. Suddenly, it sounded like she was underwater. The screams of the crowd became muffled, and the air around her felt heavy. Her head continued to throb with every frightened beat of her heart. She could still feel blood pouring down her neck, meaning that whatever she had done to her head during the fight in the alleyway, it hadn’t stopped bleeding yet.

Her vision blurred again, only this time, it didn’t clear. An intense dizzying sensation overcame her, and it was like whole planet was suddenly tilting sideways, making Marinette lose her balance.

In what felt like slow motion, Marinette stumbled, her face hitting the back of the woman who was running in front of her before the person behind her stood on the back of her foot, preventing Marinette from going any further forward. Completely losing her balance, Marinette fell to the ground, her hands and knees grazing the concrete below her. Someone ran over her, their feet pushing Marinette further down, rendering her unable to get back up.

Her vision fogged up completely, and the sound of the screaming crowd grew even more distant. Her skin suddenly felt like it was on fire, and Marinette looked up to see shards of glass sticking out of her flesh as her whole body erupted into unimaginable pain. The flames continued to lick her skin, setting her body ablaze. Blisters formed on her skin, immediately popping, sending pus and blood flying everywhere as the flames continued to burn her alive.

Marinette screamed, reaching one hand forward to pull herself along the dirt covered ground. Her exposed arm in front of her was almost completely red and yellow, barely any intact skin left. Smoke choked her lungs, causing her scream to morph into a violent coughing fit. Marinette whimpered as she coughed up blood, pulling her white shirt up to try and protect her face from the fire.

Wait…

Shirt? Why was she in her civilian clothes?

Before she had lost consciousness, she was so sure she had been in her Ladybug attire. Marinette gasped before coughing as that caused her to inhale even more smoke. She weakly reached her other hand up to feel her ears.

Her miraculous was still there.

Relief washed over Marinette for a brief moment before she ran her finger across her earring. She yelped and pulled her finger back as she felt something sharp stab into it.

“Tikki?!” Marinette cried out, continuing to try and pull herself away from the fire.

Luckily, the wall of the Agreste mansion had been destroyed and burnt down by the fire. Marinette pulled herself towards it, shuffling along the ground, screaming as the intense heat singed away her skin, leaving nothing but muscle. She pulled her jacket off and tore it in two before wrapping it around her hands to hopefully help pull her along without burning her hands.

Big mistake.

“ _AHHHHHHH!_ ” Marinette screamed louder than she had even screamed before in pain that she didn’t think was possible to experience.

The flames incinerated the skin of her arms in a matter of seconds, cooking Marinette inside her very own body. She choked again on the smoke before extracting every last ounce of energy she had to pull herself out of this.

Why hadn’t she died? She was so sure when she felt herself hit the ground that she had died. She was ready to die. She had wanted to die.

“TIKKI!” Marinette cried out again, her eyes desperately scanning around her from her kwami.

But Tikki was nowhere in sight. Marinette could barely see anything over the bright pillars of flames and the thick, dark smoke above her. Had Tikki managed to get out? Had the little kwami gone to get help? Marinette couldn’t see her anywhere.

Finally, Marinette managed to pull herself through the gap in the wall. At last, she was away from most of the flames. Yet it still felt like she was trapped in there. Her skin still felt like it was on fire. She continued to bleed out onto the street, her exposed skin stinging incredibly painfully as it touched the dirty concrete beneath her. Marinette coughed and choked, bringing up more blood as she did so. Her breathing came out in short gasps as smoke had polluted her lungs, rendering breathing properly almost impossible. Her vision blurred as the pain became unbearable, as if every cell in her body was on fire.

Reaching forward one last time, Marinette completely collapsed, the last piece of her strength gone. Now all that was left was pain. So much unimaginable pain.

Chat Noir had betrayed her.

He had watched as she was thrown down into the fire below.

He hadn’t come to save her.

Now it was even too late for Marinette to save herself. It was like she could practically feel death leaning over her right now, watching, waiting, ready to take her at any moment.

Marinette had failed. So maybe, this way was best. Maybe she deserved to die.

A dark wall closed in around her vision as she fought to keep her eyes open, but she didn’t have any fight left in her. Marinette could just barely make out what looked like a small figure moving towards her in the distance, closing in on her.

Marinette smiled to herself as thought of all the faces of her loved ones. Alya, her parents…Adrien…

Imagining his smiling face, the feeling of being in his warm embrace, Marinette allowed her eyes to gently close, shrouding her in peaceful darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for comments, kudos and bookmarks! It really helps me keep going, so please feel free to keep them coming. Feedback is always something that is greatly appreciated.


	9. Detached From Reality

_“Marinette.”_

Marinette stumbled around in the darkness, reaching out blindly. Slowly and cautiously taking small steps forward, Marinette shuffled her feet along on the ground in the hopes that she wouldn’t trip and fall. The high-pitched, weak voice that called to her echoed all around her, rendering her unable to make out which direction it was coming from. All around was nothing but a dark void. Empty and black like the furthest reaches of deep space. Had Marinette gone blind? Was this some sort of limbo? Was she…dead?

There was no sound, no smells, and the only thing Marinette could feel was the ground beneath her. It was the only sensation that assured her that she was in fact awake and alert. That and the occasional weak call of her name from an unknown distance. A voice that was normally familiar and comforting to Marinette. It was warm, reassuring and chimed like a clear bell. A voice that so often called to Marinette in her dreams, crying out for her, pleading with her…never letting her forget.

_“Marinette.”_

Breathing in a shaky breath, Marinette took another small step forward, almost feeling herself lose her balance slightly as there was nothing around her to allow herself to get her bearings. It had felt like the voice was getting closer. Her ear had tingled as the sound of her name reached her. The sound caressed her skin, causing her hair to stand on end and a shiver to run down her spine.

Why couldn’t Marinette just be allowed to forget?

_“Marinette.”_

“Tikki?” Marinette’s voice was raspy, rendering her unable to shout.

Her throat felt incredibly dry like it had been rubbed with sandpaper. She suddenly became aware of a dull, throbbing pain at the back of her head. Her limbs felt weak as if they were made of jelly. Marinette forced herself to press on though, trying her best to ignore the painful sensations travelling throughout her body.

_“Please help me, Marinette.”_

“I’m trying!” Marinette called back. “Just tell me where you are!”

_“You know where I am.”_

“Tell me how to help you!”

_“You must fix what is broken.”_

“I don’t understand!” Tears began streaming down Marinette’s face, and she pulled at her hair in frustration.

At this point, it sounded like Tikki was right next to her, talking directly into her ear. But Marinette couldn’t see anything. Nothing but an endless darkness.

Marinette shakily raised her hand and reached out towards the area where it sounded like Tikki’s voice was coming from. Through the empty air, Marinette slowly felt around for her small red kwami. Not once did she come into contact with anything. Around her was nothing but an empty abyss. She was completely alone. Isolated in a never-ending void. Doomed to always reach out for things that were not there. The longing for her faithful kwami would never be quenched.

She was gone.

Likely gone forever.

Marinette had tried everything. But…Tikki was never coming back…

An explosion of aching and longing tore through Marinette’s chest, leaving her body feeling exposed to the elements. It was like someone had reached a hand into her chest and churned her organs up inside her, leaving her there broken and damaged beyond repair. Marinette was unsure how she hadn’t bled to death at this point. Everything was slowly chipping away at her brain, taking a piece of her mind and sanity away with it, leaving the inside of her skull filled with nothing but pink mush that couldn’t function properly as a human being.

Her burns could be healed. The psychical wounds could disappear. But the scars would always be there. Her mind would always remain damaged. There was no cure for the mental wounds that night had left her with. No hope of ever getting better. No hope of ever being normal again.

At those thoughts, the sensation of Tikki floating next to her disappeared. No longer could Marinette hear her sweet, reassuring voice. Now Marinette felt more alone than ever. Tikki was growing weaker, much like herself in some respects. It was all her fault that Tikki was in this mess. Marinette would never forgive herself for what happened to her kwami companion. Her dear friend.

A white light suddenly and gently radiated down towards Marinette, causing her to squint and look up at the source. It shone bright above her, starting off tiny before growing larger and larger and larger…

Marinette’s eyes gently fluttered open before she abruptly closed them again, blinded by the brightness of her surroundings. Everything initially appeared white, burning her eyes as they struggled to adjust, having been shrouded in darkness for so long.

It took a few seconds for Marinette to realise that she was lying down on something soft, though from her chest upwards, she was angled up slightly at what felt like a forty-five degree angle. Her whole body felt heavy, like it was made of lead. She also felt sore and achy, like she had just been run over by a bus, and the dull, throbbing pain in the back of her head continued as it had done in her dream. Much like in her dream, her throat felt like she had swallowed a mouthful of sandpaper, leaving it feeling incredibly dry and scratchy.

Slowly, Marinette allowed her eyes to flutter open again, making sure to give them time to adjust to the bright light. The room around her was mainly white in colour. White ceiling and white walls which were occasionally interrupted by colourful posters warning against flu and other bacteria. The floor, however, was a light blue, reminding Marinette of a hazy sky on a warm summer’s day.

She was alone in the small room, laying down on a large bed with crisp white sheets pulled up over her body. On the footboard at the end of her bed was a small soap dispenser, and plain counter tops were next to her, along with a red emergency button.

A hospital room?

What had happened? What was going on?

Panicking, Marinette looked down at herself to see a large needle sticking out of her hand, wrapped carefully in bandages, keeping it in place. Nothing was connected to it and the needle looked empty. She twisted her hand at every angle, looking at the needle in confusion before she noticed her bare arms. Her bare arms exposing her…

NO!

Gasping, Marinette pulled her sheets up as she realised she had been dressed in a hospital gown, her clothes neatly folded in a chair towards Marinette’s right. Marinette could see the blood staining her white shirt.

Without thinking, keeping her eyes firmly locked on her black jacket, Marinette flung herself out of bed. Her vision blurred, turning slightly red around the edges as it suddenly felt like she was underwater. As that happened, Marinette stumbled forward, reaching her arms out to collapse onto the chair, burying her face in her clothes as she tightly gripped her jacket with her fingers.

Her vision finally cleared, and the dizzying sensation slowly went away, leaving her capable of lifting her head back up and picking up her jacket. Marinette carefully slipped herself inside, making sure not the knock the giant needle sticking out of her hand as she did so. Marinette sighed with relief once she was safely inside, but had the damage already been done? What if someone she knew had seen?

At those thoughts, Marinette’s heart leapt into her throat, almost choking her.

Hearing footsteps echoing down the corridor outside getting closer and closer, Marinette swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat and jumped back into bed, pulling the sheets over herself to hide as much of her body as possible. She grew increasingly uncomfortable and warm in her jacket, but she didn’t care. She needed to keep it on.

The footsteps stopped outside of the door to the room where Marinette was before the door opened. A woman walked in, dressed in doctors’ attire, and carrying a clipboard in her hand which she continued to read, not looking up as she closed the door behind her. Marinette watched her with wide frightened eyes as she approached the bed.

Finally, the doctor looked up and jumped slightly before smiling once she realised that Marinette was awake.

“It’s good to see you wake, Miss Dupain-Cheng.” The doctor smiled, pushing a strand of brunette hair behind her ear.

She looked over the papers on her clipboard again before looking back up and raising a confused eyebrow as the collar of Marinette’s jacket peeked out from behind the sheets she was under.

“I –” Marinette rushed to try and explain.

“Don’t worry,” the doctor continued to smile warmly at her, “we doctors have seen much worse, trust me.”

“It’s not that, it’s just…ha-has anyone else seen? Other than doctors?” Marinette stuttered, afraid of the answer.

Thankfully, the doctor shook her head.

“No one’s been allowed to see you for the time being. I think your parents and a friend of yours are waiting, but we just need to give you another check-up before we let anyone in. It’ll probably be another half an hour before they see you I’m afraid,” the doctor explained before writing something down, biting her lip as she did so.

“Now Miss Dupain-Cheng, can you tell me where you are?”

“A hospital?”

“Very good. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I…” Marinette trailed off as all that came back to her were brief flashes.

Chat Noir grinning at her, pinning her against his body in the alleyway. The moment where Chat Noir had tried to take off with her, rambling insanely about how he needed to stash her away somewhere. Rena Rouge coming to her rescue before yelling at Marinette to run. After that, it was all a blank. Whenever Marinette tried to force herself to remember anything after that, it was like her mind kept hitting a brick wall, preventing her and locking her out from seeing those memories. Obviously something bad had happened for her to end up in hospital. Her whole body continued to ache, and the back of her head kept throbbing painfully.

“A little bit of memory loss is perfectly normal after a head trauma.” The doctor kept writing.

“Head trauma?!” Marinette gasped.

“Oh don’t worry, dear, it’s nothing serious. You just required a few stitches, that’s all,” she explained, “they should dissolve on their own in a few weeks. You got trampled on by the crowd fleeing Chat Noir, Miss Dupain-Cheng. I’m guessing you must have hit your head as you fell. As for the rest of your body, you were quite lucky; just some minor bumps and bruises. You weren’t the only one injured though. The hospitals of Paris have been so busy these past few hours with victims.”

Marinette glanced downwards in shock, taking everything in that the doctor was telling her. Memories of terrified screams filled her mind. The blood covered face of Rena Rouge after Chat Noir had attacked her. The blood that seeped between her own fingers after she had touched the back of her head, wondering what the warm sensation had been.

Wait…Chat Noir…out during the day?! Had…had he been following her…just like he had promised? Was this disaster all Marinette’s fault? If she had stayed inside like she normally did, then none of this would have happened. Or maybe she should have just let Chat Noir take her away. She had no clue what exactly he had wanted to do with her, but at least the citizens of Paris would have been safe. No one would have got hurt in the stampede of frightened civilians, fleeing the terrifying ex-hero in fear for their lives.

“You may regain all your memory, part of your memory or none at all. I’m afraid when it comes to amnesia, all we can do is guess I’m afraid.” The doctor sighed. “Now I just need to assess how severe it is.”

The doctor asked Marinette many questions. What day of the week it was, what month it was, and even the year. She asked Marinette who the current president of France was, who the mayor of Paris was, what school she went to, along with the names of her parents and friends. Marinette managed to answer them all. The doctor was confident that her memory loss only extended to the minutes leading up to her falling unconscious.

Once she was done questioning an exhausted Marinette, the doctor pulled something out from the pocket of her jacket before pointing it at Marinette’s face.

“If you could just keep your eyes on my finger please,” the doctor instructed, holding her finger up.

Marinette did as she was told, jumping slightly as a bright light was shone directly into one of her eyes. Marinette followed her finger any time she moved it, all the while the doctor shone the light into her eyes, assessing her.

“Looking good,” the doctor mumbled to herself before writing everything down on her clipboard before perking up and smiling at Marinette. “You’re doing fine, Miss Dupain-Cheng. You would probably be doing a lot worse if it wasn’t for your guardian angel.”

That caught Marinette’s immediate attention.

“What?”

“The boy who saved you,” the doctor explained. “Apparently he found you and carried you all the way to the hospital. Is he a boyfriend of yours?”

“Boy? What boy? I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Oh.” The doctor frowned. “Well he certainly seemed to care a lot about you. I don’t know who he was, he didn’t leave a name. He wore jeans and a black sweatshirt with the hood up, so I’m afraid I couldn’t tell you what he looked like other than the fact he was tall and thin. He dropped you off here and then he just seemed to disappear.”

Marinette frowned in confusion. Could some random person on the street have saved her? Why would they carry her all that way to the hospital? That must have been quite an arduous journey while carrying her dead weight. Surely it would have been easier to have just sat with her while waiting for an ambulance? And why Marinette? Out of the all the victims of the event, why was she singled out by this one strange boy? It all seemed so weird and unbelievable.

“Anyway,” the doctor said, interrupting Marinette’s deep thoughts, “I need to go and update your records and speak to your parents. I’ll send them in to see you shortly. In the meantime, if something happens, just push that red emergency button next to your bed and a doctor will be with you swiftly.”

Marinette nodded before the doctor turned and walked out of the room. She snuggled down into her sheets, making sure that her jacket was hidden from view so her parents wouldn’t ask her any questions about it. No one she knew had seen, thank goodness. She was beginning to sweat from the heat, but she didn’t care. Instead, she continued to stare up at the ceiling, frowning as she thought of the boy who had seemingly saved her. Who was he? Why didn’t he leave a name? As weird and confusing as the situation was, Marinette would still like to thank him for what he did.

_Tap tap._

Startled, Marinette whipped her head around towards the window on the left side of the hospital room and nearly screamed at the sight of Chat Noir grinning at her from the other side of the glass. Once she had spotted him, her carefully opened the window and climbed inside. His grin faltered as his green eyes took her in laying there on the hospital bed, and something flashed behind his eyes.

“You’re okay,” he gasped out quietly, but Marinette ignored him. Her thoughts were focused on waiting for the appropriate time to reach down and press the emergency button. She didn’t want that crazy cat anywhere near her. All he continued to do was bring nothing but trouble and pain into her life.

Why couldn’t he just leave her alone?!

Unfortunately, it seemed like Chat Noir immediately caught onto what she was trying to do. Faster than a bolt of lightning, he leapt around her bed, swiped hold of the button, and waved it in the air, smirking at her. Marinette gazed at him with wide eyes before glaring at him.

“You weren’t going to tell on little old me, were you, my princess?” Chat pretended to sound upset.

“Give that back,” Marinette demanded flatly, forcing herself to sit up, ignoring the dizzying sensation in her head as she did so.

Chat Noir gasped. “And have the whole world know that the legendary Chat Noir is after you?”

“That’s blackmail!” Marinette hissed.

“Or better yet,” Chat Noir held the button out towards her. “Press it. I _want_ the whole world to know about us. I want everyone who could possibly cause you harm to stay away from you. I want all of Paris to know that you belong to me. No one will dare touch you once they know.”

Marinette felt her breath get caught in her throat and almost choke her.

“You really are completely insane!”

Chat Noir grinned from ear to ear at her, flashing his perfect white teeth which glittered in the bright light of the room. Marinette continued to glare at him, her eyes darting from the button to his face and back again. Her hand twitched, ready to seize the button off him.

If she called for help, the doctors, nurses, and security would likely get hurt. Not to mention, it would give Chat Noir the satisfaction of the whole of Paris knowing. Marinette wasn’t going to give him what he wanted. At those thoughts, Marinette relaxed back down into bed and glared up at the ceiling.

“Good girl,” Chat purred.

“Don’t patronise me,” Marinette hissed and cringed in disgust.

“You’re looking and sounding a lot better,” Chat noted, sounding almost…normal?

This took Marinette by surprise. She dropped her glare and turned to stare at him, and all the while he stared back, his eyes scanning her body, taking every inch of her in. He frowned as he caught sight of her wearing her jacket before he stepped towards her, reaching his arms out to grab it.

“Aren’t you warm in that?”

“NO!” Marinette yelled, shuffling as far away from him as possible, clinging onto her jacket like her life depended on it. “Leave me alone!”

“It was only a suggestion.” Chat rolled his eyes. “No need to go all crazy on me.”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve,” Marinette growled.

“Grape?” Chat Noir grinned, ignoring her comments, holding up some grapes.

“What?”

“I believe it is common practice to bring a hospital patient some grapes.” Chat Noir smiled at her innocently.

Marinette laid there, completely speechless at how utterly insane Chat was behaving. It shouldn’t come as a surprise at this point, yet it always did. There were brief moments where he almost looked and sounded like his old self. Like the Chat Noir she used to know. The playful, cocky, easy going and fun loving boy who would always be by her side as her partner and friend.

It pained her. Mocked her with memories that had her constantly yearning for what was. Yearning for the beautiful and peaceful lie that Chat Noir would always be there for her.

Marinette guessed it really was true that ignorance was bliss. She wanted to rewind time. To go back to where everything was fine and normal. To when she was still an innocent teenager, bumbling about, trying to balance school and her secret identity as one of Paris’ most beloved heroes.

However, Chat still mainly was the insane villain Paris had now forced to become accustomed to. The Chat Noir who now seemed completely detached from reality. The insane Chat Noir who had betrayed her all those years ago and very well nearly caused her demise. The same Chat Noir who was now a plague on her life, serving as a reminder of her failures and the mental scars which refused to heal. Marinette couldn’t afford to start associating Chat Noir with his old self. That would be dangerous beyond words.

Marinette found herself brought out of her thoughts by Chat Noir waving a gape in front of her face, laughing childishly before trying to gently force one into her mouth. Marinette growled and smacked his hand away before folding her arms across her chest, glaring straight ahead, refusing the look at the crazy cat next to her.

“No thanks,” Marinette huffed.

Chat Noir shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

He stabbed one of the grapes with one of his claws before biting it off, chewing slowly as he kept his eyes firmly locked on Marinette.

“Mmm, juicy,” he purred, “want a taste?”

He leaned down towards her, pursing his lips slightly and closing his eyes.

Marinette yelped and pushed his face roughly away from hers while Chat Noir burst out laughing at her reaction.

“Will you just suffocate me with my pillow already and get it over with?” Marinette mumbled with dry sarcasm as Chat Noir continued to laugh.

At her words, Chat Noir abruptly stopped laughing and glared at her. “That’s not funny.”

Marinette grabbed hold of her pillow and pulled it over her face. “I’ve got better things to do than babysit an insane stray cat. Like going home and never coming out of my room again. Because every time I seem to leave my room, stuff like today always happens. It’s so unfair.”

“Who said _you w_ ere babysitting _me?_ ”

“Your childish attitude,” Marinette huffed.

Chat scoffed. “Says the girl whining about how unfair life is.”

Marinette could feel tears welling up in her eyes, ready to spill over at any second. Sobs rose up in her throat, and Marinette pressed her lips tightly together to prevent them from escaping. Hearing his voice. Hearing him talk like this. Bantering with her almost like the old days. It was becoming too much to bear.

How could he have done this to her? Betray her and then keep coming back into her life like this to continuously hurt her with painful reminders. It really was like the universe was playing a cruel joke on her. Fate just had to stick the knife in even more by having Chat Noir not leave her alone.

“Marinette?” Chat’s voice sounded distant.

He easily wrestled the pillow off her and gasped as he caught sight of the tears in her eyes. His own eyes softened, staring at her just like the way he used to stare at Ladybug years ago. Chat Noir thought that she had never noticed him doing it, but she did. It had pained her that she could never return his feelings like that. Marinette had always hoped that Chat Noir would move on. Well…she got her wish alright. He moved on way too far. Siding with Hawkmoth to steal her miraculous – the ultimate betrayal.

Those memories tipped Marinette over the edge. Her grip on reality loosened as those painful memories flashed before her eyes. Her breaths came out in harsh gasps, desperate for air as it felt like a snake was coiling around her throat, squeezing her neck in its vice like grip and preventing her from breathing. Her heart began pounding to the point where it felt like she would go into cardiac arrest. Surely it was impossible for a heart to beat this quickly? She must be having a heart attack or something!

“Hey, shhhh.” Chat climbed into bed next to her, scooping her up into his arms and holding her close to his chest. “Calm down, it’s okay.”

He cuddled her close to him, rubbing soothing circles on her arm as he gripped her tightly.

But Marinette could barely register what was going on. Her eyes remained wide and unblinking as she struggled to breathe. This was it. She was dying. At least, that’s how it felt. The snake around her neck squeezed even tighter, causing Marinette to gasp for even more air. The tips of Marinette’s fingers felt like they were going numb as they tingled from what felt like little pin pricks. Her stomach twisted into tight knots, and Marinette worried that she might be sick. All the while she barely registered Chat Noir rocking her back and forth.

The way he held her tightly. It was just like the way he held her the night before he betrayed her. Instinctively, Marinette breathed in his familiar, intoxicating scent and nuzzled herself against him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

It was him. It was the old Chat. Things were back to the way they used to be. This had all just been one long nightmare. Chat Noir would _never_ betray her. He was her partner. Her best friend. He was here with her right now, holding her and comforting her like normal. Her kitty…

Gradually, the snake that had coiled around Marinette’s neck loosened and she could breathe again. Her heart slowly calmed down, maintaining a steady pace in her chest. As everything calmed, it left Marinette feeling completely and utterly exhausted. The spinning in her mind slowed, sending her crashing back down to reality with a painful bump. Someone was holding her tightly in their lap, and Marinette panicked, remembering everything.

Chat Noir gasped as Marinette pushed him away and all but leapt off his lap like he was infected with a horrible disease that she didn’t want to catch. Being in his arms like that…being so close to him…Marinette felt disgusted with herself. She was supposed to be staying away from Chat Noir as much as possible, not letting him back into her life and letting him embrace her like that.

He was a traitor. He was a monster. He was insane. He was pure evil. Marinette needed to hammer it into her head again that, despite the fact that he might sound like it sometimes, he wasn’t the Chat Noir she used to know.

“My la – princess?” Chat Noir quickly corrected himself, sounding dazed and confused.

Marinette caught his initial error though, and she balled her hands into angry fists, struggling to resist the urge to lash out at him. Was he projecting? Was that what this was _really_ all about? It wasn’t Marinette he was obsessed with, it was Ladybug.

Of course.

Why did she expect anything different?

Marinette knew she needed to push him away and put a stop to this for good. If he was projecting Ladybug onto her, then did that mean he had some suspicions? Marinette couldn’t allow him to find out for sure.

“Please leave,” Marinette commanded, refusing to look at him.

“This again.” Chat Noir chuckled maniacally.

And he was back again.

That gave Marinette all the resolve she needed.

“I said, leave me alone!” Marinette yelled. “Haven’t you caused enough trouble for one day?! All of this happened because of you!” She jabbed a finger into his chest which he caught before he gripped her wrist tightly.

“It happened because of that stupid fox,” Chat growled, “if she hadn’t have interrupted, I would have got you to safety. If she hadn’t been chasing after me and forcing you away, I wouldn’t have had to reveal myself to the crowd. You can’t keep blaming me for all your problems.”

Marinette froze before glaring at him.

“But fine, I’ll leave the room, but this doesn’t mean I’ll be leaving you alone.” He leaned down to whisper in her ear, “far from it, little princess.”

A shiver ran down Marinette’s spine as his words and close proximity sent tingles throughout her entire body. Chat let go of her arm and leaned away from her again before grabbing something he had stored behind him in his leather belt. He pulled out a small, red rose that had yet to bloom, and left it on the counter next to Marinette’s bed. All Marinette could do was watch with wide eyes as he then turned and walked back towards the window. With one final smirk, Chat Noir winked at her before climbing out the window and disappearing from view.

Marinette remained frozen for several more minutes, trying to process what had just happened, but failed to do so. Finally, Marinette managed to shake her head slightly before frowning as she slowly reached towards the rose Chat Noir had left for her. Attached to the green stem with a thin piece of string as a small note folded in half. Curiously, Marinette opened the note to find one word written in black ink from what looked like a fancy, expensive pen.

_Sorry._

Sorry?

 Sorry for what? For treating her like he did? For terrorising her? Terrorising Paris and causing the panic fuelled disaster he had earlier? He had told her a few minutes ago to stop blaming him for everything and now he was apologising? Marinette couldn’t get her head around it. It was like two polar opposite personalities existed inside him, each one battling for dominance.

Marinette looked up to stare out of the window Chat Noir had vanished out of before a knock on the door made her jump. Hastily, Marinette hid the rose under her sheets just in time. The door opened and in walked the same doctor, closely followed by a very determined looking Rena Rouge. Marinette watched them both in confusion, wondering what was going on.

“Miss Dupain-Cheng, Rena Rouge needs to speak with you,” the doctor explained.

“Okay?” Marinette agreed, confused.

“Your parents will be in a moment and your friend Alya said she needed to go outside and make some quick calls to your other friends to let them know that you’re okay.” The doctor then looked to Rena Rouge. “I’ll leave you both to it.”

The doctor left the room, and Marinette gasped as Rena Rouge finally faced her full on. Her face was covered in scratches and she looked in pretty bad shape. Guilt overwhelmed Marinette as she stared at her best friend’s face. She was the reason this happened. Chat Noir was right. She needed to stop blaming him and take responsibility for her own actions. If she had just done what Master Fu had said and done her duty from the beginning then none of this would have happened. Maybe if she had tried harder with Tikki…

“I’m sorry to disturb you and keep you from your friends and family, but this couldn’t wait,” Rena Rouge began formally, leaning on her hands against the footboard of Marinette’s bed.

“What is it?” Marinette asked slightly timidly.

“It’s about Chat Noir. I’ve had my suspicions, but today they were confirmed. It would seem Chat Noir has developed some sort of obsession with you. Though I’m sure that’s no news to you.” Rena Rouge raised an eyebrow at her, daring her to even make an attempt at lying.

Marinette sighed. “Yes.”

“Do you have any idea how or why this started?”

Marinette shook her head.

Rena Rouge ran a hand through her hair in frustration. “None of this is making any sense. The only person who has ever sparked this kind of behaviour in him was…well…Ladybug.”

Marinette cringed at the name.

“So…Chat Noir went crazy after Ladybug died?” Marinette inquired as innocently as possible.

“Yeah.”

“Well…how do you know it wasn’t before Ladybug died that he went crazy?”

Rena Rouge frowned and leaned forward slightly. “Why? Do you know something I don’t?”

“No,” Marinette answered a little too quickly, “I was just wondering.”

“He was perfectly normal…well…as normal as possible after the whole thing had happened. Back when there was still hope that Ladybug would be recovered and that she would be alright. It wasn’t until the city began to lose hope and after the funeral was held that he lost his mind,” the fox hero explained.

Marinette frowned in confusion.

“I wish she was here.” Rena Rouge sighed. “Ladybug would know exactly what to do. She wouldn’t let Chat Noir get away with all of this. She’d seize his miraculous and save the city.” She then looked down sadly. “She’d do a much better job than what I’m currently doing.”

“Don’t think like that!” Marinette gasped. “You’re doing your best, and that’s what’s most important. You give the city hope.”

Rena Rouge’s eyes widened before she smiled and chuckled. “That sounds like something Ladybug would say.”

Marinette gulped.

Rena Rouge then frowned again. “There’s definitely something strange going on. After beginning to look into things, there’s just something about what happened all those years ago that just isn’t adding up. Chat’s strange behaviour now is making me question things even more.”

Marinette bit her lip, praying that Rena Rouge would leave that train of thought alone.

“Anyway,” Rena Rouge said as she smiled again, causing Marinette to let out a breath she didn’t realise she was holding, “thank you for your time. I won’t keep you from your parents any longer. I was just wondering if you knew why Chat Noir was suddenly obsessing over you.”

“If I knew, I’d certainly tell you,” Marinette said.

“I know.” The fox hero sighed. “Stay out of trouble, and I’ll try and get Chat Noir off your back. It doesn’t _seem_ like he might hurt you at the moment. But if he tries to take you away again, just yell and scream and I’ll come running.”

“Thanks, Rena Rouge.” Marinette smiled gratefully.

Rena Rouge nodded before turning around to walk out of the door. After visiting Marinette as her civilian self for appearances sake, she would need to have a word with Queen Bee and Carapace about this whole situation. Not to mention, she definitely felt like she needed to have an urgent talk with Master Fu.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank so much for all of your wonderful comments and for leaving kudos! I'm so happy to see that so many people are enjoying this story and it really inspires me to continue. I hope that you all have a nice week.


	10. Unhinged Desires

The cool night breeze blew gently through Chat Noir’s hair as he stared up at the large full moon above him. The city of Paris was laid out before him, quiet and deserted with nothing but a few lights from buildings to illuminate the city in a dull, yellow glow. The Eiffel Tower’s sparkle was just about visible near the horizon as he remained perched on a tall building, Notre Dame’s silhouette standing tall just to his left. The river Seine flowed as black as night below.

Despite the eerie darkness and silence, Chat Noir felt content, so much so that he leaned back, resting against his hands, enjoying the presence of his lady beside him. Ladybug said nothing, maintaining the silence of the night as she stared up at the moon.

Chat Noir couldn’t resist turning to look at her. His eyes scanned every inch of her perfect body, always unable to keep his eyes away from her for extended periods of time. It was like Ladybug was his sun. Too dangerous to look at, but too powerful and bright to resist. Now that he was looking at her, there was no looking away. Once again he had fallen victim to her strong gravitational pull, for he was a mere humble planet. A dull rock, forever circling her and basking in her light and warmth. Depending on her for life. She was his everything. She was what brought his world to life.

Unable to resist her pull, he shuffled slightly closer towards her to a point where their shoulders were touching. A pleasant shiver travelled from Chat’s shoulder to his brain and to his heart, making it beat faster in his chest. He continued to watch her looking at the moon. A small smile teased her features, her eyes closing, and her cheeks turned pink as she sensed him staring at her.

Chat didn’t care that he had been caught though. His eyes continued to drink in every inch of her being, yearning to reach out and touch her. Clenching his hands into fists under his weight, Chat Noir forced off the urge, terrified of scaring her away. Ladybug wasn’t exactly the best when it came to emotions and demonstrations of affections.

“What are you thinking of?” Chat asked softly, sensing the gears turning in her head.

Ladybug sighed. “Just how I don’t want this night to end. It’s so beautiful out tonight.”

“Yes it is.” Chat smiled at her, still not taking his eyes off her.

Ladybug giggled. “You’re not even paying attention to the night.”

“Why would I want to when you’re sat there?”

A delicate blush coated Ladybug’s cheeks as she bit her lip and continued to look away. Chat Noir didn’t like that. He wanted to see her beautiful blue eyes. He longed for them to look at him the way she looked at him. Desiring nothing more, Chat reached out and gently cupped one of her cheeks with his hand, slowly bring her face around to look at him.

Ladybug relented, still biting her lip, which had Chat craving to know what her lips tasted like. Did she taste just as sweet as she smelled? Chat _needed_ to know. His whole body and ached and longed for her.

Ladybug’s blue eyes twinkled slightly in the moonlight, her facial expression giving very little away as always. In that moment, Chat Noir wished he was Adrien, so he could feel her soft skin beneath his bare hand.

Ladybug licked her lips slightly, bringing his attention back down to them. His burning desire could not be controlled any longer. Completely losing control, Chat Noir found himself slowly leaning down towards her as if his body was on autopilot; he was a slave to his instincts. It felt like the most natural thing in the world to just lean in. He was slightly spurred on by the fact that Ladybug did not lean away. She remained frozen and unmoving next to him. Her eyes fluttered slightly, and a slight dent formed between her eyes in uncertainty.

Still, Chat Noir leaned closer, their lips tantalisingly close as he became completely engulfed in her intoxicating scent.

Whatever ounce of control Chat Noir had left became lost as he drowned in her sweet scent. With one last gasp, he closed the last inch of teasing distance between them, pressing his lips against hers. The kiss was slow and unsure first as Chat Noir tested her. Ladybug responded to the kiss gently and innocently at first, seemingly unsure of what to do. Chat took the lead, moving his lips slowly against hers before reluctantly pulling away, licking his lips in the hopes of a taste. Ladybug did indeed seem to taste as good as she smelled, and it had Chat Noir instantly craving more and more and more. He wanted it all, for always and forever.

Surprisingly, and much to his internal delight, Ladybug seemed to automatically lean forward, silently begging him for more. Chat Noir was more than happy to oblige. With a wild urgency, Chat Noir pressed his lips against Ladybug’s once again, this time more confidently and fiercely. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, pinning her body against his. A shiver went down his spine as Ladybug’s fingers entangled themselves in his messy blond hair. Their lips moulded perfectly together, and soon, Chat Noir couldn’t resist tracing his tongue along them, desperate to taste her some more.

Ladybug whimpered at his actions, and Chat Noir was worried he had gone too far when Ladybug slowly opened her mouth slightly, deepening the kiss and allowing him to explore some more. Kissing Ladybug was better than anything Chat Noir had ever imagined. He explored her mouth hungrily, their tongues blissfully dancing together, unable to get enough of each other.

Much too soon, they needed to break apart for air. They both pulled apart, maintaining only a few inches between them, making sure they weren’t kept apart for too long as they panted, their chests brushing each other’s as they did so.

Once they had enough air, their lips desperately clashed again and they were free to passionately explore each other’s mouths again. Chat Noir moved one hand up to grip her hair, pushing her face even more against his own as he desperately tried to taste every inch of her. She was a drug that he just couldn’t get enough of, longing for the high that the smell of her, the taste of her, the feel of her brought him.

Ladybug pulled back, gasping for air, but Chat Noir refused to be parted from her. He trailed kisses down from her lips down to her neck before nibbling and suckling at her delectable skin. He knew it would leave marks, but he didn’t care. Chat wanted the world to know. Wanted Ladybug to proudly sport the marks he had given her, proclaiming to the whole world that she was his and he was hers. At this new sensation, Ladybug’s back arch slightly and she gasped.

“Chat…” she moaned breathlessly while trembling beneath him.

Chat Noir moved from her neck and back to her lips. Time seemed to stand still. He wasn’t sure how long they had been in passionate embrace with each other. Minutes. Hours. Days. He didn’t care though. Chat Noir could spend an eternity like this, exploring his lady’s body, tasting and worshiping every inch of her. He slowly moved his hand down, tracing every inch of her hourglass waist.

But then something made him stop.

Despite his leather suit he could just about feel something warm staining his hands as he traced her body.

Startled, he broke away from the kiss and glanced down at his hand. Red liquid dripped between his fingers, the little droplets staining the roof beneath them.

Blood.

Where had it come from? Panicked, Chat looked back at his lady’s waist. Her suit was torn and covered in blood. Shards of glass protruded from her skin, piercing her skin like sharp blades. Blood poured from these wounds, but that wasn’t the only thing that had Chat Noir gasping in horror. Patches of Ladybug’s skin appeared to be missing as if someone had attempted to skin her alive. Red muscle was exposed and bleeding out onto the roof and onto his suit, drenching him in hot, red blood. Her skin was gruesomely blistered, the yellow blotches standing out in nothing but an ocean of crimson blood.

His heart leaping into his mouth, and deep feeling of terror forming in his gut, Chat Noir looked up to his lady’s face, scared and horrified over what was going on. Marinette’s bright blue eyes stared back at him, a grimace visible on her face, twisting from one emotion to the next in a concoction of anger, disgust and pain. Chat Noir stared at her, his eyes wide in horror as Marinette leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“You did this to me,” she whispered as the bells of Notre Dame chimed.

“Adrien, wake up!”

“GAH!” Adrien cried out as he was startled awake, sitting bolt upright in the chair he had fallen asleep on.

The living room of the Agreste mansion was dark around him, all of the curtains drawn to keep the outside world away from him. Plagg hovered over him, glaring at him before he began floating slowly away.

“Someone’s at the door,” Plagg explained flatly before zooming off, likely to hide with a stash of cheese.

As his kwami disappeared, the doorbell rang again, this time slightly more aggressively. Adrien frowned, wondering if he should just ignore it and hope that they would go away. He laid back down, allowing his eyes to flutter closed again, feeling completely and utterly exhausted. He reached into his jean pocket and clung onto Ladybug’s ribbon, tears burning in his eyes as memories of his dream came flooding back to him.

It had just been a dream.

Ladybug wasn’t alive. She wasn’t kissing him. She had never loved him like that. She hadn’t been given a chance to develop those feelings. And it was all thanks to him. Adrien moaned in pain at that thought. He would never get to feel those sweet lips against his own now. He would never feel her touch again. Now all that he had left was the never ending pain.

The doorbell rang again. Clearly this person wasn’t going to give up. With a huff, Adrien reluctantly got to his feet before stumbling as a dizzying sensation overcame him. His vision turned red, and purple veins were visible in the corners of his eyes. Adrien groaned and closed his eyes before opening them again. The sensation finally disappeared, and his vision went back to normal.

That was weird.

However, Adrien thought little of it as he trudged his way to the security system. The doorbell rang loudly again causing Adrien to growl. Why couldn’t people just leave him alone?!

Switching on the outside camera, Adrien sighed when he realised it was only Nino. His best friend looked pretty desperate to see him, jumping around outside, trying to get a better look over the fence. Adrien stared at the microphone next to him, debating for a few seconds before he reluctantly switched it on.

“What do you want, Nino?” Adrien asked miserably.

“Ah, Adrien, I knew you were in there, dude. I came by this morning, but you didn’t answer,” Nino explained quickly.

“I was asleep,” Adrien lied, Marinette’s face beginning to intoxicate his mind once again.

Adrien twitched at the thought of her, the unhinged desires within him begging him to just transform now and go and see her. Every second he was away from her was torturous agony, not knowing whether she was safe or not. She had told him to go away, and like a fool, he had listened to her command. It was like he completely lacked free will whenever he was around her, losing what was left of his mind, desperate to keep her safe.

He had no idea what he had been thinking when he tried to steal her away. Being away from her allowed him to clear his head slightly. In that moment, it was like he was looking at Ladybug again, and that time, he was determined to keep her safe and make sure nothing happened to her. Where he would have taken her, he didn’t know. He just knew that he had to get away with her. To be by her side. Being around her made him feel both better and worse at the same time. She unlocked something within him. Something that had long been stashed away and forgotten about.

“Dude…?” Nino’s voice rescued Adrien from the depths of his own mind.

“Sorry, what?”

“I said, can I come in, man? I’ve got some important news,” Nino practically begged.

Adrien sighed before opening the gates. He watched on the screen as Nino practically ran towards the front door. Adrien made sure the gates closed behind his friend before heaving himself up and heading towards the front door. He opened it, allowing a now nervous looking Nino inside. Adrien watched as Nino looked around the mansion, concern on his features, before he nervously looked at Adrien.

“Hey, Adrien, are you okay?” Nino asked slowly.

Adrien felt himself twitching again slightly as his mind once again became distracted by thoughts of Marinette. Was she safe? Had she been released from the hospital yet? Were her parents looking after her properly? Had she gotten his little note?

At that thought, Adrien’s eyes became drawn towards the ink pen on the cabinet next to the main entrance. The pen he had snapped in half after writing that one word on the piece of paper. He had meant that word. He was sorry that for some reason, Marinette had become an obsession of his lately. He wasn’t sure why. But no matter how sorry he was over the whole thing, especially since him stalking her that day had led to her getting injured, he knew he would never be able to stop.

Adrien had little to no energy left to fight the madness within him. He was gripping onto that ledge only by one finger now. Soon it would be too late. Adrien would be gone. At least at the moment he had _some_ semblance of control. But that wouldn’t last much longer. What did he want with Marinette? Adrien wasn’t sure. He just knew that his instincts and subconscious were crying out for her. He _had_ to be near her.

“Adrien!” Nino snapped a finger in front of Adrien’s face, looking more and more panicked.

Adrien shook his head. “Sorry, what were we talking about?”

“I asked if you were okay?” Nino repeated, narrowing his eyes as he examined his best friend’s pale face.

“I’m fine,” Adrien lied again.

He knew he looked like a wreck, and he knew he wasn’t fooling anyone. No longer did he make any effort with his appearance like his father had forced him to do all his life. He just wore simple clothes that felt comfortable. He also only ate when Plagg finally decided to force feed him, so Adrien knew he must have lost an unhealthy amount of weight over the years. In fact, he wasn’t even sure when the last time he showered was. Usually he only did it when Plagg or Nino made a complaint.

The days were such a blur. Every day he would just lay in bed or lounge around on the couch, nothing in the world interested him any longer. It was like he was surrounded by a thick mist that permanently shrouded his world in darkness. Ladybug had been his sun, and she was no longer there to illuminate his world and provide warmth. He had lost the ability to support life.

But with Marinette…he could almost feel some of that warmth again. Adrien was now a rogue planet, starting to feel the gravitational pull of a new sun: Marinette. She was slowly breathing some semblance of life back into him. Maybe that was why he was so desperate to protect her. He had already lost one sun, Adrien certainly wasn’t going to allow himself to lose another.

But what did he feel for Marinette? A dangerous obsession was the obvious answer. But she was just a friend and always had been. He had never really looked twice at her. She was just a quiet, shy girl who used to sit behind him in class. Adrien almost felt guilty. Obsessing over this girl for seemingly no reason. He felt like he was betraying…

Squinting his eyes shut to force the tears back, Adrien turned away from Nino. He opened his eyes again, staring at the large mirror in the main hall of the mansion before his eyes widened in horror. Standing behind him in the mirror, was the reflection of Ladybug. She stared at Adrien through the reflection, her eyes angry and betrayed as she watched him, as if she had read his thoughts.

Screaming, Adrien twisted back around to see nothing but the terrified face of Nino. No sign of Ladybug. Adrien stopped screaming, gasping for air instead as he turned back to look in the mirror, sweat dripping down his forehead as he reached into his pocket to cling to the ribbon again.

Ladybug was gone.

“Ummm…” Nino squeaked, “that didn’t look or sound okay to me, Adrien.”

“I –” Adrien gasped, his eyes still wide as he looked around the room for any sign of Ladybug. “I just thought I saw something.”

“Right,” Nino replied, sounding slightly spooked as he looked at Adrien as if he had suddenly grown an extra head. “Maybe it’s best if you sit down. You look a little ill today.”

“Yeah…sit.” Adrien continued to look around the room, though he tried to be more subtle about it this time, afraid that Nino would start asking questions.

Trying to keep as calm as possible while he internally screamed, Adrien followed Nino back into the living room, both of them collapsing onto the couch.

Nino gave Adrien one last wary look before he cleared his throat to speak. “Did you hear about Chat Noir yesterday?”

“No, what?” Adrien lied, trying to look as innocent as possible while his hands twitched in his lap. Adrien clasped them and unclasped them in a desperate attempt to hide the tremors and twitching from Nino.

“He came out during the day!” Nino exclaimed. “Alya was shopping nearby when it happened, but luckily she’s okay…Marinette on the other hand…remember her?”

Adrien gulped and nodded. The mention of Marinette had him twitching even more. He ran a shaky hand through his hair, trying desperately to contain the feelings bubbling up in his chest again. _Need to see her, need to see her, need to see her,_ his insane, obsessive subconscious kept screaming at him, begging and pleading to get its fix of the girl.

No!

Adrien desperately fought it back, determined not to slip in front of Nino. Then Nino would figure out everything and it would be game over. His miraculous would be taken and he would likely be thrown into the same mental hospital as his father, never to see Marinette again.

_Keep it together,_ Adrien begged himself.

“Yeah.” Adrien tried to sound as normal as possible. “I remember her.”

“Well she got caught in the stampede,” Nino explained, “someone must have hit her head in the process and knocked her unconscious. Apparently some random citizen carried her all the way to hospital. I wish I knew who that guy was so I could thank him. Even though I don’t see her much now, Marinette is still a dear friend to me.”

Adrien’s mouth twitched into a smirk, but he fought it off before frowning in confusion. “How come you don’t see much of Marinette now, I always thought you, her and Alya were close?”

“Yeah, we were, still are I guess.” Nino sighed. “It’s just Marinette hasn’t been herself these last few years. She went away for a while and no one knew where she went. She just said she had stayed with some family in China, but then her story changed to her being on a fashion course. When she got back, her hair had been cut short and…she had just completely changed. She wouldn’t speak to anyone and wouldn’t want to hang out anymore. When she wasn’t in school, she just locked herself in her room. Alya and I have tried to help, but…nothing seemed to work. I think she might be depressed or something.”

“What happened to cause her to change?” Adrien certainly was curious to find out why the once sweet and innocent Marinette had turned into a cynical, damaged shell of her former self. Maybe now was finally his chance as Nino still ventured into the outside world unlike Adrien.

“We don’t know, that’s what has us all so confused.” Nino frowned. “I wish we did know because then maybe we could help her. Marinette’s like a sister to me now and I hate seeing her in so much pain.”

Adrien frowned as well. It must have been something big and bad for Marinette to keep it a secret from her closest friends. Marinette had never really struck Adrien as a big secret keeper. From what he could remember, Marinette had always worn her heart on her sleeve and never really kept her problems to herself. She was always grateful for the help of a friend, and if she had a problem, she fixed it. It was something Adrien had always admired about her. Her confidence, her will power, her desire to always do the right thing. It had always reminded him of…his lady.

“I’m sorry for barging in,” Nino apologised, “I’ve just been so stressed trying to be there for Alya. She was in bits when she found out what happened to Marinette, and I know you have your own issues to deal with and I’m really sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Adrien reassured him, “it distracts me from my own problems.”

Memories of a broken Marinette when she was in hospital began pounding on the inside of his skull. The way she had clung onto him…in a way, Chat Noir had liked that. Being a pillar of comfort for her felt nice. Making her feel better almost made him feel better.

_Almost._

Soon enough, Marinette had quickly retreated back into herself after having given Chat Noir an accidental glimpse of what was going on inside herself. Her pain, as she lay sobbing and quivering in his arms, had reminded him of how he felt every day.

Shaking his head, Adrien repressed a groan as once again the insane side of him began begging and pleading once again to see Marinette; he needed to see that she was okay. What if she was crying on her own right now and he wasn’t there for her?

Losing control of his body for a split second, Adrien stood up, ready to summon Plagg to transform him, but he managed to stop himself just in time. He looked down to see Nino looking up at him in confusion before slowly standing up as well.

“Sorry.” Adrien placed a hand on his forehead and closed his eyes, willing himself to try and get a grip. “I thought I saw something again.”

“It’s okay, I need to get going anyway,” Nino said, “I just wanted to come and see if you were okay and to tell you the news about what happened earlier today.”

“Thanks.” Adrien held back a sigh of relief at the fact that Nino was leaving.

He deeply cared for Nino, but he just didn’t have any energy left in him to maintain friendships anymore. He appreciated that Nino still cared enough to come and check on him, but Adrien felt like Nino was fighting a losing battle at this point. There was nothing anyone could do for Adrien now. Unless they owned a magic wand they would wave and make these last four years disappear and change what happened that night. But Adrien would never be so lucky. This was the never ending nightmare he found himself tormented by.

Feeling slightly guilty over being a terrible friend, Adrien followed Nino towards the front door. As the door opened, Nino stopped as his phone vibrated in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out and checked it, smiling when he read whatever message he had received.

“That’s awesome news! Marinette has been discharged from hospital.”

That caught Adrien’s immediate attention. He tried to make sure to try and act as normal as possible, while on the inside, his stomach was doing excited flips, while the other half of him that he kept buried and hidden away from Nino began begging once again to go and see Marinette. The news that she had been discharged was music to his ears. It meant that she was getting better.

Nino turned back to say goodbye to Adrien before he froze as he caught sight of something on Adrien’s black sweatshirt.

“What’s that?” Nino asked before his eyes widened. “Is that _blood?!_ ”

Adrien looked down and sure enough there was what looked like a dark bloodstain just beneath his shoulder. Marinette’s blood. Feeling sick at the thought, Adrien quickly searched through his brain for an excuse.

“I-I cut myself a few days ago, I didn’t even noticed it had stained,” Adrien lied.

“That looks like a lot of blood for a simple cut. Are you sure you’re okay?” Nino asked, not looking convinced as he narrowed his eyes at the stain.

“It’s fine. Nothing to worry about.” Adrien forced a smile.

Though Nino remained unconvinced, he checked the time on his phone and gasped before quickly giving Adrien a rushed goodbye. Adrien stood at the door, watching as his friend left, once again making sure the gates closed behind him and sealed him away from the world once again. No one could see Adrien. The son of the man – the villain – who had been terrorising Paris for years, akumatizing their loved ones and using them for his own means.

He was deeply ashamed, sickened at the thought of his father’s actions. His father had been the one to deliver the fatal blow on Ladybug. The fatal blow that led to her hurtling out of the window to her death below. His own father had murdered the love of his life in cold blood. And Adrien had let it happen.

With tears forming in his eyes, Adrien once again glanced down at the blood stain on his shoulder. He then glanced down at his hands, blood also staining his black, leather gloves. It stained almost every inch of his body, dripping down his suit and onto the ground beneath him. Smoke choked the air around him, but Chat Noir breathed none of it in as he stood there, unable to breathe over what he had just done.

But now was not the time to dwell on that. His father had gotten what was coming to him. His priority now was finding Ladybug. He needed to make sure she was safe. He needed to explain everything to her. He just hoped it wasn’t too late for her to listen. This whole plan had been a huge mistake.

Stepping out from the mansion, the whole building almost completely burnt to the ground, Chat Noir watched as the firefighters kept fighting the blaze that was now mostly extinguished. Small flames still danced off the charred remains of the ground. The air around him felt hot and dry, while the smoke filled his lungs causing Chat Noir to cough. He was vaguely aware of some police officers running into the house behind him as his eyes scanned the area. Ladybug had to be around here somewhere. Maybe she was helping the emergency services? Or worse, what if she was injured from her fall?

Chat Noir was about to take off running when he heard a commotion behind him. Hoping to see Ladybug, Chat Noir twisted around, but instead was only met by the sight of the police restraining a very badly beaten Hawkmoth. The villain was covered in blood, his face starting to swell slightly from the scratches and punches that Chat Noir had landed on him. He was being dragged towards a police van, his hands bound by handcuffs. Hawkmoth’s grey eyes scanned the area before they finally landed on his son.

“Chat Noir, please!” he begged. “Help me! I’m sorry! I’ll help you find Ladybug, I promise! I can’t lose you as well!” His cries were full of pain and anguish. “We can still do this! We can still get Emilie back!”

Chat Noir watched, hatred burning in his eyes as his father was forced into the police van, still trying to break free and crying out to him.

“Please!” Hawkmoth cried. “I love you! I did this for us!”

“Save your crazy ramblings and get in the van!” one of the police officers ordered.

Heart squeezing painfully in his chest, Chat Noir took a step backwards, tears finally breaking free and cascading down his cheeks as he watched his father, the only family he had left be loaded into the back of the van. He was no true father. What kind of father would do everything that he had? All those years of emotional neglect came toppling down on top of Chat Noir, almost making him stumble slightly as he continued to slowly walk backwards, his own father’s blood still dripping down his suit.

Ladybug. He needed to find Ladybug. She was his family now. She was all that he had left. She was his everything. At that thought, Chat Noir gave his father one last icy glare before turning on his heel and sprinting towards the other side of the mansion.

“NO! NOOOO! ADRIEN! ADRRIIEEEN!” His father’s sobs echoed through the air.

Chat Noir choked back his own sobs, biting his lip, instead forcing himself to focus on finding Ladybug. She had to be around here somewhere. A few firefighters were still putting out flames in the area as Chat Noir stared up at the smashed window Ladybug had been pushed through. Shards of glass were scattered across the ground and there was blood everywhere.

Chat Noir stumbled and nearly fainted at the sight.

_Please…no…_

_Please don’t let that be Ladybug’s blood!_

Chat Noir’s breath started coming out in gasps as his eyes scanned the area. There was no sign of her. A firefighter walked past him, and Chat Noir quickly grabbed his shoulder to get his attention. The firefighter stopped and turned to Chat Noir with a concerned look on his face.

“You shouldn’t be here, Chat Noir, it’s not safe.” The firefighter’s voice was muffled under his oxygen mask.

“Have you seen Ladybug here?” Chat demanded, ignoring the firefighter’s advice.

“No, I seriously doubt anyone’s been here,” The firefighter explained. “This is where the worst of the fire was. If Ladybug was here, there’d be nothing left of her but charred remains. I haven’t seen any sign of her anywhere.”

The firefighter walked off, and Chat Noir found himself slowly collapsing into a crouched position like someone had just punched him in the stomach. He stared at the area where Ladybug had fallen with wide eyes. He could feel bile rising up in his throat, and right now, Chat Noir was wishing the flames were still there so that they could engulf him in their hell where he belonged.

This was all his fault. Had…had Ladybug managed to get out? She didn’t have her yo-yo. Hawkmoth had taken it from her and mocked her with it as she was sent crashing out of the window. She would have had nothing to save herself with.

That’s when Chat Noir noticed something fluttering in the slight breeze on the ground. There, situated in the middle of a pool of blood was a sign that Chat Noir had hoped not to see. Slowly, he reached down and picked it up, cradling the bloodstained, ribbon in his hands. The red ribbon that Ladybug wore in her hair to keep her twin pigtails in place.

“NOOOOOO!” Adrien screamed as he clawed at the ground beneath him, digging his nails into the threshold of the front door to his mansion.

Tears streamed down his face at those haunting memories that continued to torment him. He was vaguely aware of hearing Plagg fly down and ask if he was alright, but Adrien couldn’t bring himself to respond.

The sun set over the city, shrouding him in darkness. All he could think about was that night. How he had failed to protect her. She was gone and it was all his fault. She was never coming back. That thought always felt like dry swallowing a huge pill and sent his head spinning.

No no no no no!

He couldn’t let that happen again. He couldn’t fail Marinette like he had failed Ladybug. He needed to see her! More than anything he needed to set eyes on her beautiful face. Only the sight of Marinette would soothe him.

“Plagg, claws out!” Adrien ordered.

His kwami flew into the ring, and soon, Chat Noir was leaping through the streets of Pairs. Only this time, he had a goal in mind. She was all he could think about. She was totally and completely consuming his every thought. The insane side of him, the side that was spilling over and winning control over his body, purred at the thought of seeing his princess again. There was just something about being in Marinette’s presence that made him feel…almost whole again. He needed that. _He needed more if it!_

Finally, Chat Noir came to a stop as he landed on the roof of the bakery. Her light was the only light in the house that was on, which seemed like a normal occurrence. Would she still be awake? Sliding down the roof, Chat Noir decided to find out. He peered in through her window. Her room was quiet and still with no sign of her.

That’s when he looked up towards her bed, sighing with relief at the sight of a small form sleeping in her bed. A few strands of black hair were visible beneath the pink covers as Marinette tossed and turned in her sleep, kicking the covers off her in the process. She was sweating, though that was to be expected. Chat Noir frowned as he noticed she was sleeping with a thick jumper on that was likely the cause of her disturbed sleep.

Just seeing her like this wasn’t enough though. Chat Noir needed to be near her, drinking in every inch of her features, protecting her from harm. He climbed back up the roof and onto her balcony before heading towards the door that led down into her bedroom. Chat tried the door gently at first, frowning as he realised it was locked. He wasn’t about to let this thin piece of wood separate him from his princess.

With a grunt, Chat Noir pulled on the door with much more force, snapping the weak, old thing off its hinges before smirking and climbing down into her room. He carefully and quietly placed the door back in place, blocking the night air from Marinette’s room once again.

Marinette stirred slightly in her sleep as the door clicked back into place. She turned onto her back and mumbled something in her sleep that Chat Noir couldn’t quite understand. Maybe something about fixing something that was broken.

Chat Noir slowly crawled over her body, allowing himself to hover over her, watching her as she slept. Her face was scrunched up in discomfort, and beads of sweat dripped down from her forehead causing her bangs to stick to her skin. Her face was slightly flushed as both her hands rested next to either side of her head, her fingers occasionally twitching.

Even in sleep it seemed she couldn’t find peace. Chat Noir related to that a great deal.

He smiled down at her, his eyes hungrily tracing and memorising every inch of her face. She was beyond beautiful. She was absolutely breath-taking.

Unable to resist, Chat Noir rested all his weight on one hand while he brought the other hand up to gently and tenderly stroke her cheek with his finger. At this sensation, Marinette seemed to relax slightly in her sleep. Her expression softened, and she mumbled something else that was incoherent.

Feeling bolder, Chat cupped her cheek with his hand. It felt exactly as Ladybug’s cheek had felt in his dream. It was the same size, shape and everything. Her scent engulfed him, the sweet smell intoxicating him and driving him wild.

Marinette leaned into his touch, a small smile forming on her face as she unconsciously nuzzled herself into Chat Noir’s hand. Chat Noir couldn’t help but smirk at that. She was behaving like she was drawn to him, just as he was drawn to her.

As he smirked, Chat Noir made the mistake of inhaling her scent again, breathing it in deeply through his nose, closing his eyes blissfully as he felt a fire deep within him ignite itself. He had to know if that was how she tasted. If she tasted as delectable and as addictive as she smelled.

Drunk on her scent, a sweet smell that was so comforting and familiar to him, Chat Noir smiled and leaned down before capturing Marinette’s lips with his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't thank you guys enough for all of your amazing comments and for supporting this story! It means so much to me!


	11. Tangled Web

In all her time of being a hero, Marinette had never really been able to bring herself to think of the dire consequences of accepting the responsibility of Ladybug. She just got on with her job. She did it for the sake of people of Paris. She did it because Tikki had insisted she was especially chosen for the job. She did it for… _him._ For Chat Noir.

The thought of his name caused bile to rise in her throat which she quickly swallowed back and balled her hands into fists as she remained sat on a stool, waiting for Master Fu to tell her that everything was going to be okay.

Because surely, everything had to be okay, right? Marinette and Tikki could get through this. From what Master Fu had told her, Hawkmoth had been arrested now. The people of Paris had to be wondering where their beloved hero was, surely? Marinette couldn’t let them down again. She had already done so by allowing Chat Noir to switch sides like he had. By letting Hawkmoth defeat her. Now it was up to her to make things right again. She needed to find Chat Noir and take his miraculous and make sure he could never cause harm again. Maybe in the process, she could try and understand why her beloved partner betrayed her, betrayed Paris like he had.

Did this mean that Master Fu would now choose a new Chat Noir? Would she still get to continue being Ladybug? Ladybug fought back tears as she struggled to imagine her life with a different Chat Noir. A Chat Noir who couldn’t make her laugh like _her_ Chat Noir had. A Chat Noir who she couldn’t work as well with.

Marinette sighed as she tried to remind herself that he wasn’t the Chat Noir she knew and loved anymore. He was evil now. He led her right into a trap. Hawkmoth had very nearly got hold of her miraculous because of him. She had nearly _died_ because of him, and not once did he come to her rescue.

Marinette tugged at the sleeve of her jacket, further hiding her arms from view. It was going to be difficult living with what happened, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t. Just as soon as Master Fu was finished with Tikki, everything would be alright again. Surely Master Fu wouldn’t make her give Tikki up? Not after everything they had been through together. She didn’t see Master Fu as that cruel.

Together, her and Tikki, her pillar of reassurance and strength, could make it through this awful situation. It had greatly pained Marinette that she had not been able to see or talk to her kwami these past few weeks. But Master Fu was doing his best, and Marinette was confident that he would be able to fix things for her. He had one idea left, but Marinette was sure it would work.

This was all Chat Noir’s fault.

Marinette reached up to pull on her pigtails, but her hands grasped at air, instead, her fingers only brushed very short strands of hair that now only once again covered her whole scalp. Marinette wiped her forming tears away as visions of her nightmares about that fateful night continued to assault her mind.

How could Chat had done this to her? He was her best friend. Her partner. The one person who she trusted more than anyone else in the entire world. And that trust had ultimately been her downfall. He had abused it and led her right into that trap. She was going to get him for this.

However, Marinette’s angry and betrayed thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door in front of her sliding open. Master Fu’s red Hawaiian shirt was the first thing that stood out as she looked up, a small smile on her face, relieved that she was finally going to get to see Tikki again and that hopefully her kwami would be alright.

All it took was the sight of the look on Master Fu’s face.

That one look was enough to make Marinette sway on her feet slightly and almost pass out as a wave of unimaginable pain washed over her. The pain almost knocked her off her feet, its current threatening to carry her down its tempestuous river for miles and miles, her body being constantly battered by the raging torrent as she slowly drowned.

The grave look on Master Fu’s face was all it took to turn her world upside down. Wasn’t it bad enough that Marinette already had defeat, humiliation, Chat Noir’s betrayal and extensive injuries to deal with? The universe couldn’t grant her this one ray of sunshine in her dark circumstances.

“ _No,_ ” Marinette gasped, stumbling backwards slightly.

“I’m sorry, Marinette.” Master Fu sighed. “I’ve tried everything I can think of for now, but your miraculous…Tikki…”

“No! Please, no!” Marinette begged as large tears began cascading down her cheeks, and uncontrollable sobs began escaping from her chest.

She found herself unconsciously backing away from Master Fu, terrified, and not wanting to hear him finish his sentence. It couldn’t be true! Master Fu had to be lying to her! This was all just some big, sick practical joke. Tikki was fine. She had to be. She was a kwami! Kwamis couldn’t be harmed or killed…right? They were gods! And Tikki was one of the most powerful of them all.  

No! There had to be some kind of mistake!

It was like Marinette’s heart had stopped working in her chest, leaving her feeling cold and dead. Her breathing became rapid as air came in and out of her in harsh gasps. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t feel. All she could do was remain frozen, panting and shaking. Master Fu’s lips moved as he said something to her that Marinette couldn’t hear over the ringing of her ears.

Ignoring Master Fu’s extremely concerned expression, Marinette slowly turned on her heel and began walking down the corridor. One step forward, two steps forward, three steps forward. Her footprints echoed on the wood of the floor down the quiet never ending corridor. The further she walked, the darker and darker it became until Marinette could barely see her feet beneath her. Shakily, she kept on walking, wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to control her trembling.

Master Fu’s words continued to echo around inside her mind, refusing to relent in their constant reminders of her dear friend and kwami. This was all her fault. If she hadn’t landed the way she had. If she hadn’t let Hawkmoth get the better of her, then Tikki would be fine right now. They’d both be together, here, right now, facing whatever Chat Noir wanted to throw at them next. Defending the city of Paris just like they always did together.

Lost and blinded by tears and grief, Marinette cried out in alarm when she felt her body collide with something relatively soft in front of her. She felt hands grab hold of her forearms to steady her. Large, warm hands that felt so familiar. She looked down at the tanned skin of the hands that had hold of her much paler skin, the always present silver ring on his finger. Blinking away her tears and letting them trickle down her cheeks as she continued to hiccup and gasp, Marinette slowly brought herself to look up to see the deeply concerned green eyes of Adrien Agreste.

“M-Marinette? What’s the matter?” he gasped out, moving his arms down to wrap them around her waist and pull her closer, pressing her against his chest in comfort.

Marinette reached up and gripped his white shirt, digging her fingers into the fabric as her tears stained the black t-shirt he wore underneath. She pressed her face against his chest, breathing in that intoxicating scent that always comforted her and drove her crazy. His scent was all around her, engulfing her, and helping to calm her shaking form.

“I’ve done something really bad, Adrien,” Marinette whimpered like a child.

“I find that hard to believe.” Adrien chuckled, pulling back slightly to look at her.

“But I have. I’ve done the worst things imaginable and I’m never going to be able to forgive myself. I’m a terrible person,” Marinette sobbed. “I don’t deserve to be alive!”

Adrien’s eyes widened. “Don’t ever say that!”

“But it’s true.” Marinette continued to cry.

His scent continued to overwhelm her, making her dizzy. He pulled her closer, and Marinette felt like there was a slight weight pressing against her chest. Marinette’s eyes widened slightly in panic, her heart beating erratically at their close proximity. Adrien smiled softly at her before reaching one hand up to gently cup her cheek. Marinette found herself automatically leaning into his touch as she continued to breathe in his scent, letting it wash over her and calm her.

With hooded eyes, Marinette continued to stare at Adrien’s face, memorizing every inch of his beautiful features. Marinette almost forgot about all of her worries and problems in that moment. It was just her and Adrien. Her and the love of her life. With Adrien, Marinette could conquer anything. She could get better. She could feel whole again.

Remaining hypnotised by his eyes, Marinette barely registered him leaning slowly down towards her. Both of their eyes fluttered closed as their faces moved closer and closer together. His warm breath washed over her face, making her automatically lean in as if he was a powerful magnet.

Finally, he pressed his lips softly against her own, and Marinette felt like her heart might explode. But instead, it felt like her heart was starting to slowly sew itself back together after having been left shattered by everything that had happened. It was painful, but Marinette could not bring herself to stop kissing Adrien to make the pain stop. Not caring about the pain, Marinette deepened the kiss, reaching a hand up to clutch at Adrien’s blond locks, shuddering as his tongue traced the outline of her lips.  

For some reason, Marinette felt her eyes automatically flutter open. The familiar blond hair remained, but her surroundings seemed to have been replaced by her bedroom. White fabric beneath her fingers had been replaced with black leather. Instantly, Marinette’s lips froze, and the startled and confused face of Chat Noir soon filled her vision as he pulled away.

Marinette screamed.

Chat Noir seemed just as confused and terrified over what he had done, but Marinette didn’t care. Within the blink of an eye, she had raised her knees underneath him before her hands pushed against his shoulders. With all the power she could muster, Marinette violently pushed Chat Noir off her and he yelped as he was sent flying over the railings of her bed to the wooden floor below. The loud thump his body made as he collided with the floor caused the whole apartment to shake, and Marinette peered over her railings at his body on the floor.

Chat Noir groaned and pushed himself back up so he was sitting on his knees, his chest rapidly rising and falling as his breathing remained panicked. He abruptly twisted his head around to look at Marinette in alarm, his eyes looking her up and down before he looked back into her eyes and winced as if he had just been slapped.

“What are you doing?!” Marinette hissed.

“I…I don’t know,” Chat Noir stuttered, looking disgusted with himself. “You just…you smelled so much like her.”

“WHAT?!”

“Marinette?” her mother’s concerned voice called up to her, slightly muffled by the door that separated them.

“Oh no,” Marinette gasped.

She quickly looked around her room, down at the frozen form of Chat Noir, and then down at her covers next to her. Panicked and not thinking straight, Marinette grabbed hold of her covers and leapt down from her bed, draping her covers on top of a startled Chat before pining him down to the ground with them. Making sure that his body was completely covered, Marinette sat on top of him just in time for her mother to open her bedroom door.

Sabine walked up the final steps into Marinette’s room and looked down at her daughter, her expression concerned but also slightly suspicious. She was wearing her white robe and her hair was slightly messy from having been suddenly woken up. Luckily, Chat Noir seemed to be playing along and remained completely still, not saying a word. Marinette wobbled slightly as his back wasn’t the most stable surface to sit on, and she smiled awkwardly at her mother, though she was sure that she looked almost insane in the process as it unintentionally came out as some sort of weird grin.

“Are you alright, honey?” Sabine asked.

“Y-yeah,” Marinette stuttered, trying to come up with a lie. “I just…fell out of bed.” Okay…that seemed pretty plausible. She just hoped her mother would buy it.

“I could’ve sworn I heard you talking?”

“Oh yeah, I was just talking to myself,” Marinette lied a little more smoothly.

“Right.” Sabine narrowed her eyes before looking from Marinette’s bed to the position she was currently in on the floor. “Are you alright, that had to be a nasty fall. Did you hurt your head again? Have the stitches come out?” Sabine began to ask in panic, moving to dash towards her daughter.

Marinette held her hand out in panic. “No!” she cried which halted Sabine in her tracks, causing her concerned expression to morph into a frightened one as her eyes tried to examine Marinette.

“I’m fine!” Marinette quickly reassured her. “Everything is fine! I’m not hurt, I just fell out of bed because I had another nightmare.”

“Another one?” Sabine’s eyes widened and began to glisten slightly.

Marinette bit her lip and looked away. She couldn’t stand the worry that she was putting her parents through, but there was nothing she could do about that. She couldn’t tell them the truth. It would put them all in danger. Marinette was a lost cause, and the sooner she could move out of her parents’ apartment and get her own place, the better. Then she could be free to break apart and not have to worry about attempting and struggling to put on a façade for her parents’ sake. She could lock herself away from the world just like she deserved. Marinette would slowly fade away and disappear. It would be better for everyone.

“Look, Mari, your father and I have been talking.” Sabine looked away, folding her arms across her chest and squeezing her eyes tightly shut in an attempt to keep herself together. “We spoke to a doctor while you were in hospital and we think…maybe you should get some counselling.”

“What?” Marinette gasped and blinked, shaking her head slightly as she was unable to process what her mother had just said.

“We think you need help, Marinette.” Sabine sighed, making another attempt to move closer to Marinette, but at the sight of her daughter flinching away, she stopped and looked down in dismay. “The doctor recommended an excellent therapist.”

“I don’t need help!” Marinette yelled, her breathing growing heavier as she began to panic.

“Now listen here, young lady!” Sabine suddenly exploded, causing Marinette to shrink back like a small child. “You have been putting your father and I through hell these past few years and we’re at our wits end! We’re so worried about you! You’ve not been eating properly, you’ve not been sleeping properly, you keep having nightmares, you don’t go out with your friends anymore and I just don’t even recognise you anymore.”

“Well, maybe it’s the new me,” Marinette spat.

“I’m trying to help you, sweetheart.” Sabine’s tone turned more pleading. “I want to understand what’s wrong with you, but how can I do that if you don’t let me in?”

“Maybe I don’t want to let anybody in.” Marinette looked away, trying to hide the tears that were welling up her eyes.

She didn’t deserve to be helped.

No one could help her.

She couldn’t exactly admit to a therapist that she was Ladybug and that she had screwed up big time. She’d lost Tikki, she’d lost Chat, and lost her sanity in the process. Everything that had happened…it was all her fault. How could she even begin to explain that to someone? She was trapped inside her own head and it would likely be that way for eternity. Damaged goods walking down the streets she used to protect.

Now she was reduced to a shell of her former self, barely able to function enough to keep herself alive. Tikki was gone, and Master Fu resented her and disapproved of her actions, she knew he did. Paris would never forgive her for disappearing. Paris would never forgive her for losing to Hawkmoth. She was reduced to locking herself in her room, too terrified to look at her own reflection lest she see the grim reminders that covered her body of what happened that night.

She was reduced to sitting on top of her old partner, the partner who had betrayed her, arguing with her mother who she knew only wanted the best for her. But she couldn’t let her mother in. She couldn’t let anybody in.

No one would understand.

_No one._

“Marinette…” Tears began trickling down Sabine’s cheeks.

“Can you please just leave?” Marinette tried to keep her tone as neutral as she possibly could in her state. “I want to be left alone.”

Sabine sighed, defeated. “Well, the offer is still there, if ever you want to take it. And you know your father and I are always here if you want to talk. I just want the old Marinette back.”

Marinette buried her head in her hands before dragging them down her face, removing any evidence of tears as she did so. Sabine looked back up to Marinette’s bed again before she frowned slightly as she caught site of Marinette’s trap door. Marinette followed her gaze and balled her hands into fists when she caught sight of the broken hinges of her door. She was going to kill that stupid, insane cat!

“Looks like the hinges on your door are broken.” Sabine sighed as she turned back around to leave the room. “You might want to get those fixed as I doubt you’d want any stray cats getting into your bedroom.”

Chat Noir sniggered beneath her, vibrating her entire body. Marinette growled and slammed her fist down on the lump beneath her that was Chat Noir. He yelped in pain underneath her, and Marinette froze, her eyes darting to her mother who had just begun to descend the stairs that led back down into the kitchen. Sabine paused and looked at Marinette in confusion.

“Did you say something?” Sabine asked.

“Errr, no,” Marinette lied before holding her breath.

Sabine then shook her head before heading back down, closing Marinette’s bedroom door behind her. Marinette finally let out the breath she was holding and listened carefully to her mother’s footsteps as they made their way through the kitchen, down the hall and into her parents’ bedroom. Marinette sighed in relief before squealing as the mass beneath her began to move again.

Chat Noir pushed himself back off the floor, knocking Marinette to the side, causing her to squeal. Marinette closed her eyes bracing for impact, expecting pain to shoot up her side as she collided with her bedroom floor. But nothing happened. No pain came, nor did any impact. Slowly, Marinette opened one eye to see a smug Chat Noir looking down at her. One of his arms was around her waist, keeping her from falling as she remained in a dipped position, like she and Chat Noir had just been dancing.

The feeling of Chat’s hand on her waist caused her whole body to shudder, with what, she didn’t know. But soon enough, the familiar disgust began to course through her body, unable to stand being in the presence of he who had betrayed her.

The familiar flirty and confident look in his green eyes…it reminded her so much of the old days. Reminded her of the playful banter they always had together. This felt just like one of those times. And it made Marinette feel sick. How could he still be the same yet so different? It wasn’t fair. It was like he was purposefully mocking her. Hadn’t he caused her enough pain? Hadn’t he destroyed her life enough without coming back for seconds?

“That was a close one, _purrincess._ ” Chat smirked. “But it’s nice to see that you’ve _fallen_ for me.”

Those painful puns sliced through Marinette like a sharp knife. The jagged edged pierced her flesh, making the wound even worse, and soon, she was bleeding out again. Just as she patched herself back up again, something else always happened that re-opened those old wounds that never had the time to properly and fully heal. Chat Noir was the most deadly knife of all, and it sliced through her chest multiple times, piercing her heart in the process, leaving Marinette for death to take.

“Let me go!” Marinette hissed her demand, trying to wiggle out of his grip while trying to make sure that she didn’t fall over in the process.

Chat Noir winked it at her and pulled her back upright before letting go and holding his hands up in surrender. Marinette backed away from him as much as she could, which seemed to hurt Chat slightly as his ears drooped and his eyes watched her longingly. This only scared and angered Marinette even more. What was so special about her? Marinette had only interacted with Chat Noir a handful of times before everything that had happened years ago. He barely knew her. So why wouldn’t he leave her alone? All he was doing was bringing up more painful memories for her, serving as a reminder of her failures.

“Now get out!” Marinette ordered, pointing towards her door that he had now broken.

“ _Meowouch,_ and after I came all this way to see you?” Chat purred.

Marinette’s eye twitched. “See me?! More like assault me in my sleep!”

Chat Noir winced. “Says the girl who kissed me back!”

“I was half asleep, I didn’t know what I was doing!”

“Quite the good kisser you are too.” Chat winked at her causing Marinette’s face to erupt into a bright red blush.

She fumbled around for something to say, but all she could splutter out was random, angry noises. How dare he?! How dare he treat her this way! How dare he flirt with her like this! Flirt with her just like he did with… _Ladybug._

Chat Noir suddenly froze, and Marinette couldn’t help but wonder if he had just had the same thought path as she had. His smug grin faltered and morphed into shock and dismay. Frowning, he then turned away from her, one of his hands gripping her desk tightly, and Marinette found her eyes nervously drifting to the drawer that his hands were so close to. She looked back up in time to see him close his eyes and sigh. His other hand twitched slightly, and he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw. His claws dug into the desk, leaving scratches in the paintwork.

“I’m sorry about that,” Chat apologised, taking Marinette off guard as he once again sounded almost normal again, “I really didn’t mean to do that, it’s just…you look, you sound, you even _smell_ just like her.”

“Who?” Marinette narrowed her eyes, already knowing the answer, but still needing verbal confirmation.

“Ladybug,” Chat Noir whispered her name as if she was the most sacred person in the world.

Marinette flinched at the mention of her superhero’s name coming from Chat Noir’s mouth again. It made her struggle to keep her temper under control. To keep her wild emotions in check as they rapidly alternated between angry, hurt, upset and back to angry again. Instead, she tried to focus on Chat Noir’s face, trying to read every inch of his expressions. He looked so pained, just like how she was feeling. The nerve of him. He never cared about Ladybug when she was ‘alive’ so why did he suddenly care so much now? None of it made any sense.

“I’m…n-not L-Ladybug.” Marinette forced herself to say, fighting off the feelings of nausea.

“I know!” Chat Noir snapped. “Ladybug is dead and it’s all my fault! She’s never coming back!”

He then stormed towards her, and Marinette shrunk back, whimpering as Chat reached out and gently ran a hand through her hair, studying every detail of her face. She felt completely naked under his gaze and wrapped her arms around herself self-consciously. H-he admitted it. He knew it was his fault. He wasn’t bragging about it either, he sounded like he was genuinely grieving. Marinette really couldn’t understand.

“I just don’t get it.” Chat narrowed his eyes at her face.

Marinette glared back at him, cringing away from the hand that remained in her hair, twirling random strands of it between his fingers.

“You’re acting as if you’re still in love with her or something,” Marinette growled out.

She found out years back that Chat Noir had a crush on her. She had always hoped it would fizzle out over time and that he would move on, because Marinette knew she could never love Chat Noir like she loved Adrien. Back then, in her mind, Adrien had always been the one for her. And maybe, deep down, she still did have feelings for him, as even today, she still continued to dream about him. Even though there was no hope for their relationship now.

Adrien had retreated into his mansion, never wanting to see anyone, and she was broken beyond repair to a point where no one could ever love or put up with her. Her heart was broken beyond use at this point. Marinette had always assumed that Chat Noir’s feelings for her had indeed vanished in order for him to betray her like he did. Because if you truly loved someone, you could never willingly and knowingly betray them like that. _Never._

Chat Noir said nothing as he leered over her, his facial muscles tightening as he continued to stare down at her. Marinette’s eyes then widened, his silence providing her with more answers than words ever could.

“Y-you are…aren’t you?” Marinette gasped. “But…but…”

“You don’t know anything!” Chat Noir suddenly snapped at her, leaning down to get right in her face. “Ladybug was my world! And you…you mock me by being just like her! The look, the sound, the smell of you disgusts me!” Chat then let go of her hair and turned around, leaving Marinette to stare at his back in shock. “But yet, I can’t resit it at the same time. I can’t stand being around you, but I _need_ to be around you. There’s something about you that drives me insane, but…you also make me feel better again.”   

Marinette blinked in shock.

“All I can think about is how much I want to protect you,” Chat continued,“you even got me into a deluded state where I thought I could take you away in order to prevent you from getting hurt, yet when you did get hurt, it snapped me out it. You had me doing the right thing.”

Marinette gasped. “It was you, wasn’t it?!”

Chat Noir didn’t say anything.

“You’re the one who carried me to hospital…in your civilian form…b-but why?”

“Haven’t you got in into your head yet?” Chat turned around to snap at her again, making Marinette jump. “I…I…I _care_ about you. I shouldn’t, but I do. I can’t stop myself. I _need_ you.”

“You can’t need me!” Marinette screeched. “I can’t be what you need, Chat! Whatever you want, I am not that person! I’ve got my own issues, my own problems. You think you can just waltz back into my life as if nothing hap –” Marinette quickly stopped herself, but Chat Noir waited patiently for her to continue.

Marinette then took a deep breath. “Thank you for saving me…for taking me to hospital when you could have just easily made off with me.” Marinette then froze before frowning as she watched Chat Noir’s face carefully. “T-there’s still good in you, isn’t there?”

Chat said nothing.

They just continued to stare at each other for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Marinette felt herself crack. It was all too much information. Too much to process. It was all so ridiculous. The fact that she had gotten herself into this mess was beyond belief. Only she could have the power to royally mess up her life so badly.

The giggles erupted from Marinette’s chest before she had a chance to stop them and register what was going on. Soon enough, Marinette was clutching her stomach as she bent over and just laughed. Laughing louder than she had laughed in a long time.

“What’s so funny?” Chat asked, sounding slightly spooked by Marinette’s behaviour.

Marinette’s laughter then morphed into sobs as she burst into tears, collapsing onto her knees before she covered her face with her hands. The palms of her hands were soon drenched with tears as sobs violently shook her chest, leaving it slightly difficult for her to breathe. Meanwhile, Chat Noir hovered over her, but at this point, Marinette was past caring.

“What’s wrong?!” Chat exclaimed, now sounding even more alarmed.

“It’s just…” Marinette wiped her tears away with her fingers. “I’m just as insane as you are. It’s hilarious.” She giggled humourlessly. “I’ve made such a mess of things.”

“Then let me help you,” Chat Noir offered. “You help me, it’s only fair I return the favour.”

Marinette had started shaking her head before he had even finished talking. “No. There’s no help for me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

Marinette said nothing before Chat Noir sighed and reached a hand out to grab hold of Marinette’s chin, forcing her to look up at him.

“Well, I’m not going to give up. I’m going to help and protect you, my princess. I’ll always be in the shadows if you need me,” Chat vowed to her, taking her off guard slightly.

She didn’t want him doing this. She wanted him to stay away from her forever. But she knew saying that would not get her anywhere. Chat Noir would get bored sooner or later and move on to obsess over something else. Until then, she guess she’d just have to deal with him lurking there.

Heck, maybe it would even keep Chat Noir off the streets and tormenting people who were caught out at night. Even though he just attacked criminals, it didn’t mean she still approved of his actions. This might be the one final little act of heroism she could do. A small repayment to the city for her failures in the past. As much as she despised it, she couldn’t exactly win in a fight against him…not when…Marinette glanced over Chat Noir’s shoulder at the drawer of her desk.

Jolting her out of her thoughts, Chat Noir had grabbed hold of both of her hands and placed a tender kiss on the back of each one, grinning wickedly at her as her cheeks turned red at his actions. She snatched her hands away from him which only cause Chat Noir to chuckle.

And his insane side was back.

That sure didn’t take long, Marinette thought to herself in annoyance. She should have known him talking sense wouldn’t last long.

“If you need me,” Chat Noir purred as he slowly climbed up her bed and opened the now broken door that led to her balcony, “Just yell and I’ll come running.” And with that final word, he disappeared, her door closing behind him, once again sealing Marinette off from the world.

~~

Rena Rouge sat nervously opposite Master Fu, barely touching the tea that had been offered to her. She knew that Queen Bee and Carapace would be waiting impatiently for her, but Master Fu had insisted on her sitting down and pouring her some tea, no matter how much Rena Rouge had tied to protest. She watched as Master Fu took a slow sip from his cup before sighing and opening his eyes to look at the fox hero.

“So, what can I do for you today? I take it that it is something very important?” Master Fu asked calmly.

“Yes, Master,” Rena Rouge replied seriously. “It’s about Chat Noir.”

“Go on.”

“Something’s happened that’s…a little hard to explain.”

Master Fu smiled at her encouragingly. “Well, try your best, my dear.”

“He’s become…obsessed with someone. He won’t leave them alone. Apparently he’s been stalking her, and he even tried to kidnap her until I intervened and she got away. I don’t understand what he wants with her; it makes no sense. I’ve never seen this kind of behaviour in him before. I knew he had gone crazy, but not that crazy. He even came out during the daytime,” Rena Rouge explained.

“Ah yes, I remember seeing the news regarding that. His changing behaviour is most troubling indeed.”

“What do we do, Master? Something weird is going on, I can tell. And I don’t want this girl to get hurt.”

“Who is this girl?” Master Fu asked, picking up his tea cup again, blowing on the hot tea inside.

“Her name is Marinette Dupain-Cheng.”

The teacup in Master Fu’s hand wobbled as his hand shook before it slipped out of his hand entirely and shattered on the table underneath him. Rena Rouge gasped before looking at Master Fu in concern and alarm.

“Master?!”

Master Fu then seemed to snap out of whatever daze he had been suffering. “Oops, clumsy me.” He chuckled nervously. “I’ll clean that up later. Marinette Dupain-Cheng you say?”

Rena Rouge nodded.

Master Fu looked like he was in shock as he stared down at the hot tea that had spilled all over the table. Rena Rouge frowned at him, wondering if there was something wrong. Something definitely didn’t feel right, that much her instincts were telling her. She had never seen Master Fu behave so strangely. Was he just as startled by Chat Noir’s odd behaviour as she was?

“We have to put an end to this obsession,” Rena Rouge suggested.

“No,” Master Fu stated firmly, “we must let things run their natural cause.”

“Say what?!” Rena Rouge gasped, not believing what she was hearing.

“In fact,” Master Fu continued, ignoring Rena Rouge’s outburst, “this may work to our advantage.”

“What do you mean?”

Master Fu frowned as he stroked his grey beard while he remained deep in thought. “We _do_ really need to get that cat miraculous back.”

Rena Rouge frowned in confusion before her eyes widened. “Oh no! No no no no! You’re not seriously saying what I think you’re saying?!”

Master Fu said nothing as the corner of his lips twitched into a determined smile.

“Make Marinette do it? Are you insane?! Marinette’s my friend! There is no way I’m letting that happen! It’s too dangerous! She’s just an innocent civilian, why would you expect her to do such a thing?! That’s not like you!”

“It may be the only way,” Master Fu explained, his tone final.

“But –”

“Rena Rouge, we need that miraculous back, and Chat Noir has just presented us with a weakness that can be exploited. As a hero, you have to be willing to do whatever it takes to keep Paris safe.”

“Including putting friends in danger?!”

Master Fu smiled. “Your friend will not be in danger. I am sure of it. Chat Noir will not hurt her.”

“What makes you so confident?” Rena Rouge demanded.

“As a guardian, you must trust my judgement. As a guardian, I must get the cat miraculous out of unstable hands, whatever it takes.” Master Fu’s tone turned incredibly serious. “I suggest that you go and inform Queen Bee and Carapace, and talk to Marinette as soon as possible.”

Rena Rouge forced her anger back, instead looking down, defeated. “Yes, Master.”

The fox hero took that as he cue to leave, practically storming out of the room with her hands clenched into tight fists. What on earth was Master Fu thinking?! Using Marinette, a powerless civilian, as bait! She didn’t care what Master Fu said, there was still the chance of Marinette getting hurt. She had gotten hurt just yesterday by trying to run away from him. Chat Noir’s mere presence brought nothing, but disaster, how was her clumsy friend going to stand a chance against that?

This was all wrong, and Rena Rouge was not comfortable with it _at all._ There was something about this situation that really didn’t feel right to her. It was almost like Master Fu knew more than he was letting on, and Rena Rouge didn’t like that feeling. It made her incredibly nervous and paranoid. If Master Fu did know something, then what was it? Why was he so confident that Chat Noir wouldn’t hurt Marinette? That Marinette could be able to perform such a task?

Feeling confused and angry, Rena Rouge leapt onto the roof where Carapace and Queen Bee were waiting for her. They both stood up straight when the fox hero arrived and looked at her expectantly. Rena Rouge merely sighed while looking uncomfortable.

“Well?” Queen Bee demanded. “What did he say?”

“Rena?” Carapace urged gently when the fox hero couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

Rena Rouge clenched her teeth together. “He wants us to use Marinette as bait.”

“What?!” Carapace gasped.

Queen Bee merely shrugged. “Makes sense I guess.”

Rena Rouge glared at her.

“Hear me out!” Queen Bee held her hands up defensively. “We need that miraculous, right? And we haven’t exactly been on a winning streak with Chat Noir, and it’s been four years! We haven’t made any progress! At least this way, we have the element of surprise. And if Marinette does take the ring, he can’t hurt her. He’d be powerless.”

“But what if it goes wrong? What if he catches onto what Marinette is doing?” Carapace asked worriedly.

“As much as it pains me to say this, Marinette is a smart girl,” Queen Bee sneered. “She’s managed to hold her own plenty of times.”

“You know Marinette?” Rena Rouge’s eyes widened.

“I…may have crossed paths with her several times,” Queen Bee huffed.

“So, are we all going to pay her a visit then?” Carapace asked.

“No,” Rena Rouge quickly responded. “I’ll go. Just me. Marinette hasn’t exactly been well lately and I don’t want to overwhelm her.” Rena Rouge then sighed, staring towards the sun that had just risen over Paris, illuminating the city in intense light. If she squinted enough, she could just about make out the roof of Marinette’s family’s apartment in the distance.

She could not believe what she was about to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of your awesome comments, guys. They really mean a lot to me, and I really appreciate all of the feedback that I get. It helps me out so much. Also, thank you to everyone who has left kudos and who have bookmarked this story. Your support means the world to me.


	12. Insane Jealousy

Sleep had completely evaded Marinette for the rest of the night. She had tried going back to bed, but all that resulted in was her tossing and turning for hours until she gave up when small rays of light began to seep in through her windows. At least she had been kept away from the realm of nightmares. Though Marinette had yet to decided which nightmare she preferred to experience: dreams or reality?

The choice was almost impossible as they were both as terrifying as each other in their own special ways. They were usually always the same. Painful memories of what had happened mixed in with dream logic that made things even scarier. Though that was the first time Adrien had appeared in her dreams in a while.

Marinette shook her head before sitting upright in bed, banishing all thoughts of a life long forgotten now. The old Marinette had been madly in love with Adrien. This Marinette could only feel pain and resentment when she wasn’t trapped in void of complete nothingness. Nothing but a state of pure apathy; no room for love in there.

Marinette had almost forgotten what a positive emotion felt like. So much so, that she didn’t even have the ability to fake it even more. She was getting worse. She knew she was. Her mother could clearly see that by offering her therapy. As much as she wanted to, she couldn’t take that offer. Marinette could do nothing but keep everything bottled up. She wasn’t worthy of help anyway. Not after everything she had done.

With a sigh, Marinette climbed down from her bed and began her monotonous morning routine. The apartment was quiet. It was really early in the morning, Marinette could tell, but she couldn’t bring herself to check the time. She didn’t care. Instead, Marinette peaked behind the curtains, slowly pulling one of them back, terrified of possibly seeing two green, cat-like eyes, watching her, waiting for her. There was nothing though, and Marinette breathed a sigh of relief.

A rumble of thunder in the distance made Marinette jump before peering out of her window even more. The morning sun was starting to become obscured by dark storm clouds in the distance; a perfect representation of how Marinette was feeling about today. It was her first day back at school, and every time, Marinette found it more and more difficult to face. Watching everyone around her carry on as normal while her own world had fallen apart. They laughed and mindlessly talked to each other while Marinette was constantly screaming on the inside. She wasn’t sure how long she could keep up a façade before she cracked. It was becoming more and more arduous.

But still, like it or not, Marinette knew she had no choice but to continue on. Life kept on going, dragging Marinette across the concrete behind it, leaving her with constant bloody scrapes that never got the chance to heal, rendering Marinette always unable to catch up.

As the distant thunder continued to echo across the city, Marinette closed her curtains again and carefully opened her bedroom door and tiptoed downstairs and into the bathroom, making sure not wake her parents in the process. She turned the shower on and let her hand hover under the water, waiting for it to warm up.

Once the water had warmed up enough, Marinette made sure her back was turned to the mirror before stripping down and climbing inside. The warm water felt nice against her skin as, for a brief moment, Marinette closed her eyes allowed herself to imagine that the water was washing everything away. All of her problems were sucked down the drain and she would never have to see them again.

However, the temperature of the water continued to climb. Steam formed around the room, becoming almost as thick as smoke. Marinette began to almost choke on the hot air that surrounded her, and the water began to scald her skin. Scalded her skin like hot flames, tearing away at her skin and burning her. Cooking her flesh and leaving muscle exposed to the raging inferno.

_No! No no no! She can’t be back there. No!_

Marinette gasped and opened her eyes to the see the wall of her shower instead of the walls of flames that had surrounded her that night. But the water was still very hot, and Marinette yelped in pain, stumbling backwards slightly, luckily managing to catch herself on the shower curtain before she could fall. The shower curtain pulled itself open, leaving Marinette’s naked body completely exposed to the large mirror that hung over the sink.

“No!” Marinette screamed as she sank to her knees in the middle of the shower before she closed her eyes and forced herself to look away.

She couldn’t look.

It was too awful.

Too much of a reminder.

“You can’t make me look. I’m scared! Master Fu, you can’t make me look!” Marinette pleaded, wrapping her arms around her legs and burying her face into her knees.

The hot shower water continued to run over her. The droplets of hot water pounded against her skin like small pellets from a gun. Marinette covered her eyes as much as she could, refusing to look down at her own body and refusing to look in the mirror that was now right in front of her.

She didn’t want to look. She couldn’t look.

It was too much. It was a horrible sight!

She wasn’t beautiful any more. She wasn’t cute. She was damaged. No one picked the damaged item in the store. No one plucked the withered flower. The disgusting items were left to rot. Their flaws sneered at. Marinette was just like that now. Broken. Damaged. Withered. Scarred…

At least you couldn’t see the mental damage. Mental damage was easier to hide. All you had to do was put on a smile and people automatically thought that you were okay. A smile is the most common lie of all. Dangerously deceptive as you could hide anything behind it. No one questioned a smile. But this…this was something that people _would_ question. The surface damage of what had happened that night, forever engraved onto her skin to serve as a constant reminder of her terrible failures.

Marinette whimpered as she knew she couldn’t stay like this forever. Slowly and carefully, she stood back up, making sure that the mirror didn’t catch her eye, before she turned the shower back off. She quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped it around herself. As usual, she closed her eyes as she dried herself, wrapping the towel around her back as she grabbed her clothes and put them on as quickly as possible. Once she was done, Marinette sighed with relief and turned back towards the mirror. Her long jeans and sweatshirt completely covered her, leaving no trace of the damage underneath.

Nodding to herself, Marinette left the bathroom and headed back towards her bedroom and closed the door behind her. However, when Marinette looked up, she nearly jumped out of her skin when she saw that her bedroom was not empty, and that she was not alone.

“I’m sorry, Marinette,” Rena Rouge apologised. “I didn’t mean to scare you or break in, but I urgently need to talk to you.”

Marinette took a deep, calming breath and placed a hand over her now racing heart. If Rena Rouge was here, then it was likely she only wanted to discuss one thing, and Marinette really wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything Chat Noir related today. It was bad enough that she had to face going back to school. That was stressful in and of itself. Psycho kitties weren’t on her agenda. In fact, they never were, he just now had an annoying habit of following her everywhere. She wanted him to leave her alone. She wanted to forget about him. After everything he had done, he didn’t even deserve to have any fond memories in the deepest parts of her mind.

“Is it about Chat Noir?” Marinette guessed miserably.

The fox hero nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

Marinette sighed and moved to sit on her desk chair, waiting for Rena Rouge to explain everything. Had she figured out why Chat Noir had become so fixated on her? Even better, had she found a way to make Chat Noir leave her alone? Though Marinette knew better than to get her hopes up. The universe always had a funny way of making sure that she suffered. It was like it had a personal vendetta against her or something.

“Marinette…I…” Rena Rouge tried to begin, looking unusually nervous.

Marinette frowned at her in confusion, patiently waiting for Rena Rouge to continue.

“We need your help,” Rena Rouge finally explained.

“ _My_ help?” Marinette asked, confused.

“I’m sorry, Marinette. I really don’t want to have to do this, but we’re running out of options.”

Marinette groaned in confusion and panic. “Will you please tell me what’s going on?”

“I need you to try and take Chat Noir’s miraculous.”

There were a few seconds of silence before Marinette chuckled humourlessly.

“W-what? You can’t be serious?”

Rena Rouge sighed. “I’m afraid I am. Chat Noir seems to have developed some sort of fixation on you. I don’t know why, but he has. Me and the others have been trying to capture Chat Noir’s miraculous for years, but to no avail. What it seems we need is the element of surprise. He lets his guard down when he’s with you and we need to take advantage of that,” Rena Rouge explained gravely. “He won’t hurt you. We’re pretty sure of that. If you could lure him in, get close to him, then maybe you could take his miraculous and then all of this will be over.”

Marinette felt sick. Was she hearing what Rena Rouge is saying correctly? This must have been Master Fu’s idea! There was no way that Alya – Rena Rouge – would put her through this. Whatever stupid plan Master Fu had, it wasn’t going to work. He had promised to leave her alone. Promised to stay away from her and allow her to live a normal life, away from anything to do with the miraculous.

Now he was dragging her into it all over again. He was breaking his promise.

Those thoughts threw Marinette into a huge tidal wave of panic. It washed over her and tossed her about in the waters, burning her lungs as it prevented her from breathing.

“Marinette! Breathe!” Rena Rouge’s worried voice snapped her out of her state.

Marinette gasped for air, her knees wobbling slightly as she nearly collapsed. Please, no! She couldn’t go through all of this again. She couldn’t involve herself in superhero business. Not again. He had promised her! Why after all this time was he breaking that promise? It wasn’t fair! She couldn’t do this anymore. Tikki was gone! She was just a normal civilian now. A normal human who was powerless and couldn’t do anything. Someone who didn’t want to be a part of this life anymore.

“I-I can’t do this,” Marinette gasped out.

“Marinette, I’m so sorry. But we really have no choice.” Rena Rouge wrapped her arms around her.

Marinette trembled in the fox hero’s arms, tears burning in her eyes as she tried to force them back. Marinette wrapped her arms around Rena Rouge, and in that moment, she wasn’t some faceless superhero, but her best friend Alya. She nuzzled into Rena Rouge’s neck and kept forcing back the tears of fear.

It didn’t seem like Marinette was going to have much a choice in this. Master Fu seemed to have made sure of that. If Marinette refused, Paris would be at risk. As much as she hated it, the hero side of her refused to let any harm come to Paris. Chat’s reign of terror needed to end. She had to get his miraculous. Maybe then, Marinette could finally live out the rest of her life in peace.

“Just tell me what to do,” Marinette mumbled into Rena Rouge’s shoulder, feeling numb to everything.

Rena Rouge pulled back and began to explain. “Chat Noir seems to follow you around, so you don’t have to exactly worry about catching his attention.”

“What if he’s listening right now?” Marinette gasped and looked out the window.

“Don’t worry,” Rena Rouge reassured her, “I’ve done a complete scout of the place and there’s no sign. Chat Noir may be a lot of things, but he’s still human underneath and he needs rest. I can’t remember the last time he got sleep, so I’m sure he’s passed out right now.”

“I still think it’s best to talk as vaguely as possible,” Marinette whispered.

Rena Rouge raised an eyebrow at her. “Wow, Marinette. You really know how to think like a hero. Ever thought of joining our team?”

Marinette winced and shook her head.

“Anyway,” Rena Rouge said as she shook her head as if to rid herself of a certain thought, “just lure the mouse in and then you can take the cheese back.” The fox hero winked at her.

Marinette nodded her head in understanding.

Rena Rouge placed a hand on Marinette’s shoulder. “Paris is counting on you, Marinette. Good luck.”

With those final words, Rena Rouge climbed out of Marinette’s room through the balcony door, and Marinette sighed as she watched it swing closed behind the hero. She really needed to get that door fixed thanks to Chat Noir breaking it.

Once again, Marinette was left on her own. The thunder grew louder as the storm approached even closer. The sudden wind slammed against the side of her family’s apartment which made Marinette jump slightly.

She couldn’t believe what was happening. This was so unfair! All she wanted to do was get on with her life. But yet…maybe this would be her final chance. To finish what she had meant to start all those years ago. She could finally be free. Free of Master Fu, of Chat Noir and of anything to do with miraculous magic.

And go back to what? A life that didn’t feel like a life? A life that felt like she was constantly on autopilot?

As much as it pained for her to admit her, her days of being a hero were some of the happiest times of her life. But she was a civilian now with no kwami. Would she really stand a chance against him?

Could she manage to take Chat Noir’s miraculous?

~~

Adrien wandered around his dark, empty mansion. The only hints of light he received were from the odd flashes of lightening that leaked in through the windows, illuminating the dark hallways for a brief moment. His footsteps echoed around him, and the thunder rumbled outside. The storm was getting worse.

Why Adrien was wandering, he wasn’t so sure. His feet just seemed to automatically carry him forward, towards the room that had been his father’s office and had led down into his lair. Adrien shuddered at the memory. He had that part of the building removed when the mansion had been rebuilt. It had been filled with layers and layers and cement. Buried and forgotten like it should be. But how could Adrien forget? That was the room where everything had all gone very wrong.

The door of the office was slightly ajar. Adrien very rarely entered that room as there were too many bad memories. Now the room just sat empty with no furniture inside apart from that old portrait of his mother that kept the family safe hidden from sight. Adrien paused outside, not wanting to enter, but it was like some unseen force was pushing him forwards.

Cautiously, Adrien pushed the door further open, and nearly collapsed at the sight inside. The whole room was covered in blood. Fresh and red, it stained the whole room, yet despite this, Adrien felt like he was drawn inside. The room was dark, and he couldn’t see much apart from the lakes of blood that were scattered across the floor and smeared all over the wall. It was like a murder scene, and Adrien nearly gagged at the sight.

What had happened? He was so sure that this room had been left empty and no one had ever ventured inside?

That’s when Adrien felt his shins collide with something soft.

Adrien froze, and he didn’t dare look down, terrified of what he might see. However, it was still like his body was on autopilot as his head was forced downwards to look at what he had collided with.

Adrien screamed when he saw that it was the bloody and lifeless body of his lady.

Her body looked mangled and twisted, with glass sticking out of almost every inch of her skin. Parts of her suit were burnt and torn, exposing singed flesh where all of the skin had been burnt away, leaving nothing but muscle. Her head was titled to the side on the ground, her eyes closed and her face frozen in a permanent state of the intense pain she would have felt as she was dying.

“NO!” Adrien screamed, trying to back away, but he felt two hands on his shoulders, pushing him forwards again and forcing him to look. “LADYBUG!”

“Take a good look, Adrien.”

That voice. _That familiar voice._

“This is where your stupid plan got me!”

Adrien couldn’t fight the urge anymore. He had to turn around. He had to see who that voice belonged to. The voice that sounded like it could only possibly belong to two people.

To make sure she wouldn’t force him to look away again, Adrien quickly whipped his head around, and his heart lurched in his chest the sight of Marinette standing behind him and fiercely glaring at him. Like Ladybug, she was covered in blood, bits of broken glass and severe looking burns almost covered her entire body. Adrien stumbled backwards at the sight, bile rising in his throat.

“Look at what you’ve done to me!” Marinette hissed.

“NOOOO!” Adrien cried out, covering his eyes before a flash of lightning startled him and forced his eyes to shoot open once again. Much to his confusion and terror, he was no longer in his father’s office, but was instead in his bedroom, lying down in his bed.

Adrien sat bolt upright and looked around frantically. Plagg stirred awake next to him before curling back up again, wrapping his tail around himself; he was used to Adrien’s night terrors by now.

Lightning flashed once again, making Adrien jump out of bed, cold sweat dripping down his face as his heart pounded, and his breathing came out in harsh pants. Rain began pounding against his large, glass window as Adrien stared out into the storm, finally coming to grips with the fact that it had just been another nightmare.

He was in his room. He was safe. Wasn’t he?

Gasping, Adrien ran out of his bedroom and all but leapt down the grand staircase before dashing towards his father’s abandoned office. Adrien kicked the door open and looked around frantically.

Empty.

No blood. No lifeless body of his lady. No Marinette.

Just an empty office that held too many bad memories.

At that thought, Adrien staggered out of the room, his head pounding from having gotten up too quickly. His body felt completely and utterly exhausted, but Adrien ignored its protesting. Every muscle ached, and as Adrien stepped forward to head back up to his room, he froze as the room around him began to spin slightly. The world suddenly felt like it was on a slight slant, and the edges of his vision turned red as other different colours swirled before him. Adrien grabbed hold of one of the cold pillars in the hallway, pressing his head against the cool material.

As quick as it had started, the strange sensation disappeared, leaving Adrien feeling semi-normal again.

Shrugging it off, Adrien made his way back upstairs and into his bedroom. Plagg was snoring away on his pillow, but Adrien knew that there was no way he could get back to sleep. Not after that nightmare. He settled for staring out of his window at the storm instead. His dreams had certainly taken a strange turn lately by including Marinette.

Then Adrien began to wonder. What if it was some sort of premonition? Was he going to lose Marinette the way he had lost Ladybug?

No!

He couldn’t allow that!

He wasn’t going to lose his princess!

He would be there for her, unlike what had happened with Ladybug. He would stay by her side and protect her! He had to find her! He had to see if she was okay!

“Plagg, we’re leaving,” Adrien growled out his command, glaring in the direction of the Dupain-Cheng bakery.

“Can’t,” Plagg mumbled. “Sleeping.”

“I wasn’t asking, I was telling!” Adrien yelled desperately. “Plagg, claws out!”

“Whoa, wait!” Plagg begged as the magic of the miraculous began to pull him inside. “What’s gotten into you?” he cried as he was pulled into the ring.

Adrien quickly transformed, and Chat Noir wasted no time in launching himself out of his window and heading towards where Marinette would be. He needed to check on her. He needed to make sure that his special little princess was okay. He hated that he had to be parted from her. Leaving her alone made him so nervous.

But yet, when she ordered him to leave, he often found himself obeying. It was like Marinette had complete control over him, and he couldn’t understand why. There was something so special and endearing about her. He wanted to know what had the usually optimistic and friendly Marinette so damaged and cynical.

Chat Noir grew more and more excited the closer he got the bakery. His heart began doing little excited leaps in his chest, coming back to life at the thought of seeing Marinette again.

Why? Why did she do this to him?

She was nothing special. He should just turn around right now. But he couldn’t. It was like she had attached a hook around the hole in his chest and kept pulling him in mercilessly. The closer he got, the more the pull loosened up, making Chat Noir feel like he could breathe again. Soon, he would see his princess, and he would almost feel whole again.

He landed on her roof as quietly as he could. He placed his baton back on his belt and climbed down the roof so that he could see into her bedroom. It was empty. He climbed further down and peered into the house. That was empty too.

Chat Noir’s heart sank in his chest and he began to panic with a furious intensity. He climbed back up to the roof and yanked Marinette’s balcony door open, jumping down into her room to double check that she wasn’t there. He climbed down from her bed and stood in the middle of her room. She definitely didn’t seem to be here. He listened as intently as he could, his cat-like hearing unable to detect any sign of her nearby.

Had someone taken her?! He needed to find her!

Frantically, Chat Noir looked around the room for clues, and that’s when he realised that her pink backpack was missing. Then he remembered what day it was. School would have been starting back up. Marinette was likely at school. Chat Noir had almost forgotten that school existed after he dropped out and retreated into his mansion. Time had seemed to almost stand still after what happened all those years ago. He forgot that everyone on the outside lead normal lives.

Still determined to see his princess, Chat Noir extended his baton and propelled himself out of the room, closing the balcony door behind him. His old school was just down the road, and it didn’t take Chat Noir long to leap over the rooftops before landing in one of the many trees that decorated the perimeter of the school. He peered in through every window, growing even more panicked when he couldn’t seem to find any sign of Marinette.

Finally, he did manage to find her, and Chat Noir breathed a huge sigh of relief.

She was okay. At least she seemed to be.

Chat Noir tilted his head and watched his princess curiously, thinking that this would be a good time to try and get to know Marinette a little bit better, and maybe even find out what had happened to make his old friend change so much. His green eyes locked onto her as she sat slouched in her seat while Alya and Nino chatted away in front of her. Alya and Nino both looked incredibly tired, and Chat Noir almost felt like he had been punched at the chest at the sight of all of his old classmates.

During his time at school, he had become quite good friends with a lot of them. Having normal friends was something that he had always dreamed of. But now he couldn’t be around them. They would likely be disgusted with Adrien Agreste for having such a villainous father.

Chat Noir closed his eyes, knowing that he would never be able to face the shame. They had all been akumatized because of his father. How could he ever look them in the eye again?

Shaking away those thoughts, Chat Noir stared back at Marinette who looked incredibly exhausted. She had dark bruises under her eyes, and the sweatshirt she was wearing practically swallowed her up. Marinette looked so frail that it shattered Chat Noir’s heart into even tinier pieces than what it had already been broken into. It didn’t look like she was paying much attention to what was going on in class. She just sat there, staring straight ahead with an almost dead look in her eyes. It was almost like she was a mannequin. Chat Noir frowned at that.

He had been so focused on how much she looked like Ladybug that he never really looked at her properly beyond her similarities. She looked…ill. Like she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Was no one else noticing this? Why was no one asking her if she was okay? Why wasn’t Alya looking after her? Wasn’t she supposed to be her best friend? Instead, Alya was busy scrolling through her phone under the table, looking like she was reading something intensely.

Chat Noir growled at this. If no one else was going to look after his princess, then he certainly was going to do it, whether Marinette liked it or not.

The angrier Chat Noir became, the tighter his grip became on the tree he was sitting in until the edges of his vision turned red again. His grip loosened slightly as he was once again overcome by a strange wave of intense dizziness. Chat Noir shook his head in attempt to clear it. It seemed to do the trick, and soon, Chat Noir’s vision returned to normal again and he no longer felt dizzy.

He went back to watching Marinette, knowing that soon it would be lunchtime and that he could see her properly when she went home to eat. Chat Noir peered at the clock and smirked as he only had half an hour to go. He strained his ears in order to try and listen to what was going on, as at last, Alya had finally turned around to talk to her.

“I just don’t get it. The more I dig, the more things don’t make sense.” Alya frowned, keeping her phone hidden under the table so the teacher wouldn’t see.

“What?” Marinette asked.

Nino groaned. “Alya this is all you’ve been talking about lately. Ever since those trolls started bugging you on your blog.”

“But for once, I think these people have a point,” Alya said, looking deadly serious.

Marinette gasped. “Please don’t tell me you’re talking about those L-Ladybug conspiracy theorists?”

Alya looked down sheepishly. “What if they’re right though?”

“Alya, I know it’s hard, but…Ladybug isn’t coming back.” Nino placed a comforting hand on top of Alya’s, talking to her as gently as possible. “I feel like you’re hoping to see things that aren’t there.”

“But why hasn’t her miraculous been found?” Alya questioned. “And, even more suspicious, why hasn’t any body been found?”

Chat Noir winced at the direction their conversation had taken. He had seen those conspiracy theories too. It’s why he no longer went on the internet. Those morons didn’t realise that they were just re-opening old, painful wounds. His lady was dead. Even Chat Noir could accept that fact. It had taken him a long time to do so, so to have people claiming that she was still alive would only cause a retrograde in his grieving process. Now Alya seemed to be at it as well. Still, Chat Noir fought off the intense feelings of anger and pain, continuing to listen in.

“Maybe someone moved it?” Nino suggested.

“But who? And why? And why would that person never come forward and confirm that Ladybug is actually dead?” Alya questioned. “I’m telling you, there’s something strange going on here and I’m going to get to the bottom of it!”

“Please don’t, Alya!” Marinette begged desperately.

Chat Noir growled as he watched Alya narrow her eyes at his princess.

“And why not?” Alya demanded.

“Because you’re chasing something that isn’t there.” Marinette’s voice became awkward sounding. “I don’t want you causing yourself more unnecessary pain. These conspiracy theorists are either online trolls or people just grasping at straws.”

“Maybe you’re right,” Alya admitted, though she didn’t sound too convinced by what Marinette had said.

Marinette shuffled nervously in her seat, and Chat Noir wondered what had her so rattled all of a sudden. She tugged on the sleeves of her sweatshirt and looked around the room wildly. Chat Noir gasped as her chest began to rapidly rise and fall as her breathing became more laboured. Her face turned incredibly pale. She then abruptly raised her hand.

“Miss Bustier? Can I be excused for a moment? I’m not feeling too well,” Marinette said, and Miss Bustier immediately agreed, gasping at how pale Marinette had suddenly become.

Marinette quickly got out of her seat, and Chat Noir hopped over to the next tree to decrease his chances of being seen by her. She left the classroom, and Chat had expected that she would just stand outside the classroom or got the bathroom, but he was surprised to suddenly hear the main door of the school open. He peered around the corner to see Marinette stumble out of the building, one hand clutching her chest as she tried to control her breathing. She then leaned her head back and closed her eyes, seemingly enjoying the cool wind of the storm against her face.

Chat Noir gasped as she stepped out into the rain, letting it almost completely soak ger. What was she doing?! She was going to get sick! Chat Noir could handle it, but his fragile little princess certainly couldn’t.

He was about to jump down and approach her, to maybe shield her from the rain when he was forced to freeze by the sound of the main entrance door opening again. Much to his surprise, Nathaniel stepped out, making Marinette jump slightly, but she seemed to force a soft, friendly smile to appear on her face.

“Miss Bustier sent me to see if you were alright,” Nathaniel explained.

Chat Noir dug his claws into the trunk of the tree he was currently gripping, sending bark flying everywhere. He narrowed his eyes at the back of Nathaniel’s head, a strange sensation clawing at his chest at the sight of Nathaniel comforting _his_ princess.

That was _his_ job and _his_ alone. Marinette was _his._

Chat Noir nearly fell out of the tree at the direction his thoughts had taken. What was this insane emotion he was feeling? Was this it? Had he finally snapped? Had his fingers finally lost their grip and he was falling into that endless, dark abyss?

No…this was something else. This was something much more monstrous. Whatever it was, it was clawing at the inside of his chest, begging him to just pounce forward right now and take Marinette away with him where no other man could ever look at her. She was _his_ princess.

He knew Nathaniel had a crush on Marinette some years ago. Maybe he still did have feelings for her. Marinette didn’t need weasels like him around her, especially in the state that she was currently in. The only person who understood the pain Marinette was in was Chat Noir. He was the only one who could handle her and look after her. Any other guy would hurt her.

Yeah…that must be the emotion he was feeling. He was just being protective over her. Looking out for his princess because she was so fragile.

Then Nathaniel placed a hand on Marinette’s shoulder.

Chat Noir’s vision turned blood red. Before he even had time to register what was happening, he had leapt down from the tree and stalked up behind both Nathaniel and Marinette. He wasted no time in grabbing hold of Nathaniel’s arm and yanking it away from Marinette, nearly ripping his arm out of its socket in the process.

Nathaniel screamed and Chat Noir smirked at him, still gripping his arm.

“C-Chat Noir?” Nathaniel gasped in fear.

“What are you doing?!” Marinette yelled.

Chat Noir ignored her, leaning in to growl sinisterly in Nathaniel’s face. “Don’t touch _my_ princess.”

“W-what?” Nathaniel’s eyes widened before he tried to yank his arm out of Chat Noir’s grip which only ended up causing him more pain.

Chat Noir laughed at his pain and flexed his fingers, showing off his claws as he pretended to think, smirking at Nathaniel playfully.

“Let’s see what purr-etty patterns I can carve into your face,” Chat Noir purred.

“Chat Noir, stop it!” Marinette grabbed hold of his free arm in an attempt to hold him back. “Leave him alone!” she commanded.

Chat Noir didn’t budge, no matter how much Marinette tried to make him loosen his grip on Nathaniel’s arm. Nathaniel looked like he was about to pass out as he stared at Chat Noir with pure fear.

Marinette then looked deeply into Chat Noir’s eyes, her own eyes full of anger and revulsion. “I said, let. Him. Go.”

Chat Noir found his grip automatically relaxing despite his brain screaming at him to teach Nathaniel a lesson for touching his princess. Yet his body obeyed Marinette’s words. He still had all of this angry energy to get out though. His whole body was practically shaking. His grip on his sanity was loosening again, and his dangerous subconscious was leaking through, overpowering the more rational side of his brain. He felt like a caged animal. He needed to destroy something. He needed to hurt someone. He needed to get away before Marinette could stop him.

Growling, Chat Noir turned on his heel and stomped away, walking down the middle of the road, causing cars to screech to a halt. People leapt out and began screaming as they ran away. Pedestrians fled while screaming as well, but Chat Noir kept marching forward, once again not caring that he was out in the daylight.

Unable to resist for much longer, Chat Noir began smashing up everything in his sight. His anger and the other strange emotion took complete control of his body as he dug his claws into the metal of cars as easy as if he had been digging his nails into butter. Car alarms began blaring as he smashed them all up, throwing pieces of scarp metal through the windows of the small businesses he passed on his rampage.

It wasn’t enough. He needed to destroy more things! He wanted Paris to be full of nothing but chaos and destruction!

Sirens could soon be heard in the distance, and Chat Noir turned around in shock to see police cars skidding to a stop behind him. Roger Raincomprix stepped out of the leading police car, carrying a megaphone before speaking into it.

“Chat Noir, you are under arrest. I order that you must surrender yourself immediately,” he commanded, though there was clearly fear in his eyes.

“Arrest me?” Chat Noir sneered. “I thought you cops knew better than to interfere when I’m around?”

“We’re not afraid of you anymore, Chat Noir. We’re tired of your reign of terror.” Roger’s voice began to shake slightly.

“Oh yeah?” Chat Noir smirked before lunging at them.

The braver police officers ran forward as well, trying to make a grab for him. Chat Noir laughed and easily dodged all of them, trying to get towards Roger. One got close to grabbing hold of him, but Chat Noir easily punched him in the face, leaving the police officer with a painful and bloody broken nose.

Now this is what he had needed!

Chat Noir finally reached a trembling Roger and, grabbing him by his collar, leered down at him as he growled like a wild animal. Roger whimpered and shrunk back slightly. So much for that small amount of bravery he had displayed earlier. This wasn’t going to make things as much fun now, but oh well. Chat needed at least something to sink his claws into and release some of this energy.

With his claws just inches from Roger’s face, Chat Noir froze. This was Sabrina’s father. A friend and classmate of his from when he went to school. He was just a police officer trying to protect the city. Chat Noir had saved him from an akuma once. This wasn’t right.

No! He must destroy! _Must…destroy! Must…cause chaos!_

No!

Chat Noir gasped and dropped Roger who fell down to the ground before scooting away from Chat Noir as much as he could. Chat Noir stared down at his own hands in panic. This was it. He was slipping! He needed to get out of here! He needed to get to someone who could help! The only person who could sooth this and save him!

Without a second though, Chat Noir fled towards the Dupain-Cheng bakery. Marinette would likely be home by now, and Chat Noir needed to see her. He needed to talk to her. He needed to apologise. He had no idea what had come over him. He needed her help! There was something very wrong with him, he could feel it!

Chat continued to fight with himself as he landed rather clumsily on Marinette’s roof. He could hear her in her room below. The thought of her presence was already beginning to comfort him and calm him down slightly.

He all but ripped her balcony door open and leapt down into her bedroom. Marinette yelped at his sudden appearance before her blue eyes began to burn in anger. Chat Noir stumbled down to stand in front of her, drinking in her appearance as much as he could.

She was so beautiful. She was so calming. Why was she soothing him? His need for destruction was vanishing, only to be replaced by a more intense emotion that Chat Noir couldn’t quite place. He had felt it before. He knew he had felt it before, but what was it? It felt like something that had the potential to heal his shattered and dead heart.

“Marinette…” he gasped out, ready to embrace her, but he was prevented from doing so by Marinette’s sudden outburst.

“WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!” Marinette screamed. “Attacking Nathaniel like that?! I thought you only hurt criminals! You truly have become evil, haven’t you?! I was wrong! There is no good in you! You do nothing but destroy everything you come into contact with!”

Marinette’s fists pounded against his chest, but Chat Noir found himself unable to pay attention to her actions or her words. The world around him began to spin again at a frighteningly fast pace. His vision blurred, and a wave of dizziness pulled him under. He swayed on his feet before it felt like he was falling backwards. Then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't thank you guys enough for your amazing support! I always enjoy reading your comments, and please feel free to keep them coming as they always help me out immensely. Also, thank to those who have left kudos and bookmarked this story. I'm so happy to see that so many people are enjoying this story.


	13. Conspiracy Theories

Marinette couldn’t bring herself to move. All she could do was remain frozen, unable to even breathe. The sickening thud of Chat Noir collapsing onto her bedroom floor continued to echo through her mind as if the inside of her skull was completely hollow. Marinette stared down at Chat Noir in a state of complete alarm and fear, unsure of what she should do. Should she call for an ambulance? Why had he just collapsed like that? Questions and uncertainty kept buzzing around her head as she continued to stare at him with wide eyes.

Chat Noir lay in a heap on the floor. He had collapsed backwards and was now laying awkwardly on his back, his head falling to the side slightly. His wild, blond hair covered most of his face and his mouth hung slightly agape. Marinette was slightly comforted by the steady rise and fall of his chest, indicating that he was still breathing okay. Part of her was pained to see her old partner in such a condition, but she forced herself to remember that he wasn’t her partner anymore. He wasn’t her friend. He had betrayed her, and he was evil.

Shaking her head slightly, Marinette continued to stare at him, trying to figure out and process what had just happened. One moment he was breaking into her room and she was shouting at him, and the next he just fell backwards and passed out.

He was passed out.

Chat Noir had passed out in her room, right in front of her and there was no one else around.

He was completely vulnerable right now.

At that thought, Marinette’s eyes travelled down from his face and down his arm before finally locking on his hand. His ring was where it always was on the second finger of his right hand. The green paw print in the middle glowed brightly.

It was right there.

Chat Noir was unconscious, and his miraculous was right there, ripe for the taking. It would be so easy to just walk over to him, bend down and take it. Chat Noir would be no more. His identity would be revealed to her. She could hand the miraculous over to Rena Rouge just like they had planned and she would be free. This situation was almost too perfect.

Biting her lip and stepping forward very slowly, Marinette’s eyes darted back towards Chat Noir’s face to make sure that he wasn’t going to stir. With each creek of the floorboards beneath her, Marinette cringed, pausing to wait and see if any of the sudden sounds woke Chat Noir up. He remained completely still and unconscious beneath her.

Feeling more confident that he wasn’t going to wake up, Marinette crouched down and gently took hold of his hand. It felt just like it always had. Large and warm, often completely engulfing her own hand when he had took hold of it. Small feelings of static travelled from the points where his hand touched hers, and they made their way up her arm and towards her shattered heart.

For a second, it was almost as if her heart had been jump-started, only to then remain not beating in her chest, eternally withered away. The feelings of static electricity disappeared as quickly as they came, and Marinette quickly shook her head to snap herself out of it.

Biting her lip again, she gripped his ring with her thumb and index finger, ready to prise it off him. She glanced at his face one last time to make sure that he hadn’t woken up. Sure enough, his eyes were still peacefully closed, strands of his hair falling from his face to reveal it in full detail. Marinette froze at the sight of how almost peaceful he looked. There was the ghost of the person he used to be. Her old partner. It was almost as if he was in the room with her again.

His face was relaxed and his eyes were gently closed. His skin was a lot paler than normal and his face was almost gaunt looking, his cheeks becoming hollow with seemingly little to no fat or muscle left. Marinette remembered how rounded his cheeks used to be. They were often pulled back by his cheeky grin as he made a pun or had attempted to flirt with her. Memories of those days began assaulting Marinette’s mind, pulling her under and threatening to drown her once again. Her heart lurched in her chest, longing to reach back in time and bring the old Chat back. Her kitty who had been her trusted partner. The partner who Marinette could never imagine would betray her in a million years.

An involuntary whimper escaped her mouth and she gripped the ring even tighter, closing her eyes in a futile attempt to banish all of those memories and thoughts from her mind. Chat Noir could wake up at any moment. She had to do this! For Paris’ sake! For her own sake! Once she did this, she would finally be free! She would never have to see Chat Noir again. She would never have to deal with anything miraculous related again. Maybe Master Fu would finally leave her alone as he had promised and she could get on with her life…whatever was left of it anyway.

All it would take was just to remove Chat Noir’s ring right now. The source of his power would be gone and he would never be able to terrorise Paris and cause destruction again. Maybe he would even be arrested. Could Marinette really expose his identity? Should she take the ring and then hide his unconscious body somewhere and call an ambulance? Or should she keep him here, call Rena Rouge and have her collect both the ring and the person responsible for Ladybug’s demise? Marinette would finally see the face of the boy who had betrayed her. Who had allowed Hawkmoth to try and murder her and abandoned her to the flames below.

Marinette gripped the ring tighter again.

_She could do this._ All she had to do was pull it off his finger.

_Come on, Marinette! You’ll finally be free! Maybe you could even get something close to closure._

But her arm remained unmoving, Chat’s ring still on his finger as he continued to lay there unconscious. Sweat dripped down from Marinette’s forehead and her fingers began to ache from tightly holding onto his ring.

Unable to stop herself, she glanced at his face again, her eyes once again being drawn to it. He still looked so peaceful. For the first time, a completely neutral expression was on his face instead of a sadistic smirk or intense anger. It jolted her slightly to see him looking so…normal. So much like his old self. Because he still was the same person. The same boy who had reassured her when they first became heroes all those years ago. The same boy who made her laugh with his terrible puns and frustrated her with his over the top flirting. The same boy who frequently dived in front of her, protecting her from the attacks of the akumas they fought together.

No!

He had changed. Something had happened somewhere and he turned to the dark side. Perhaps it was her own fault he turned out this way, she didn’t know. All she knew was that his actions nearly cost her life. Nearly brought about Hawkmoth’s victory. Placed Paris in incredibly danger. Destroyed Tikki. Chat Noir was a monster. He needed to be stopped. She needed to take his miraculous. She didn’t care why he had done it. It didn’t matter anymore. All that mattered was that he needed to be stopped. He was no longer worthy of his miraculous. She could finally atone for her failures by doing this right now.

So why couldn’t she do it?

Growling to herself, Marinette clung onto the ring even tighter, forcing herself to begin sliding it down his finger. The further down his finger it slid, his body began to become enveloped in a bright green light. His mask began to disappeared from his face. The skin of his arms were becoming visible, and Marinette held her breath. Just a little bit more…she could do this…

More skin and clothes became visible, and Marinette didn’t dare look up at his face. She purely concentrated on his hand, watching as his leather gloves disappeared in a bright, glowing green light, exposing pale, ill looking skin beneath, and hands that almost looked like they barely had any muscle left. He was almost nothing but skin and bones. He looked so ill…so fragile…

It almost reminded her of herself. The way she had been after everything that had happened until she started trying to force herself to act more normal for the sake of her family and friends. Forcing herself to eat again and to smile, putting on the show of a lifetime in order to try and pretend that nothing was wrong. But she knew she wasn’t fooling anyone. Anyone that knew her well could see through the cracks. And she knew Chat Noir better than anyone…at least she thought she did anyway.

There was clearly something major that was wrong with him. What if…what if there was a chance that she could help him? To get to the bottom of what had happened all those years ago now? A chance that she could save him despite everything he had done? Had Hawkmoth had some sort of hold over him?

She had spent all of these years hating him without ever really trying to put herself into his shoes and understand what had happened. What if something bad had happened to him to make him like this? She had always shared such a close bond with Chat Noir that surely there had to be a hugely substantial reason for him to turn on her like he did. Maybe as Marinette, she could finally put the missing pieces of the puzzle together and look at the big picture.

Sighing to herself, Marinette slowly slid the ring back onto his finger, squinting her eyes slightly as he once again became engulfed in a bright green light. Soon, leather replaced skin again, and Marinette stared down at his ring sadly.

Perhaps she had gone mad for considering such a thing. She should take his ring, she knew she should. But…she just couldn’t bring herself to do it. Something in her gut was screaming at her that this was wrong. This wasn’t what she should be doing. And the last time Marinette had refused to listen to her gut, it had almost gotten her killed. She just hoped that her instincts were right.

Marinette then gently placed Chat Noir’s hand back down and then sat still, staring at his face, unsure of what to do next. He still hadn’t stirred, and Marinette found herself growing increasingly worried. Maybe she should call for an ambulance? But what if they took his ring off and his identity was exposed? What if he kicked off when he woke up and harmed on of the doctors or nurses? Should she take him to Master Fu instead? Marinette groaned to herself in confusion.

Forcing herself to calm down, share leaned forward to check on him. She brushed some strands of blond hair out of his face and placed her hand against his forehead. It didn’t feel like he had a fever, so that was a relief. He seemed to be breathing fine as well. That’s when Marinette noticed how skinny he looked again. He probably hadn’t eaten in a while, and if he was eating, then it wasn’t much. He was probably exhausted and weak from lack of nutrition and that was why he collapsed. The same thing had happened to Marinette years ago just after she came back home. She couldn’t eat and kept passing out from not doing so. He should wake up at any time if this was the case. Then after a few hours, if he showed no sign of recovery, then maybe she should take him to Master Fu.

With her plan firmly set in her head, Marinette wrapped her arms under Chat Noir’s unconscious body and lifted him up as best as she could. Despite being so skinny, he was still a lot bigger and heavier than she was. Marinette remembered a time when she could pick up Chat Noir easily, but those days were long gone. She was a lot weaker now, and out of practice.

Grunting under his weight, Marinette carried him as best as she could towards her bed. She climbed up the ladder, amazing herself that she didn’t fall over and injure the both of them. She hoisted him over her railings and laid him gently down on her bed. Climbing up the ladder further, she reached over him and grabbed her pillow before carefully lifting his head up and sliding the pillow underneath him. Then she reached for her blanket and laid it down over him.

It was so strange and almost comical seeing the villainous Chat Noir, dressed head to toe in black, laying snugly underneath bright pink blankets. Marinette shocked herself when she found herself chuckling over the humorous sight.

However, Marinette quickly stopped herself before shaking her head and climbing back down her ladder. She collapsed onto her desk chair and spun it around to glance over at Chat Noir again. He was still out cold and was showing no signs of waking up. She tilted her head slightly as she stared at the portion of his face that was left exposed by her blankets. She wondered who he was beneath the mask. Had something happened in his personal life to make him turn out this way? It felt like anything was a possibility, and Marinette hoped that she could get the bottom of it soon.

If only she had woken up when he had been carrying her injured body through Paris to drop her off at the hospital. Maybe then she could have captured a glimpse at his face. But she knew that would be wrong. After all this time, she still found herself conforming to the strict rules of keeping their true identities a secret.

No doubt Chat Noir would finish what he started if he found out that she was Ladybug. It was imperative now that Chat Noir didn’t find out who she was. Not that he would be able to get his hands on her miraculous, but there was still the risk that he might want to kill her. Perhaps he would do it in revenge for what happened to her miraculous or perhaps he would do it out of pure evil.

She was sitting in her room with her potential murderer.

Marinette blinked in shock at that thought. She really had gone crazy. What was she thinking? There was no way this stupid plan of hers – whatever it was – was going to work. She should just take his miraculous right now or call Master Fu or Rena Rouge or something. What was to stop him from harming her when he woke up? Sure, he claimed to want to protect her, but what if when he woke up, he finally snapped? Chat Noir was so unpredictable right now and she was playing in fire. And Marinette knew exactly how she felt about fire.

_Buuuzzzzzz._

Marinette yelped and nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard her phone vibrate as a text message came through. However, Marinette barely had time to calm down when she heard footsteps heading up the stairs towards her room. Marinette gasped and looked over at the unconscious Chat Noir who was clearly visible on her bed. Squealing, Marinette darted out of her chair and ran towards her bedroom door, opening it just as her mother was about to. Marinette kept walking forward, forcing her mother to back up slightly as she looked up at her daughter, looking startled and concerned.

“Marinette, what’s wrong?” Sabine gasped.

“Oh – ummm – nothing,” Marinette stuttered out, “it’s just…my room is contaminated right now, so you don’t want to go in there.”

Sabine’s grey eyes widened. “Contaminated?”

“I’m, errrr…sick.” Marinette faked a cough for good measure before sniffing.

“You are looking a little peaky,” Sabine noted, examining her daughter’s face carefully.

Was she? Marinette forced herself to focus. “So I – umm – I won’t be going back to school this afternoon.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Sabine agreed. “Can I get you anything?”

“Nope, I’m good.” Marinette faked a yawn. “I think I just need some rest.”

Sabine sighed. “Your father and I were hoping to go out and get some supplies for the bakery this afternoon, but if you’re not feeling too well, I can stay home with you and your father can go on his own.”

Marinette panicked. “Don’t be silly! I can look after myself. You go help papa.” Marinette twisted her mother around by the shoulders and began pushing her towards the front door of her apartment. She grabbed her mother’s handbag off the counter by the door and forced it into her hands.

“W-well…as long as you’re sure.” Sabine sounded even more concerned.

“Dad needs your help more than I do.” Marinette chuckled awkwardly. “I just need some rest, that’s all.”

“I could make you some of uncle Cheng’s Marinette soup?” Sabine offered.

“Really, I’m fine,” Marinette kept insisting, “don’t wanna keep dad waiting.”

She ushered her mother out of the door and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before shutting the front door in her mother’s confused and concerned face. Marinette instantly slammed her head against the door and sighed to herself, feeling incredibly guilty over forcing her mother out like that. Now she had probably given her mother even more cause for concern.

But what could Marinette do? Her parents finding out she was harbouring Chat Noir in her room probably wouldn’t exactly go down well. At least this way, her parents should hopefully be gone long enough for Chat Noir to recover and leave.

Marinette tried to swallow the lump that had formed in her throat as it suddenly felt like an elephant was sitting on her chest. She turned her back to the door and slid down it, sitting down on the floor and tucking her knees under her chin. Reaching her hands up, she gripped her hair and tried to calm her erratic breathing.

Chat Noir was up there in her room. What was she thinking? She couldn’t do this. Why did her life have to have turned out this way? She was so happy before. So innocent. She wanted her rose tinted glasses back.

After a few minutes of sitting on the floor, trying to fight to control her breathing, Marinette knew that she had to go back up to her room sooner or later. Sighing, she forced herself back up and slowly made her way back upstairs. She peaked over the edge of her door and felt slightly relieved yet worried that Chat Noir was still passed out. Relieved because it meant that she didn’t have to face him right now, but worried that something more serious might be wrong if he hadn’t woken up yet.

Forcing back her worry, Marinette climbed back into her room and closed her door behind her. Once again she was all alone with Chat Noir. Frowning at his sleeping form, Marinette made her way back over to her desk and sat down, keeping her back towards Chat Noir, too scared to even look at him in case she got any doubts over her plan. She picked up her phone, remembering that someone had messaged her, and unlocked it. Alya’s name lit up her screen and Marinette opened the message.

_Check out the Ladyblog,_ was all it said.

Marinette’s heart leapt into her mouth over the mention of the Ladyblog. She tried desperately to stay away from that website as it served as too many reminders. Alya’s message seemed very blunt and to the point, so it must be something important. Did Marinette dare look? She didn’t want to, but part of her was morbidly curious.

Sighing to herself, she woke her computer back up and went onto the Ladyblog. It looked like Alya had done many updates to the site since Marinette had last looked at it before…before everything bad had happened. The background had been changed to black instead of the usual red and black spots, probably as an act of mourning. It looked like Alya had just posted something as it was the first thing that came up on the home page, and Marinette could feel her stomach churning in horror as she began to read it.

_IMPORTANT NEWS UPDATE:_

_Fellow Ladybug fans,_

_I am calling upon you to help me and our favourite superhero._

_I am looking for other people who are good at investigating to help find out what_ really _happened to Ladybug that night of the fire and the final battle against Hawkmoth. Does anybody else not find it strange that a body was never found? That her miraculous was never seemingly recovered? That no official announcement was ever made by anyone who knew her that she was dead, not even by Chat Noir? We all just seemed to have jumped to the conclusion that she was dead after she remained missing for weeks on end._

_I, for one, want to know what happened. Paris deserves to know what really happened. Ladybug deserves to have her story told. I am calling upon you to help me search through visual and written evidence to find any trace of Ladybug. Did she really die that night? Was she captured? Send any and all evidence to me either through the comment section or via email. The people have a right to know, and if Ladybug is alive, then it’s up to us to help her._

_Ladybug, if you’re still out there and reading this, don’t worry. We’re coming to find you. We’re coming to help you. Stay strong._

_Alya._

All Marinette could do was stare at her computer screen, completely frozen.

No no no _no no NO NO!_

_WHAT WAS ALYA THINKING?!_

She couldn’t launch some freelance investigation?!

Could she?!

Would there even be any evidence to find apart from the fact that a body and the ladybug miraculous was never recovered?  Marinette couldn’t believe that Alya had actually let those conspiracy theories convince her that Ladybug was still alive. Ladybug was gone and she was never coming back. The very person responsible for that was sleeping behind her right now.

They couldn’t possibly find anything…could they?

Panicking, Marinette picked up her phone again and instantly called Alya. Alya picked up almost immediately, not giving Marinette time to even say anything.

“Marinette? It’s great isn’t it?! I know some people might think this is clutching at straws, but seriously, once you start to really think about it, the whole situation just seems really odd. There’s too many holes in the official story. Apparently the official story they went with was the one Chat Noir told the police. Hawkmoth went insane afterwards and hasn’t said a coherent word since. Chat Noir apparently did an interview with a journalist, only it never got aired because Chat Noir lost his mind not long afterwards. But I had Max look into it and he actually managed to get hold of a rare copy of the video. Hang on, I’m posting it onto the site now as evidence,” Alya explained excitedly.

Marinette was speechless. Words became caught in her throat. She had wanted to chew Alya out for buying into this stuff and, though she didn’t know it, putting her best friend at risk. If it ever got out that Marinette was Ladybug…she didn’t know what she would do…

“There. It’s up!” Alya exclaimed happily. “Let me know what you think.”

Gulping, Marinette refreshed the page and sure enough, now at the top of the home page was a video. Marinette held her breath and clicked play. The set was simple, obviously they had never had a chance to add in the effects as green screens were everywhere. It was just Chat Noir and Nadja sat on two simple looking chairs with red cushions. Marinette’s eyes widened at how much of a mess Chat Noir looked.

“Good evening, I’m Nadja Chamack, here today with Chat Noir to talk about the final battle against Hawkmoth,” Nadja spoke grimly.

Chat Noir visibly cringed.

“So tell me, Chat Noir, just what happened that night?”

Chat Noir remained silent for a few moments and Marinette watched him intently, narrowing her eyes as she examined every tiny movement he made. He looked so lost, so vulnerable, so pained. It looked like he had lived a thousand years just by looking at his eyes alone. It was if he was trying to make himself look as small as possible in that chair. It looked like he was trying to force back tears as he finally made himself speak.

“Well…we were fighting Hawkmoth and…”

“LIAR!” Marinette screamed at the screen without thinking.

“Marinette?” Alya’s voice questioned in concern from the other end of the line.

Marinette gasped, realising her horrendous mistake. She really needed to learn to control her outbursts, especially with Alya’s suspicions currently being on high alert. She stuttered down her phone to Alya, pausing the video to make sure she didn’t miss anything.

“Errrr, I think he’s lying,” Marinette choked out.

“Really?” Alya sounded really intrigued. “Why’s that?”

“I’ve just…got a feeling?” Marinette lied awfully.

Alya sighed in frustration. “Girl, I thought you had some amazing evidence then! Don’t get my hopes up like that.”

“Sorry,” Marinette mumbled awkwardly before pressing play again.

“It all happened so fast.” Chat’s voice shook as he spoke. “He managed to get her yo-yo off her before he used his cane to send her flying through the air where she broke through the window and…and…”

“It’s okay Chat Noir,” Nadja comforted him gently, “I know this is very traumatic and hard for you to talk about.”

“I couldn’t get to her in time.” Chat Noir began sobbing which left Marinette completely stunned. “I tried to get to her, but I couldn’t. Hawkmoth grabbed hold of me and pinned me down and I couldn’t get to her. I managed to fight him off and by the time I got back outside, the firefighters had managed to put most of the fire out. I went looking around where Ladybug fell, but…I…I couldn’t find her! It’s all my fault!”

Marinette narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

“It’s okay,” Nadja comforted him again, placing a hand on his slumped shoulder while handing him a tissue with her other hand. “I’m sure she’s out there somewhere recovering and doesn’t blame you for what happened. The only person responsible for all of this is Hawkmoth. His trial will commence in a few months, and justice will be served.”

Chat Noir then turned to look into the camera, startling Marinette as it felt like his green eyes were staring directly into her own with such a fiery intensity that she had never witnessed before. She remained hypnotised by his gaze, despite it only being a small image on her screen. It was like he was staring into her very soul and it had her squirming uncomfortably.

“Ladybug, if you’re out there,” Chat Noir spoke to the camera, “I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I never meant for it to go this far. Just please…come back to me and I’ll explain everything. You mean everything to me, and I…I…I can’t lose you! I’d go insane!”

He abruptly stood up from his seat and ran off, leaving a shocked Nadja sitting frozen in her chair. She looked down at her papers before looking awkwardly at the camera when the video ended.

Marinette didn’t know what to say. She didn’t know what to think. She had never seen Chat Noir behave so…so oddly before. Back at the mansion…he had sounded so evil…so heartless. Yet in this interview, he appeared normal apart from clearly going insane with worry. Worry for _her._ For Ladybug.

Why was he worried? Why was he pretending to worry when he had been the one responsible? When he had betrayed her? None of this was making any sense. Was this all just a ploy to get her to come out of hiding so he could try and get his hands on her miraculous?

She turned around to stare at the unconscious Chat Noir with wide eyes. If that had been him acting during that interview, then he was one hell of a good actor. For a moment, Marinette was almost convinced that he still cared about her. That he truly was sorry over what happened and that there was a genuine reason behind it. There may have been a reason, but Marinette was sure that it would never be good enough.

“Well?” Alya’s voice snapped Marinette out of her deep thoughts and she turned back around so she could speak into her phone properly.

“What did you think?” Alya asked.

“It was…weird,” Marinette admitted honestly.

“Tell me about it!” Alya exclaimed. “He talked about wanting to explain something to her. What do you think that could mean?”

“It could mean anything.”

“True…” Alya mused to herself. “I’m going to get to the bottom of it!”

Marinette felt like she was about to have a heart attack. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“What do you mean?”

“Doing this little investigation. I don’t think it’s a good idea, Alya.”

“Why?” Alya demanded suspiciously.

Marinette tried to keep a panicked stutter out of her voice. “I…I just think your suspicions are for nothing. I don’t want you getting obsessed with this and ending up disappointed. I know how much you want Ladybug to be alive and I just don’t want you to end up upset. You’re my best friend Alya, and I would hate for something like that to happen. Not to mention if you go snooping in unauthorised places, you could end up getting into trouble.”

“All part of being a good journalist,” Alya replied confidently. “Seriously girl, don’t worry about me. I can handle it. The people have the right to know the truth. I think Ladybug is out there somewhere alive. If we can help her, then we’ve got to try.”

“Yeah, but…”

“But what?”

Marinette took a deep breath. “Let’s just say for one _wild_ moment that Ladybug _is_ alive. What if…what if she doesn’t…want to be found?”

There was a few moments of silence which cause Marinette to panic even more.

Finally, Alya broke it. “Why would Ladybug do something so horrible and heartless though? Ladybug would never abandon Paris and let us all believe that she’s dead.”

At those words, Marinette felt like someone had taken a sharp knife and sliced her heart in half. Was it even humanly possible to feel this much pain without dying? It had Marinette wanting to curl up on the floor and just let herself bleed out. Maybe it would be best for everyone if she did die in that moment. It would be what she deserved.

Alya was right. Marinette had been cruel, horrible, heartless, despicable and any other awful word in the dictionary someone could be called. But she couldn’t stop. She couldn’t stop herself from doing this horrible act. She was in too deep. She was at the mercy of the ocean current now and these were the consequences of her actions.

But even if she had wanted to come back as Ladybug, she couldn’t. Would anyone ever understand that? Would Alya understand? They all saw Ladybug as this perfect hero when really that was far from the truth. Since her ‘death’, Ladybug had become almost a god-like icon. Someone perfect. Someone who could do no wrong. Someone the children of Paris looked up to and aspired to be like. If only they knew the horrible truth…

“I’m sure she has her reasons,” Marinette mumbled.

There was another few seconds of silence.

“Is there something you’re not telling me?” Alya asked, sounding incredibly suspicious.

“What?!” Marinette gasped. “Me? No! What would that even be? I know nothing about what happened to Ladybug. How _could_ I know anything? I mean –”

“Relax, Mari, I was only teasing.” Alya chuckled, though it sounded forced. “I’ve got to go. I’ve got a ton of emails coming through. Catch you later, girl.”

Alya hung up, leaving a very flustered and terrified Marinette frozen in place. Her phone was still pressed to her ear and her blue eyes were staring forward, wide and unblinking. Her heart was beating incredibly fast as if she had just run the most arduous marathon in the world. Her stomach was doing somersaults and tying itself into knots as she began to process what had just happened.

However, Marinette’s heart soon thudded to a halt in her chest the instant she heard the creak of her bed behind her.

“And just what was all that about, princess?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I really can't thank you guys enough for your support! I also love reading your theories on what's going on so feel free to keep those coming as well! Hope you all have a lovely week!


	14. Understanding

In that moment, it was like the world suddenly stopped. Everything froze, including Marinette as she couldn't even bring herself to breathe. Her lungs burned in protest, but breathing was the last thing on Marinette's mind right now. Her back remained to Chat Noir, so she couldn't judge his facial expression. However, his tone had been enough to give it away.

What had Marinette been thinking openly discussing Ladybug when she knew Chat Noir was in the room and that he could wake up at any time? Did he suspect her? Had her cover been blown? Surely she would be dead by now if that was the case. Or he would have seized the chance to search her room for her earrings.

At that thought, Marinette's eyes darted towards the top drawer of her desk nervously.

Marinette wasn't sure how long she remained sitting there in a frozen state of silence. A second. A minute. An hour. Time seemed to stand still as an intense fear Marinette had never felt before began coursing through her veins, burning every cell in her body. Fight or flight kicked in, and Marinette wasn't sure what she should do. Should she try to run and get out of there just in case Chat Noir had figured it out? Or should she stay and confront him?

Either option was way too risky, so once again, Marinette remained as still as a statue. Her fingers gripped the bottom of her chair, digging into the cold, hard plastic, making the palms of her hands start to ache. The room was so silent that Marinette could hear the erratic beating of her heart in her ears.

She could just imagine Chat Noir's green eyes burning holes in the back of her head. He had barely moved an inch since he had said those words. Eyes darting towards her computer screen, Marinette barely managed to contain her gasp as she realised the evidence was still on her screen, and there was no doubt in her mind that Chat Noir could see it. The video and its title were clearly displayed. This only made Marinette's heart beat even faster. Was this it now? Was her secret blown? Was the whole world about to find out what a horrible hero Marinette was?

"I'm waiting," Chat Noir sang, and Marinette heard the bed creak as he sat up.

Words became stuck in Marinette's throat, blocked by the lump that was forming there. It felt like Marinette was being strangled. Her throat closed in on itself, rendering her unable to speak or even breathe. The tips of her fingers and toes began to tingle, and her mind raced at the speed of light, unable to settle on one panicked thought for even a second.

"Is that the video I think it is?" Chat Noir was beginning to sound less playful and more sinister now.

This only served to worsen Marinette's state. This was it. He was going to find out. She was about to die. Her heart rate increased even more, rattling around inside her damaged chest cavity, pulsating as Alya's words began to echo around in her mind. Maybe death was what she deserved. Alya was right. She was selfish and heartless. She had let everyone down. She had abandoned Paris. She…she had failed Chat Noir. Her best friend. Her partner. He was this way because of her. Because she hadn't insisted on talking to him about something that was clearly bugging him. She could have stopped all of this. She _should_ have stopped it. Instead, she took the cowardly way out. She hadn't pushed Chat on what was wrong. She had allowed him to lead her into a trap. She had allowed Hawkmoth to defeat her. She had destroyed her miraculous forever…she had lost Tikki. She had ran, hid and lied to everyone. What kind of person did that make her?

Marinette closed her eyes. It didn't make her a person.

It made her a _monster._

"What are you doing with that?! What's going on?!" Chat Noir yelled aggressively as he jumped down from her bed and dashed over to Marinette as quickly as possible.

Marinette yelped as Chat Noir leaned over her, practically shoving her out of the way as he looked at her computer screen more closely. Marinette risked moving her eyes to subtly look up at him and examined his face carefully. So many emotions flickered across his face that it was hard to keep up with them and pin-point exactly what they were. His hands clenched into fists as he leaned them against her desk, his claws leaving slight marks in the paintwork. His teeth were clenched together as he continued to stare at the video in horror, anger and…guilt?

When Chat Noir's eyes flickered down to look at her, Marinette looked away as quickly as possible, her cheeks flushing slightly as she knew she had been caught staring at him. Her throat began to close up even more, as if a snake had coiled around her neck and constricted itself even tighter with every breath Marinette tried to take. Numbness spread up Marinette's fingers towards her hands, and from her toes to her feet before making its way up her legs.

Panicking at the sensation, Marinette tried to subtly scratch at the back of her hands, just to make sure they weren't about to drop off. Despite feeling like she had lost all sensation in her hands, the scratches still stung and left visible red marks.

"Answer me!" Chat Noir demanded loudly, making Marinette jump.

"I…ummm…you're awake?" Marinette stuttered in a high pitched voice.

"That doesn't answer my question!" Chat Noir barked.

Marinette frowned, not liking the way he was talking to her. "None of your business. This is my room, I can watch and do what I want," she replied grumpily.

"This video was never released!" Chat Noir growled. "How do you have access to it? And what were you talking about with Alya?!"

"I…" Marinette trailed off, not knowing what to say.

So it seemed that Chat Noir hadn't managed to hear most of their conversation, nor had he seemed to have busted her as Ladybug. That was…something at least. But what would happen if Chat Noir became convinced by Alya's conspiracy theories? Would he then try to hunt her down? Would he be able to do such a thing?

Marinette thought hard for a moment, her mind spinning and panicking over all of the possibilities. She was so sure that she had managed to cover her tracks. She was so sure that all evidence had been destroyed or hidden. But what if there was something she missed? What if Marinette herself accidentally gave something away? Marinette had been careless a few minutes ago by having that conversation with Alya while Chat Noir was in the room. If Chat Noir had woken just a few minutes before when she had called him a liar…would that have been all he needed to figure out her little secret? Was this how it was going to be for the rest of her life now? Constantly trying to stay ahead of conspiracy theories and websleuths?

Chat Noir narrowed his eyes at her, making Marinette's head spin even faster. Finally giving up on trying extract answers from her, he turned his attention back to the screen and began scrolling through the web page. He gasped when he noticed that it was the Ladyblog, his face turning an even more ghostly shade of white. He kept scrolling, and Marinette watched as his eyes followed the text of Alya's latest post.

As if he had just been punched in the stomach, Chat Noir made a choking sound before stumbling backwards, curling in on himself slightly as he did so. He shook his head slightly as his eyes were wide with horror before they melted in a blaze of anger. His hands clenched into fists at his side, and Marinette winced when she heard his teeth snap together. His face darkened, and he stood completely rigid a few steps behind her.

"That girl is despicable!" Chat Noir growled out through clenched teeth. "Ladybug is DEAD! Why is she bringing everyone's pain back up by claiming that she's alive?! It's vile! It's disgusting!" Chat Noir's voice began shaking towards the end as if he was struggling to hold back sobs. He slowly relaxed his fists and brought his arms up to loosely wrap them around his chest like he was trying to hold himself together.

"I'm sure Alya doesn't mean any harm," Marinette tried to defend her friend. "I tried to talk her out of it."

"Oh yeah," Chat Noir snapped, "by claiming that Ladybug might be in hiding and that she doesn't want to be found!"

"You heard that?" Marinette gasped.

"Yes!" Chat Noir growled, stalking towards her slightly.

Intimidated, Marinette pushed her chair back slightly until it collided with the edge of her desk. Chat continued stalking forwards before he slowly leaned down slightly and placed both of his arms on either side of Marinette, leaning against her desk and blocking any form of escape.

"Ladybug would _never_ do such a thing."

Marinette frowned. "You don't know that. You don't know her. What if something happened?"

Chat Noir leaned in further so that their noses were almost touching. His warm breath drifted across her face, and his scent surrounded her, making her mind spin even more. Her throat closed up even more, and Marinette's breathing was starting to come out in shallow pants, though she tried her best to hide it. The numbness continued to travel up her body, leaving Marinette to feel like she was floating across a stormy ocean. Her head bobbed up and down on the violent waves, drowning her, and making her feel sick and dizzy.

"I know Ladybug better than anyone," Chat Noir growled in her face, "and she would never abandon Paris. She would never hide from her responsibilities."

In that moment, with those words, Marinette felt like something snapped inside her head. The last remaining pieces of her heart were torn apart until nothing but atoms remained. A tidal wave pulled her under, and no matter how hard Marinette tried to swim to safety, the current kept pulling her under. Water filled her lungs and her throat closed up completely. She was dragged further down into the dark waters below into dangerous and unexplored territory.

Marinette was powerless to stop it.

All she could do was try and gasp for air, her chest being violently yanked back as she did so. Marinette wanted to run. She wanted to scream and cry until there was nothing left in her. Her ears rang loudly as large tears began cascading down her cheeks, blurring her vision and leaving nothing but a smudge of colours in front of her. It felt like her whole body was about to break apart as if she was made of fragile glass that had just been dropped onto the hard floor below. The snake around her throat gripped her tighter and tighter, causing Marinette to gasp even more violently for air. It felt like at any moment she might vomit up the little contents of her stomach.

She could barely register anything that was going on around her. All that Marinette could register was Alya's and Chat Noir's words buzzing around her brain like a swarm of angry bees. The words stung her brain relentlessly, and Marinette gripped hold of her head, hoping to stop the awful sensation.

Marinette was a coward. She had run from her responsibilities. She had caused so much pain to so many people who looked up to her. She was a failure. Probably the worst superhero in the history of humankind. Tikki and Master Fu were wrong when she had been chosen. All Marinette did was cause destruction and devastation wherever she went.

Marinette had always felt like she was never truly cut out to be a superhero, and her theory was proven right the night of the final battle with Hawkmoth. She had failed to spot the signs with Chat Noir that something was wrong. She had failed in her mission against Hawkmoth. She had failed to protect her miraculous. And she had failed to protect Paris.

But it was too late now.

There was nothing Marinette could do. She was in too deep. Even if she wanted to come back as Ladybug, she couldn't. Tikki was gone and there was nothing anyone could do about it. Tikki kept begging her to try in her dreams, but Marinette had run out of options. She and Master Fu had tried everything to bring Tikki back, but nothing worked. Even Master Fu had been at a complete loss at what to do.

She couldn't reveal her secret identity either. Not to mention, everyone would hate her for what she did, and Marinette knew that she just couldn't face that. Alya would never be able to look at her the same again. Her parents would be extremely disappointed in her. She would never be able to show her face in public again. Not that any of that would matter anyway as Chat Noir would likely kill her the instant he found out. Without her miraculous, she would be powerless to stop him from doing so.

Marinette couldn't help but feel like that maybe she should have died that night. Maybe this was her punishment for not meeting her destiny. Was it her fate to die that night and now the universe was punishing her for not doing so?

But Marinette wasn't even sure why she had survived that night. Even Marinette herself had been convinced that she was dead. She had angled her fall so that she would die a quick death rather than let the flames consume her. Maybe she should have just stayed in the fire and allowed herself to burn to death. She shouldn't have tried to crawl away.

If Marinette had died that night, at least she wouldn't have to face the shell of a life she had now. She wouldn't have had to deal with the look of shame on Master Fu's face. Tikki would still be here. Marinette wouldn't have to wake up every day to a living nightmare and carry all of this guilt on her back. If she had died, there would have been a body to find. Paris would be able to grieve properly, and then maybe these conspiracy theories wouldn't have gained so much traction.

Marinette would have done the world a favour if she had died. She would have done herself a favour.

Lost in her thoughts, Marinette barely registered the feeling of something warm wrapping around her. Somewhere deep in the ocean, something warm engulfed her. It was almost like someone had placed an oxygen mask on her face, allowing her to try and breathe again. She felt protected in the warmth. For the first time in a long time, Marinette felt safe. Her breathing became more and more stable, and her head began to gradually stop spinning. It was like someone had reached into the water and had pulled her to the surface. Whatever had saved her, Marinette clung onto it like her life depended on it. She shivered against its soft warmth and used it to keep herself afloat.

"It's okay, I'm sorry," Chat Noir whispered comfortingly while also sounding slightly panicked.

Wait…what was going on?

Marinette was no longer drowning in an endless ocean, but was instead back in her room. The pink walls were a comforting sight that helped keep her grounded. Her head was no longer spinning, and she could breathe properly again. That's when Marinette registered that it felt like she was pinned to the back of her chair. Something soft and warm was wrapped around her waist, rendering her unable to move.

Finally, Marinette snapped out of her state enough to look down to see that Chat Noir had nuzzled himself into the side of her waist. If Marinette hadn't been so shocked, it would have been rather amusing to see Chat Noir nuzzled into her side just like a real cat. He was leaning down on his knees against the floor, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist while he leaned the side of his face against the side of her stomach.

The position looked rather awkward. But Chat didn't seem too bothered. He just simply stared straight ahead, his eyes glazed over and unblinking, lost in his own mind as he simply held her. That was what had grounded her. _Chat Noir_ had grounded her. He had rescued her from drowning in the ocean just like he rescued her from drowning in the river all those nights ago now.

But why?

Why was he doing this for her?

He was evil. He had teamed up with Hawkmoth. So why did he claim he wanted to help her? Why did he continue to save her despite the way she acted towards him? Why was he so fixated on her? Marinette had thought that it was because she reminded him of Ladybug and he was projecting the superhero onto her, but…it really was starting to feel like there was more to it than that.

Marinette's head began to spin with all the confusion. He still loved Ladybug. If that was the case, then that must mean that he never stopped loving her. So…why did he betray her? Marinette really needed to try and get the bottom of this.

All these years, she had been thinking the situation was purely black and white. But maybe it was more grey than she could have imagined. Did Hawkmoth have some sort of hold on him? Was he tricked or manipulated in some way?

Marinette closed her eyes as she thought. She knew that she could probably never forgive Chat Noir for what he did. They're relationship could never go back to the way it used to be. He thought Ladybug was dead and that was the way it was going to stay. Not that Marinette had much choice in the matter. But maybe she could try and attempt to understand what had happened that night. Attempt to understand why Chat Noir had suddenly turned on her. Attempt to understand where everything went wrong.

Marinette opened her eyes again and looked down, jumping slightly once she realised that Chat Noir was now looking up at her. Those eyes…the way they shimmered slightly when he looked at her. It was nearly almost as if she was looking at her old partner again. Only now his eyes were haunted. Frightening ghosts lurked behind his eyes, revealing the trauma underneath all his anger and confident bravado. In this moment, he looked completely lost. His eyes subconsciously begged her for guidance that sadly Marinette would never be able to give. Because she was just as lost herself. Lost in a twisted and gnarled forest, trying to escape the hungry predators that surrounded her. Trying to find her way through the thick mist and find a way out. All the while, the sharp branches and thorns cut and tore at her skin, leaving her skin constantly bleeding and broken.

"I'm sorry," Chat Noir whispered again, not letting go of her.

"For what?" Marinette asked, her voice cracking slightly.

It took a while for Chat to respond as he stared up at her intensely.

"Everything."

Marinette froze in shock, becoming locked in Chat Noir's gaze. Did this mean that he was going to leave her alone now? Had he seen the error of his ways? Much to her horror, Marinette couldn't help but feel slightly sad at the possibility of Chat Noir leaving her and never seeing him again. She hated to admit it but…she had missed him…a lot.

But that was just her longing for the good memories they had together. Chat Noir had changed now. _She_ had changed now. They were both two completely different people. He chose his path and she chose hers. But clearly their paths had crossed again. No matter what, she and Chat Noir always bumped into each other one way or another.

Was it just a coincidence? Was it fate? Marinette wasn't sure. All she knew was that maybe she had been given a chance to potentially get the answers she had been craving since Chat Noir had led her into the trap that fateful night.

"I should go," Chat suddenly announced shakily.

He released Marinette and quickly stood up. However, he wasn't on his feet for more than a millisecond before his legs began to tremble beneath him, and his skin turned a sickly shade of white. Marinette gasped and quickly stood up and caught him before he could collapse again. She hooked her shoulder under his arm while using her other arm and prop his chest up. At least Chat Noir didn't fall unconscious this time, though it certainly looked like he might do at any second.

"You're in no fit state to be going anywhere," Marinette noted with a frown, still holding Chat Noir up, though he seemed to be recovering from this latest dizzy spell. However, he still looked incredibly frail and sickly.

"I've caused you enough trouble for one day," he said sadly, closing his eyes.

Marinette sighed. "It's no more than what I'm used to." Marinette then looked him over again. "Judging by how skinny you've gotten and how weak you seem, I don't mean to pry, but I'm gonna hazard a guess that you haven't been eating much recently."

"I _have_ been eating," Chat Noir protested stubbornly.

"Like what?" Marinette challenged, raising an eyebrow at him.

Chat Noir thought for a moment, growing slightly flustered. "Like…ummm…a bowl of cereal?"

"Oh yeah? And when did you eat that?"

"This morning," Chat Noir replied too quickly.

Marinette frowned at him.

His black cat ears drooped slightly. "Okay so maybe it was yesterday…the day before…three days ago…"

Marinette sighed again. "It's no wonder you've been feeling dizzy and passed out today, Chat. You stupid cat, I'll fix you up something to eat."

Confident that Chat Noir could stand on his own now, Marinette slowly let go of him and began making her way towards her bedroom door. She opened the hatch and was just about to start heading downstairs when Chat Noir seemed to snap out of his shock and run over to her. Marinette was shocked that he had any energy left to do such a thing.

"That's not necessary!" Chat Noir tried to protest.

"It's no trouble," Marinette dismissed him and began walking downstairs into the kitchen with Chat Noir hot on her heels. "I'm not going to make you anything major. You'd be sick if you stuff your face now. Your stomach needs a chance to adjust to having food in it again. I'm just going to make you some soup; start off nice and simple."

Marinette began opening and rummaging through the cupboards, looking for a saucer. Once she had that, she filled it with some water and placed it on the stove. Then after washing her hands, she began rummaging through the refrigerator and pulled out a handful of vegetables and other ingredients. Marinette stared down at everything in her arms, in a state of complete disbelief over what she was doing.

Cooking a meal for the boy who had nearly killed her. Had she gone mad? In fact, Marinette couldn't even remember the last time she had cooked anything. Probably before…before that night. After what had happened, Marinette didn't really eat much herself.

Despite how mad she was for doing this, maybe this _would_ be a good idea. Maybe through actions like these, Chat Noir might finally start to let his guard down and open up to her about what had happened. It was worth a try anyway. And despite how much him being near her right now made her skin crawl, she couldn't help but long for times gone by. She hated him, yet she still deeply cared about him at the same time. These paradoxical feelings were scrambling her brain, making her feel like two separate ropes were tied to each arm, pulling her in the opposite direction and ripping her apart.

Shaking her head and trying to push all of the complicated stuff to one side for now, Marinette focused on chopping some vegetables up. She wasn't quite sure if she remembered her great-uncle's recipe properly, but she knew it would be the best type of soup to help Chat Noir get his energy back.

Speaking of Chat Noir, Marinette thought to herself, he was being unusually quiet. Pausing so she didn't cut herself, Marinette slowly turned her head to peak at what Chat Noir was doing. He was stood by the shelves in the corner of the living room staring at something. Marinette leaned over slightly so she could look over his shoulder and frowned in confusion once she realised he was staring at a picture of her family.

It was a photo taken years ago of her and her parents. They were both smiling happily at the camera. Feelings of hopelessness and sadness began to overwhelm Marinette again. How she longed to jump back into that picture. Back into a time where everything was simple.

"What are you doing?" Marinette couldn't help but ask.

Chat Noir seemed slightly startled by her words as he quickly turned around with his eyes wide and his lips pressed into a tight thin line. He quickly changed his expression though, hiding whatever he was thinking behind a cocky grin as he strode towards her again.

"Just being a curious cat." He chuckled before leaning against the counter and frowning at her. "How come you know so much about what to do if you haven't eaten in a while anyway?" He regarded her suspiciously.

Marinette bit her lip as she scraped the vegetables off the chopping board and poured them into the saucer. She added some seasoning and began to stir, trying her best not to look at Chat Noir as she did so. However, she could feel his eyes burning holes in the back of her head.

"Let's just say I'm no stranger to not eating for days on end," Marinette admitted, her voice shaking slightly before she took a deep breath to calm herself down. "It used to be really bad. I refused to eat anything. I _couldn't_ eat anything. When you feel empty all over, it's hard to register things like hunger and thirst. I used to almost pass out like you're doing now. I scared my parents to death and they were terrified I was anorexic or something. So now I just force myself to eat when I can for their sake.

"I had no idea," she heard Chat Noir say quietly behind her, "you're so different from how I remember you. I remember how happy and optimistic you used to be. You were so brave when you faced off against Evillistrator. Heck, you were almost as good as…as good as…Ladybug…that day. It's a shame you're not a superhero. You'd make a good one."

Marinette's hand slipped slightly as she was stirring, knocking the saucer slightly and spilling a small portion of burning hot soup onto the back of her hand. Marinette yelped and quickly pulled the saucer back into place over the stove. She dropped the wooden spoon into the saucer and clung onto her wrist, staring at the back of her hand in panic. The skin felt red hot and was already turning slightly red. Marinette screamed as the flames began dancing before her vision.

No!

Not now!

Marinette kept screaming.

"Stop the fire!" Marinette screamed, barely registering the sound of Chat Noir gasping and nearly knocking a stool over as he ran towards her. "Get me out! GET ME OUT! HELP ME!"

The fire surrounded Marinette, torching and blistering her skin, cooking her alive inside its inferno. Marinette continued to grip her wrist and she looked down at her hand to inspect the damage again. Broken glass shards protruded from her skin leaving large gashes that oozed blood. Blisters and burns travelled from her hand all the way up her arm, and Marinette began coughing, chocking, spluttering, and desperate to breathe some air in the thick cloud of smoke that surrounded her.

"Marinette!" someone called her, and Marinette felt something grab hold of her arm.

"Chat Noir?" Marinette gasped out.

He hadn't decided to leave her in the flames. He had come back to save her. He had seen the error of his ways and come back to her.

With a small smile on her face, she let herself be pulled out of the fire and then gasped as her vision cleared again. She was back in her kitchen. Chat Noir had grabbed hold of her arm and was pulling her towards the kitchen sink. He began running the water before pulling Marinette's hand underneath it. She winced as the water stung her skin, but felt slightly better when Chat Noir wrapped his free arm around her, rubbing soothing circles into her arm.

"It's just a small burn, nothing to worry about." He smiled at her reassuringly, though it looked strained. "I never thought you of all people would be squeamish over such a thing."

Marinette smiled awkwardly despite the pain. "I have a very low pain threshold," she lied.

Chat Noir pulled her hand out from under the running water and inspected the small red mark on the back of her hand, gently stroking the side of her hand with his thumb as he did so to keep her calm. Marinette couldn't bring herself to look at the burn and instead focused on Chat Noir's face. She focused on the small little dent that formed in the middle of his forehead when he was concentrating on something. Once again, he was seeming…almost like his old self. Granted, he wasn't joking around as much as he used to, but at least he wasn't acting like a psychopath. That had to be something at least.

However, as if sensing her eyes on him, Chat Noir's eyes flickered towards her, and Marinette quickly looked away, her cheeks turning slightly pink as she did so. She extracted her hand from his and rubbed it slightly, trying to ignore the stinging sensation.

"The soup is ready," she announced, not looking at him as she walked back over to the stove and switched it off.

She got two bowls out of the cupboard and poured some for Chat Noir and some for herself – making sure not to burn herself this time. She could feel Chat Noir watching her intently the whole time, but she tried to ignore it. Pulling out two spoons from the drawer, Marinette set the bowls on the counter and pointed at a stool for Chat Noir to sit down.

He obeyed, but then stared down at the soup with a stubborn look on his face. Marinette sat down next to him and picked up her spoon before frowning at Chat Noir's reluctance.

"Please try and eat it, Chat," she urged. "You'll feel better once you have done. It's my great uncle's secret recipe you know."

Chat Noir nodded. "Yeah, I remember," he mumbled quietly before shakily picking up his spoon and stirring it around in the bowl.

Marinette shot him a sad look before she dipped her spoon in and raised it back up slightly before blowing on it. She offered Chat Noir a small smile before she spoke.

"Together on the count of three?"

Chat Noir bit his lip, but reluctantly nodded.

"One, two…three." Marinette put the spoonful of soup in her mouth, barely registering the divine flavours as she watched Chat Noir place a spoonful into his own mouth.

She smiled, satisfied that he was eating something and would hopefully get some of his energy back. Chat Noir seemed to cringe at first, unable to swallow. Finally, he did so and smiled slightly, stirring it around in his bowl some more.

"I had almost forgotten how good your uncle's soup was," he reminisced which shocked Marinette slightly.

"You've had his soup before?" Marinette couldn't ever remember having the soup with Chat Noir. The only person she had dined with after her great-uncle was akumatized was Adrien. She was sure that Chat Noir had never sampled a taste during the whole incident.

Chat Noir looked awkward for a moment. "Errr…yeah. I had it at the restaurant in the Mayor's hotel."

"Oh," was all Marinette could respond with as she kept eating, all the while watching Chat Noir out of the corner of her eye to make sure that he was eating properly, and that he wasn't going to try and think of some way to get out of it.

The stinging sensation on the back of Marinette's hand was slowly disappearing, and the soup was making her feel slightly better. Marinette hadn't even realised how chilly she had begun to feel, and how much her muscles and bones had begun to ache. She sniffed slightly as her nose began to run, however she was soon distracted by Chat Noir talking again.

"You have a lovely family," Chat Noir stared longingly towards the photograph on the shelf again.

"Huh?" Marinette said before looking towards where Chat Noir was staring. "Oh, yeah…thanks."

"You're very lucky to have parents who love you so much," Chat Noir breathed.

Marinette stopped eating her soup and just began playing with it as she looked down sadly. Her parents did love her. Though she didn't understand why right now. She rarely spoke to them these days and had little to do with them. She knew that she was scaring them with her weird behaviour. Yet, despite all that, they did continue to love and care for her. Her parents really were one in a million, and she was very lucky to have them. A lot of parents would have just thrown her into a hospital and be done with it. But not Tom and Sabine. They were willing to try and be there for her.

Marinette then turned her head slightly towards Chat Noir. "I'm sure your family loves you very much too."

Chat Noir visibly tensed next to her before slamming his spoon back into his now almost empty bowl. Some soup splashed onto the counter, and Marinette jumped slightly at his abrupt action.

"I don't have a family," Chat Noir growled out, " _not anymore._ "

Marinette gasped at his words before Chat Noir abruptly stood up with a dark expression on his face.

"Thank you for the soup," he muttered flatly, "but I really have to get going."

"No, Chat, wait!" Marinette pleaded, but it was too late.

Chat Noir had already leapt up into her bedroom and was already likely out of her balcony door by now. Marinette sighed to herself, sitting on her own in silence for a few minutes, her mind trying to catch up with everything that had just happened. Her heart ached at Chat Noir's words. Was he telling the truth? Had he really lost his entire family? Marinette couldn't imagine life without her parents. She couldn't even begin to imagine how Chat Noir must feel.

His words continued to haunt her mind as she cleaned up the kitchen. By the time she was done, her parents had got back and were walking through the front door. Marinette stood in the kitchen waiting for them. Her dad didn't seem to register her standing there as he collapsed onto the couch and turned the TV on. Sabine took her coat off and hung it up before gasping when she caught site of Marinette standing in the kitchen.

"Oh, Marinette, dear." Sabine stared at her daughter in concern, and Tom turned to look at her in shock. "Is everything alright?"

"I'm fine, mom." Marinette smiled softly. "I just finished cleaning the kitchen up."

"Oh, well, thank you sweetheart, but you didn't have to clean up." Sabine smiled awkwardly, talking to Marinette as if she might shatter into a million tiny pieces at the wrong word. "You go back up to bed and rest if you want. Don't worry, your father and I won't disturb you."

They both shot her worried glances.

Marinette thought for a moment. "Actually, I was thinking I might spend some time with you guys tonight. If that's okay at least?"

Sabine and Tom both stared at Marinette, completely speechless.

"Ummm…yes! Of course it would be, dear." Sabine beamed.

"You know we're always happy to have you around," Tom said, and Marinette smiled at both of them before sitting down on the couch next to her dad.

Both Tom and Sabine exchanged hopeful glances that Marinette couldn't see.

Marinette smiled slightly to herself as she curled up next to her father just like she used to do when they would spend evenings together. It felt surreal but… _good_ to be partaking in a normal ritual again. For the first time in a while, Marinette felt…content. For a moment, Marinette almost felt like she could forget about everything and just spend some much needed quality time with her long neglected parents.

_Almost._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to get this chapter, or any future chapter for that matter, uploaded for a while. I was having huge technical issues this week, but luckily I managed to get them fixed. All hail my old laptop, my saviour. I just hope I've managed to catch all of the errors while editing since I'm still getting used to this keyboard again. But anyway, thank you so much for all of your continued support! You have no idea how much it means to me!


	15. Strange Sensations

"Everything I have done, everything I will do, is not out of evil my son," Hawkmoth's voice echoed through his lair.

Streaks of sunlight shone onto his back through the round window, casting a shadow in the shape of a butterfly beneath his feet. White butterflies glowed and fluttered all around them. It was such a beautiful sight in an otherwise sinister and terrifying situation. It only served as more of a reminder of what his father was. Of what his father had done.

The villain leered over the collapsed figure of Chat Noir as he lay on the ground, completely numb to everything. The black cat hero was curled up into a tight ball, trembling beneath his father's gaze as blood dripped down from his nose. The bruises ached across his body, but Chat Noir couldn't bring himself to care. For nothing could hurt more in this moment than the pain and betrayal that he felt inside his heart. The pain was so unbearable that Chat Noir could no longer bring himself to move. He didn't even twitch in pain, he just lay there motionless on the ground, terrified and defeated. His baton had been knocked to the other side of the room, glistening slightly in the limited light that the one and only window above them provided.

_His own father_ …

All this time…his own father had been Hawkmoth.

His arch enemy had been his _father_.

It couldn't be true, it just couldn't.

Yet there he stood. Chat Noir had seen him transform in front of his very own eyes. The evidence was undeniable, yet Chat Noir still didn't want to believe it. It seemed that curiosity really did kill the cat. Only this time, satisfaction wouldn't bring it back to life. The painful truth had sent him to an eternal hell where he was being tortured. Demons poked and prodded at him, laughing as they mocked and reminded him of the ugly truth that smiled a deranged smile down at him.

Why did Chat Noir allow himself to spy on his own father? He had been suspicious of his father's strange behaviour for a while, and deep down, Chat Noir always knew that he probably didn't want to know the answer.

Why did he let Plagg encourage him? He had found his father's lair. He remained hidden as he watched Gabriel Agreste transform into none other than Hawkmoth. He had seen his used and abused kwami, shaking and completely terrified in Gabriel's presence. Referring to his father as his _master._

That's when Hawkmoth had turned around and spotted him.

Without thinking, and feeling nothing but pure anger and rage, Adrien had transformed into Chat Noir, exposing his own identity to the very villain he had been fighting since day one. In that moment, Chat Noir didn't care. All he had wanted to do was hurt his father. To inflict all the pain that he had inflicted onto everyone in the city of Paris. His own father had used his friends. Akumatized them and forced them to do his bidding. He had hurt his lady and put her life in danger. All those times Chat Noir himself had nearly been killed by an akuma. His father was _evil._

_Pure evil._

"You monster!" Chat Noir screamed, blood dripping from his mouth from when his father had struck him with his cane during their fight. It felt like he might have busted his lip. Parts of his face were starting to painfully swell, and Chat Noir placed a hand against his nose and mouth before pulling it away, watching in horror as the blood his father spilled dripped between his fingers before staining the ground beneath him. He then clenched his hand into a tight fist before glaring murderously up at his father.

Hawkmoth stared down at him, his grey eyes as cold and hard as steel. He stood completely straight, leaning both of his hands on top of his cane. However, his father's expression soon morphed into pity as he stared down at his son. Looking down his nose at him, Hawkmoth finally sighed before turning around to stare out of the window. It was almost as if he was mocking Chat Noir. He knew Chat was too injured and weak to do anything right now. Hawkmoth mockingly let his guard down, presenting Chat Noir with the perfect opportunity to strike him.

Chat Noir reached a hand up and tried to push himself towards the villain in front of him, but instead fell back into a heap on the floor. His arms and knees wobbled before collapsing under his own weight, and his face scraped the floor. Defeated, Chat Noir simply lay there as his father let out a light chuckle.

"Pathetic," Hawkmoth scolded, twisting slightly to look down at his son. "You've been given one of the most powerful miraculous in the universe and you don't even use it to its full potential. You have no idea the amount of power you possess. Instead, you and Ladybug waste it. But I…oh, I know how to use it." He smirked.

"You'll never get the chance," Chat Noir weakly choked out before he spat out more blood.

Hawkmoth ignored him. "I suspected that you were Chat Noir some time ago. I should have followed my instincts. All this time, the ring was right under my nose. Did you enjoy your little time being a superhero?"

Chat Noir said nothing, merely glaring up at him.

Hawkmoth narrowed his eyes. "You're too precious to me to allow you to continue. I love you too much to see you waste all of your potential like that."

"Love me so much that you beat me to a pulp," Chat Noir sneered.

"Just like I said…pathetic. I'm trying to show you that your potential is being wasted. You could barely hold your own against me, self-taught in miraculous magic, whereas you…you haven’t got a clue, have you? If you really want to continue being a miraculous holder, I could help you, and in return, you could help me…help both of us."

"Deluded as well as psychotic," Chat Noir chuckled humourlessly. "You want power just like any other stereotypical villain, like a moth drawn to a flame."

Hawkmoth smirked. "I don't care about power. There's something dangerous hidden deep with you, Adrien. You possess the power of destruction and that power is longing to burst out of you. I can help you unlock that. Together, we can use that to get your mother back."

Chat Noir narrowed his eyes. "Mom's dead."

It cut through him to state that in such a matter-of-fact manner, but it was the truth. His father was completely deluded. If he could just find the energy and strength to push himself upwards, maybe he could try and reach for his baton. He needed to call Ladybug. As much as he wanted to face his father alone beforehand, his brain finally caught up with his emotions, and he knew that wouldn't be possible. His father was too strong and too cunning. He needed Ladybug. Together, they could finally stop Hawkmoth.

The thought of defeating his father painfully stabbed him in the heart, letting warm blood seep out inside his chest, flooding his body with the thick liquid and drowning him from the inside. He was angry. More angry than he had ever been in his entire life. It tore his body to shreds with its sharp teeth and consumed every inch of him. He'd lost his mother, and now he had lost his father as well.

After he and Ladybug took his miraculous, it was clear that his father would be arrested. His father had been the only family he had left. He was only fourteen. What would happen to him afterwards? What would he do? Where would he go? He wasn't old enough in the eyes of the law to look after himself. Nathalie had been in on this whole thing, so she would be arrested too, so she couldn't look after him either.

Chat Noir dug his claws into the ground, leaving deep scratch marks. His father had often made his life a living hell. He had spent most of his life locked away inside their family mansion, lonely and unhappy. Chloé had been his only friend, though he had only rarely seen her over the years. His father had controlled every inch of his life, never allowing him any freedom to be just a normal teenager.

And now…now his father had taken his life into the palm of his hand and tore it into a million tiny pieces. He had taken a great, big hammer and shattered the fragile rose tinted glass Chat Noir had viewed the world from behind. Chat Noir had never felt more alone in that moment. More alone than the time his father had flatly broken the news that his mother was gone before slamming his office door in his face. More alone than all the times he had been locked and abandoned in his room with nothing but material possessions to keep him company. So alone, that it felt like he was in the middle of an endless desert with no sign of life anywhere. The intense heat burned him, and the dry sand blew into his face, stinging his eyes as he looked in every direction for any sign of somebody he could just reach for.

But nobody came.

Just like he had been most of his life, Chat Noir was alone.

"For now she is, yes." Hawkmoth frowned before holding his hand up and clenching his fist. "But with the power of yours and Ladybug's miraculous, we can get her back. Possessing both the ladybug and cat miraculous grants you absolute power. You can wish for anything in the universe. The universe will bow to your will."

Chat Noir's eyes widened, no longer able to contain the tears as they streamed down his cheeks, mixing with his blood, creating thick, red waterfalls that cascaded to the ground.

Hawkmoth then looked down at his son with a dangerous glint in his eyes. Chat Noir looked hopelessly down at the ground before squeezing his eyes shut. He needed to figure a way out of this. His father was completely and utterly deranged; completely beyond help. It was really starting to seem hopeless. Would Ladybug and Chat Noir even stand a chance against him?

His father fought dirty. There was nothing Chat Noir would love more than to have his mother back, but to risk handing his father his miraculous? Plus, there was no way that Ladybug would ever agree to such a thing. There was nothing Chat Noir could do.

Or was there?

Adrien's eyes fluttered open, feeling as heavy as lead. His whole body felt like it was drenched in a layer of cold sweat, and when he tried to move his limbs, he began to panic when he realised he couldn't. It was like his entire body was pinned to his bed by an enormous weight that was pressed against his chest. He desperately tried to wiggle his fingers and toes, but they wouldn't budge.

Eyes wide with panic, Adrien could only look up as a ghostly figure hovered above him.

He gasped as Ladybug smiled down at him, floating above him as if she was underwater. Her black hair held in pigtails billowed out next to her, as did the red ribbons that kept her hair in place. Her blue eyes sparkled as she continued to smile at the paralysed form of Adrien below her.

She waved her arms slightly which sent her slowly floating down towards him. All Adrien could do was watch in shock, completely transfixed by the sight of those gorgeous bluebell eyes that he was so sure he would never see again. Tears began to form in his eyes, and his heart leapt in his chest at the sight of her. He longed to reach up and touch her pale skin and feel its softness beneath his fingers again, only he remained completely paralysed, powerless to do anything but watch her.

Down she continued to float until her arms reached for him, stretching them until they cupped both of his cheeks. Soon, her chest was pressed against his own, and Adrien's heart exploded at the sensation. She was so tantalisingly close to him. He just wished that he could reach up and wrap his arms around her and never let her go again. He would keep her protected forever. Safe from harm unlike what he had failed to do that fateful night.

She had come back to him. All those years of longing for her. All those years of his heart reaching out for her, only to forever grasp at nothing. Now she was finally back and he would never let her go again.

Cold as ice, her lips gently pressed against his own, sending shivers across his entire body. Adrien closed his eyes, savouring this beautiful moment. How long had he been desperate to feel his lady's lips against his own? Too long. Way too long.

He wanted so desperately to reach up and press her body even closer to his own. To run his fingers through her dark hair and savour its softness. He wanted this moment to never end. His tears mixed in with the kiss, making her lips taste salty, but underneath, there was still that delectable and addicting taste of his lady. He wanted more. He _needed_ more.

Too soon, Ladybug pulled away, and Adrien's eyes fluttered open, a happy and content smile on his face, before his eyes widened and he gasped in horror. Ladybug still hovered above him, only she now looked completely disfigured. She laughed down at him maniacally as grotesque burns travelled up her arms and towards her chest, burning away her suit and leaving nothing but charred and blistered flesh. Blood and puss oozed from her body, making Adrien scream and try to thrash around, but he was still powerless to move, completely paralysed and at her mercy.

"You did this," Ladybug hissed down at him. "You did this to me!"

She then laughed again as her flesh continued to melt away. Blood and bits of muscle dripped down onto Adrien, staining his body and his sheets. Her skin and muscle sizzled and burned, yet all the while, Ladybug continued to laugh down at him. Her bones became exposed, her skull still laughing as her eyeballs melted out of their sockets, becoming nothing more than a red and white liquid that dribbled and oozed down onto Adrien's horrified form.

Her laughter died down, becoming nothing more than an echo in his room as her bones turned to nothing more than ash before disappearing completely.

Adrien screamed and could finally move again, sitting bolt upright in bed, panting and sweating as he quickly looked down to inspect himself. There was no blood, no bits of flesh…nothing. He and his bed were completely clean as if nothing had just happened.

Still gasping for air, Adrien frantically looked around before freezing when he caught sight of his kwami fast asleep on his pillow next to where his head had just been. Plagg stirred slightly in his sleep before wrapping his black tail around himself and snuggled further into Adrien's soft pillows, snoring away loudly.

Ladybug wasn't here. She hadn't come back to him. She hadn't burned and melted away in front of him.

Was…was that what it had been like for her? How long was she screaming in pain, completely alone among the hot flames of the blaze? Had…had that been how she was killed? How her flesh had melted away until there was nothing left for them to find?

Adrien's stomach churned and bubbled in his abdomen, and his knees wobbled beneath him. He then gasped and darted towards his en suite, slamming the door open and running straight towards the toilet. Collapsing to his knees, Adrien vomited up the small contents of his stomach, mainly consisting of the soup Marinette had made for him yesterday.

He heaved violently as the horrifying images of Ladybug continued to assault his mind. His throat and mouth burned, but it didn't take him long to finish. However, Adrien was still dry heaving for a good few minutes afterwards. His chest contracted painfully, like someone had placed him in the middle of a huge vice and was trying to squeeze the life out of him. He gasped for air loudly as he leaned on his hands against the seat of the toilet, the bathroom tiles feeling amazingly cold beneath his legs as the coolness seeped through the fabric of his jeans.

Once he was sure he was finished, Adrien flushed the toilet, however, he continued to sit slouched on his bathroom floor, tears streaming down his cheeks as he tried to fight off the horrible images he had just witnessed.

_That…that had been the fate of his lady._ That was what he had allowed to happen.

_He_ had done that to her.

"Hey, kid, you okay?" Plagg's voice made Adrien jump slightly, and he looked up to see his kwami hovering above him, looking down at his holder with a tired and apathetic expression. However, Adrien could still see the love and care hidden deep within Plagg's green eyes.

"I'm fine," Adrien lied, wiping the tears off his cheeks with the back of his hand.

"Yeah, and I hate cheese," Plagg mumbled sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.

Adrien sighed. "Just another bad dream that's all."

Plagg said nothing as he continued to hover above Adrien. Adrien finally sighed and forced himself to stand up, wobbling slightly as he did so before righting himself. He stumbled over towards his sink before brushing his teeth and rinsing his mouth out as much as he could to get rid of the foul, acidic taste in his mouth.

Once he had spat out the contents of his mouth for the final time, Adrien leaned against the sink and stared at his reflection in the mirror. He could see Plagg watching him cautiously from behind. Adrien looked like a complete wreck. Marinette was right, he had lost a worrying amount of weight.

"She was right there, Plagg," Adrien whimpered out, "I could almost reach out and touch her, but I couldn't. Then she…" Adrien cringed, unable to continue.

Plagg remained silent, looking away from Adrien with a deep frown on his face. Meanwhile, Adrien felt like he was on the verge of collapsing again. His stomach burned and his whole body ached as if he had just been run over by a huge truck. His eyes were heavy with exhaustion, and his heart longed for his lady.

However, the face of Marinette invaded his mind instead. Adrien quickly shook his head. He wanted Ladybug. So why did his mind keep automatically going to Marinette?

Once again, Marinette was all he could think of. She engulfed his mind and deep down, Adrien knew that she was the only person who could make him feel better. In this cold, dark void, she was his only source of light and warmth. The only person who gave him meaning by his unfathomable and intense urge to protect her and keep her safe.

"Listen, Adrien…" Plagg spoke quietly. "I didn't want to tell you before, but…"

"I've gotta go see, Marinette," Adrien gasped out desperately, ignoring his kwami. "We've got to get going right now. Plagg, claws –"

"No, Adrien, listen –" Plagg tried to protest.

" _I said_ ," Adrien replied threateningly, interrupting his kwami again, " _claws out_."

His ring activated, and Plagg sighed as he began to be pulled towards it. He folded his arms across his little chest with a stubborn and frustrated expression on his face.

"Fine, have it your way," Plagg mumbled as he was sucked into the ring.

Adrien was shocked by his lack of protesting and screaming over not wanting to transform him, but he decided to ignore it. Once he had transformed back into Chat Noir in a burst of green light, he wasted no time in dashing out of his mansion and into the crisp, afternoon air of Paris. The leaves were starting to turn orange and red, looking like small flames beneath him as he flew over the streets.

However, Chat Noir was being unusually careful this time. Normally, he wouldn't care about being spotted, but this time, he definitely wanted no disturbances. He just wanted a quiet day and to quickly find his princess. As always, she was the only person who could make him feel better. After his terrifying dreams and hallucinations, he just had to make sure that she was okay as well. The way the leaves had turned the colour of fire certainly weren't helping him feel any better. Long before, Chat Noir always enjoyed the beautiful colours that autumn brought. But not anymore. Their haunting colours now only reminded him of…what happened.

Growling to himself as a tight knot formed in his chest, he pressed on, using his baton to hop from one roof to another. Judging by the sun, it looked like it was starting to approach the afternoon, so Chat Noir knew that Marinette would likely be at school at this time. He wasn't sure whether it would be best to approach her at some point in the day. As much as he desperately wanted to, he didn't know whether Marinette would want him around. He had caused her enough pain and trouble with his weird obsession with her.

It was so strange. He was beginning to find himself caring more and more about Marinette's feelings and what his behaviour was doing to her. Up until now, when he needed his fix of her, he just went and found her without caring too much about scaring her, but it was like…something was changing inside him. It was like…he was finally caring about another person again. The feeling felt so strange and foreign to him after all these years.

Shaking off his confused thoughts, Chat Noir finally arrived at the school and began trying to peer through every window of the building without being seen, looking for any sign of Marinette's class – his old class. Luckily, it didn't take long, and Chat Noir finally located Nino and Alya sitting at the front of their science class.

Chat Noir scanned the classroom and grew increasingly more panicked when he realised that Marinette was nowhere to be seen. The desk behind Alya and Nino was completely empty. Everyone else seemed to be there, so why wasn't Marinette? He scanned Alya's and Nino's faces, but they didn't look too worried as they were busy whispering and giggling amongst themselves.

Chat Noir could feel himself beginning to pant in fear. His heart pounded in his chest and he squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again, hoping in vain that maybe Marinette would just magically appear at her desk and that she would be okay. But she didn't. Her seat remained empty and there was no sign of her bag.

Maybe she had gone to the bathroom? Chat Noir continued to wait, clinging onto the tree branch tightly as worried sweat dripped down from his forehead. The minutes ticked by, but Marinette never walked through the classroom door. Finally, the bell rang and everyone began packing away their things.

If she wasn't at school, where was she? Had something terrible happened to her? Marinette was so fragile and vulnerable. Chat Noir knew he would never be able to forgive himself if something had happened to her. What if he had failed again? What if he had failed to protect another person who was extremely important to him? He needed to find her!

Leaping off the tree, Chat Noir knew that the first place he should look was the small apartment that she shared with her parents. The bakery looked busy, so Chat Noir was extra careful while leaping from rooftop to rooftop, making sure that no one waiting outside the bakery spotted him. If the bakery was open, that meant her parents couldn't be too worried.

That thought did nothing to help calm him down though. He shuffled down the roof as quietly as he could before dropping down onto Marinette's balcony. Without thinking, he yanked open her balcony door before he froze and sighed with relief.

She was here.

She looked completely fine.

Before Chat Noir had the chance to happily jump down and greet her, he froze again at the adorable sound of her sneezing. She sniffed before blowing her nose into a tissue before throwing it into her now overflowing trash can. Despite it being the afternoon, she was still dressed in her pyjamas and she kept tugging on the sleeve of her shirt before picking up her pencil again and staring down at the many pieces of paper in front of her.

Curious, Chat Noir quietly jumped down and landed on her bed, however, he wasn't quiet enough, and ended up startling his princess. Marinette gasped and twisted around to stare at Chat Noir with wide eyes. Her face was completely pale and covered by a thin layer of sweat. Chat Noir gasped at the sight of her. She was sick. That's why she wasn't at school today.

"Chat! You scared me!" she gasped, placing a hand on her chest in an effort to calm her racing heart.

"Sorry, I just…I needed to see you," Chat Noir admitted, his cheeks turning slightly pink.

"What's wrong?" Marinette frowned at him worriedly.

She was worried about him? When had she seemingly suddenly started to care for him? It had come to a huge surprise to him yesterday when she had helped him after he had passed out. He had been so stupid. He could have fainted anywhere and then anyone could have taken his ring and his identity would be exposed. Hell, he was surprised that Marinette hadn't taken his ring. But…she didn't.

Despite not understanding why she hadn't, Chat Noir still found himself feeling incredibly grateful. No doubt once his identity was exposed and he no longer had his miraculous, he would be thrown into a maximum security facility for the criminally insane, just like his father. It looked like insanity ran in the family. Chat Noir was insane for doing what he was. But he just couldn't stop himself. He _needed_ to be around Marinette.

"Shouldn't I be the one asking you that question, princess?" Chat Noir asked, his voice full of concerned as he jumped down off her bed and walked towards her.

Marinette backed away slightly before holding herself in place. She flinched slightly when Chat Noir placed a hand against her forehead, brushing strands of dark hair out of her face. He frowned worriedly when he realised how warm she felt.

"You're burning up, princess," he noted, frowning down at her.

Marinette rolled her eyes. "It's what I get for standing out in that storm yesterday."

Chat Noir looked away and bit his lip. It was all his fault that she was ill. If he hadn't acted so stupidly and let his strange emotions control him, she wouldn't have been out in the storm that long. He had attacked Nathaniel, an old friend of his. What had he been thinking? He had terrified Marinette, and then terrorised Paris afterwards, not caring about other people other than his need to destroy.

_Destroy._

Chat Noir winced backwards slightly, instinctively placing a hand on his head as it began to throb painfully. He could feel something bubbling up inside him again. Something unknown…something terrifying. It was the very ravenous feeling he had felt when he had attacked Paris yesterday. His head began to spin, and once again, it felt like his knees were going to buckle out from beneath him at any second.

Marinette gasped and placed a hand on his arm. The feeling of her touching him seemed to be enough to chase that strange feeling away, but not entirely. It was as if Marinette was some sort of weak pain killer, and through his blurred vision, he could just about make out her concerned expression as she stared up at him.

He stumbled forward slightly, his mind a tornado of pain, anger and a strange need. His hands twitched, and his claws tingled with a desire to dig themselves into something. He'd been having this strange feeling for years and he had always embraced it. Letting his anger and the need to destroy consume him. Up until now, it was the only thing that reminded him that he was alive. That he wasn't just floating down a raging river of pain and grief that left him empty inside.

But now…now that he had Marinette, something was beginning to feel wrong about it. That feeling was beginning to feel like it was growing out of control as it got worse.

His head still pounding, Chat Noir stumbled forward slightly until his hand was leaning on top of Marinette's desk, just above the chest of drawers underneath. His eyes found themselves drawn to the top drawer, and Chat Noir frowned in confusion. He could feel something. Like something was calling to him from a distance, yet Chat Noir couldn't quite pick up its frequency.

"Chat?" Marinette's voice brought him out of his thoughts again as she grabbed hold of his hand and slowly moved it away from the drawer, looking slightly nervous as she did so.

Chat Noir shook his head, finally clearing it. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" Marinette didn't look convinced as she stood up and placed herself between Chat Noir and her desk, looking at him with suspicion.

"Anyway, never mind me." Chat Noir frowned at her. "If you're sick, you should be in bed."

"Yeah, but I –"

Marinette yelped as Chat Noir reached under her legs before picking her up bridal style. She squealed in fright, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck before glaring at him in confusion. Chat Noir ignored her though, and began walking them both back towards Marinette's bed.

"What are you doing?!" Marinette gasped. "Put me down!"

"You shouldn't be up and about when you're feeling like this. You need to rest," Chat Noir ordered before easily lifting Marinette up over the bars of her bed as if she was as light as a feather.

He then gently placed her down on her bed, however, Marinette quickly sat up again, glaring down at Chat Noir before he gently pushed her back down again. It was nice to know that despite everything else that had changed, her stubbornness had remained the same.

Marinette was too weak to fight him off, and Chat Noir quickly pulled her covers up and over her, tucking her into bed like a small child. The whole time, Marinette glared at him, and Chat Noir shot her a large, innocent smile in return.

"There's no need to treat me like a child," she protested stubbornly.

Chat Noir chuckled and patted her on the head, much to her further humiliation and dismay. "Hey, you looked after me yesterday, so I think it's only fair that I return the favour."

"There's no need!" Marinette tried to insist before Chat Noir held his hand up.

"It's no trouble."

Marinette thought for a moment. "Paris' most terrifying villain as my nurse for the day? Could this day get anymore weird?"

"I'm no villain," Chat Noir frowned at her, wincing slightly at her words.

Marinette bit her lip, seeming to realise she had gone too far. That made a surprising change. Normally, she didn't hesitate to try and push his buttons, just to see how far she could get with him. Chat Noir was grateful though. The last thing he currently wanted to do was have another fight with her. Yesterday had been so good. He had briefly seen the old Marinette. The warm and caring side that he always used to admire from afar all those years ago.

Then he had to go and ruin it. The reminder of a happy family had been too much for him. Staring at that photo had made him so jealous of Marinette. She had such a loving family. Chat Noir could barely remember what love felt like. The only person in his life who had ever properly provided him with it was his mother. But she was gone.

Chat Noir had almost felt that warmth and affection again yesterday when Marinette had took care of him. It felt strange. It felt scary. And like the coward Chat Noir often was, he fled from it. Because he could never hold on to a good thing. He always had to destroy it or run away from it. Well not anymore.

He was going to cling onto Marinette with everything he had. Starting with repaying her for the way she had treated him yesterday. He would look after her the way she had looked after him. From now on, he was always going to take care of his special princess.

Something in Marinette was beginning to change. Something inside _himself_ was beginning to change. He was going to do everything within his power to nurture that, he thought to himself as he couldn't help but gently stroke a strand of Marinette's hair while she was busy trying to get comfortable. He was going to do everything in his power to help Marinette, not just protect her from danger.

Chat Noir was going to fix her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But will it be that easy? Also, does anyone have any sleep paralysis stories like what poor Adrien experienced? Sleep paralysis is the worst. I've seen ghosts and giant spiders. Ick. Thank you so much for all of your amazing comments as always! Please feel free to keep them coming!


	16. Discoloured

"Look, I can look after myself okay?" Marinette grumbled for the eleventh time, sulking as she stared up at the ceiling with her arms stubbornly crossed over her chest.

Chat Noir wasn't surprised. As soon as he laid her down on her bed and tried to tuck her in to make sure she was warm enough, the inevitable pout formed on her face as she refused to let him help her out in any way. All he had done was ask if she needed extra blankets. Her slight tremors betrayed her continuous insistence that she was fine when she was obviously still slightly cold.

It made Chat Noir almost panic to see her in such a state. This was all his fault. If he hadn't gone crazy at Nathaniel, Marinette would have likely got back inside sooner instead of standing out in the rain. Looking after her was the least he could do. He wanted Marinette to get better – physically and mentally.

He had promised himself that he was going to fix her.

And he intended to keep that promise.

For some strange reason, he felt a deep connection with Marinette. He had always found her endearing years ago when they had both been to school together, but he had never really given her that much thought. She was his first friend, yet they often had very little to do with each other. Honestly, he had always wondered if Marinette was secretly still mad at him over the chewing gum incident. She had always stuttered around him and seemed to get flustered. But Chat Noir had always brushed it off. After he dropped out of school, she rarely if ever crossed his mind.

But when he had seen her that night after saving her…it was like he felt drawn towards her.

It was like she was a powerful magnet, completely oblivious of how she constantly drew him to her. Chat Noir couldn't make sense of it, but…maybe it was because he could instinctively tell that she was almost as broken as he was on the inside. He could tell from the moment he set eyes on her again that something wasn't right.

She had lost weight, despite being quite skinny to begin with. She no longer wore her hair in the bouncy, bubbly pigtails that perfectly represented her cute and happy personality. Instead, it looked like she had cut her hair, simply wearing it in a short bob that barely touched her shoulders. It was like she had given up making an effort with herself.

As far as Chat Noir could tell, she didn't wear make-up anymore. Back at school, she normally just wore some eyeliner and lip gloss, but now there was nothing. She used to design all of her own clothes that were often brightly coloured and unique. He remembered the cute, pink and white pyjamas she used to wear that she had accidentally forgotten to change herself out of long ago when he had been desperate to see his mother's movie.

Now she just simply wore black leggings and a large sweatshirt, like she was trying to hide as much of herself as possible. The dark grey colour of the sweatshirt only served to highlight how small and skinny she had become, along with how pale her skin was. It was like she hadn't seen sunlight in years. It made her skin look papery and delicate, as if one wrong move would cause it to tear. All the colour had completely drained out of her, making her a mere shadow of her former self.

The way she behaved…it reminded Chat Noir very much of himself.

It was clear that something had happened to Marinette. Something had happened that had twisted her into what she was now. Curiosity ate away at him, and he longed to know what had happened that had caused the once optimistic and friendly girl to become a shell of her former self. The drastic personality change was incredibly jarring. But the old Marinette had to be in there somewhere. The real Marinette, not the hollow, cynical, ghost of a girl she had become.

Chat Noir would find some way to help her find herself again. She looked as lost as he felt. Without… _Ladybug_ …nothing in his life made sense anymore. He'd lost everything that night. His mother, his father, his friends and the love of his life. But it felt like Marinette gave him some sort of purpose. Being in her presence almost made him feel like he could breathe again. Like someone had placed a hand over the hole in his chest to stop the endless bleeding. It wasn't perfect, and it wasn't healed, but it was a start.

That feeling alone was enough to make him want to stay by her side. To help her as much as she was helping him, and she wasn't even trying. Being with her was like seeing small rays of sunshine after years of being locked away in a dark room. It wasn't the same as seeing the actual sun though. Ladybug was his sun and she always would be. But to just get a hint, a taste of that light again, no matter what small form it came in was enough to make him feel slightly better. And Chat Noir would take feeling slightly better any day. Anything beat the constant feeling of clinging onto the edge of that cliff. Despite her previous attempts to push him off the edge, it was like Marinette had suddenly grabbed hold of his hand, providing him with a small sense of safety and strength.

But could he trust her though? Could he trust that she wasn't going to simply just let go of his hand and send him plummeting down into the unknown?

With all his heart, he wanted to believe that Marinette was what he needed to help pull him away from the dangerous cliff edge. But his head told him to trust no one. His head was telling him that Marinette was not Ladybug. He couldn't selfishly use her as some sort of substitute.

Was that what he was doing?

Chat Noir found himself blinking in confusion at that thought.

He knew Marinette wasn't Ladybug. He knew that Marinette could never hold a candle to his lady. What was he thinking? It was almost as if he was acting as if he had feelings for Marinette – which he didn't. He felt…drawn to her, but that was it. He was obsessed with making sure that she was okay since she seemed so fragile and vulnerable.

Marinette was just a friend though.

Nothing more.

She could never be anything more.

Chat Noir knew that no one could replace Ladybug in his heart.

_No one._

_Not ever._

At those thoughts, Chat Noir squeezed his eyes tightly shut and almost doubled over in pain. What would his lady think of him now? Marinette had been right. It almost seemed Marinette knew Ladybug almost as well as he did. She would hate what he had become. She would hate that he terrorised Paris just to feel something other than endless pain and grief for once. She would hate that he locked himself away from the world. She would hate him for what he did to her that night. That thought always caused his chest to pulsate painfully…the thought that…she had died thinking that…

It was too late now.

She would never know.

But did she know now, wherever she was? Was there some sort of afterlife? Was Ladybug watching him right now? If she knew the truth, would she forgive him for it? Would finding out the truth finally allow her soul to rest in peace? But Chat Noir had never told anybody so how would she know?

He was pretty sure that his father had figured it out, though he never directly admitted that he knew. He probably easily put the pieces together when Chat Noir had attacked him and just silently accepted it. Chat Noir had never wanted to go and see his father to explain. He wasn't worth it. He didn't deserve it.

The last time Chat Noir had seen his father was at the trial. His grey eyes had easily picked his son out, hidden at the back of the audience, his face covered by his hood. What sickened Chat Noir was that his father's eyes held no remorse. Despite going insane, his father had been declared fit to stand trial. Everyone always knew that the verdict would be guilty. The question was, what was going to happen to him afterwards? His miraculous was seized by authorities before it went missing. Though Chat Noir didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore.

Until Marinette…

The sound of Marinette coughing finally snapped Chat Noir out of his deep thoughts as she sat up slightly in bed to help clear her congested chest. She placed her hand over her mouth which muffled the sound, and Chat Noir couldn't help but stare at her, completely transfixed. Despite looking ill, she really was quite pretty.

Chat Noir longed to see her healthy again, both physically and mentally. He longed to see her smiling up at him like she used to smile all those years ago. There had always been something contagious about her smile. It made everyone feel optimistic, like they could do anything. Chat Noir knew that seeing that smile would also help him feel better. To know that he had done something good in helping her get through this dark patch she seemed to be going through. To know that one of his oldest friends was now feeling better.

"If you keep digging your claws into my bed, there's going to be nothing left of it," Marinette commented, raising an eyebrow as she stared down at Chat Noir's hands.

Chat looked down to see what she was talking about, and quickly relaxed his hands when he saw that he had indeed been digging his claws into her mattress, leaving tiny holes in the process.

"Are you okay?" Marinette asked slowly, regarding Chat Noir with suspicion.

"I'm fine." Chat plastered a smile onto his face, though Marinette didn't look convinced by it. "But today is not about me, it's about you. I'm here to look after you, not the other way around."

"Really, that's not necessary," Marinette tried to nervously protest.

"Hey, you looked after me, it's only fair that I return the favour," Chat Noir insisted before he looked Marinette over again.

She looked away awkwardly in response, her cheeks turning a light shade of pink that finally brought some beautiful colour to her otherwise sickly pale skin that looked practically devoid of life. She chewed on her lip before she gasped as Chat Noir pushed her back down into bed and pulled the covers back over her.

"Hey!" Marinette exclaimed an annoyance, "I'm not an invalid."

Chat Noir rolled his eyes. "You're sick and I'm going to be taking care of you whether you like it or not, so just stop being stubborn. Princesses deserve to be taken care of."

He winked at her before flashing her a smirk as her cheeks turned an even deeper shade of pink. Her eyes were slightly wide before she shook her head and went back to pouting, though thankfully, she didn't try and protest and sit up again.

"Whatever you say nurse Noir," Marinette mumbled, half joking, half annoyed.

Chat snorted before he assessed her again. "Okay, so get the patient to rest, check." He thought for a moment. "Have you eaten anything?"

Marinette shook her head. "I was too busy being sick this morning to eat. My mom has left me some soup in the microwave, but I don't think I can man –"

"Say no more," Chat interrupted her, running towards her bedroom door.

"What?!" Marinette gasped. "Chat, no! I don't wanna be sick again!"

Chat Noir paused by her bedroom door just as he was about to open it. He looked up at Marinette who had sat up in bed again with her hand outstretched, begging him to stop. Her eyes were filled with worry, and her whole body seemed to be trembling weakly.

His heart lurched in his chest slightly at seeing her like this. She looked so worried and frightened. Chat Noir never would have guessed that Marinette was someone who had a fear of being sick, but it seemed like she did. But he wasn't going to let her starve herself just because she was afraid. She needed the energy, otherwise she would never get better.

"When was the last time you were sick?" Chat Noir asked seriously, frowning at her slightly.

"I don't know…" Marinette thought for a moment. "Early this morning I guess?"

"Well then I think you should be fine. You need to eat, princess, you need to get your strength back otherwise it'll take you longer to get well again."

Chat Noir refused to listen to her further protests; he was determined to make her well again. If anyone deserved to be well and happy again, it was Marinette. Whatever she was going through, she didn't deserve it. She was one of the kindest people he had ever met. He wished he knew what had happened to make Marinette this way. Whatever it was, Chat Noir would make sure that he was going to do everything within his power to help Marinette overcome it.

Ignoring Marinette's protests, he quickly jumped down from her bedroom and down into the kitchen, not even bothering to use the stairs. It felt incredibly weird being alone in the Dupain-Cheng apartment. He couldn't help but feel like some sort of intruder. But this place always helped him feel so relaxed. Everything about this apartment just screamed that it was owned by a happy and content family. Every object in the room radiated love and it once again had Chat Noir longing for a life and family like the one Marinette had.

She was so lucky. Her parents were kind and loving. Marinette had grown up surrounded by love and had led a completely normal life. That's what made Chat Noir so confused as to what could have happened to Marinette to make her like this. He would have to remember to ask Nino the next time he visited.

Shaking off the melancholic feelings Marinette's apartment produced, Chat Noir made his way into the kitchen and easily spotted the soup in the microwave, just like Marinette said it would be. Chat Noir then briefly looked towards the front door of the apartment. He selfishly hoped her parents wouldn't come up to check on her, or even stay with her. He wanted Marinette all to himself, and he didn't want to be disturbed while he was looking after her. They probably couldn't look after her the way he could. They likely sometimes gave into her stubbornness, whereas Chat Noir wouldn't. He refused to let Marinette let herself get any worse.

Chat Noir wasn't exactly one hundred percent sure how to use a microwave. All of his life he had personal chefs, and after his father's arrest, Chat Noir had pretty much fired all the household staff, wanting to remain alone and isolated, too embarrassed to face anyone. He managed on his own with the occasional uncooked meal. It never bothered him. He never cared. But Chat Noir was pretty sure he'd seen enough on TV to at least try and figure it out.

Biting his lip, Chat pressed the button that seemed to make the most sense, and soon, random numbers lit up the screen. He stood and stared at it in confusion for a few seconds, not too sure what to do next. The microwave suddenly felt like an advanced piece of alien technology that would take a genius to figure out how it worked.

However, he knew that Marinette would be waiting and that she needed food. He couldn't let his patient down. Finally, Chat Noir decided to turn the knob at the bottom, and the random numbers on the screen began to change. Chat Noir then wanted to slap himself once he realised it was displaying a timer. He hummed in thought as he carried on altering it. Would ten minutes be enough for soup? That sounded about right. It was just a liquid that needed heating up.

Feeling confident, Chat Noir pressed start and watched as the microwave lit up and began turning the bowl of soup around inside. He began feeling rather proud of himself at having tried something new. Maybe he should try taking up cooking back home since he never learned while he was growing up.

Chat Noir instantly froze at that thought.

He was…he was thinking about doing stuff.

He _wanted_ to do things?

The long forgotten sensation felt completely foreign to him. What was going on? What was happening? It had been so long since Chat Noir had felt like taking up a hobby. When he hadn't been terrorising Paris, he just slept the day away or just sat on the couch and did nothing. He could never bring himself to do anything, like he had no purpose anymore and that everything would just be pointless.

"Chat?" Marinette's voice startled him slightly as he twisted around to see her peering down from the top of the small staircase that led to her bedroom. "What's going on? It doesn't take that long to heat some soup up."

"Hey, get back in bed!" Chat Noir ordered, frowning at her in frustration. "You're supposed to be resting and I'm supposed to be waiting on you."

However, Marinette didn't seem to be concentrating on him as her eyes zeroed in on something behind him before they widened in shock and fear.

"CHAT!" she screamed, pointing at whatever it was that was behind him.

Chat Noir smelled it before he could turn around and look. It instantly filled his nostrils, and he coughed slightly as the smoke began to pollute his lungs.

He twisted back around and gasped in horror at the sight of dark smoke seeping out through the gaps in the microwave door. What was going on? What had he done?

Yelping, he quickly dashed back over and yanked the microwave door open. More smoke poured out the instant the door was open, and Chat Noir quickly pulled out the bowl of soup, grunting slightly as he burned his hand even through his superhero suit, before panicking and switching the microwave off at the outlet.

Smoke still poured out from the microwave, but at least it seemed to be slowing down. Chat Noir breathed a huge sigh of relief before he turned back around to look at Marinette. He blinked in shock at the sight of her cowering on the stairs as her eyes remained locked on the microwave. Her knees shook beneath her, as if they were going to buckle underneath her weight at any second. She gripped onto the bannister of the stairs so tightly that Chat Noir could see the joints of her hand. Her eyes looked faraway, like she wasn't even seeing the room in front of her. All Chat Noir could do was stare at her in confusion before he ran towards her, terrified that she was about to faint or something.

"Marinette?" he called out to her, stopping just in front of her as she continued to stare at the microwave as if terrified it was about to explode.

Her breathing was beginning to come out in harsh pants, and her chest heaved up and down rapidly as a result. One hand gripped the wall while the other hand continued to grip onto the bannister like a lifeline. Her whole body continued to tremble, and her eyes looked haunted and distant.

"Marinette, what's wrong?" Chat Noir gasped out, beginning to panic.

He gazed down at her hand that was gripping the bannister, watching in horror as her knuckles began to turn white. It was a wonder the wood didn't snap under her grasp.

Seemingly not hearing Chat Noir's words, he watched in horror as Marinette began wildly panting, creating harsh sounds within her throat as she did so. The whole time, her eyes remained glued to the microwave as she desperately gasped for air.

Chat Noir instantly freaked out and ran up the last few steps towards her, his arms raised in mid-air slightly, as if ready to embrace her, but he wasn't sure if that was the right thing to do.

"Marinette?!" Chat Noir yelled in panic.

Should he call an ambulance? What was happening?!

He had seen this sort of thing happen with Marinette before, though he was never quite sure what was going on. She would seem to get these random episodes where she would just start acting weird and freaking out, though Chat Noir wasn't too sure what was causing them. He wished he knew so he could take away whatever was frightening her so much. Was that what was going on? Was she frightened? Was it…a panic attack?

Chat Noir's eyes widened at that thought. He had no idea how to calm someone down who was having a panic attack, but for Marinette's sake, he was going to try.

Still feeling panicked and unsure, Chat Noir slowly placed his hand down on Marinette's that still gripped onto the bannister tightly. He gently stroked the back of her hand with his fingers, and he gulped at how much Marinette was trembling beneath his touch.

"Princess, ssssh, it's okay, just breathe with me," Chat Noir tried to soothe her, taking exaggerated deep breaths, hoping that Marinette would match his rhythm.

Finally, Marinette's eyes seemed to snap back into reality before they looked wildly around the room before resting on Chat Noir's face. He gave her a small reassuring smile which morphed into an expression of relief when Marinette seemed to start trying to mimic his breathing. Her hand let go of the bannister and instead began gripping his own hand.

The feeling of her small hand in his own sent a tingling sensation up his spine, making him shiver, but Chat Noir ignored it. He rubbed soothing circles onto Marinette's hand with his thumb, and he sighed with relief when Marinette's breathing seemed to return back to normal.

Marinette looked visibly shaken up as her whole body continued to tremble. She looked around the room in confusion before she looked down awkwardly, seemingly lost for words. Her whole face flushed slightly as she seemed unable to look Chat Noir in the eye. She pulled her hand out of Chat Noir's, though he was too relieved to notice. She looked so frail. So scared. So lost. Just like him. It was like she was the only other person in the world who would understand what he was going through. And he understood her too. He understood how terrified and alone she must be feeling right now.

Letting out a shaky breath, Chat Noir leaned forward to pull her into his arms, however, Marinette quickly ducked under him, wrapping her arms around her chest as if she was trying to hold herself together, and shuffled her way into the kitchen. Once again, it seemed she was too ashamed to look at him, and Chat Noir glanced at the back of her head sadly. Her shoulders were raised slightly, and her entire posture had grown stiff. It hurt Chat Noir that she had ducked away from him, and he wanted nothing more than to ignore her silent gesture and just pull her into his arms and never let her go.

No.

He couldn't be selfish anymore.

He couldn't cling onto her and use her for himself like he had been doing these past couple of days. He couldn't put her through it. She was clearly still very uncomfortable around him. Chat Noir had nobody to blame but himself for that. The way he had treated her…it certainly couldn't have helped her fragile mental state.

Feelings of guilt began to consume him as he glanced down sadly. However, those feelings were quickly pushed aside for a newfound determination. He would help Marinette. He would get her to trust him. Then maybe he could figure out what had happened and help her overcome it. From now on, everything had to be about Marinette. He would atone for what he had done.

However, Chat Noir was soon brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Marinette taking a deep breath and wandering further into the kitchen towards the microwave. Chat Noir watched nervously, gulping when he took in the damage he had caused. He walked back into the kitchen awkwardly and rubbed the back of his head as Marinette turned to stare at him incredulously.

"Sorry." Chat Noir chuckled nervously as he stared at the damage with wide eyes. He couldn't believe he had been so stupid and careless. "I'll buy you a new microwave, I promise."

Marinette remained speechless as she turned back around to inspect the blackened soup that was beginning to harden on the surface. It looked like liquid from a swamp, and Marinette hesitantly picked up a spoon before poking it, watching with morbid fascination as bubbles floated to the surface and popped, spraying tiny droplets of black ooze onto the counter.

"H-how…?" Marinette gasped out.

"I have no idea what happened!" Chat Noir rushed to explain. "I'm so sorry!"

"I-it's okay?" Marinette sounded incredibly shocked and confused as she began to pour the black liquid into the sink before rinsing the bowl with water. "I just…I don't understand how you could do something like that?"

"Me neither." Chat Noir shrugged, just as stumped.

"Well…you must have left the soup in way longer than it needed to be."

Marinette placed the bowl down in the sink and turned the water off before turning back around to look at Chat Noir with a puzzled expression on her face. She folded her arms across her chest again, and Chat Noir began to grow worried about her being out of bed for so long, especially since she just seemed to have had a panic attack.

It seemed as if Marinette was just trying to pretend that the whole thing never happened. Chat Noir was content to play along for now, but he knew he would have to ask her about it sooner or later. It made him incredibly uneasy to know that she was going through all of that on her own.

"Hey, I only left it in for ten minutes," Chat Noir tried to defend himself.

"Ten minutes?!" Marinette shrieked before sighing and facepalming.

"Is that…not right?" Chat Noir trailed off in confusion.

Marinette dragged her hand down her face before she leaned back against the counter, and Chat Noir was shocked to see an amused glint in her eye. At last, her eyes finally seemed to be lighting up and were no longer the dull blocks of ice they had become. They seemed to be melting slightly as she continued to stare at Chat Noir with an amused perplexity.

As glad as he was that she seemed to be finding this whole situation amusing, Chat Noir still couldn't help but feel guilty for destroying her microwave and feel embarrassed over seemingly not even being able to simply heat up some soup. What on earth would she think of him? That he was childish probably. He could feel his cheeks heating up slightly as she continued to stare at him.

"Chat…have you ever cooked anything in your life?" Marinette chuckled.

Chat Noir looked to the side awkwardly, and his eyebrows furrowed slightly as his heart lurched in his chest. He hadn't. He had never needed to. His family had never really thought he should learn since they were so rich. He had briefly learned a few baking skills from when Marinette's father had visited the school, but that was about it.

The painful memories washed over him, and Chat clenched his hands into fists as he once again tried to cling onto the edge of that cliff. Marinette still had hold of him, but she had yet to help pull him away from the dangerous abyss. She simply stood there on the edge, looking down at him with a blank expression as he clung onto her hand and silently begged her with his eyes.

Chat Noir quickly shook his head to snap himself out of it.

"No," he admitted awkwardly at last.

He turned back to look at Marinette, unable to hide the sad expression on his face, despite his best efforts. Upon seeing his facial expression, all traces of amusement disappeared from Marinette's face and she gazed back at him sympathetically, her eyebrows lowering into an apologetic, glum expression. Her mouth opened a few times as if she wanted to say something before she quickly closed it again. However, Chat Noir just wanted nothing more than to move on from the subject. He couldn't think of his family and wallow in self-pity right now; not when Marinette needed him.

"You still need to eat though." Chat Noir frowned at her, daring her to object.

Marinette rolled her eyes. "Fine, but toast is probably the only thing I could manage."

Chat Noir smiled. "Toast it is then. Hey, wait just a sec!" he quickly added as Marinette turned around and began to prepare everything.

He easily picked Marinette up from under her arms and twirled them both around so he was standing between her and the kitchen counter. Marinette looked around in confusion before glaring at him and quickly extracted herself from his hold on her.

"You're not lifting a finger, get back to bed." He pointed towards the stairs.

Marinette raised an eyebrow at him. "You sure you can manage the toaster?"

Chat Noir rolled his eyes before smirking cockily. "I know how to use a toaster. I'm not _that_ dense."

"Silly kitty." Marinette shook her head before walking back over to the stairs.

Chat Noir gasped and froze at her words.

Those words…the very words that _she_ used to use… _Ladybug._

They flowed past her lips just like Ladybug. The playful tone, the soft voice. It echoed around in his mind, and all Chat Noir could do was watch Marinette's retreating form as she climbed back up the stairs and into her room. His heart began to squeeze and contract painfully in his chest, as if the organ might suddenly burst into a bloody mess. It sounded so much like her, it was if Marinette was trying to mock him. Trying to taunt him with the reminders of the love of his life. The way Marinette had said those words felt so natural…as if she _was_ Ladybug.

No! Chat Noir shook his head. Marinette wasn't Ladybug; he needed to stop projecting. It was all in his head. Ladybug was… _gone._ Gone forever. It had just been a coincidence. People called him 'kitty' all the time, it wasn't a nickname that only Ladybug used. Yeah. That was all it was. Just a cruel, horrible coincidence. Because the universe was always trying to torture him.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, Chat Noir turned back to making Marinette some food at long last. The words continued to echo around in his mind as he stared at his own reflection in the grey, metallic toaster. _Just a coincidence, just a coincidence,_ he kept repeating to himself, _a cruel and horrible coincidence._

Of all the words she could have chosen, it had to be those ones.

_Ladybug was gone._

Chat Noir's hands twitched at that thought as a raw energy pulsated through him. He needed to let loose. He needed to _destroy._ It felt like the very fabric of his mind was about to snap. It felt like everything inside him was building up, like a volcano ready to erupt. Sooner or later, the lava would explode free, leaving nothing but devastation and destruction. He hadn't let himself loose and destroyed anything for a while now. He'd never gone more than a day, and every time, this was the result. It all just built up and built up.

No! Marinette needed him. He wasn't going to let his insane urges get the better of him.

Chat Noir took a deep breath and tried to force his hands to stay still as he began buttering the toast. He bit his lip, and his eyebrows furrowed deeply as he could feel sweat dripping down the side of his face. It was like the whole of his body was vibrating, but Chat Noir forced himself to ignore it. He could feel his body heating up like he had just been standing under the red hot desert sun.

Gasping and dropping the knife onto the counter, Chat Noir shuffled over to the sink before running some water, cupping his hands under it and splashing it over his face. It helped somewhat, but not completely. If he could just get back to Marinette to distract himself, surely he would be fine again. Everything was fine, he was probably just tired and exhausted. He hadn't exactly been getting much sleep since…well…since everything that had happened.

Once again forcing himself to ignore the strange feeling vibrating within him, Chat Noir picked up the plate full of toast and headed back upstairs. Just as his head popped back up into Marinette's room, he instantly caught sight of her sat in the middle of her bed.

He frowned and froze as she didn't seem to notice him enter, and he watched in confusion as she tugged the sleeve of her sweatshirt back and poked at something on her arm. Chat Noir squinted, but all he could see was what looked like a discoloured bit of skin. Or maybe something was stuck to her arm? Whatever it was, it was darker than the skin of her hand.

Still watching her curiously, Chat Noir climbed back up into the room, and this time, Marinette did notice his presence. She seemed startled as she gasped and quickly pulled the sleeve of her sweatshirt back down, which only served to intensify Chat Noir's curiosity over what she was doing. Her eyes were wide and her face grew even paler before she looked away awkwardly, folding her arms across her lap as if she was trying to pretend that nothing was wrong.

Never mind curious, Chat Noir was now officially suspicious.

"What were you doing?" Chat Noir asked as he narrowed his eyes slightly at her, stopping at the bottom of the ladder that lead up to her bed.

"Nothing?" Marinette responded, innocently blinking at him, trying to look confused.

It made her look pretty cute actually. Damn this girl was going to be the death of him. However, he quickly shook his head and maintained his suspicious expression.

"There was something on your arm," Chat pointed out, shifting the plate so that he was now holding it with one hand.

"No there isn't."

Was it Chat Noir's imagination, or did Marinette sound incredibly nervous all of a sudden? He could definitely tell that she was hiding something. But what? What could possibly be on her arm that she felt the need to hide?

Marinette sure was a strange creature sometimes. But that only made her all the more endearing in his eyes. However, her attitude right now was making him nervous. He didn't like how uncomfortable and shifty she suddenly looked. It didn't sit right with him, and his gut instinct was screaming at him that something was very wrong.

"Let me see then," Chat Noir demanded flatly, challenging her.

Marinette glared down at him. "No."

"If it's nothing then you won't mind me looking." He reached up for her arm before his frown deepened as Marinette snatched it away.

"It really is nothing," she insisted, glaring at him as she cradled her arm against her chest, "please just drop it."

Chat Noir regarded her doubtfully for a moment before he sighed and decided to let the subject drop for now. He didn't want to push her too much – she was ill after all. But that didn't mean he was going to completely give up on the subject. Was she hiding something up there? What could she possibly hide on her arm? It wasn't making any sense. But there was definitely something there; Chat Noir had been able to catch a glimpse of it. Though what it was, he couldn't tell. And whatever it was, the mention of it sure seemed to make Marinette nervous for some reason.

Brushing it to the side for now, Chat Noir climbed up the ladder and sat himself down next to Marinette on her bed. She still glared at him slightly and kept her arms close to her chest before watching as Chat Noir handed her the plate full of toast. She stared at the plate with wide eyes before looking back up at Chat in alarm.

"Chat, I can't eat all this!" Marinette gasped out.

"Well, at least try to eat some of it," Chat Noir begged, thrusting the plate further toward her.

Marinette then frowned at him slightly. "Maybe you should share it with me? I bet you haven't eaten anything since what I made for you yesterday."

Chat Noir didn't say anything.

"Aha! I knew it!" Marinette shot him an accusatory glare.

Chat Noir sighed in defeat. "Fine, if I promise to eat some of this, do you promise to eat some as well?"

Marinette then smiled slightly at him, though it looked slightly strained as she drew a cross pattern across her chest before holding her hand up. Chat Noir smirked back at her before easily pushing Marinette further up her bed so he could sit down next to her, to which she shot him a playful glare in response.

Marinette then looked down at the food and sighed, slowly picking up a slice and putting it against her lips. Chat Noir watched her intently, wanting to make sure that she didn't try to hide it or something. Looking disgusted, Marinette then slowly nibbled on the corner of it before biting off a small mouthful and chewed slowly.

Satisfied, Chat Noir also picked up a slice and began slowly eating, not wanting to unsettle his own stomach any further. Marinette finally forced herself to swallow and groaned in response, clutching at her stomach. She leaned back into her pillows so she was half sitting up, half lying down, and her skin seemed to grow even paler. Chat Noir hovered the plate under her chin, and Marinette shook her head vigorously in response.

"Come one, princess, you've got to try and eat a little bit more than that," Chat Noir urged as gently as he could.

Marinette stubbornly shook her head again.

"I feel sick," she complained. "I knew this would be a bad idea."

Chat Noir sighed as he watched Marinette curl up into her pillows by his side. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she appeared to be trying to curl into the smallest ball possible. Growling in defeat, Chat Noir twisted around slightly so that he could place the plate onto one of the small shelves next to her bed. He turned back around to glare down at her small, frail form.

"Fine, but you're gonna try and eat something again later."

"Yes, nurse Noir," Marinette whispered sleepily, and Chat Noir's face softened as he watched Marinette's face completely relax.

She curled up even tighter in the bed next to him. Her fingers uncurled themselves and her whole body began to grow limp. Soon, her heavy breathing filled the room, and Chat Noir blinked down at her, wanting to slap himself for not forcing her to get some sleep sooner; she clearly needed it.

In awe, he couldn't help but just simply sit there and stare at her for a few minutes. Her soft breathing was the only sound that filled the room. That, and the sound of Chat Noir's rapid heartbeat. She looked even prettier when she was asleep. It was the only time that Chat Noir ever saw her face when it was completely relaxed and devoid of any pain, misery or anger.

It was enchanting to watch, just like it had been all those nights ago. Chat Noir longed to stroke her delicate cheeks and savour this peaceful moment with her. If only she could feel this peace all the time. He would find a way to make it so.

However, Chat Noir's eyes couldn't help but trail back down to her arm that lay limp next to her head. He titled his head slightly, using his heightened hearing to listen to her breathing and her heartbeat. They both sounded so calm and slow, indicating that she was deeply asleep. Should he do something like this? Was it the right thing to do? Marinette would kill him, but he needed to know. The concern and curiosity was eating away at him.

Cautiously, Chat Noir reached down and gently grabbed hold of Marinette's wrist, pulling it up slightly so that he could see better. Marinette didn't even stir. Holding his breath, Chat Noir gripped the end of the sleeve of her shirt between two of his claws and began to slowly pull the fabric back, nervous and worried about what he might find.

However, he soon gasped as Marinette yanked her arm back out of his hand. Chat Noir's wide eyes instantly flickered back to Marinette, who, much to his relief, seemed to still be asleep. He sighed with relief before he soon began worrying again as she began to fidget in her sleep. Her face scrunched up into a pained expression, and she shook her head in her sleep, groaning and gasping for air.

All Chat Noir could do was watch, unsure of what was going on. Was she dreaming? Even worse, was she having a nightmare?

" _No…_ " Marinette whimpered in her sleep.

Chat Noir stared at her, shocked and unblinking.

" _Please, Master Fu…no more…_ "

Huh? What on earth was she talking about? Who was this Master Fu that she was mumbling about? Chat Noir frowned down at her in confusion before he assumed that she was just having a nightmare. Marinette's mother's side of the family was Chinese, so maybe she was talking about something related to that? Deciding that was the most likely explanation, Chat Noir gently placed a hand on Marinette's shoulder and began shaking her slightly, hoping to wake her up.

"Marinette, princess, it's alright. It's just a dream," he soothed her as best as he could.

However, Chat Noir's heart dropped in his chest and his eyes widened in horror at her next words.

" _No…Chat Noir, please…how could you betray me?!_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry about my long hiatus. I had a lot of things going on that I needed to sort out. But I'm back now and will be updating this story every Friday like before. Thank you so much for being patient with me. I hope that you enjoyed this chapter and please feel free to let me know your thoughts on it as it always helps me out.


	17. Running Away

Lying on the cold wooden ground clutching at her stomach had become the norm for Marinette lately. She wasn't sure how long she had been there. Each second passed by at an excruciatingly slow pace as her insides churned, and her body ached all over like she had just been run over by a large truck. Soaking herself in the herbal water she didn't mind as much. But swallowing every and any potion that Master Fu could force down her throat was the worst part. Sometimes it was like drinking acid. Some of them would have the foulest taste where even the smell would cause her to puke.

Her stomach wobbled again, and Marinette wrapped her arms tighter around herself, curling into the smallest ball possible, wishing that she could just disappear right now. Her whole body felt like a hollow shell. There was a vast empty space in her chest right where her heart had been.

Chat Noir had torn it out that night.

Marinette wasn't sure how long it had been, but everything still felt very fresh as if it had all happened merely moments ago. When she had passed out that night, she was so sure that she had died. So it was incredibly confusing to her when she woke up at Master Fu's.

For a brief, heavenly moment, she had been relieved. Because she was so sure that the whole, terrible ordeal had been nothing more than a horrendous nightmare. Chat Noir would never betray her. Marinette still had a chance to defeat Hawkmoth and save Paris.

That was when the agonising pain hit her.

Her skin, blistered and burned to a crisp, rendered it impossible for her to move. While unconscious, Master Fu must have wrapped almost the entirety of her body in layers of bandages that had been coated with a substance that made her skin burn even more, as if acid had been poured all over her. Master Fu had rushed over to her with a glum expression, but Marinette refused to accept it. It all had to have been just one bad dream.

There was no way any of that could have happened.

Marinette cringed at the memories and tried to force them out of her mind as tears streamed down her cheeks. She twitched and moaned as her insides continued to churn around, like someone had reached inside her abdomen and was twisting everything around inside her. Nothing insider her was where it should have been. Everything was wrong. Everything about her felt so out of place. It was almost like Marinette was in the wrong universe. A universe where the worst case scenario had come to pass. Marinette thought that Ladybug was supposed to be lucky? So why had everything gone so wrong?

The sound of glass bottles clattering together made Marinette jump slightly, but she remained facing away from the direction Master Fu was working in. Instead, she stared down at her arms that were pulled tightly against her chest, still wrapped in fresh, clean bandages that stung her skin. She didn't know how much more of this she could take. She should have died that night. That would have been better than enduring all of this torment.

Marinette had been ready to accept her fate. It was the only just punishment for letting Chat Noir be consumed by the dark side, for failing to talk to him about what was bugging him, for allowing Hawkmoth to easily manipulate and defeat her.

But maybe this was her punishment instead? A life of never ending pain. To never know true happiness again. To live with the consequences of everything that had happened.

However, Marinette's thoughts were soon interrupted by the sound of Master Fu clearing his throat along with his light footsteps against the wooden floor, quickly approaching her.

Marinette squeezed her eyes tightly shut, knowing what was about to come next. Why did Master Fu have to find her and help her? He should have left her to die that night. He should be disgusted with her over what had happened.

But he wasn't.

That killed Marinette even more; the fact that he was so understanding and kind. He had no reason to be. She had allowed Chat Noir to be corrupted by evil, she had allowed Hawkmoth to win, and… _Tikki_ …

Marinette choked and whimpered, flinching slightly as Master Fu placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. He lowered a small blue bottle in front of her face, and Marinette cringed away even more, sealing her lips tightly and shaking her head. The smell soon reached her nose, and Marinette gagged, her stomach rumbling painfully as it knew what was about to happen.

Master Fu sighed. "Marinette, please, you need to drink it to regain your strength."

Marinette shook her head again.

"Do you wish to make a recovery? It is absolutely paramount that we retrieve the butterfly and the cat miraculous," Master Fu reminded her patiently, however, there was a strong edge of seriousness in his tone that made Marinette shudder.

"Is…is Tikki…?" Marinette couldn't help but ask.

Master Fu sighed again. "I'm afraid there's still no sign."

Marinette whimpered before a small sob escaped her mouth. She curled further in on herself, shaking as she tried to hold back even more sobs. It had been too long. Too long. There was still no sign of Tikki improving. Marinette was quickly losing hope. She felt so guilty for feeling this way; she should have more faith in her beloved kwami.

But what was she supposed to think when nothing was happening?

This was all Marinette's fault…she was the reason Tikki was…was…Marinette couldn't bring herself to think of such finalising words. It was too much. She wasn't ready to face it. Would she ever be ready to face it?

Master Fu still seemed confident. Kwamis were supposed to be immortal after all. But Marinette wouldn't put it past herself and her luck to have disproven that theory. How was she going to live with herself knowing that she the reason Tikki was…?

"You should have just left me to die," Marinette gasped out, feeling her throat closing in on itself.

"Such negative thoughts are something you can't afford right now, Marinette," Master Fu sighed out, "as someone who tries to be a good person yourself, you very much know why I saved you."

"Why am I alive?" Marinette questioned, raising her head slightly to finally look at Master Fu, who was gazing down at her worryingly, "that fall…the fire…the smoke…it all should have killed me."

Marinette watched as apprehension danced behind his eyes while he stared down at her, his worried expression morphing into one of great sadness. He suddenly seemed unable to look her in the eye which had Marinette frowning in confusion.

He was hiding something from her.

But what? And why?

Marinette was about to ask when Master Fu seemed to sense this and quickly interrupted her.

"You're alive, and to receive the gift of life is the greatest luck of all."

Taken aback by his words and behaviour, Marinette didn't have time to protest and question him further before he held the blue bottle in front of her face again. Marinette grimaced and tried to shuffle away, but soon winced in pain and remained still. The smell drifted up Marinette's nose again, engulfing her senses and making her eyes water. She held her breath, unable to stand it any longer.

"Drink," Master Fu ordered gently.

Knowing there was no getting out of this, Marinette weakly took the bottle out of Master Fu's hands, though he didn't take his eyes off of her, used to Marinette's tricks that she used to try and get out of taking her medicine.

Sighing and bracing herself for what was about to come, Marinette squeezed her eyes tightly shut and slowly brought the bottle towards her lips. She tried her best to not breathe in through her nose so that she wouldn't smell the disgusting liquid before it entered her mouth. The glass felt warm against her lips, until finally, the thick liquid inside entered her mouth.

It was incredibly warm and tasted as bitter and foul as ever. All the while, Master Fu's eyes remained locked onto her. Guzzling it down as quickly as she could, Marinette gasped loudly for air as she pulled the bottle away from her lips, her throat burning. She could practically feel the warm, thick liquid making its way down her oesophagus and towards her stomach which instantly began twisting and recoiling.

Trying her best to ignore the pain, Marinette wordlessly handed the now empty bottle back to Master Fu, who, with a pleased smile, bowed his head to her before making his way out of the room. He knew well at this point that Marinette liked to be left alone, especially after drinking Master Fu's foul medicine. Though Marinette couldn't deny that whatever Master Fu was forcing her to drink, it was making her recover quickly.

Marinette's stomach rumbled loudly, and she clutched at it, groaning in pain as she once again curled up into a foetal position, just wishing that this was all just a bad dream. She tugged at a loose end of her bandage, hoping to distract herself from the pain and sickness the medicine caused her. She could still taste the liquid in her mouth, as if it had left a fine coating inside it, leaving Marinette forever doomed to taste the nauseating potion.

However, Marinette gasped at the sound of the door behind her sliding open once again; she thought she was going to be left alone. Marinette whipped her head around to see what was going on, only to squeak in horror at the surreal sight of Master Fu sliding into the room without moving his legs at all. He smiled a deranged smile at her, holding a large potion tightly in his hand, his eyes glowing a bright green colour as he stared down at her.

Squealing in fear, Marinette tried her best to shuffle away, however, her movements were once again almost completely restricted by the bandages wrapped tightly around her skin, along with the pain moving around caused her. Her stomach quivered, rumbling and gurgling as Marinette could almost feel acid rising into her throat. She pressed her lips together, her body growing hotter and hotter as if she had just been placed into an oven. Sweat began to drip down her face, and her heart pounded fearfully at the sight of another bottle of medicine.

"No…" Marinette gasped out, terrified.

Master Fu chuckled darkly as he stalked towards her, his movements suddenly becoming incredibly graceful and cat-like. He effortlessly slid one foot in front of the other, smirking as his eyes continued to glow a strange, yet familiar green hue.

He said nothing as he continued slowly creep up on her, as if he was a dangerous predator, and Marinette was nothing more than helpless prey, ripe and ready for his taking.

"Please, Master Fu…no more…" Marinette begged, gagging at the thought of having to consume anymore of that horrible medicine.

Her stomach gurgled again, this time almost making Marinette retch forward, before she placed a hand over her mouth. Her entire stomach felt like it had turned to mush, and the gelatinous remains were now just sloshing around inside her.

"But don't you want to get better, my lady?"

That voice…

That wasn't Master Fu. It was the very voice that had haunted her dreams for so long now.

It sent her heart into a frenzy of fear. The way he spoke to her in a mocking tone…it was just like that night. Every inch of Marinette's skin began to tingle, as if thousands of spiders were crawling across her. Her stomach kept churning, and her skin stung.

Gasping, Marinette tried to force herself up to try and run away, but her knees immediately gave way underneath her, making her collapse back onto the wooden floor again.

Marinette gazed back up at Master Fu, whose body began to distort. He dropped the bottle that was in his hands, and Marinette watched as it smashed into hundreds of pieces on the floor. The sound echoed around the room and vibrated through Marinette's entire body. The contents of the bottle splashed out across the floor, the liquid staining the wooden panels bright red like spilled blood. It oozed towards where Marinette lay, and soon she was staring at her reflection as she gazed down into it.

_Beep beep beep._

No!

Not the beeping!

Marinette cried out and placed her fingers in her ears, trying in vain to drown the sound out.

_Beep beep beep._

It was like it was coming from inside her own head, but Marinette didn't dare open her eyes because she knew what she was see. She couldn't look. She couldn't see it again. It only served to remind her of what she had done. Her whole body began to shake at the thoughts, at the horrible memories. All the while, the beeping continued, only growing louder and louder the longer Marinette squeezed her eyes tightly closed. It became almost deafening, and soon Marinette couldn't take it any longer.

Slowly and fearfully, Marinette opened her eyes, gazing down at her reflection in the red liquid. Her superhero suit only existed in blotches across her body. Her mask was only half on her face while her exposed skin was covered in blisters and blood. Her earrings flashed and beeped on her ears continuously, causing Marinette to cry out.

She couldn't take it! She couldn't take the reminders of what she had done!

Master Fu appeared in the reflection as he took a few slow steps towards her. His reflection morphed and twisted into a blur before the colours and shapes began to settle again. Marinette froze in fear and watched as Master Fu's reflection morphed into that of Chat Noir. He glared at her through the reflection, looking completely disgusted with her.

Finally, Marinette looked up, and her heart leapt at the sight of her former partner standing before her. There was no kindness in his face, and no signs of his usual playfulness. Now there was nothing but evil, malice and hate in his eyes as he stared back at her, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked her up and down.

"Look at you. You're so pathetic," Chat Noir continued to mock her. "I don't know what I ever saw in you. You're so weak and such a pathetic excuse for a hero. You couldn't even save yourself, let alone Paris."

Marinette whimpered, the words hitting her like a slap across the face. But she knew they were true. The fact that they were coming from Chat Noir's mouth made them hurt even more. She _was_ pathetic. She _was_ weak. She had failed in her job as a hero and she had failed Chat Noir. She didn't know how she was going to live with herself.

But why had Chat Noir changed so much? How and why did he become the monster that now stood in front of her? Before he killed her and finished what he had set out to do, Marinette at least wanted to know the answer to that question.

He stalked towards her again, a smirk forming on his face as he did so, flexing his claws, ready to swipe at her. Marinette tried to back away slightly, but once again her broken body rendered her unable to do so. Her eyes widened, and her heart thudded painfully at the sight of one of her closest friends stalking towards her to kill her.

Why? Why was he doing this? He had been her best friend, her partner, and the one person she trusted more than anyone in the world. What had happened to him?

"No…" Marinette begged, "Chat Noir, please…how could you betray me?"

But Chat Noir ignored her pleas and her questions. He leapt forward, and Marinette barely had a chance to scream before he clawed at her stomach, easily piercing her flesh as if she was made of butter.

Her stomach rumbled, and pain erupted across her abdomen, forcing Marinette to lurch forward, gagging as her organ twisted itself into knots.

Her eyes snapped open, the brightness of her bedroom almost blinding her, but Marinette didn't care at that moment. Sweat dripped down her face as her whole body felt like it was on fire. Her stomach gurgled and twisted itself around inside her, and Marinette groaned before throwing herself out of bed, faster than the speed of light.

She darted down her ladder and ran towards her sink as fast as she could. Marinette retched and her throat burned as she vomited up the little contents of her stomach. She gasped for air as it would seem to stop for a second before Marinette would gag again and more would follow. Her throat and nose burned as she finally seemed to stop throwing up. However, Marinette kept her head bowed over the sink as she groaned. Her head pounded, and her whole body ached.

Two warm hands suddenly gripped her shoulders, and Marinette yelped and twisted her body around to scramble away from whoever had just touched her. Her eyes widened even more at the sight of Chat Noir stood behind her. He looked just as frightened as she felt, but it barely registered with her. All she could think about was the pain he had caused her, and that he was very likely here to kill her right now.

She needed to get away. He was going to kill her. _He was going to kill her._

Marinette shoved herself away from the sink and tried to make a run for it. However, she was prevented from doing so by strong hands grabbing hold of her arms and pinning her against Chat Noir's body. Marinette cried out in fear, thrashing around as she attempted to get away. He had found her. He was about to kill her.

She squeezed her eyes tightly shut, ready and waiting for the fatal blow. However, Chat Noir's hands remained wrapped tightly around her as he kept her pinned against him. His grip was tight, but not enough to hurt her. Her heart raced, but her mind finally cleared. Memories of the day came flooding back to her. Chat Noir taking care of her, her falling asleep after he had forced her to try and eat something. She was back in her room. She was no longer with Master Fu, and years had passed since those awful days.

It had all just been another nightmare.

Finally, Marinette forced herself to open her eyes.

Chat Noir towered above her, his face a sickly shade of pale as he stared down at her with an odd expression on his face. He looked like he had seen a ghost and he didn't even appear to be blinking. It was like he had turned into a statue.

The look on his face made Marinette panic slightly. Was he okay? What was going on?

"Chat…?" Marinette gasped out as she finally fully got her bearings.

Chat Noir didn't response as he continued to stare at her.

"Chat, what's wrong?" Marinette asked, beginning to panic.

He finally blinked and let go of her arms, though the odd expression remained on his face as he backed away from her slightly, while Marinette remained frozen in place. He swallowed, and his mouth opened a few times as if he wanted to say something, however he quickly closed it and shook his head slightly.

Meanwhile, Marinette grew even more worried. Was something wrong? Chat Noir truly looked like he had seen some sort of ghost and was now in a state of shock. Marinette wasn't sure what to say to him as he didn't seem to be responding to anything else she had previously said. His whole body began shaking slightly, his skin now completely draining itself of all colour.

"Chat!" Marinette cried out, grabbing hold of his shoulders in panic.

Her touch seemed to help snap him out of it slightly, and his eyes finally refocused, flickering back up to stare at her. Marinette gulped as his shocked expression morphed into one of anger and suspicion. He had been so kind to her today that she had almost forgotten the insane psychopath that he had turned into. She had gotten too comfortable around him. He wasn't _her_ Chat Noir anymore – the kind, fun-loving boy from years gone by. He was different now. He was evil and twisted. And Marinette needed to make sure that she remembered that.

"You were talking in your sleep," Chat Noir finally growled out, and Marinette gasped, instantly letting go of his shoulders as if he had electrocuted her.

He glared at her with an intense fire behind his eyes that Marinette had never seen before. She shivered as memories of her dream invaded her mind, and that's when her heart stopped in her chest.

_She had been talking in her sleep. Oh god…what had she said?_

Was this it? Had she been discovered? Was this the end?

She had been so stupid for letting Chat Noir stay and for falling asleep while he was around. She had no idea that she talked in her sleep, and she shouldn't have taken any chances. She knew that she had nightmares about the incident. She could have said and revealed anything! And now it looked like she had!

Her chest tightened and restricted her breathing as those thoughts ran through her mind faster than a bullet.

"Marinette…" Chat Noir began before taking a deep breath, "why you were talking about me betraying you?"

He watched her carefully, and Marinette tried her best to keep her facial expression as blank as possible. Was he testing her? Either way, Marinette would have to try her best to lie her way out of this. She hated doing it. Her life had been nothing but lies for the past few years. But her life had always depended on it, and her life _certainly_ depended on it right this second.

Surely if Chat Noir was that sure of the truth, then he would have killed her by now. The fact that he was questioning her must mean that he was unsure. Or maybe he was just drawing it out in a sick attempt to enjoy the moment, to enjoy Marinette's last moments of pain and desperation.

"I…" was all Marinette could squeak out.

"Were you trying to run away from me? Were you having a nightmare… _about me?_ "

"I…I…" Marinette's chest tightened up even more as her throat closed up.

Her head began to spin uncontrollably at the thought of being found out, at the thought that she was about to die at the hands of the one person she thought she could trust more than anyone. Chat Noir would finally finish the task he was supposed to accomplish all those years ago; Marinette had always known she was running on borrowed time.

"I'm waiting," Chat Noir growled at her.

"You…ummm…you betrayed me in my dream…by…all of a sudden…turning on me," Marinette gasped out.

It technically wasn't a lie, she was just leaving out the crucial details. Surely there was no way that he could tell she was Ladybug just from uttering that in her sleep. As far as Chat Noir or anyone else knew, Ladybug was dead. Chat Noir proved he was convinced of that fact by getting offended over Alya digging into the conspiracy theories that Ladybug had survived that night and was secretly in hiding.

Though Chat Noir looked alarmed, angry and confused, he didn't look murderous right now like she had seen him look a few times.

But still, the look in his eye was enough to make Marinette shiver in fear. He didn't quite look like he believed her, and that was enough to make the whole of Marinette's body go cold.

This was it. This was the end. Her borrowed time was up. This was the moment she was going to die.

Marinette's vision swirled and blurred into a variety of bright colours, like ink on wet paper. Her head spun around even faster, and her throat completely closed up, preventing her from speaking and breathing. Her knees felt like jelly, wobbling as if the bones inside of her legs had completely vanished, until finally, they gave way underneath her.

Marinette barely had the chance to brace herself for impacting the floor, however, her heart lurched in her chest once she realised she hadn't.

Instead, warm arms were wrapped tightly around her, pinning her against a soft warm body. Her vision began to clear enough for her to see Chat Noir staring down at her in panic. He looked like he was shouting something at her, but Marinette couldn't hear it as her ears felt clogged up as they muffled any sound that reached them. It was like she was floating underwater. Everything felt like it was in slow motion as she couldn't breathe.

Chat Noir placed a hand on her cheek and stroked it gently with his thumb, clinging onto her tightly as if he was terrified that she was about to float away.

Didn't he want to kill her? Hadn't he just found out her dark secret?

"Marinette!"

Her ears finally cleared enough for her to hear him yelling her name down at her in panic. Marinette blinked and shook her head slightly, trying to dispel the feelings of intense fear that had washed over her. Chat Noir embraced her tighter, and looked slightly relieved as he watched Marinette's eyes refocus again.

He sighed before closing his eyes as he pressed his forehead against her own.

"You're gonna give me a heart attack one day, princess," he gasped out before pulling away to look down at her properly again.

"I…I thought you were…gonna…kill me," Marinette muttered in a daze.

She still didn't quite feel like she was in the realm of reality as her heart continued to race and her mind spun in circles. She had barely even registered what she had just said. All she knew was that she felt weak and terrified. Her secret could be about to be blown. She could be about to die. At those thoughts, all her body wanted to do was shut down and never have to face any of it.

Chat Noir looked horrified as he stared down at her. "How could you even think such a thing?!"

"Y-you were angry with me."

"Only because you don't trust me enough to not hurt you to a point where you have nightmares about me," Chat Noir explained desperately. "The thought of you having nightmares about me pains me more than you could ever imagine. The thought that you don't trust me…that you fear me..."

"Can you blame me?" Marinette mumbled sadly, starting to feel more alert, relieved that everything seemed to be fine.

Well, as fine as it could be anyway.

Fine as in, Chat Noir hadn't found out her secret and wasn't going to kill her just yet.

But Marinette knew the clock that counted her borrowed time was ticking away, forever reminding her that the more involved she got with Chat Noir, the more difficult the secret was going to be to keep. She really needed to step up her game in getting information out of him about what had happened that night. Then she could finally move on with her life and stay away from Chat Noir; then he would never be able to find out the truth.

However, the thought of never seeing Chat Noir again tore her broken heart into even more pieces. The pain was like a sudden stab to the chest. Her heart leapt out and yearned for him to stay by her side forever. Marinette quickly shook her head at those thoughts. She was probably just mourning and yearning for the old Chat Noir again. But Chat Noir had betrayed her. He was not the good person and hero he once was. Once again, Marinette really needed to make sure that she remembered that.

"No, I don't," Chat Noir whispered, her words causing a look of intense anguish and guilt to appear on his face.

"So…that's what you were angry about?" Marinette carefully asked, desperate for peace of mind.

"Yes. I'm so sorry, princess." He hung his head.

Marinette found herself relaxing slightly in his arms before gasping as Chat Noir pulled her into a tight embrace, burying his face in her hair, and causing Marinette to freeze in place. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to respond. It reminded Marinette of that time they had been fighting Animan, and she had jumped into the dinosaur's mouth. Chat Noir had hugged her so tightly afterwards. Marinette could feel tears welling up in her eyes at the memory.

It was like she had the old Chat Noir back, and before she could stop herself, she found herself embracing him back just as tightly. Her head was screaming at her to stop, that this was dangerous, but she couldn't resist her heart. She clung to him as tightly as possible, hoping to maybe hold the old Chat Noir in place and prevent the new, deranged one from returning. Her heart did somersaults in her chest, and her body relaxed in contentment. She weaved her fingers through his thick, blond hair, breathing in his scent and savouring this old, familiar moment.

It was like she had gone back in time. Back to when everything felt normal. When she saw the world through rose tinted glasses. He felt just exactly as he used to. He smelled exactly like he used to. For a brief moment, Marinette wondered if these past few years had all been one long nightmare that she had now woken up from. He felt so warm and soft under her touch. For once, she had something – someone – comforting to cling onto. Someone who understood.

However, like always, everything came crashing back down again.

"Marinette, I could never, ever betray you," Chat Noir vowed fiercely, sending Marinette hurtling back down to reality.

His words popped the temporary bubble she had built around herself in that moment. It shattered around her like the fragile glass it had been made out of.

Those words.

How could he say those words when he had done just that?

Marinette couldn't trust him. She knew she would never be able to trust such words.

"Is that what you told Ladybug?" Marinette blurted out angrily without thinking.

Chat Noir abruptly let her go and pulled away, staring down at her in shock and disgust.

"Marinette…" Chat Noir warned, his whole body beginning to shake as his expression grew dark.

However, Marinette could feel her anger and betrayal bubbling up inside her. It hadn't gone away. It could never go away. What he had done was permanently etched into her skin for all eternity. There was no recovering from a betrayal like that. Marinette could never trust him again. He had broken her beyond repair and now all of a sudden he wanted to help her? Chat Noir had a lot of nerve!

"Your words are empty…meaningless!" Marinette growled out, "Ladybug paid the price for that!"

"You don't know anything!" Chat Noir screamed at her. "It's not what everybody thinks! I…I didn't…"

Marinette froze, her eyes narrowing slightly. "What are you talking about?"

"You'd hate me! You'd all hate me even more if you knew –" Chat Noir cut himself off, running his hands through his hair as his eyes widened and he began panting hysterically.

"Knew? Knew what?" Marinette demanded desperately.

What was he talking about?

She knew it. She knew that there had to be more to his betrayal than met the eye. He was hiding something from her. He had been hiding something from everyone. His behaviour had never added up. But now…now Marinette was finally starting to get the first signs that she had been right. She knew there was no possible way that Chat Noir would just decide to turn to the dark side on a whim.

Chat Noir didn't say anything as he stared down at the floor, still clutching at his hair and panting wildly.

"You're hiding something, aren't you?" Marinette asked slowly.

"Chat?" she called his name worriedly when he didn't respond.

"NO!" Chat Noir shouted, making Marinette jump.

She then watched as Chat Noir darted away from her and began scrambling towards the entrance of her balcony.

"No, Chat, wait!" Marinette begged desperately, but it was too late.

The balcony door slammed shut behind him, leaving Marinette all alone with the thoughts of what had just happened.

What had Chat Noir been talking about?

She had almost gotten some answers out of him, but he immediately shut himself off again, running away. But it did confirm to Marinette that there was more to the situation than Chat Noir simply just betraying her.

Marinette found herself shaking at those thoughts. It brought everything back. Memories of what happened that night charged towards the forefront of mind, screaming and smashing everything in its path. Her fragile mind cracked a little more at the thought of there being one huge conspiracy that Marinette had been missing.

Had she just been the pawn in all of this the whole time? Even if there was a reason, why would Chat Noir allow himself to be swayed by said reason and betray his partner?

It was all becoming too much as the pain washed over her like a tsunami. Marinette drowned in the dark waters, and the debris slammed against her, pulling her further under and entangling her in her thoughts. She thrashed about, trying to get free, but the more she thrashed around, the tighter they gripped onto her, just like a boa constrictor, wrapping around her in the middle of a thick jungle where no one could hear her screams or her cries for help.

She was all alone.

Alone in the middle of the vast wilderness, cursed to live with these thoughts for the rest of her life. There was no getting peace from this. Despite how much she didn't want to believe it, Chat Noir was still the same person who had destroyed her all those years ago.

What on earth was she doing? How could she even begin to kid herself that she could let him back into her life in any way, even if it was to get information out of him and steal his miraculous? All it did was tear open old wounds. Old wounds that were never given the chance to heal, leaving Marinette eternally bleeding. Marinette didn't know how much more blood she would be able to lose.

She was tired. Tired of trying. Tired of being reminded every minute of every day of what she had done. Of what Chat Noir had done to her.

The realisation that she had come so close to being discovered today suddenly hit her. Marinette gasped like the air had just been knocked out of her. She doubled over as her chest constricted and her stomach churned. Her body grew cold again. She had been so close to death yet again. Marinette didn't know how much more of this she could take. She was walking on egg shells now. One wrong move and the fragile ground beneath her would shatter.

That had very nearly happened today.

Her mind spun around and around with panic. Her breathing turned into desperate pants for air. That was way too close for comfort. No one could know. No one could ever know what had happened that night. No one could never know what she had done.

From now on she would need to be _very_ careful. She had to keep running away from her life as Ladybug.

Her life depended on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One step forward, three steps back like always. Please feel free to let me know what you all think, and words cannot express how grateful I am for all of the amazing comments that I have recieved so far. I just can't believe how much attention this story is getting. Thank you, thank you, thank you!


	18. Digging For Information

Adrien wasn't sure how long it had been since he had last seen Marinette.

A day. Two days. A week.

He had no concept of time when he was locked away in his family's mansion where it had all happened. It was like the house was cursed. Everything that could possibly go wrong in his life had happened here. Adrien couldn't bear to live here, yet at the same time, he couldn't bear the idea of leaving. He almost felt closer to _her_ while he was here. Closer to the love of his life. But also closer to his mother. Two of the most important people in his life who he had betrayed. This house was his own personal hell. He stayed here to torture himself.

And he definitely deserved to be tortured after what he had nearly let slip to Marinette.

He had been so stupid. Marinette was a smart girl and now she knew that something was going on; that he was hiding something. So that's why he had been doing his best to stay away. He couldn't risk anyone figuring out the truth of what really happened that night. Then people would hate him even more than they already did. They would see him for what he really was: a selfish monster.

Having to live with what he had done was surely punishment enough. If Marinette figured it out, she would be horrified by him, disgusted by him. He couldn't bear the thought of seeing that look on her face as she stared at him, watching as her eyes would widen with realisation, staring at him with nothing but distain.

He had come so far with her. She had seemed to be making the first steps towards being better. She had been more talkative, and some of her normal feistiness was returning, not the cynical type that she had seemed to have developed. He had managed to make sure she was well looked while she was ill. She was more comfortable around him, no longer seeming to be too afraid of him or angry with him – though he had no idea why she would was angry with him in the beginning.

Maybe it was just down to the internal conflict she seemed to be experiencing. She was ill, that much Adrien could determine. Something had happened to her, making her behave the way Adrien often felt. He understood the pain she was experiencing, though Adrien was sure that it was nothing compared to what he had to endure. But still, he had wanted to be there for her. Marinette was worth fixing; she was worth saving. Adrien was not.

But now, Adrien knew it was for the best that he stayed away. He couldn't have her finding out the truth. As much as it tortured him. He had become way too involved with Marinette for his own good – for _her_ own good. What had he been thinking? Getting close to her like that was way too dangerous. If anyone found out…if Marinette got hurt…he would never be able to live with himself. He would never be able to live with himself if Marinette found out the truth…

He had to protect her. He had to protect her from everything.

Marinette was the only thing that mattered to him anymore, though he had no idea why. But at the moment, Adrien didn't care about why he had grown so obsessed with Marinette. All he knew was that she made him feel better. She calmed his destructive urges, she understood him, and she was his opportunity to do something good for the first time in years. Marinette was the only person who was worth it. She was the one pure thing in his life.

But he couldn't be with her now.

Not when she had almost found out the truth. Not when it placed her in danger.

Adrien really needed to try and get her out of his mind, but he knew that was now impossible. She had firmly planted herself at the forefront of his mind and there was no removing her. Every time he closed his eyes, all he saw was her face. His whole body felt like it was reaching out and yearning for her.

But no. He couldn't go back.

Adrien let out another sigh as he fidgeted around on the couch again, trying to find a more comfortable position, while also hoping that his movements might help erase Marinette from his mind. But no matter how many times he tried, it didn't work. The more time went by, the more his body ached to see her again. He was becoming increasingly twitchy and agitated the longer he went without checking up on her. Was she okay? Was she safe?

No!

That was none of his business. He had already interfered in her life too much. That interference had nearly cost him everything. He had nearly let everything slip. Why should he care about Marinette anyway? The only person he had ever felt this way about before was…was… _Ladybug._

So why did he feel this way about Marinette? Why was her wellbeing his concern? She was a very old friend of his, but if that was the reason, then why didn't he feel this way about Nino or Alya? There was something about Marinette that called to him and it sent shockwaves of confusing feelings vibrating throughout his entire body.

This was insane. He was letting Marinette get to him too much.

He should have just walked away from her that night. Adrien should have just dealt with that criminal and then left, not bothering to engage Marinette in conversation in any way. But it was her voice that had made him freeze in place. As soon as he heard her voice, that was when he had found himself infatuated. She sounded so much like _her._ Like Ladybug. It had been so strange. But Adrien knew that Marinette wasn't Ladybug. She wasn't anything like Ladybug at all. Was…was Adrien just projecting his feelings for Ladybug onto Marinette?

No. He couldn't be. He didn't love Marinette. Ladybug was his soulmate. He could never love anybody ever again. She had been the only woman for him. Marinette had just been a distraction for him and nothing more. A stupid little project. He thought he could make her better to at least atone for some of the heinous acts he had committed. But no. It was too risky.

Adrien let out another sigh, pulling at his hair, hoping in vain that it would somehow yank the thoughts out of his mind in the process. No such luck though. Instead, all Adrien accomplished was making his head feel incredibly sore. His whole body felt weak and drained. His cold, dead heart contracted painfully in his chest, though Adrien had no idea why.

"If you sigh one more time, I swear I'm gonna shove this cheese so far up your –"

"Shut up, Plagg," Adrien hissed, interrupting his kwami.

"Touchy, touchy," Plagg disparaged, "all of this because lover girl isn't around. This is Ladybug all over again."

Adrien's eye twitched as he suddenly sat bolt upright to glare at Plagg who was sat on the coffee table, chewing his way through a giant piece of camembert. Plagg knew what he had done, Adrien could tell, only it seemed like his kwami didn't care anymore. He knew better than to mention her name around Adrien. Why was Plagg being like this all of a sudden? This whole time, he had wordlessly followed Adrien's will, never once trying to push his buttons. What had changed? Like Adrien, Plagg just seemed to be getting angrier and angrier, and less able to control his temper.

"I told you not to mention her name!" Adrien yelled, reaching forward to knock the empty cups and dirty dishes off the coffee table, narrowly missing Plagg in the process.

The cutlery and crockery tumbled to the floor, some of the plates smashing as they did so, creating a loud crashing noise that echoed around the entire room. Plagg stared at the damage with wide eyes before narrowing them and turning his head back around to look at his holder.

Adrien stared down at the table, his eyes unfocused and unseeing as he panted in anger, his chest heaving up and down as he did so. His teeth were clenched, and his entire form was shaking. His chest contracted painfully as images of her face began to dance across his mind, taunting him, mocking him. Why did Plagg have to mention her name? Why did people have to push his buttons like this? Why couldn't he just forget everything? Why did he have to do what he had done?

Collapsing to his knees on the floor, Adrien buried his head in his hands, trying to fight back the tears and violent sobs that were threatening to burst free. Everything hurt. Everything ached. He was so tired. Tired of existing. Tired of just trying to survive from one day to another. Whoever came up with the lie that time healed all wounds, Adrien wanted to scratch their face off.

They had lied.

Time did not heal all wounds.

Adrien never got any better. In fact, the more time that seemed to pass, the worse it seemed to get. No matter how many times Adrien tried to bandage up the gaping hole in his chest and keep moving forward as if nothing had happened, the bigger the hole grew before it tore the bandage off, leaving his wound open to the elements once again.

"I'm sorry," Plagg mumbled, causing Adrien to freeze.

Adrien looked up at his black cat kwami who was still sat on the coffee table, his back now facing towards him as his ears drooped forward slightly. Adrien couldn't see his face, but he knew that his kwami was feeling remorseful over what had just happened. It pained Adrien that he never stopped to think about how Plagg must be feeling in all of this.

Plagg had stood by him through everything. He had tried to warn him. Warn him that his idea was incredibly dangerous and reckless. He had been there for Adrien when it had all gone wrong. He had been there for Adrien when Ladybug was missing, and when the authorities finally decided to declare that she was dead. Plagg had been there for Adrien during the funeral, sitting in silence with Adrien when it was all over as the rain poured down on them.

Her cenotaph in the centre of Paris had served as a gruesome reminder that there was nothing of Ladybug left – that it was Adrien's fault. Plagg had been there for him during that horrible realisation. He had been there for him through those long days and nights, alone in his mansion as all of the staff, including Adrien at one point, were arrested and interrogated for possibly having links to Hawkmoth and his actions. He was there for Adrien as his mental state began to deteriorate further and further.

But yet, Adrien never stopped to think about what Plagg had lost. Plagg was there for Adrien, yet Adrien wasn't there for him in return; he was completely and totally selfish.

It was obvious from what little Plagg had revealed of his thoughts and feelings that he and the kwami of the ladybug miraculous were close. Ladybug and her miraculous had both gone missing that day. Whereas it was obvious that Ladybug had died in the fire, what happened to the ladybug miraculous was a mystery.

Plagg wasn't sure that it could be completely incinerated, and no one knew what would happen to the kwami if such a thing could happen. Plagg said that a miraculous could definitely be damaged, but if that was the case, then surely the earrings would have been found at the scene? Had they been stolen? If so, then by whom? Surely if they had, a new ladybug hero or villain would have shown up.

Though to be honest, as guilty as these thoughts made him feel, Adrien couldn't bring himself to care about what had happened to Ladybug's miraculous. He was sure that it was likely fine somewhere. All Adrien cared about was his lady, and what he had done to her. In her dying moments, Ladybug might have even done something to protect it from falling into the wrong hands, Adrien thought to himself with a sad smile. She was certainly smart enough to do such a thing.

Just not smart enough to see through him that night…

"No," Adrien replied sorrowfully, " _I'm_ sorry. I rarely think of you in any of this."

Plagg shrugged. "You've had a lot on your own mind without me adding to it."

"And you haven't?" Adrien sighed before continuing. "You lost the kwami of the Ladybug miraculous, and it's all my fault that happened. Things can't be easy for you either. I have no idea how you put up with me. I'm surprised you haven't tried to escape me or something."

Plagg finally turned around and let out a small growl before flying over to angrily hover directly in front of Adrien's face.

"Now you listen here! What happened was not your fault! Did you make a stupid and dumb decision, yeah, but how was anybody to know what was going to happen? How were you supposed to know that your father had it in him to do…” Plagg trailed off and paused before looking down sadly, "to do something like that?"

Adrien looked down sadly, tears welling up in his eyes again. "I've been horrible to you these past few years, and I don't know why. Well, I do know why, but I just keep getting these strange feelings."

Plagg looked confused. "What strange feelings?"

"I just…" Adrien paused, not really knowing how to explain how he had been feeling. "I just get these uncontrollable urges. I feel so angry, like I always constantly need to destroy things. It's been going on for years now, but it seems to be getting even worse lately…" Adrien trailed off as he caught the odd look on Plagg's face.

He couldn't quite read his kwami’s expression, but he almost looked…worried? Plagg had stopped eating his cheese and was instead frozen in place right in front of Adrien, the piece of cheese dangling beneath him as he loosely clutched onto it. His green eyes stared into space, and Adrien was about to click his fingers in front of his kwami's face before the loud ringing of the doorbell made them both jump.

Adrien froze as he wondered who it could be; he didn't think he was expecting anyone. Should he just pretend he wasn't in? Though he knew that would never work as everyone in Paris probably knew that Adrien Agreste didn't leave his home now after everything had happened. He wasn't sure he could face anyone today, let alone a potential total stranger. No one could ever see him. Adrien Agreste, the biggest national scandal in French history, the son of Hawkmoth who had been terrorising the city of Paris, enslaving and using their loved ones for his own gain. The shame was too much to bear.

Gulping, Adrien slowly walked towards the hallway to his security system that was positioned fairly close to the front door. Activating the camera, Adrien then sighed with relief when he realised that it was only Nino. Though he still wasn't comfortable with seeing anyone right now. But he knew Nino wouldn't give up and that his best friend would want to check on him. He wouldn't leave until he was sure that Adrien was alright, well, as alright as he could be anyway.

Taking a deep breath as he unlocked the gates to let Nino in, he then moved slowly towards the front door, ready to quickly part them just enough to let Nino in without potentially letting any nosey neighbours see into the mansion. As soon as he heard Nino knock on the door, Adrien quickly opened the doors before slamming them shut behind Nino once again. His best friend knew the drill by now, and he quickly ducked out of the way in time, gazing down at Adrien with his familiar concerned expression.

"Dude, you look even worse than you did the last time I saw you," Nino gasped, moving his cap up slightly and pushing his glasses up his nose so that he could get a better look at Adrien's face.

"Gee, thanks," Adrien muttered sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he led Nino further into the house and into the large living room.

Plagg had likely already flew off to hide in Adrien's bedroom with his giant stash of cheese like he always did. Adrien was more grateful for his kwami's actions that usual. He wanted to be alone with Nino. His best friend's presence gave Adrien an idea: maybe Nino was the perfect person to ask about Marinette. Maybe he knew what had happened to her to make her this way.

What was he doing? He was supposed to be staying away from anything related to Marinette. But at the same time, he had to know. He had to know what had happened to her. He had been too afraid to ask Marinette in case he upset her. Despite the fact he was supposed to be staying away from her, Adrien guessed that it couldn't do much harm to ask about her. After all, Marinette had been Adrien's friend once upon a time.

"Sorry, man, I don't mean to offend, it's just you do look a bit worse than you normally do," Nino noted, sitting down on one of the couches as he gazed up at Adrien worriedly.

Adrien merely shrugged his shoulders as he took a seat opposite his friend, collapsing down into the cushions and leaning back in the hopes that maybe the couch would swallow him up.

"I've just been having a bit of a rough time is all," Adrien mumbled as he ran his hands over his face before trying to smooth his hair back, hoping that fixing his appearance slightly would help ease Nino's concerns.

"What do you mean? You never leave this house or talk to anyone?" Nino looked confused.

Adrien internally growled, hating having to come up with lies all the time.

"It doesn't matter," he quickly dismissed.

Nino thought for a moment. "Oh, I get it."

Adrien's eyes widened as they flickered up to Nino worriedly.

"It's coming up to the anniversary of when…when everything happened," Nino spoke softly, gazing at Adrien with nothing but concern in his eyes.

Those words caused Adrien to blink.

It…it was approaching the anniversary?

Adrien had almost completely forgotten with everything that had been going on with Marinette lately. The thought that he had nearly forgotten sent a stab of pain through Adrien's already bruised and battered chest. How could he have forgotten?! How could he have forgotten his lady just like that?! He really was turning into some sort of monster lately! His breathing began to rapidly pick up at that thought, and his heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest.

"Whoa whoa whoa, Adrien, dude, take it easy, it's okay, I'm sorry for bringing it up," Nino panicked, sitting forward in his seat, ready to jump up to try and help calm Adrien down.

Adrien swallowed and took a deep breath, trying to calm his breathing. He couldn't break down now. Not in front of Nino. Nino could never see just how broken he was. No one could. He was honestly surprised that Nino still wanted anything to do with him after everything. Who would want to hang around with the son of Hawkmoth?

But Nino was a good person. Adrien knew that Nino would never see him that way; all Nino would see is his friend. But if only he knew what Adrien had done. Then he would never want anything to do with him ever again.

"Sorry," Adrien whispered.

"No, I'm sorry," Nino sighed out, "I had no idea that it still affected you that badly. I should have realised and I'm sorry for that. I'll tell you what, let's talk about something else, shall we?"

Adrien managed to shoot Nino a small, fake smile.

"Like…" Nino trailed off awkwardly as he tried to think of something, "how's the Agreste fashion business doing?"

Adrien internally groaned, wishing that they were talking about anything else right now. Adrien didn't care. He just left his father's company to pretty much run itself and only chipped in when he absolutely had to. He would do so from the safety of his mansion, never properly interacting with any members of staff. Honestly, Adrien was seriously considering just selling the company at this point. He renamed the company years ago to Agreste, hoping to remove the stain that was his father from the brand.

"Don't know, don't care," Adrien answered honestly and apathetically.

"Adrien…" Nino lightly scolded.

"What?" Adrien demanded. "I don't know anything about running a fashion business. I just worked as a model. My father was hoping that I would take over the company someday, but he hadn't begun to teach me anything yet. I don't care about fashion. I don't care about the company. It has too many bad memories."

"But won't it go under if you keep up that attitude?" Nino asked. "I've already noticed that one of the stores has closed down."

Adrien shrugged, not caring. Maybe it was best if the business just died. It probably wouldn't last now anyway due to its association with Hawkmoth. Share prices in the business plummeted as soon as Gabriel Agreste was exposed as Hawkmoth, as well as sales. The business was struggling, that much Adrien knew. No one cared enough to save it. There was no one who _could_ save it. It was permanently tainted. Members of staff were quitting left, right and centre, and finding good designers to work for the company was incredibly hard to come by now. No top end designer wanted to work for a business that was associated with Hawkmoth.

"I don't want to talk about business." Adrien scrunched up his nose in disgust.

"Okay, well, what do you want to talk about?" Nino asked patiently.

Adrien took the opportunity to seize his chance. "How is everyone?"

Nino blinked before he thought for a moment. "Everyone is fine. Alya is still just as obsessed with finding out the truth about Ladybug."

Adrien winced.

"She's meeting up with some random guy she was speaking to online. He reckons that he has found some really interesting footage for her. I keep trying to tell her that all of this is a lost cause, but she won't listen to me. But I guess this is just her way of dealing with things. I'll just have to be there for her when she ends up disappointed," Nino explained as he glanced down sadly, twiddling his fingers awkwardly.

"That's Alya for you though," Adrien mumbled, clenching his fists into tight balls.

Why did she have to go meddling and bringing all of this up? Sometimes Alya was almost as bad as Rena Rouge. That stupid fox hero had tried to question him relentlessly about what had happened when they first met, desperate for any clue on where Ladybug and her miraculous might be. Why couldn't people just let the topic of Ladybug drop? Why did everyone in the world have to keep reminding him? It was like everyone was on a mission to torture him.

"Yeah," Nino sighed, "I wouldn't have her any other way though. If anyone can get to the truth of what happened, it's Alya."

Adrien regarded his friend suspiciously. "You don't believe this crackpot theory, do you?"

Nino's eyes widened. "Of course not! We all saw that fire on the news, there was no way anybody could get out of there alive, at least not without being seen anyway. If Ladybug was alive, we would have heard from her by now. The police investigated all of the girls who were admitted to hospital for days after, looking for any signs of injuries that might have matched what Ladybug would have experienced falling from that window and into the fire –"

"Pushed," Adrien interrupted to correct Nino through clenched teeth.

"What?" Nino asked, confused.

"Ladybug didn't fall, she was pushed," Adrien growled.

"Right, sorry," Nino apologised, though he still looked slightly confused as to why Adrien had such a reaction to what he had said. "But I think something else Alya wants to know is how Ladybug even ended up in that situation in the first place. How did she find out that Gabriel was Hawkmoth? How did she end up so easily defeated? Especially since Chat Noir was there with her. To be honest, that's something I'm kinda interested in finding out as well. The only people who know for sure what happened that night are Ladybug, Chat Noir and Hawkmoth. Ladybug is dead, and well, there's no talking to or reasoning with Chat Noir right now, and Gabriel seems to have gone just as insane while he's been in jail. Sadly, I don't think we'll ever know to be honest."

Adrien shrunk further down into his couch, feeling incredibly nauseous all of a sudden. The feeling only grew worse the longer Nino spoke. Intense feelings of guilt completely overwhelmed him like a powerful current was sucking him beneath the waves of a raging river. He tried to gasp for air, but all he inhaled was water. His vision blurred as the image of Ladybug's face that night danced across his vision, eternally haunting him.

"Adrien?" Nino's worried voice brought Adrien out of his deep, horrifying thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" Adrien shook his head.

"I was just saying that everyone else at school is okay. We're all stressed with applying to universities and stuff, but we're getting there," Nino explained while watching Adrien uneasily. "The people of Paris have been feeling slightly more at ease now that Chat Noir seems to have disappeared. No one has seen him for a good few days and no one can figure out why. However, this does mean there's been a spike in crime though. Rena Rouge, Carapace and Queen Bee have been having a hard time keeping up with everything."

Adrien had to force himself not to sneer at the mention of the names of those pathetic heroes. When he and Ladybug patrolled the streets of Paris, they never had a hard time keeping up with criminal activity. They had always been so in sync with each other, working and fitting perfectly together like yin and yang. Both of them seemed to know what the other was thinking at any given second. So natural was their bond that no criminal or akumatized victim stood a chance against them. These new heroes were nothing but a joke.

"H-how's Marinette?" Adrien finally forced himself to ask.

Nino blinked in surprise. "You've never expressed an interest in Marinette before."

Adrien rolled his eyes, growing impatient. "Is she okay or what?"

"She's fine…" Nino trailed off in confusion before grinning at him suspiciously. "Does a certain someone have a soft spot for the baker girl?"

"No!" Adrien hissed, throwing a cushion at his friend, his cheeks growing warm.

"I'm just saying, you always seemed to have a soft spot for her while we were in school together." Nino chuckled.

"She was just a friend!" Adrien protested, frowning in annoyance.

There was no way he had, nor could he ever have feelings for Marinette.

But, Adrien found himself thinking, what if it _was_ possible for move on from Ladybug one day? What if it was possible for him to love someone again? Marinette seemed to be the one person who made him feel better. Not healed, but at least Adrien felt like he was able to breathe again while he was around her.

Marinette meant a lot to him, that much Adrien knew he had to admit to as there was no denying it. But could Marinette ever feel the same way about him? Anything they would have would be a lie as long as Adrien never told her what really happened that night. Would Marinette understand? Would she forgive him? Would he have a relationship with her as Adrien, or as Chat Noir? Both were as equally impossible.

Digging into his pocket, Adrien's hand finally brushed against the red, blood stained ribbon he kept in there. The whole reason that ribbon was in his pocket was because of him. If Marinette knew the truth, she would run a mile. So what hope did he have in being with her?

No! What on earth was he thinking? Ladybug was the one and only girl for him. How could he even be thinking about Marinette this way?! She was just a girl that he had been trying to help. She was an old friend and nothing more. He couldn't betray Ladybug…not again…

"If you say so," Nino laughed again, "that girl certainly thought the world of you."

Adrien froze before blinking at Nino in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Errrrr." Nino suddenly looked horrified and incredibly uncomfortable. "J-just that she was a…a…a huge fan of yours." Nino smiled awkwardly making a finger gun gesture towards Adrien. "She loved fashion, and the Gabriel brand was her favourite. She loved your father's work."

"Huh." Adrien frowned. "I never knew that about her."

He knew that Marinette had a talent for art and designing things, but he had no idea that she was that into fashion. He never knew that she had been a huge fan of his father's. No doubt she was devastated when she found out that her idol was really the villain who had been terrorising Paris. That Adrien Agreste, another idol of hers, was Hawkmoth's son. Adrien couldn't help but feel deflated at the thought of Marinette hating him.

"Marinette's a sweet girl. It's a shame you never really got the chance to get to know her better."

"Yeah," Adrien murmured.

"She hasn't been in school these past few days though," Nino continued, "she's been pretty sick. Alya has been visiting her every day and she says that she's getting better. Well…as better as she can get anyway."

"What do you mean?" Adrien feigned ignorance.

"Well…" Nino looked away awkwardly. "It's hard to explain."

"Just try your best," Adrien urged.

"It was the weirdest thing," Nino began after a brief pause, "she just suddenly left to go on this fashion course for a few weeks. The teacher called her parents to explain and apologise over the whole thing being last minute, and that Marinette was just too talented for him to not give the opportunity to. Marinette's parents were really worried though, and so were Alya and I as it's not like Marinette to just drop everything and disappear. Plus we had no idea who this guy was, so we were worried that something might have happened to her. So Tom and Sabine got the police involved, only for Marinette to then call and explain that she was okay and that she was still on the fashion course. The police saw no reason to be alarmed and saw no further need to pursue it, as they were all still busy trying to find Ladybug at the time. They just assumed Marinette was going through a teenage rebellion phase and had just simply neglected to tell her parents about this fashion course. It was just after Ladybug's funeral that Marinette finally came home, but she was…different."

"How do you mean?"

Nino's eyes were distant and haunted as he recalled that time. "She was…odd. She rarely spoke, didn't want to hang out with us anymore, and it was just like she had become a hollow shell. She'd cut her hair really short, and she stopped wearing the clothes she designed herself. She makes no effort with her appearance now, just wearing leggings and large sweatshirts, even in the middle of a hot summer's day. She acts incredibly weird too. Freaks out of the strangest things, and we're constantly walking on eggshells around her."

"Didn't you ever try to ask what was wrong?" Adrien demanded in shock. "Or try to help her?"

"We tried," Nino sighed, "we asked her continuously what was wrong and tried to use other methods of getting what was wrong out of her. But she had just completely closed herself off to the world. She wouldn't talk to us about anything, she would just sit there, looking like she wasn't even paying attention when we tried to ask her questions. We were all terrified and didn't know what to do. Tom and Sabine tried taking her to a doctor, but Marinette ended up completely freaking out when they told her. She trashed her room and threw most of her old stuff out, mumbling nonsense under her breath. Sabine called Alya and I, hoping that we could talk some sense into her, but nothing worked. In the end she just broke down crying, and all Alya and I could do was just sit there and hold her."

Adrien's eyes were wide as Nino recounted what happened.

"In the end, we decided that maybe Marinette would just tell us when she was good and ready. We decided to just treat her how we always treated her, hoping that a bit of normality might help her. It seemed to work as she calmed down a little bit, however, she's never been the same and is still showing no signs of getting any better. All Alya and I can do is continue to be there for her, ready and waiting for whenever she wants to open up. Trying to force it out of her and treating her different only seems to make her worse, so we can't really think of anything else to do."

"So she went on this fashion course and came back completely different?" Adrien reiterated, checking to make sure he had heard everything right.

Nino nodded. "It was like a completely different Marinette came back. It was terrifying."

"And you have no idea what happened to her?" Adrien asked again.

Nino shook his head. "At first we just thought she was really sad over Ladybug's passing and missing her funeral, but her behaviour was way over the top and weird. Besides, I don't think Marinette was ever that much of a fan of Ladybug. She never really expressed an interest. The only time she would perk up during a superhero conversation was when she was defending Chat Noir, so I guess she was more his fangirl than she was Ladybug's."

The corner of Adrien's lips twitched at that.

However, his smirk soon faltered as he realised how devastating it must have been for Marinette as soon as he became the new villain of Paris, terrorising the city. But still, Adrien hardly thought that something like that could cause Marinette to act the way she was. Something had happened to her. Something big and traumatic, and Adrien longed to know what it was. Then maybe he could help her better.

No! Adrien screamed at himself again. He was having nothing more to do with Marinette.

Nino sighed. "We do worry about her. Worry about what could have happened and what she's going through. All sorts of horrible images whirl around your head when a friend suddenly has a breakdown out of the blue. This really isn't like Marinette. She was normally so strong and optimistic. It's awful to see her this way."

"I had no idea," Adrien breathed, staring straight ahead in shock.

"Hey, you were going through your own issues." Nino offered him a reassuring smile. "But maybe one day, you could talk to Marinette. Maybe she'd be more likely to open up to you."

"I very much doubt that." Adrien's face fell again as he glanced back down towards the floor.

"You've got to stop associating yourself with Hawkmoth," Nino got up and walked towards Adrien, placing a hand on his shoulder. "The only person who's doing that is you. No one in Paris believes that you had anything to do with it, and everyone's worried about you. Nobody hates you Adrien, and you have no reason to be ashamed."

"I do, Nino." Adrien could feel tears welling up in his eyes again. "You have no idea. I've done some terrible things."

"What are you talking about?" Nino frowned down at him in confusion.

Adrien froze. The words became caught in his throat. Oh how much he just wanted to unload everything onto someone right now. To get the truth about what had happened off his chest. For someone in this world to know what he was really like. He wanted Nino to know who he was _really_ friends with. That he was friends with Chat Noir. A monster. That he was the one who had led Ladybug to her death that night through his own selfishness.

However, the sound of Nino's phone vibrating in his pocket made them both jump.

Nino took his hand off Adrien's shoulder and reached down to pick up his phone and glance at it. All the while, Adrien didn't dare move. He didn't dare breathe. He had just nearly revealed everything to Nino. How could he be so stupid? No one could know. He couldn't burden his best friend with something like that. Nino deserved to live in blissful ignorance.

"It's Alya," Nino sighed, "I hate to leave you, but she wants to see me urgently. She says she's found something."

"Better not keep Sherlock waiting then." Adrien abruptly stood up and began walking towards the front door with a confused Nino trailing behind him, trying his best to keep up as he clumsily attempted to answer Alya's text at the same time.

"I don't have to go you know, not if you're feeling like this."

"Like what?" Adrien struggled to keep his temper under control. "This is just how I always feel day in and day out. I'm used to it. I can look after myself, Nino. I don't need babysitting."

Nino raised an eyebrow.

"Y'know, you and Marinette sure are alike. I'm starting to wonder if she was there that night since she behaves so similarly to you," Nino half-joked.

"Very funny," Adrien muttered sarcastically before opening the door and gesturing for Nino to leave.

Adrien could feel that familiar destructive anger bubbling up inside him again. It was like he was an active volcano that was ready to explode. _Destroy, destroy, destroy._ Those were the only coherent words that continued to run through his mind. His hands twitched and he wanted to break the door he was holding in his hand so badly, to watch in satisfaction as splinters of expensive wood shattered and flew in every direction.

"Adrikins!" a familiar high pitched voice called from the distance.

Both Adrien and Nino froze.

"Did you leave the gate open?" Adrien narrowed his eyes at Nino who looked away guiltily.

"I've gotta go, you know where I am if you need me," Nino uttered quickly before running down the path towards the gate.

Adrien glared at him as he stopped to meet Chloé halfway down who had been running up towards him, a happy smile on her face and her arms outstretched.

"I think Adrien just wants some space, Chloé," Nino tried to patiently suggest to her.

Chloé sneered. "Nonsense, Adrien's always happy to see me, aren't you Adrikins?"

Adrien said nothing as he glared at both of them.

"I'm here to help him!" Chloé boasted proudly. "After all, I am his best friend."

Nino glared at her before marching off.

Chloé squealed in excitement and ran towards Adrien, jumping into his arms. Instinctively, he caught her, but leaned away from her as much as possible. He could feel his anger rising to dangerous levels, and the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Chloé. But right now, she was really testing his patience and self-control. She had been visiting him over the years, trying to get him to come out of the house. However, he never let her stay long, just holding a quick conversation with her to be polite. But right now, he wasn't even sure he could do that.

"Oh, Adrikins, I just knew you would let me in to see you sooner or later. I stop by as often as I can, but I guess you must be sleeping when I ring the doorbell," Chloé spoke at the speed of light.

"Err, right," Adrien mumbled awkwardly.

"I wish you would come back to school, it's not nearly as fun without you," she pouted. "I just don't understand why you have to lock yourself away here all the time. I mean, it's awful that your father was Hawkmoth, but nobody blames you. And if anybody does say anything to you, I'll just have daddy deal with them."

Adrien growled and pushed Chloé off him. He'd really had enough for one day.

"Please just leave me alone," Adrien mumbled as he began turning back around to head inside.

"But why?" Chloé gasped. "Nobody really gets to see you anymore and I miss you."

"I know, and I'm sorry Chlo," Adrien sighed, "but I just want to be left alone. I can't handle seeing anyone right now. You can come and visit later in the week, I promise."

"Really?!" Chloé's eyes lit up. "Oh that will be amazing. I could come over on Saturday! I could bring a movie and we could curl up and watch it together and –"

"Yeah, that's great Chlo," Adrien interrupted, not paying attention to a single word she was saying. "I'll see you later."

He quickly dashed back inside his house and slammed the door before collapsing against it. His whole body broke out into a cold sweat as he began panting, placing a hand on his chest, hoping to calm his erratically beating heart. His whole body twitched, and the anger soon began to explode out of him again. The urge to transform and wreak havoc in the city again was almost unbearable. It became an even more powerful instinct than the need to eat and drink.

Before he could stop himself, Adrien was running towards his bedroom and, without even giving Plagg a chance to react, transformed into Chat Noir. He burst out of his window, the feeling of the wind against his face as he ran through the city helped to cool him down slightly, though it didn't quell his urge for destruction. It seemed the longer he went without terrorising Paris, the more it built up and the worse he felt.

But no! He didn't want to destroy anything! He didn't want to hurt anyone!

He needed another way to get rid of this feeling.

There was only one person who could.

Screw, refusing to see her, Chat Noir wasn't sure he could stand being away from her any longer. His whole body breathed a sigh of relief at the thought of finally seeing her again. Even the mere thought of her made him feel slightly better. He selfishly needed her. He needed her more than anything. It was like she was drug and he was now addicted to her. Seeing her again would sooth his cravings. It would give him that fix he needed. She would help make the pain go away.

That was enough to fully make up Chat Noir's mind. Quickly extending his baton, he ran across the city, and towards his princess.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry that this chapter was a day delayed. Things are a bit chaotic at the moment and I've been really stressed trying to finish everything on time since I've fallen behind. Here's hoping I can get back on my feet for next week. Anyway, please feel free to leave a comment as it really helps me out. See you next week!


	19. Emotional Tempest

Raindrops slowly began to create a light pitter patter sound against her window as Marinette remained slumped at her desk. She stared out of her window as the rain began to grow heavier and heavier, the individual drops trickling down the glass of her window, creating thick streaks as they blurred the outside world from view.

It had been just over a week since she had last seen Chat Noir. Marinette had thought that not seeing him would make her feel better. Instead, it only made her feel worse. It was like a part of her had broken off and was now missing. Though why she was feeling that way, she had no idea.

Back when they were partners, she had always felt very much in sync with Chat Noir. They really had been the perfect duo, despite how much it broke her heart that she could never return his feelings. It had always been like they could read each other's minds and feel what the other was feeling, allowing them to work together in almost perfect harmony. Who would have thought that years later, after so much time spent hating him for everything he had done to her, Marinette could still feel the exact same way?

How could that even be possible?

The more and more time she had spent around him, the more confused she had become. Why had she been helping him? Why was she bothering to give him the time of day? He had betrayed her. He had nearly killed her. But yet, Marinette found herself stupidly letting him in. She caved in whenever he was around, helping him and being nice to him.

That was _not_ what he deserved.

Did she think that she could get through to him? Make him change his ways? Get to the bottom of what happened that night? Figure out why he had betrayed her? Trying to achieve all of those goals were futile. Chat Noir was beyond help. He was evil. What he had done was evil. She was doing the right thing by trying to stay away from him. It was for the best. She was only torturing herself by being around him.

Marinette should have just taken his miraculous when he was passed out. Then all of this would have been over by now, she thought to herself as she slumped further down in her desk chair, her hands buried deep in the pockets of the large sweatshirt she was wearing. Her expression was blank as she continued to stare out of the window at the rain. However, no matter how hard Marinette tried to make herself focus on her school work, her mind kept wandering back to Chat Noir.

Was he okay? Was he looking after himself?

Vigorously shaking her head, Marinette then growled to herself before sitting up straight and picking up her pencil again. Why should it matter to her? Why should she care whether Chat Noir was looking after himself? He had brought her nothing but pain and misery. She hoped that stupid cat was starving to death!

However, Marinette's heart quickly lurched at that dark thought, and tears began to sting the corner of her eyes at the thought of Chat Noir suffering. Okay, maybe she had gone too far with that. All she wanted was for him to leave her alone. No matter what Chat Noir had done to her, even from the very beginning, she just couldn't bring herself to wish for any bad harm to come to him. She was just weak and pathetic like that. No matter how many times she tried to switch her feelings off, Marinette couldn't help but care for him. He had been her partner, her best friend, her most trusted ally. Those were feelings that can't just be switched off. And that only made her suffer even more, leaving her to drown in a pool of confusion as two opposite currents tried to pull her in different directions.

But…he seemed to be changing lately. It was almost as if he was the Chat Noir she had known and loved. There was something about what had happened all those years ago that Chat Noir was hiding – that he had been hiding from everyone. He had almost let it slip to her the last time they had spoken.

Was there more to what happened than met the eye? Because never in a million years did Marinette believe that Chat Noir could just betray her on a whim.

If he had truly become her enemy, then shouldn't Chat Noir have rejoiced at the news of Ladybug's demise? Instead, he went on television, appearing to be incredibly upset over what had happened. But that could have just been a trick for the masses. But if that was the case, why did he continue to openly grieve for Ladybug, even when the two of them were alone together?

It just wasn't making any sense.

There had to be something that she was missing.

However, Marinette's thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a loud thump above her head.

Startled, Marinette froze in place before forcing herself to take a deep breath, rationalising that it was probably just something being blown across her balcony by the stormy winds outside.

Once again trying to push Chat Noir to the back of her mind, Marinette chewed on the end of her pencil as she stared down at her homework in front of her. What was the point of even trying? What was the point in trying to get good grades when she already knew that she wasn't going to get into university?

She didn't care about fashion anymore. She didn't care about designing.

None of it mattered anymore.

She should just stay in her bedroom forever and waste away.

A sinking feeling, like she had swallowed a heavy weight, slowly seeped down from her chest and all the way into her stomach. A great tempest formed over her mind, just like the one above Paris right now.

Everything was pointless.

Why did she even bother trying to exist?

"GAAAHHH!" Marinette yelped and fell backwards out of her chair when her balcony door was suddenly yanked open before Chat Noir collapsed into her room, tripping over the railings of her bed and falling to the floor with a loud thump.

He groaned as he lay in a heap on the ground, and all Marinette could do was stare at him with wide eyes as she too laid in an awkward position.

The wind quickly slammed her balcony door shut again, and the room was silent apart from the noise of the rain hammering against the window. Marinette's heart thudded in her chest, refusing to calm down as she continued to stare at Chat Noir, unable to take her eyes off him or even move.

What was he doing here?! He'd left her alone for over a week, so why all of a sudden had he decided to show up?

But she couldn't bring herself to shout at him or say anything. All she could do was watch as his body twitched, his eyes staring up at the ceiling. What was wrong with him?

Marinette went into even more of a panic. She had never seen Chat Noir like this before. Had something happened? However, before she could run over to him, the more rational and cautious part of her brain ordered her to stop. What should it matter to her? She had vowed to stay away from him. It was too risky. She couldn't have him finding out her secret. She couldn't constantly have him around anymore, serving as a torturous reminder of everything that had happened…of everything that he'd done…of everything that she'd done…

So instead, Marinette continued to remain frozen in place, her mind torn in two over what she should do. One half screamed at her to help him, the other yelled at her to remain where she was and order him to go away again.

She couldn't risk going near him. She couldn't risk letting him back into her life. She had already taken such a huge gamble with everything she had done so far. At any moment, he could figure it all out and discover her secret.

Her eyes darted towards the drawer of her desk at that thought, and she gasped as Chat Noir's head also seemed to tilt in that direction, his eyes completely wild, as if he wasn't even human anymore. Marinette quickly looked away, worried that Chat Noir had caught on to the fact that she was hiding something there. If he sprang up and looked now, it would be game over. She'd be dead.

But would she?

Chat Noir had seemed truly devastated at the loss of Ladybug, and it wasn't him who had defeated her that night, but in fact Hawkmoth. He was the one who had stolen her weapon. He was the one who had pushed her out of that window into the flames below.

Maybe Chat Noir had never intended for Ladybug to die that night? But if that was the case then why didn't he save her? Why had he let her fall? Why hadn't he pulled her from the fire? What had he been doing all that time? Marinette had watched it on the news time and time again. She remembered Chat Noir leaving the house just after Hawkmoth was apprehended and arrested. According to eye witness accounts, he had been looking for her. Why would he do that? To make sure she was dead?

Marinette shook her head. She was starting to sound like Alya. But little did Alya know, she was right about her own conspiracy theories. Was it a far-cry for Marinette to be right about there being more to Chat Noir's betrayal than met the eye? Would it be possible for her to even find out?

She stared at him as he continued to stare at her desk drawer, seemingly completely transfixed. Growing increasingly worried, Marinette quickly stood up. This sudden movement seemed to snap Chat Noir out of his trance, and he pushed himself up slightly, sitting in a cat-like position as he stared up at her, looking like a deer caught in headlights. He was as still as a statue, almost as if he didn't dare move.

That was new. Normally he didn't hesitate to push Marinette's buttons and hang around her, not caring what Marinette thought of the whole thing. Her own eyes widened again as she stared back at him, blinking as she wasn't sure whether she was dreaming or not. Once again, he almost looked like his old self again. It caused her both pain and happiness at the same time, however the pain quickly won the inner emotional battle, causing Marinette to glare down at him.

"What are you doing here?!" Marinette snapped, her heart still thudding loudly in her chest in fear.

"I…" Chat Noir struggled to speak, looking away and down at the floor.

His black, leather ears drooped slightly under Marinette's gaze, causing Marinette's eyes to widen once again. What was going on?

"I…needed to see you," Chat Noir finally admitted, his face lowering even more to hide his features.

His whole body was trembling as he curled in on himself even more. It looked like he was trying to make himself look as small as possible. Marinette's hands twitched at the sight, longing to reach out and wrap her arms around him in comfort, wanting nothing more than to help and make him feel better. But she resisted the urge.

"Chat, you can't just keep barging in and out like this. One moment you're running away from me, and the next minute you say that you need to see me. I don't understand what it is that you want from me. Why can't you just leave me alone?!" Marinette's voice rose towards the end, her tone becoming more and more hysterical as the confusion and pain overwhelmed her.

Why was he doing this to her? Why did he always have to cause her so much pain?

"I…I don't know…" Chat Noir trailed off as he slowly stood up and stared down at his hands, sounding like he was experiencing just as much confusion and pain as Marinette was. "T-there's…something…w-wrong with me…"

"That has to be the biggest understatement ever." Marinette could feel herself getting more and more wound up. "You follow me around, break into my home, attack my friends, stalk me around Paris, try to kidnap me, and not to mention all of the people around Paris that you've hurt and attacked. You betrayed Ladybug and your responsibilities as a hero, you sided with Hawkmoth, and only now you admit that something might be wrong with you?!"

"And once again you are speaking about things that you do not understand," Chat Noir growled out, clenching his hands into tight fists as he continued to look down, hiding his expression from view. Though Marinette had a pretty good idea of what his face would look like right now.

She was tired of Chat Noir's confusing and ambiguous behaviour. She was tired of being caught in the middle of it all. She just wanted to get on with her life. She wanted to try and forget about what happened. But she couldn't do that with Chat Noir constantly in her life, bringing up all of these old, strange and foreign feelings.

She was supposed to hate him. She should hate him. She needed to hate him.

"I understand more than you could ever possibly know," Marinette snapped through clenched teeth without thinking.

However, her eyes widened as soon as the words left her mouth, and Chat Noir looked up in alarm and confusion. His expression quickly morphed back into a frown, though his eyes remained locked on hers as they narrowed and shone dangerously.

Marinette's heart almost stopped in her chest. That was too close. She really needed to keep herself in check, but she couldn't do that with Chat Noir constantly bringing everything back up and provoking her. So much for him sounding and acting like his old self again. He had reverted right back to the deranged Chat Noir who had plagued Paris for the past four years. He was the Chat Noir who had trapped her that night. The Chat Noir who had hunted her around the Agreste mansion before capturing her and dragging her back into Hawkmoth's lair.

"Get out," Marinette ordered.

Chat Noir's eyes widened in panic.

"Get out!" Marinette yelled louder this time, storming towards him.

He still didn't budge as he continued to stare at her like a wounded animal, almost weakening Marinette's resolve. For some reason, she wanted nothing more than to beg him to stay, especially because of how much he had been like his old self lately. He had been so… _kind_ to her.

But she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't take all of this confusion. She couldn't take all of the horrible reminders.

"Marinette…" Chat Noir gasped out, sounding incredibly worried.

"I hate you!" she screamed as she began slamming her fists against his chest. "You ruined my life and I hate you!"

Hot tears streamed down her cheeks as she continued to slam her fists against him, though Chat Noir remained standing completely still as he stared down at her, not doing anything to stop her. No! He was Chat Noir! He should be killing her for doing this! Why wasn't he hurting her? From the very beginning, although he had psychologically messed with her, he had never physically attacked her. Why?! Why was Chat Noir such a frustrating enigma who played with her feelings and her mind?!

"What do you mean I ruined your life?" Chat Noir asked, his voice low and frightened.

Marinette didn't answer him as she slammed her fist against his chest one last time before raising and tensing her shoulders as she struggled to contain the violent sobs that were threatening to claw their way out of her chest. There he went again sounding like his old self, only more vulnerable and frightened. Marinette couldn't keep up, and it was starting to take its toll. She didn't know how much more confusion and pain she could take before she shattered into a million tiny pieces. She already felt like she was dangerously close to that breaking point.

"You mean the way I kept following you after that night?" Chat Noir asked.

Marinette still didn't say anything, allowing him to believe that was the reason. She'd opened her stupid big mouth again. But in that moment, she just couldn't help herself. All of a sudden it was like she was ready to burst. It was like she had transformed into a soda bottle and everything kept shaking her none stop while Marinette tried desperately to keep a lid on everything. If she burst, she would only cause devastation, and cause an even bigger mess than the one she was in. She needed to keep a lid on everything, no matter how much energy it took, no matter how much her body begged for it all to be unleashed.

Chat Noir couldn't find out the truth.

No one could find out the truth.

"M-Mari…I…I'm so sorry about everything I've done to you. It's just, after everything that happened these past few years, I really haven't been myself. Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me, but I know I can't use that as an excuse for what I did to you, or anyone else. But…being around you…for some reason…it made me feel better. You would numb the pain for a while. And that was selfish of me." Chat Noir sounded close to tears as he spoke. "At first I was…just using you I suppose. Trying to fill the giant hole in my chest and at least numb the pain for a few hours. But then –"

Chat Noir was quickly cut off by the sound of Marinette gasping as her eyes drifted down to his right hand that was clenched into a tight fist at his side. Her blue eyes locked onto the small object that was held tight within his grasp.

No…it couldn't be…

Looking confused, Chat Noir followed Marinette's gaze before he too gasped. Bile rose up in Marinette's throat, but no matter how much the sight sickened her, she still couldn't take her eyes off the little red ribbon that remained in Chat Noir's hand. Her eyes followed it as he raised his hand up to inspect the object, seemingly just as startled to see it in his hand just as much as Marinette was.

But in that moment, Marinette didn't care. Her vision turned as red as the ribbon, her mind continuously flashing back to that night, making her feel dizzy. Her heart almost leapt out of her chest, and it felt like her lungs had shrivelled up inside her, leaving little room for the air she was trying to gasp at and breathe in. Her chest grew impossibly tight, like someone had placed her in the middle of a huge vice. Her whole body trembled, and the room around her grew as hot as the fire that night.

"W-where did you get that?" was all Marinette could squeak out.

Chat Noir looked terrified as he watched her. "I…I found it…that night…"

"Why do you have it?"

"I…"

"Is it some sort of sick trophy?!" Marinette screamed, her vision going blurry as fresh tears welled up in her eyes. As soon as she blinked them away, more would form, thankfully hiding that awful reminder from view. A reminder of who she used to be. Of the mistake she had made.

"What?!" Chat Noir cried out.

"You betrayed Ladybug that night and led her to her death! Now you keep her hair ribbon as a trophy of her defeat!" Marinette tugged at her shorter hair, the hair she had lost that night because of what he had done.

Maybe she had been wrong. Maybe Chat Noir had intended for her to die that night. She was a fool to try and rationalise him. She was a fool for thinking there may still have been good in him. That maybe he had been deceived or controlled by Hawkmoth. Chat Noir was the most sick and twisted individual she had ever met.

"No!" Chat Noir screamed, sounding like an animal in pain. "You don't know anything!"

Marinette's eyes widened once again as Chat Noir collapsed back onto his knees, clutching the ribbon tightly to his chest as if it was the most precious object in the world. Like a child clinging to its favourite toy or comfort blanket. Like someone clutching a loved one they were trying to desperately protect.

The bloody, torn up ribbon was now buried in his hand, hiding it from Marinette's view, allowing her to think more clearly again. However, all she could do was watch as Chat Noir collapsed in on himself, his sobs filling her room and drowning out the loud sound of the wind and rain.

"I LOVED HER!" Chat Noir cried out before howling in pain. "She was my world! I had never meant for any of this to happen. I never wanted anyone to get hurt, let alone _her_! It's all my fault…it's all my fault…it's all my fault…"

All Marinette could do was watch in horror as Chat Noir began rocking back and forth, his face ghostly pale as his eyes grew distant. She recognised that look. She recognised what was happening better than anyone. She too experienced these things. She had been brought back to that night a million times. It completely stunned her to know that Chat Noir experienced the same thing.

However, Marinette soon found her heart fluttering at his initial words. He…he loved her…

No. He had loved _Ladybug_.

He still did love her.

So why had he switched sides? Why had he joined Hawkmoth? If he loved her so much, why did he abandon her?

Marinette found herself collapsing to her knees as she took in the sight of the broken Chat Noir before her. He said…he said that he'd never meant for anyone to get hurt. What did that mean? Did that mean that Marinette's hunch had been right? That there was more to what happened than met the eye? Judging by Chat Noir's words and the way he was behaving, there had to be.

Marinette was now surer than ever. Something had happened to Chat Noir. Something that made him join Hawkmoth. Something that made him want to take her miraculous. But what? Marinette was now more determined than ever to find out. If she could find out what happened, then maybe she could finally have peace of mind. Maybe she could finally get through to him and get him to hand over his miraculous willingly instead of her having to steal it. Then she could finally move on. She would know the truth, and Chat Noir would be no more. The person beneath the mask could then maybe work on fixing his own life.

Swallowing nervously, Marinette began to slowly shuffle towards Chat Noir, crawling across the floor until she was sitting directly next to him. His whole body trembled, and Marinette's heart broke at the sight of just how lost and vulnerable he looked right now. Whatever had happened must have really taken its toll on him.

What horrors had he experienced? What horrors had he endured without Marinette ever giving him a second thought or coming to the conclusion that maybe Chat Noir had gotten himself into a very bad situation? Had he needed her help that night? Had he been trying to give her some sort of code and she had been too busy worrying about Adrien to notice?

Those thoughts began to make Marinette feel incredibly guilty. Was what happened to Chat Noir… _her_ fault?

It was all starting to make sense now. He had been acting weird a few weeks before that night, and Marinette had always wished that she had spoken to him about it. But she was so caught up in her own dramas and just figured that Chat Noir would tell her when he was ready. She didn't want to push him, but now, she desperately wished she could go back and ask him. Maybe then all of this could have been avoided.

Pushing those thoughts aside for now, Marinette decided to focus on Chat Noir who was still curled up and sobbing on her bedroom floor. She had never seen him this way before. It was almost scary. But it looked like Marinette had finally broken through his amour. Was this how Chat Noir really felt underneath? Was the villain he portrayed himself as now just a persona to hide his pain and grief?

Cautiously, and feeling slightly unsure, Marinette reached her hand out and gently touched Chat Noir on the shoulder, hoping to be of some comfort. However, she was still worried that he could turn on her at any second. She was still mad at him over everything he had done, but at least now she might finally get an understandable reason. It was clear that Chat Noir wasn't lying when he said that he had never meant for anyone to get hurt. There was no way someone could say those words with that amount of pain and not mean them. Marinette knew Chat Noir better than anyone, and it seemed that she still did. She always knew when there was something wrong. She always knew when he was lying.

She gently rubbed his shoulder until Chat Noir's sobs and shaking subsided slightly. His head still remained bowed, and Marinette couldn't see his face behind his wild, golden blond hair, but she knew that he couldn't look good right now. She shuffled closer to him slightly, and Chat Noir leaned towards her, as if she was a powerful magnet.

Being near him like this again almost made Marinette feel like she could breathe again. She never realised it before, but she had been feeling slightly better with Chat Noir around, despite how confused she would often feel. This past week without him, she had been feeling empty and hollow again. Maybe her making Chat Noir feel better worked both ways…

Marinette quickly shook her head to force herself to focus.

"Chat…" she began slowly, "something happened between you and Hawkmoth, didn't it?"

It took a while for Chat Noir move, but when he finally did, he slowly nodded, still making sure to hide his face.

Marinette's heart almost came to an abrupt stop in her chest at his confirmation. She froze, and all she could do was stare at Chat Noir, hoping that he might say and reveal more. However, he never did. His sobbing had stopped now, and he was instead sitting completely still on her floor, still refusing to look up at her. His whole body had gone slightly limp as Marinette stopped rubbing his shoulder, hoping that it might help him focus a bit more.

"W-what happened?" Marinette found herself asking before she could stop herself.

Once again, it took a while for Chat Noir to respond, however, his next words sent an unexplainable shiver down Marinette's spine.

"You'll hate me."

Marinette blinked in shock.

What did he mean she'll hate him? As if it was possible for the people of Paris to hate him anymore than they already did. So why was he keeping so tight lipped about what had happened? Maybe it was incredibly traumatic and he couldn't bring himself to talk about it? Maybe he was in a similar situation to what she was in?

Either way, it broke her heart.

If he had been tricked or manipulated by Hawkmoth in some way, then how could she hate him for that? Hawkmoth must have done something diabolical in order to get Chat Noir to join him. Chat had admitted that he still loved Ladybug – he always had done – and that he had never meant for anyone to get hurt.

Despite still being hurt over everything, Marinette could at least bring herself to understand his circumstances, and maybe even forgive him one day. However, she couldn't do that until she knew the truth. And it didn't look like Chat Noir was going to reveal it anytime soon.

"I understand if you don't want to tell me," Marinette soothed him. "I can't think of what might have happened that would make me hate you, especially if something bad happened between you and Hawkmoth. I'm still angry and upset – and I probably will be for a long time – that you betrayed m – Ladybug. You can't just erase all of those feelings."

Chat Noir curled even more in on himself before he whimpered.

Without thinking, and before she could stop herself, Marinette reached over and pulled Chat Noir against her. Part of her cringed at having the friend who had betrayed her so close to her, but it soon relaxed and left her alone. Chat Noir fell limply against her. Touching him and being so close like this sent small electric shocks throughout Marinette's entire body. It shocked her broken and dying heart back into motion, and pleasant tingles danced across her skin. His head rested against her chest, just over her frantically beating heart. Though he had started out laying limply against her, his arms soon wrapped around her, pulling himself even tighter against her.

It felt…nice…

In that moment, Marinette almost completely forgot about everything. She forgot about all the pain and all the heartache. Chat Noir wasn't an enemy to be feared, he was her trusted friend again. A friend who was in desperate need of her help. Marinette may not be Ladybug anymore, but she could still do this one final act before she moved on with her life – or at least tried to anyway.

She would help Chat Noir. She would get to the bottom of what really happened, and hopefully get Chat Noir to willingly hand over his miraculous. Then all of this would finally be over.

"I'm so sorry, Marinette," Chat Noir whispered again, his voice choking slightly.

"I know," Marinette choked back, unable to resist burying her face in his hair.

He smelled so intoxicating, so familiar. It brought back happy memories. Happy memories of their time together as the superheroes of Paris, protecting the citizens from Hawkmoth's akumas, and any other criminals out and about in the city. How they would laugh together and chase each other through the city when they went out on patrol together. How they would sit together and watch the sun set over the city, talking about everything and nothing.

Weirdly, Chat Noir had always been her rock. He was the very first person to give her confidence in herself as a superhero. He had comforted her when she was scared and unsure of herself. He had always had her back, taking blows for her, making sure she never got hurt, sacrificing himself so that she could save the city.

What had Hawkmoth done to her kitty?

"I don't think it helped that you looked and sounded so much like Ladybug," Chat Noir admitted, causing Marinette to freeze. "I suppose that maybe, I was partly projecting her onto you. But I know that you're not her. I see you for the kind, sweet girl you really are, and I hated seeing what you had become. I wanted to help you. Making you feel better made me feel better. I still want to help you, Marinette."

Marinette sighed. "Maybe I don't want help. Maybe I don't want to get better. I deserve everything I get and I deserve everything I feel –"

"How can you say that?!" Chat Noir abruptly pulled away from her, glaring at her as he grasped her shoulders and started into her eyes for the first time in a while, causing a shiver to run down Marinette's spine. "You are one of the most wonderful and strong people I know. Nobody else in this city would have helped me, but _you_ did. Despite everything I've done to you, you were still there for me. You're a very special girl, Marinette."

"But you can't waste all of your energy on me!" Marinette exclaimed in frustration. "You need to focus on getting better yourself. I don't know what happened to you, but it's obvious that something went very wrong somewhere. But I can see now, that deep down you're still the same Chat Noir. The hero who saved Paris on a regular basis, and who was always willing to do anything to keep people safe." Marinette placed a hand on top of one of his hands that was gripping her shoulder. "And if you need someone to be there for you, I'll gladly do it. I may not be a hero, but I'd never want to abandon a friend when they're in need. You're very special too, kitty."

Chat Noir sat there in stunned silence as he stared down at her. Marinette was worried that she had gone too far, and that he might run away again. The last time she had pushed him, he fled. However, Chat Noir didn't move. Their eyes remained locked together, and Marinette got lost in them that, in that moment, felt so comforting, so safe, and so…familiar.

Her heart fluttered in her chest, and a strange wave washed over her body the longer they stared at each other. However, this wave didn't threaten to drown her. It simply and gently carried her away to another, unknown shore. The waters were warm, and it sent pleasurable shivers through her body as it caressed her skin.

A rumble of thunder boomed loudly above them, but neither of them flinched. Marinette watched as Chat Noir's pupils dilated slightly, and an emotion that Marinette couldn't quite recognise crossed his face as well as a look of uncertainty. She barely registered that he had begun to lean forward slightly. It wasn't until she found herself mirroring his movements that she realised how close their faces were becoming. Her lips tingled as she found her eyes flickering down towards his own. His mouth was parted slightly, an unsure expression still on his face, but it wasn't long before his eyes became hooded.

Instinctively, Marinette's own eyes fluttered closed, her whole body suddenly reaching out and yearning for the boy sat in front of her. Her mind went blank, and her whole body was acting without her input, drawn to Chat Noir as if he was a bright, warm star, and she was a lost, rogue planet, looking for a place to belong.

Their faces grew closer and closer, and Marinette desperately longed to quench that deep thirst and hunger that was now ravaging her from the inside.

However, a knock on her bedroom door soon had Marinette's eyes snapping open before she launched herself away from Chat Noir breathlessly. Chat Noir remained where he was and looked just as startled by the sudden sound.

 Marinette's heart then sank at the sound of a familiar voice drifting up from behind her door.

"Marinette?! It's Alya! I've got something important to show you!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Le gasp! Things certainly heated up in that chapter. Thank you so much for reading as always, and thank you so much for your wonderful comments and supporting this story! It really helps me keep going. Oh and hey, look at that, I actually updated on time for once xD


	20. Entangled

"Marinette?" Alya's confused voice continued to shout from the other side of Marinette's bedroom door.

The loud knocking continued, and the door jiggled as Alya tried to enter, however, Marinette had thankfully locked her door, hoping that she would have been left alone all day. All she could do was sit there and stare at the door in fear. What was Alya doing here?! Whatever it was, it sounded pretty urgent.

Another much louder knock finally snapped Marinette out of her terrified frozen state. Her eyes immediately darted towards Chat Noir who was sitting where he had been before, staring at the door in confusion before his eyes finally flickered up to meet her own. He didn't seem too worried. He just remained calmly sitting there, seemingly waiting to see what Marinette would do next.

That thought made Marinette freeze again. What _was_ she going to do? If she just ignored Alya, would she go away? No, that didn't seem likely. Alya was stubborn. How did she even get in the house anyway? Her parents must have sent her up, so that must mean that Alya knew that she was in there.

"Marinette, I know you're in there!"

_Well that answered that question_ , Marinette thought to herself as her heart began thudding even more erratically in her chest.

She wasn't going to go away. It sounded like she was on a mission.

Finally forcing herself to unfreeze again, Marinette leapt up off her floor and quickly grabbed Chat Noir by the wrist and pulled him up with her. He followed with an amused smirk on his face as Marinette pulled him towards her bed, trying her best to come up with some sort of plan. Her head was still a foggy mess from everything that had happened earlier, and her sudden panic at Alya's unexpected arrival certainly wasn't helping either.

"Quick, Chat, hide!" Marinette hissed at him as she began pushing against his back with all her might, trying to force him to climb up the ladder that led to her bed.

"Am I to be your dirty little secret, _purrincess_?" Chat Noir playfully purred at her.

Marinette growled in response. "Just get up there and hide!"

"Marinette?" Alya sounded confused and slightly worried now.

Cursing under her breath, Marinette shoved a giggling Chat Noir up the ladder. She was glad that at least one of them was finding this hilarious. If Alya found her with Chat Noir, it would certainly cause a lot of problems. As Rena Rouge, Alya had already entrusted Marinette with the mission of seizing Chat's miraculous. If she found out that Marinette had had plenty of ample opportunity to do so, then it would raise a lot of uncomfortable questions.

Marinette was already walking a thin and worn enough tight rope as it was. The web she had trapped herself in all those years ago was becoming increasingly more tangled. The more Marinette tried to wiggle herself free, the more ensnared she became. The more she thrashed around, the more attention she drew to herself. And soon, it wouldn't be long before the giant, poisonous spiders arrived to devour her.

Sweating and panting in panic, Marinette reached through the bars of her bed and yanked Chat Noir down so that he was lying down. He let out a muffled yelp as his face hit her cushions before Marinette quickly grabbed hold of one of her blankets and draped it over him. It was the most obvious hiding place in the world, but luckily Alya very rarely went up to her bed. They usually just stayed in the lower area of her bedroom, and from down there, it would be difficult to tell if someone was hiding up there.

"Marinette! Seriously girl, you're not dead are you?" Alya continued yelling and knocking.

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Marinette yelled back, quickly running over to her bedroom door. Feeling incredibly flustered, she reached down and unlocked it before opening it. Marinette had barely opened her door an inch when Alya suddenly barged through, almost causing Marinette to lose her footing and fall down the hole and down the stairs. Luckily, Alya grabbed hold of her arm and pulled her back into her room and dragged her towards her desk.

"What on earth were you up to, girl? Why was your door locked?" Alya demanded, her eyes narrowing at her best friend suspiciously.

Marinette pulled her arm out of Alya's grasp before sticking her hands in the pockets of her sweatshirt awkwardly. "I – errrr – I wanted to be left alone and I ended up falling asleep."

Her words caused Alya to look at her weirdly.

"Oh…well…who were you talking to?" Alya looked around the room as if she was expecting to see someone here, and only grew more uneasy and suspicious when she saw that no one was there.

Her hazel eyes turned back to Marinette, and she folded her arms across her chest as she continued to grip her phone in one hand. She pursed her lips and narrowed her eyes even more, her glasses falling down her nose slightly as it scrunched up slightly in distrust.

"Oh – ummm – myself," Marinette quickly lied, biting her lip and looking away towards her bed where Chat Noir was currently hiding beneath her sheets and blankets.

As if sensing her eyes on him, Chat Noir quickly peered out from behind a bright pink blanket and gave her a quick, cheeky wink which caused Marinette's cheeks to immediately heat up and turn bright red. Her breath caught in her throat, and Marinette nearly choked and stumbled forward. Luckily, Alya had her back turned against Chat Noir, so all she saw was her best friend freaking out for seemingly no reason.

Chat Noir quietly snickered and hid back under the blankets while Alya stared down at Marinette with a confused, concerned and suspicious expression on her face. Once Chat Noir was safely hidden again and showing no signs of reappearing to make Marinette's life hell again, she quickly flashed Alya an awkward smile. Alya unfolded her arms and frowned as she looked Marinette up and down, scrutinising every detail of her.

Marinette tried to remain as calm as possible, but it was difficult knowing that Chat Noir was only hiding a few feet away. Not only that, but this seemed to all be just a game to him, and didn't seem to care if he got caught. But Marinette did. She very much did. It would be all over if Alya found out. She would get into so much trouble. And that would only be the start…

"Marinette? Hello? Are you okay?"

The terrifying visions that were dancing cruelly before Marinette's eyes were brushed away by the sight of Alya waving a hand in front of her face. Marinette blinked before her eyes flickered to Alya nervously.

"Are you sure you're not still sick?" Alya frowned in concern, attentively placing a hand on Marinette's forehead.

"I-I'm fine," was all Marinette could stutter, feeling more and more terrified of the situation she had found herself in.

"You don't sound it," Alya replied thoughtfully, "you're acting even weirder than usual today."

"I'm fine, like I said, I've just woken up, so I'm feeling a little disorientated," Marinette lied again.

She had hoped that when she stopped being Ladybug, all the lying would stop. But it seemed she was lying more now than she ever had done during her time as a superhero. And it had only been getting worse lately. Especially now that Alya seemed to be falling for all of those Ladybug conspiracy theories. The conspiracy theories that were technically true…

Alya stared at Marinette with narrowed eyes for a few more moments, seemingly not sure whether to believe her best friend or not. Marinette met her gaze as calmly as she could, praying that whatever Alya was looking for in her eyes, she wouldn't find it.

Thankfully, Marinette's intuitive friend seemed to decide to let the current matter drop as she relaxed and released Marinette from her intense, sceptical gaze.

However, Marinette didn't even get the chance to breathe a small sigh of relief before Alya had wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in close, holding up her phone triumphantly. Marinette squeaked as she was pressed tightly against Alya's form, struggling to breathe as her face ended up crushed against Alya's shoulder.

"Now for the reason I'm here!" Alya cried out, ignoring Marinette's attempts to wiggle free. "Girl, you will not believe what I've found!"

"It would…help…if I could…see and…breathe!" Marinette gasped out as best as she could.

"Oh right," Alya chuckled before loosening her grip on Marinette slightly, though she still kept her pinned close, making sure that she was looking at her phone.

Alya typed in her password and soon a dark and grainy looking video filled the screen. It was paused at the beginning and Marinette frowned at it in confusion, squinting to try and get a better look at the poor quality image.

It looked like some sort of dark room, however, the open door was providing just enough light to see the small figure in the corner of the room who looked like they had just come into shot. The camera was mainly pointing towards and focusing on a small object in the centre of the small, otherwise empty room. Despite it being hard to see, there was no mistaking the small object that was being held in a glass case. The butterfly brooch shone slightly in the light, and Marinette's heart sank all the way down to her feet as she almost instantly recognised the scene in front of her.

"Just watch and tell me what you think," Alya said as she pressed play.

Marinette had to resist the urge to close her eyes, but she knew that Alya would probably be watching her reactions carefully. So Marinette had no choice but to put on her best poker face. She tried to keep her mind blank. Tried to keep herself from panicking.

Where had Alya found this footage?!

Marinette hadn't even been aware that there _was_ footage of this.

All she could do was watch as the petite figure slipped further into the room. It was incredibly hard to make out the details, but it looked like the figure had something round strapped to their back. They slipped stealthily further into the room before looking around and looking back towards the door. The light from the door lit up their face, but only slightly. The image quality was still too poor and pixelated to make out too much detail other than the fact that this person had pale skin. A dark green mask covered most of their face, hiding any more potential facial detail.

Marinette continued to watch, trying to keep a straight face and not show any hint of panic. The mysterious figure then pulled the round object off their back and used it to smash their way through the glass and grab the butterfly miraculous. The video had no sound, but Marinette could still hear the alarm whirling around in her mind, almost deafening her.

The figure then ran out of shot just as the video ended.

All Marinette could do was swallow and wait to see what Alya had to say.

How in the hell did she get that footage?

As far as Marinette had been aware, she had managed to deal with all of the security cameras to make sure that she wouldn't be seen. But then again, she wasn't exactly herself during this time. It shouldn't really surprise her that she had been careless and missed one. Now it had come back to bite her. More and more spiders continued to surround her as Marinette once again became more and more entangled. The web was sticky and unforgiving. Every movement, every small effort she made to try and break free, the worse she seemed to make the situation.

"Well? What do you think?" Alya asked.

"I…I…" Words became stuck in Marinette's throat as she struggled to think of something to say.

"I know, I was speechless too." Alya sighed, completely misinterpreting Marinette's reaction.

"W-where did you get that footage?" Marinette whispered.

"Ah, well you see it looks like I now have friends in high places." Alya smirked and winked.

"Huh?"

Alya looked around before leaning in closer to Marinette. "Don't you dare ever breathe a word of this, but it looks like one the supporters of my theory that Ladybug is alive works for the DGSI, you know, the intelligence agency?"

"I-I know what it is." Marinette gulped.

"Well, the police were forced to hand this footage over to them after this mystery person broke in and stole Hawkmoth's miraculous. They were worried that it might be a new supervillain that posed a threat to France. However, when no new hero or villain showed up, this guy grew suspicious and he analysed the footage as much as he could. He leaked the information to me privately because he's convinced that I'm onto something with Ladybug being alive. Until reading my blog, he had never really thought much of it, but people are starting to realise, Marinette. The story of Ladybug being dead literally makes no sense," Alya explained in hushed, harsh whispers.

Marinette felt sick.

"Even the higher ups agree with me it seems. This agent has analysed the footage as much as he can, comparing it to old videos of Ladybug. The heights and body proportions match completely."

"B-but that's not going to prove anything, surely?" Marinette asked desperately.

Alya sighed. "You're right, it isn't. But it's something. I mean think about it. The butterfly miraculous gets stolen, but yet we never see anybody use it. Not for hero or villain work, so what would this person want with it? Unless they were instructed to get it back and take it to where it originally belonged. Because in the hands of the police, the secrets of the miraculous would be at risk."

Marinette stopped breathing.

"It doesn't look like Ladybug's typical costume, but you know what it does look like?" Alya asked.

"W-what?" Marinette squeaked.

"Carapace's," Alya answered firmly and confidently. "This video was recorded weeks before the current Carapace made his first appearance, and this person is definitely female."

Marinette's head began to spin.

"I think this video gives us all the answers we need. Ladybug is alive, and for some reason, she's not able to use her miraculous, that's why we haven't seen her. That's why both her and her miraculous are still missing. If Ladybug had died, her body would have been found, as would her miraculous. But instead, they both simply vanished," Alya explained excitedly. "Ladybug can't use her original miraculous, so instead, she used the turtle miraculous in order to take back the butterfly one. This explains everything! Something must have happened to the ladybug miraculous!"

Marinette collapsed.

"Marinette!" Alya yelped as the full weight of her friend collapsed against her.

However, Marinette could barely register anything she was saying. The world around her blurred and everything sounded muffled. Everything apart from Alya's conclusion which kept ringing in her ears like loud bells, deafening her, overwhelming her.

No.

No no no no.

Please, no!

Alya couldn't have gotten all that information from that? Could she? T-there was no solid proof. Was she rumbled? Was she going to be found out? Was this the end?

The ringing in Marinette's ears continued as she felt herself finally slowly collapse onto the floor as Alya wrapped her arms around her shoulders and waist, holding onto her tightly and shouting something incoherent. Gradually, Marinette's vision began to clear and her eyes immediately locked with the glowing, green ones that were peering at her from underneath her bed sheets. Marinette yelped and flinched back slightly, terrified that Chat Noir had figured it all out. However, his eyes only held concern as they stared at her. The only time anger flashed within them was when they would occasionally flicker towards Alya.

"Marinette?! Please tell me what's wrong?!" Alya continued to freak out. "Do I need to call an ambulance?!"

"What?! No!" Marinette shrieked as Alya's words finally helped snap her out of her petrified state.

She quickly looked away from Chat Noir, hoping that Alya wouldn't realise that she had been staring at him. Marinette then shakily tried to get back on her feet with Alya clinging onto her the entire time, seeming too terrified to let her go. Alya's hazel eyes were filled with fear and worry as she stared down at Marinette. She clenched her hands into tight fists, hoping that Alya wouldn't notice them shaking.

"I-I'm fine…I just…I haven't eaten in a while, that's all." Marinette tried to come up with the most believable excuse possible.

Alya sighed with relief, though she still sounded incredibly concerned when she spoke again. "Ugh, girl, seriously, you're going to be the death of me. You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"S-sorry," Marinette mumbled.

"And here was me thinking my theory knocked you off your feet." Alya laughed, and Marinette chuckled awkwardly in response.

"But of course all of this does beg the question…" Alya trailed off, still holding onto Marinette, making sure she didn't fall again.

Marinette could feel her knees growing weak again. "What?"

"If all this time Ladybug was able to access other miraculous, why did she never set us all straight? Why did she never let Paris know that she was okay? Something else must be stopping her…"

Marinette looked down as she felt tears welling up in her eyes. "I'm sure she would have her reasons."

Alya hummed in deep thought. "Yeah, but it won't be for the reasons you said the other day. There is no way Ladybug would ever willingly abandon Paris. I mean, it takes a special kind of messed up person to allow an entire city of people who loved you to believe that you were dead. I'd say doing something like that would make her more evil than Hawkmoth."

Those words…it was like Marinette had been stabbed in the chest with a jagged piece of broken glass. The shards became lodged in her chest and locked the weapon into place, ripping and tearing at all of her internal organs. She was sliced and diced before being left to bleed out on the ground.

Suddenly, it was like all the eyes of every citizen of Paris were watching her right that second. Staring at her…judging her…accusing her…she had let them down. Alya was right. She was a sick and twisted person. She was more evil than Hawkmoth. She had allowed an entire city to believe that she was dead. She had watched as they had mourned her. Any sane, caring hero would have spoken out. She should have spoken out.

But she couldn't…

"But Ladybug is not that type of person."

Alya's words interrupted Marinette's daydreaming, though it didn't stop the painful, stabbing sensation in her chest.

"What if she is?" Marinette whispered.

"No." Alya shook her head vigorously. "There's no way. Ladybug is a good person. If she could, I'm sure she would have told us all that she was okay. There has to be something major that's stopping her, like, I don't know, like she's being held captive or something?"

Marinette remained silent.

"But whatever it is, I will find out!" Alya declared. "I will help save Ladybug!"

"Y-yeah…g-great…"

"Listen, are you going to be okay on your own? I can stay if you want, but there's just so much more research that I need to do," Alya offered as she placed her phone in the pocket of her jeans and stared at Marinette with a worried expression.

"Oh – ummm – I'll be fine, don't worry about me," Marinette responded nervously.

She wanted to beg Alya to stay. She wanted Alya to stay within her sight and away from any other potential leads. She wanted to beg Alya to stop looking into this and leave well enough alone. But she feared that if she did, she would only arouse suspicion. No matter what Marinette tried to do now, she only ended up more entangled.

"Are you sure?" Alya asked.

Marinette gulped and nodded before she gasped as she unexpectedly felt Alya's hands gripping her shoulders.

"It's going to be okay you know." Alya smiled at her in reassurance. "I'm going to find Ladybug and I'm going to get her back. You've got nothing to worry about. I know what I'm doing. I will never let this rest!"

However, both girls jumped at the sound of a low growling noise.

"What the hell was that?!" Alya gasped as she frantically looked around the room.

Marinette's eyes flickered towards the glaring eyes of Chat Noir before they quickly disappeared behind the blankets again. How could Marinette have been so stupid? She was letting Alya babble on about Ladybug, almost completely forgetting that Chat Noir was in the room. Though she wasn't going to lie, Marinette was incredibly impressed by Chat Noir's self-control so far. Before, he would have attacked Alya at the first mention of her name. But now he seemed to be getting a much better handle on his temper.

"Ummm…my stomach?" Marinette lied pathetically.

Alya's head whipped back around to Marinette in disbelief. "Wow, you better get some food then, girl! But…it's strange…" Alya began looking suspiciously around her room again.

"What?"

"It didn't sound like a stomach growl…it sounded almost…familiar?" Alya began to glare in Chat Noir's general direction, causing Marinette to panic even more.

"Familiar? I don't know how a growling noise can be familiar." Marinette faked a laugh as she began pushing a startled Alya towards her bedroom door. "And you're right, I really should get something to eat, and I can imagine you're desperate to do some more research, so good luck! Illuminati confirmed and all that jazz!" Marinette continued to laugh nervously as she opened her door.

"Marinette, this is serious," Alya lightly scolded.

"Umm, yeah…sorry."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Alya narrowed her eyes at her again.

"I'm fine, now go on! You can't keep the truth from people much longer!" Marinette overenthusiastically encouraged.

" _Riiiight_." Alya raised an eyebrow at Marinette suspiciously. "I guess I'll see you at the party in a few days then since there's no school for the rest of the week? Shall I meet you here?"

"Yeah…wait…party? What party?" Marinette gasped in horror.

"It's Kim's eighteenth remember? Don't tell me you've forgotten?"

Marinette's eye twitched. "Of course I haven't!" She thought for a moment. "Where is it again?"

Alya smirked and rolled her eyes. "It's in that new club. Businesses are opening later at night again now that Chat Noir seems to have disappeared."

Marinette was too busy internally freaking out to notice Alya glancing around her room with a guarded expression.

"A club?" Marinette gulped. "Alya…I can't…"

Alya's eyes flickered back to Marinette and she smiled at her reassuringly. "Of course you can. I'll be with you the whole time. You're going to have to loosen up at some point Marinette, you can't keep locking yourself in your room for all eternity. This might help you and be good for you. Besides, Kim invited you and it would be rude to just not show up."

"Will Chloe be there?" Marinette asked nervously.

Alya sighed. "I imagine so, and if she is, we'll just stay away from her."

"But is it really safe? What if Chat Noir decides to show up? Just because he hasn't done so for a while, doesn't mean he's gone for good." Marinette tried every excuse she could think of.

Alya groaned. "Mari, I love you to death girl, but you are terrible at coming up with excuses, and there's no way I'm letting you get out of this. Everything will be fine. I promise that I will not leave your side the entire night if that makes you feel any better?"

Marinette thought for a moment. "Well…I guess, but –"

"Great!" Alya quickly interrupted. "So it's settled then. I'll meet you here at around nine, see you then!" Alya yelled as she ran down the stairs.

All Marinette could do was listen in shock as the front door to their apartment closed behind her. Unable to do nothing but stare blindly ahead, Marinette kicked her bedroom door shut before freezing in place. Everything that had just happened came crashing back down on top of Marinette. The shards of glass were still lodged in her chest and Marinette was still bleeding from Alya's words. It was too much. It was all too much.

"Princess?"

Chat Noir's voice made Marinette jump, and she gasped and quickly turned around in the direction of his voice. He had climbed down from her bed and was walking towards her, a startled and worried look on his face. His eyes widened and his pace quickened as he caught sight of the look on Marinette's face.

"What's wrong? Are you alright?" His arms reached forward slightly, seemingly not knowing whether to risk grabbing hold of her or not.

However, Marinette couldn't concentrate on his words. All she could think about was what Alya had said. How she was sick and twisted. How she was evil for doing what she had done. She had let Paris down. She had cruelly deceived all of them.

But if only they understood…if only they understood her reasons.

Would they understand though? Or would they be unable to look past how their favourite hero had betrayed them? That had always been what Marinette had feared. She always thought it was best that Paris lived in ignorant bliss. Better that than to see what their hero was truly like. What she had done. What she had failed to do.

"Marinette!" Chat Noir's voice was muffled.

The spiders were closing in on her. Marinette thrashed and thrashed until the web was pulling on her so tightly that she couldn't breathe. The thin threads burned her skin, cutting into her flesh and drawing blood. The spiders approached before they leaned down and sunk their large, sharp teeth into her. All Marinette could manage was a muffled scream in response, her energy soon draining from her as she collapsed into the ally way behind Master Fu's home.

The turtle miraculous let out its final beep, a sound that now forever haunted Marinette, causing her to flinch. Her transformation gave way and Wayzz was soon released from the bracelet. It took the little green kwami a few moments to get his bearings before he gazed at Marinette in concern, not saying a word.

Marinette stared at the wooden door in front of her before slowly glancing down at her hand that was clenched into a tight fist. The shiny brooch of the butterfly miraculous stared back at her, her face just about visible in the reflection of the purple jewel. Her dead, blue eyes stared back at her.

"Marinette?" Wayzz cautiously asked. "Is everything okay? The mission was a success, wasn't it?"

Marinette said nothing as she clenched her fist around the butterfly miraculous again. Her throat felt tight, like it was closing in on itself. Her knees wobbled, her body still weak despite all of those weeks spent recovering.

It had now been five days since the funeral. Five days since _her own_ funeral. Four days since Chat Noir decided to show his true colours to the world at last and began attacking people, terrorising the city. Three days since Master Fu had deemed her well enough for service again and since the final day of Gabriel Agreste's trial. Two days since he asked her to get the butterfly miraculous back. One day since…he told her she would need to face Chat Noir again and seize his miraculous.

She could barely handle taking the butterfly miraculous from powerless civilians. She had failed against Hawkmoth. She had let Paris down…and now they thought she was dead. How could she come back and face Chat Noir? How could she reveal to Paris that she was nothing but a weak and pathetic coward? How could she fight on and continue to be a superhero without… _without Tikki?_

"It's because I'm not Tikki, isn't it?" Wayzz asked sadly as if the wise turtle kwami had just read her mind.

"It's not just that." Marinette's voice cracked as she spoke, tears burning the corner of her eyes. "I've made such a mess of _everything._ I lost to Hawkmoth, I allowed Chat Noir to become consumed by the dark side, I let Paris down, and I destroyed Tikki. I'm…I'm…" Marinette's heart leapt into her mouth as she caught sight of the skin of her arm before she quickly pulled down the sleeve of the sweatshirt Master Fu had bought for her. "I'm a hideous monster."

"It's going to be okay, Marinette," Wayzz tried to reassure her. "We can do this. You can and you will get through this, it's just going to take a bit of time and…"

"You don't understand!" Marinette screamed. "I failed as a hero! I let everyone down and I put everyone in danger! I should have followed my instincts in the beginning and never accepted the miraculous. From the very beginning it's cursed my life! My school work was suffering, I had to lie to my friends and family every day, and everyone depended on _me!_ But why me?! I'm useless! I'm a walking disaster! Now my life is ruined forever! I can't take this anymore!"

"What do you mean?" Wayzz asked worriedly.

A single tear trickled down Marinette's cheek as she looked down at the ground, her eyes slowly closing, and her expression conveying the pain of a thousand lifetimes of torment. "I can't live like this anymore."

"But Marinette, you were chosen –"

"Well then Master Fu can just un-choose me!" Marinette cried out. "There are people out there who will be better heroes than me! People who won't make the same mistakes that I did; they will succeed where I failed. Because _me_? I'm just nothing…I've lost everything…I'm nothing…" Marinette began to whisper as more tears cascaded down her cheeks.

"I can't do this anymore," Marinette repeated, this time sounding surer than ever. "Wayzz, I renounce you."

"What? No wai –"

But it was too late.

Wayzz disappeared as if he had never existed. The bright green glow of the turtle bracelet dimmed until it was nothing more than a lifeless piece of jewellery.

Shakily sighing to herself, Marinette slowly slipped the bracelet off her wrist before marching through the back door. She wasted no time in finding Master Fu who was sitting quietly in front of the Miracle Box with his eyes closed in concentration. However, they slowly opened upon Marinette bursting into the room. She strode forward with purpose before slowly placing both the turtle and the butterfly miraculous on the small wooden table between them.

Master Fu looked down at them before looking back up at Marinette with a neutral expression, already seeming to know exactly what was going on. His eyes tightened slightly, though he never said a word, simply bowing his head as Marinette found herself growing increasingly more hysterical.

"I can't do this anymore!" Marinette gasped out.

"Whatever do you mean, Marinette?" Master Fu asked calmly.

"You know exactly what I mean!" Marinette snapped, tugging at her now much shorter hair, another painful reminder of everything that had happened. "I'm not cut out for this, I never was! Continuing on, after everything that's happened…I just can't do it!"

"You're giving up on all of your responsibilities?"

Damn, Master Fu always found a way of using words that made Marinette feel even guiltier than she already did.

"How can I continue to be a hero after everything I've done? How can I continue to be a hero without…without Tikki? How can I face Chat Noir? How can I face _anybody?_ I can't handle this responsibility and I never could. All the pain I've cause…all the pain that I feel…I can't go on…I just can't…"

Master Fu stared at her for a moment. "You know, Marinette, responsibility and destiny are something you can never run away from. It will always find a way of catching up to you in the end. By taking this path, by running and hiding, you force everything to run at you much faster in order to catch up with you, so much so, that it will slam into you agonisingly. Whereas if you embrace it now, it will lessen any future pain."

"I'll take my chances," Marinette replied, trying hard not to start sobbing. "I'm sure you can find other, better heroes to replace me. I'm sure they can get you the cat miraculous back no problem. I just want to try and get on with my life…what's left of it anyway. I'm done with the lies, I'm done with magic, I'm done with Chat Noir, and I'm done being a hero! I just want to be left alone!"

Marinette's yelling echoed around the room, though Master Fu never once flinched or grew angry with her. He simply stared at her in silent acceptance, his heart aching for the broken girl in front of him.

At Master Fu's lack of reaction, Marinette finally broke down and collapsed onto the wooden floor, gasping for air as she struggled to contain her sobs.

"And this isn't a rash decision? This a decision you intend to stand by?" Master Fu asked.

"Y-yes, Master," Marinette sobbed.

"Then I thank you, Marinette. I thank you for everything you have done for me, for Paris, for the world. The sacrifices you have made will never be forgotten."

Those words only made Marinette cry harder. She buried her face in her hands, her chest aching from the sobs that were finally bursting free. The pain shredded her from the inside. Shredded her into tiny pieces, consuming all of her, leaving no cell in her body safe and untouched. The more they talked about her, the more they talked about what had happened and what she had done, the more her mind screamed and begged her to run. To run away from all of this and pretend that it never happened. Pretend that it never existed. Pretend that she was just Marinette Dupain-Cheng. Just a normal girl, with a normal life. She had no secret.

"Please just…promise me that you'll leave me alone and that I can live out the rest of my life in peace…" Marinette begged, hoping that Master Fu would grant her one final request. "I just want to forget all of this ever happened."

Master Fu took a few agonisingly long seconds to respond.

"I promise."

Marinette gasped in relief.

"But please, I must insist that you take this. I know you want to forget, but I thought she would be best with you." Master Fu turned around and reached for something before turning back towards her, walking around the table and towards the collapsed Marinette on the ground.

"What?" Marinette whimpered in confusion.

Master Fu gently took hold of her hands and lowered them away from her face so that her palms were facing upwards. He gently placed two very small objects in her hands before slowly backing away and bowing his head.

A small whimper of pain escaped Marinette's lips as she stared down at the object in her hands.

A single tear dripped down from her cheek and landed on small, dark, lifeless jewels. Her heart shattered into a million tiny pieces, and all Marinette could do was watch as her tear began seeping into the deep cracks of the broken ladybug earrings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry for vanishing, guys! Everything keeps being so hectic at the moment, and I've got a new job which is throwing my usual schedule all up in the air. I'm hoping that things are now finally starting to settle down, and I can go back to updating this story every Friday. But I hope that you've all been well and thank you so much for being patient with me. You guys are awesome!


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